How Would You Punish Your Child for This?

When you really come down to it, you can't control what she eats at school. Just worry about getting those fruits and veggies in at home.

I would thank her for being honest.... finally.... and have a chat with her about lying. But no punishment. I used to send an apple with my daughter for lunch every day, and every day it would come back home in her lunch. She either didn't want to eat it, ran out of time or was full. So I stopped packing the apple.

I'd get her to eat some version of fruit at home while I could monitor it. Don't punish her,just let it be a teaching moment. Tell her it's fine to tell you anything but be HONEST.

I'd stop putting fruit in her lunches. Or try thinking outside the box.

You could make a fruit salad instead, if she would like that better.

You can also make your own fruit leather:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/fruit-leather/detail.aspx

Here is a fruit crumble recipe she might like:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/fruit-crumble/detail.aspx

Here is another fruit snack idea:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/after-school-fruit-rolls/det...

Here's an interesting fruit salad idea:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/fruit-salad-with-vanilla-yog...

Here's a cold fruit soup recipe:
http://allrecipes.com/recipe/cold-fruit-explosion-soup/de...

If she likes chicken salad, you could mix some cooked chicken with chopped celery and add some halved red grapes, a little mayo, and a little lemon juice.

I'm sure you can find many more ideas online.
Hope it helps. Good luck =o)

Sorry, I just had to LOL at this because it brought back funny memories for me. When I was growing up my mom made us the most beautiful healthy lunches everyday with multigrain brown bread, packets of sunflower seeds, and alfalfa sprouts to take to school. Everyday my sister, brother and I would throw our lunches under the house until one day, our festering mound was discovered. The next day my mother bought a loaf of white bread and peanut butter and jelly, and from that day on we made our own lunches. LOL.

You're probably not going to like my answer but here goes. I have a mom whose daughter attends my preschool, and will only allow her child to have healthy foods, organic snacks etc. She has total control of her food intake and drills her daily on what she ate etc. I prepare all meals at the school and although I wish the children loved their veggies and fruits not all do, but I provide them anyway. The little girl is not permitted to have turkey franks, chicken nuggets etc.not even the yogurt I provide she has to have her own. (which is fine it is her mom's decision) What has happened now is this child has learned to lie and try to manipulate the staff because she wants what the other kids are eating. She will tell the teacher's my mom said I can have this, it's okay for you to give it to me, or the reverse my mom said this is junk food, or yucky food that you serve. I have tried to talk to her mom about making such an issue on food because it is in her case it's teaching her to sneak, lie, etc. because she wants to have what the other kids are eating. I am not trying to dismiss your need for your daughter to eat healthy, because I too am a healthy eater, however I am also a believer in moderation. Children want to be like the other children so, sometimes there has to be a compromise, or just lay off the demands on eating certain foods. When my kids were little they went through phases. Hot dogs for a week, mac and cheese for a week, etc. As long as they were eating it didn't really matter to me. They didn't get ice cream for dinner, but they did have a bowl of cereal if they didn't eat a good dinner. Point is I didn't sweat the small stuff. I am not trying to minimize what you are saying I am just speaking as an older mom who knows what is down the road. I think because you have made such an issue over the fruit she knows you are going to be upset if she doesn't eat it so she has lied to you. It doesn't mean the lie is okay, but I just understand why she has done it. I would suggest you talk to her about the importance of telling the truth and also be open to listen to what she likes and doesn't like and compromise. I don't mean put a chocolate bar in her lunch box verses fruit, just find other ways of not making it an issue. Maybe let her come to the food store and pick out some snacks you can both be happy with, or better yet let her assist you in preparing her lunch.

I'm not sure I would at this point...I would stress the importance of telling the truth and how important the truth is....now she's lost a piece of your trust that will take a while to get/earn back....instead of punishing her - why not have her EARN your trust back?

It sounds as if you are forcing your daughter to eat foods she doesn't like or want. Why do that to yourself or her? Yes, I understand you want her to be healthy...however, we don't live in a perfect world....you can lead by example and you can show her the benefits of eating properly/healthy - but if it's not in her taste buds, then she's not going to eat it.

