My family was on vacation last week, visiting my husband's family farm in North Dakota. On Tuesday, my 11 year old daughter and I drove into Bismarck and went to the Heritage Museum. At the front desk was a friendly greeter that asked me to sign the guest book and then grabbed a map to start showing my daughter how the museum was laid out and where to start, etc. After I signed in and joined them, the man leaned in and sort of whispered, all conspiratorially that the woman that had signed in before me had written down that she was from Grand Forks, BUT REALLY, she was from China!!! I really didn't understand his tone, and I could tell that my daughter was kinda flummoxed by it too. Then, when he walked us to the hallway to begin the tour, again, the whispery voice and he pointed down the hall to a couple looking out the window "She's the one from CHINA!", he said. My daughter and I just looked at each other and thanked him and started off. Once we got out of ear shot, my daughter asked why he was talking like that, wasn't this, after-all, the "Heritage Center" (LOL...she even did the finger quotes in the air) I just sort of laughed at her observation and told her that yes, he was definitely "uncultured" and more than a little bit rude.
I don't believe he was trying to be disrespectful, I think, somehow he just found it pretty "neat" that she was from China, but last I checked, China has planes too... Why was it "such a big deal" to see someone from China? I sort of wanted to tell him that it's rude to whisper and point at anyone, but who am I to tell him what to do? How would you have reacted?
I would guess that they have never had someone visit from China. He was impressed and I guess wanted others to know. I would have just said "wow, she's a long way from
Home."
I would have done the same thing you did. But I'm Asian so I probably would have been the one he was pointing at, not the one he was trying to conspire with =P
Bismarck, ND is one of the least diverse places I have ever been for work! It was really, really obvious with a population of 94.78% Caucasian and 0.45% Asian (all Asians with .006% Chinese). This was probably quite a sight for him.
I felt the same way in China: a six foot tall woman with red hair and green eyes. I was a freak of nature to them and the stares and talking about me got old.
Look at the source, the sheltered man probably had no clue of diversity in Bismarck. Yes, China has lots of planes, usually not with a destination to ND. My mother lived in China so I'm not completely clueless.
If I really want to know what someone means by a comment, I just say "Sorry, what do you mean by that?" or even just "Sorry?"
If they are being rude and make odd comments and I don't want to go any further with the conversation, then I just say "Right.." and let it go. I don't encourage it. My husband says "And you point is...?"
If he was just excited someone was visiting from China, I probably would have said "neat" and moved on :) Some people are just funny
I would have assumed he was not all that aware of reality and let it go.
Example... A few years ago, my first cousin's daughter ( same age as my daughter) came to Dallas with my aunt for a visit. They live in very rural MS. My daughter had an orchestra concert (very diverse group of students... White, Asain, Indian, Black, etc) one night and after daughter left to meet with her group and we went to be seated, this child asked me... " are there any Americans here". I was shocked at how she had no awareness that there were other races in our community.
I was raised in the rural MS community and knew from early on that I was born in the wrong place.
My family is from MT and my husband was born and raised in Bismarck. How can I put this nicely? Let's just say that Bismarck doesn't have a lot of "diversity" there. So to see someone from China is not an everyday sight when you see pretty much white people all the time. My husband's entire family still lives there and frankly, they don't leave. They just stay there. lol So he probably does not have a lot of experience with other cultures and was just sharing in "his way" that she was different and was pointing it out to you guys since you were the next one's to come in after she did. No big deal. I don't think he was rude or inappropriate nor do I think he has any kind of brain damage or disability. It's simply where you were and how he has been raised. JMO.
I would have said, "cool!" and moved on. People are strange.
I am not sure why you are holding onto this.
People do weird stuff. His wasn't inordinately offensive, just odd. Maybe he has some lack of awareness? Maybe he is enamored with China? Maybe he had a slight intellectual disability or maybe he was trying to be a jerk?
Who knows? My go-to answer to statements like that is simply "Oh"... and moving on....
He is probably pretty sheltered. Once you've been to or lived in different parts of the world, this kind of stuff doesn't make sense anymore. And by the way, plenty of people end up living in the US who are from other countries. Just because she's Chinese (if indeed that is where she's from - she could be Korean or Japanese - how would he know the difference?) doesn't mean that she doesn't currently live in the US.
Despite North Dakota's lack of tourism and cultural diversity, they do believe in good manners. Is it a possibility that the friendly greeter could have had a developmental disability that hampered his ability to filter his comments? Disabilities don't always show on the outside.