If she doesn't like fruit - find another way to get it into her diet...

The purpose of punishment is correction – to instill an understanding of wrongdoing and discourage future repeats. If those aims can be achieved in a more positive way, I fail to see the usefulness of punishing for the past school year. Rather, going into the future, I'd hope my child felt free to be more honest with me, and would become a problem-solver instead of someone who feels the need to disobey my wishes.

One very effective way to get there is to establish two-way communication that fosters mutual understanding and respect. And an amazing tool to help parents get there is a practical little book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. This has been the single most effective parenting book I've ever read, and I'm amazed again and again how wonderful it has been with my 5.5yo grandson. I care for him one day a week, and I've been using these techniques for the past 3 years, because they work.

Your daughter sounds like she wants to please you, wants to get treats in the evening, and not does not particularly want the fruit you packed for her. Yes, fruit is healthy, but what if you and your daughter could agree on healthy, balanced lunches that do not require her to eat fruit, or even more importantly, that do not require her to eat beyond what her appetite requires? Is it possible her lunches were just a bit larger than she needed? Have you asked her about that possibility?

Now that the cat is out of the compost bin, you have some juicy possibilities awaiting you. I never think it's a good idea to use food as reward or punishment, nor to make children eat more than they want. My mom relied on that, and ended up with 4 daughters who have struggled for decades with emotional eating issues to untangle. I'll bet you can talk this through and come to a mutual accommodation that will work better for both of you.

Meanwhile, here's a surprising and enlightening article on why kids lie. It's well worth reading: http://nymag.com/news/features/43893/

No, I wouldn't punish my daughter for deciding to be honest with me. She doesn't like fruit, or doesn't like it for lunch, or doesn't like the type of fruit that you put in her lunchbox. I would talk with her about this and come up with a plan that helps her have a balanced diet (which can be done with little fruit) and saves a bunch of fruit from the compost bin.

I don't eat very much fruit. I love vegetables and whole grains and the occasional very fresh, in season, fruit. Not so good out of season fruit I don't eat. I also don't eat a lot of fruit because it is sugar, natural sugar but still sugar, and my body does not respond well to sugar.

I wouldn't, but I wouldn't have punished her for not eating her fruit either. I don't think punishing in connection with eating/not eating is a good idea. If withholding a treat is a punishment then you're also setting up the treat to be the ultimate reward. It's sending a message that fruit is something you have to eat and the treat is something you want to eat. (I say this because withholding a treat in the evening for not eating fruit at lunch is hours later, they could truly be hungry again by that time so I view that as a punishment.) I would talk to her about why she felt she couldn't tell you the truth and I would really listen to the answer. I would reinforce how important it is that you both be honest and direct in your communications and I would talk about natural consequences (not punishment) when we aren't open with each other. (Like, I might think that is a kind of fruit you like and keep buying it or you could maybe not eat all your lunch because you weren't feeling well and then I wouldn't know you were sick) Also, you should probably give some consideration to the fact that schools can encourage kids to use compost bins so they don't have a bunch of half eaten food sitting around attracting pests so she may have been getting mixed message from that. I think it's great that you plan to take her to the Farmers market to pick some things out. The important thing is to not make meals a control contest and try not to distinguish desserts and treats as "special" and fruits and vegetables as "mandatory requirements". Just keep putting healthy options in front of them, let them help with shopping and cooking, enjoy meals together and encourage development of a good relationship with food and eating. Sometimes make dessert fruit or vegetable based. There are a lot of low sugar breads and muffins that use zucchini and carrots, and other naturally sweet veggies. There are low sugar fruit crisps, or even yogart and fruit or ice cream with fruit. I think how we present things and model it ourselves means a lot in how kids view it.

If possible, I would not punish but instead give her no fruit for school. If you want to make sure she eats the fruit, serve it where you can see her eat like, ie at breakfast or dinner. You can serve a healthy lunch with no fruit. Good luck

Ok, I love the love and caring on this site. And I don't want to disparage anyone. But frankly moms she fibbed about fruit. She didn't drown a kitten! Most children have fibbed about this very issue. She was very young when she did this. She still is. I wouldn't punish her. When you are a kid, every new food is a big deal. I always made my children take a bite for every year of their age. My dour year took four bites, my seven year old took seven bites. They could be very small but it had to be real bites. The good thing about this method is that the very young only have to eat very little and the older you are, the more likely it is that you finish the serving before the bites. I now have,( in a world where some adults won't hardly touch a vegetable).... A thirteen year old and a 16 year old who routinely ask if they can substitute broccoli for fries. And there is no cheese on it! They also both love squash and cabbage. It is said that it takes twenty exposures to a new food before a persons taste buds adjust and you start to like it. Just tell her how proud you are of her when she tries a new food. And set a good example yourself, by allowing her to pick out a new food for you to try. Just be aware that the same bite rules have yo apply to you. If you are 28 you must take 28 bites. Good luck, and remember that your little girl is perfectly normal:))

MANY MANY kids, do not eat their home lunches. EVEN if they are hungry.
I know, I have volunteered at my daughter's school and seen this with my own eyes.
When I asked the kids why they didn't eat it, they said it is because they don't like what their parent made.
**And, other cafeteria workers and volunteers, will often wonder, WHY the parent packs things they know their kid hates/or will not eat. Why not, just pack somethings you KNOW your child WILL eat? That way, they do get lunch.

Now, for me, I pack what I KNOW my kids, WILL eat. Then... AT home, is where I can, make sure they eat more balanced. Once home.
BUT... for school, I pack WHATEVER I KNOW they WILL eat... because my reasoning is this:
It is a LONG day at school... for a child to go without food/lunch.... if they do not eat, their home lunch.
A kid has breakfast at home... say at 7:00am or 6:30am... then lunch time at school is say 11:00am... then school ends at say 2:00-3:00pm.
That is a long time and a long day, without eating a meal.
By the time a kid gets home, they are spent, unable to be even keeled and probably in school, cannot concentrate.
Thus, for me, I ONLY pack, for school home lunch, what I KNOW my kids WILL eat. I don't send junk food. I pack good healthy stuff, but what I know my kids will eat. So that, they have sustenance while at school. Their lunch.
Then when they are at home... I of course give them the stereotypical 5 food groups meals and I can eyeball their intake better.

So, that is my take on it.

MANY kids, do not eat at school. I see it all the time in the cafeteria. Myself.
The kids, are thus, unable to concentrate, are famished, and moody, and get low-blood sugar. This is worse, than making them eat ALL 5 food groups, from their home lunch bag and making that a point.
To me, the point is just that they eat... and something that they like and that you KNOW guaranteed they WILL eat... at school. Even if that means, making them a sandwich every darn day.
My Son is like that. He eats and WANTS a sandwich... EVERYDAY. If I pack, something different everyday and make it SO full of variety, he will.not.eat.at.school.
And this, sets a kid up for being... really in a fussy mood, once they are home.
Too long, going without food, from breakfast time until the end of school.

AND not all schools, serve a 'snack' or have snack time. They have recess. It is up to a kid, if their parent gave them a snack for school.

MANY kids, don't care if they get the SAME lunch every day.
They like it, they will eat it.. they do NOT care, about 'variety' in their lunch all the time each day... that is an Adult, construct what they want their own lunch to be. Not a child's.

To me, I don't stress about what my kids eat at school or not.
Because, if I pack what I know they like, they will eat it.
It is important to eat at school... for their brain and concentration.
And again, at home, is where I make sure they eat more balanced.
I don't stress if my kids eat fruit at every meal or not.
Because, overall, throughout the day, their intake is balanced. It not being based solely and only per 1 single meal.

So my answer is: no, I would not punish for this.
She hates her home lunch/fruit.
If that were my kid, I'd just want my kid to eat. Not, not eating at all just because there is fruit in there or something she hates.
Again, my kids at least, could care less about the fan fare of their home lunch and they don't mind having the same thing, everyday. And at home, they DO eat lots of variety and very healthy foods and balanced.
I know my kids, and how they eat... at school.
So, I just pack what they WILL eat, not what they won't eat.
Then they can have enough energy for the rest of the school day. And be sustained.