My uncle has a traumatic brain injury. Some of his comments are unbelievably rude, but he has no intention of being unkind at all. When we tell him that his comments are rude, he is genuinely shocked and sorry. My guess is that this man in your experience really was fascinated to see someone from a far off land, but didn't know a social acceptable way to express that.
i would have been mildly amused, and for the rest of the day my boys and i would probably have ridden it some, ie 'i'm gonna hit the rest room- maybe i'll fall through and end up in CHINA!' or 'let's get something to eat- think we can find some food from CHINA somewhere around here?'
it would never have occurred to me to correct him like a schoolmarm. or even to think about it much.
there are a slew of reasons he could have whispered this to you, but without knowing him i have no clue. i just don't think it would have impacted me beyond a momentary 'huh?'
khairete
S.
I suppose I might mention that seeing as there are roughly 7 billion people on the planet and China has roughly 1 billion people, then approximately 1 in 7 people are going to be from China.
It's a small small world and getting smaller every day!
Perhaps his mind was boggled over someone visiting his little neck of the woods from so far away.
It's along the lines of having a 30th high school reunion and then making a big deal over the person who traveled the farthest to come to the event.
"Wow! You live in Australia now!".
I wouldn't necessarily think his behavior had any ill intent.
I'm married to a black man (I'm white) and have lived all over the place with different cultures from the time I was born. I don't think twice about seeing people from different countries, but some people have truly never traveled more than 15 miles from their home and so if they don't see it, it's interesting to them. I would have told my 11 year old that the man was crazy and it's sad people are still like that. Then moved on.
I would have written him off as either 1.) unducated or 2.) Cray cray
I grew up in a pretty homogenous community, so when I started to venture out of the community in my early teens I was honestly quite fascinated to see all the other races of people I had never seen in person. Perhaps he has led a sheltered life and truly thought that a real live "Chinese" person was noteworthy. I may have pointed out that many people move to North America from China.
I would have said something like "So is my father-in-law." Then, in a regular voice asked if they often had people visit from other countries.
I would've thanked him for his help, told him we'd show ourselves around. Once I left i'd forget him. I suggest you're giving him too much of your time and attention. Why do you care?
I'm 72. I've seen this sort of behaviour over and over. The person's lack is of no concern to me.
I would have ignored him but if I felt it was weird/rude, then you can always write to the museum and say, "this odd thing happened" and let them know.
I imagine he'd never met anyone from the real China before...too bad he didn't know how to act professional.
I'd have probably said "what do you mean?" of "huh?".
Like Osohapi, I think he was just tickled to have someone from such a far destination visit his museum. I would have smiled at his getting such a kick out if it! Bismark is not really culturally diverse and it certainly is not an international vacation spot!
I'm thinking that North Dakota is not ethnically diverse, and they are really not known for their tourism. So it's highly possible that this young man has hardly ever seen and actually human being in real life that wasn't Caucasian.
Yes, planes fly out of China, too, but not to North Dakota! New York, Orlando, Hawaii, but not North Dakota.
I'm from Illinois and went to college with lots of people from Chicago and the suburbs. I also went to school with lots of people from very small towns in Southern Illinois. I can't tell you who many of them at one point or another said, "I've never seen a black person before." (I'm old. This was before we started saying "African American.") I wanted to say, "Seriously? Did your parents never at least drive you to nearby St. Louis for the day? Did you never go to a baseball game or the zoo?" Can we say, "Sheltered!!!"
I'm going to guess he didn't mean to be disrespectful in teh least. He was just really excited to see someone he thought was from China (whether she really was or not).
ETA - We live in a community that is very Caucasian, but I do what I can to broaden my kids horizons. My son went to several summer camps around town. One week he kept talking about a boy from camp that he was becoming friends with. Great! Except he kept referring to him as the "black skinned boy." I can't tell you how many times I told him to just say "this boy I know from camp" (since he had trouble remember his name at first). It was a really hard habit to break. I also explained that the appropriate term to use would be "African American," but that it is simply not always a necessary to include a person's skin color when talking about them.
I would have point blank asked him "What makes you think she's from China?" Why do you think he thought that? Was it just because of her physical appearance? That doesn't mean she is from China, but only that she is of Chinese descent. Maybe she once was from China and now she lives in Grand Rapids.Maybe she is from China and didn't want to face discrimination for that, so she put the place that she was staying. Either way this man was not only judgmental and rude, but he was also presumptuous in his belief that you would share in his judgement.