I don't know why, eating a piece of fruit is such a big deal.
The bigger deal is: she is NOT eating, at all, at school, at lunch.
She hates her lunches.
It does not matter how fancy or full of variety it is.
She will not eat it.
She is not, getting lunch.
Just pack her something she will eat.
So at school, she has sustenance.

I have seen, SO many fancy-pancy healthy full of variety lunches at my kids' school.... and it still will not get eaten.
A kid can eat healthy.... and it can still be what they will eat and like and want.

Don't punish her. Talk to her about the importance of honesty and you needing to be able to trust her. Also, were you giving her the same type of fruit each the time? Perhaps she just didn't like a particular type. My kids love most fruit, but not all. I wouldn't try to force them to eat EVERY type of fruit when they are perfectly willing to eat other types. :)

Um....give her fruit at breakfast & dinner. You can't "force" her to eat it!

Can't really punish her for it now.
Explain that lying isn't ok and it's important to be able to trust each other.
Let her know that food costs money and when she puts perfectly good food in the compost bin at school she is throwing away something someone else
would be happy to eat.
Let her select her lunches. Kids need a smidge of control of their lives.
Also, talk to her about the benefits of eating healthy food, and that unhealthy food fools our tastebuds- but that our brains and bodies don't benefit as much. Make sure you model healthy eating. My mom used to buy the gross mealy red apples when I was kid- I thought I hated apples till I discovered Golden Delicious and Gala apples. Oh my.. Now I eat a few a day. =D

Best wishes!

I actually remember doing this with my sandwiches. = /

I don't remember what my mom did. I really don't know how I'd react, so in that respect, my reply is useless.

I guess I would ask what she WOULD eat. You can also incorporate fruit purees into things like muffins and breads - or even breakfast smoothies - so she's still getting the fruit servings, just in a different way or at a different time.

Maybe don't send any fruit in her lunch unless she specifically asks for it. It's expensive!

I'm sorry...I'd be really upset about that, too.

I agree it is too long of a time for punishment, but do mention you would have preferred she not have thrown good fruit in the compost..

Also please consider not sending her with fruit. She obviously does not care for it. Instead send her with extra veggies, or have her drink some fruit juice either at home or at school.

I always included our daughter in decisions about what went in her lunch. There is no way to make a child eat what they do not want or like, so why waste everybody's energy trying? There is apple sauce, smoothies, muffins.. all sorts of alternatives, just try to include her. Could be she just does not like fruit.. So dble up on the veggies.

I think punishing her now is a bit like closing the barn door after the horses have escaped. There's no point to it.

You can speak to her about her lying and how disappointed you are that she felt the need to do so, but I wouldn't go much beyond that. I think I'd be more upset about the wasted food.

So, do you force yourself to eat food that you don't like just because it's healthy? If you don't, then you shouldn't expect your daughter to eat food she doesn't like either.

Is there some other issue? My youngest often didn't finish her lunch because they would only get about 10 minutes to eat once they got their milk and sat down.

You need to talk to your daughter about options. Instead of fruit, would she like carrots or cucumbers instead? Is there a fruit that she does like? My kids go through phases of what they will/won't eat. Sometimes an apple is great and other times they act like I'm trying to poison them. They are kids - and it's okay.

I think it's time for you to recognize/realize that you cannot control your kid every second of the day and wigging out about food will only cause her to have problems with food later on. Give her some say/control over what she eats at lunch.

Ultimately, you want her to make healthy choices the majority of the time.

Well, at least she was smart enough to put it in the compost bin and not the regular garbage. That made me laugh because it seems like something my seven year old would do too! I really don't have any suggestions. It'll be really hard to know if she is eating all of her lunch or not when she is at school. I guess maybe just emphasize the importance of eating her healthy lunch and how it will keep her from getting sick as often, build her brain, muscles, etc.
Also, I would just suggest asking her why she put her fruit in the compost bin. I know when I was a teacher the kids barely had time to eat their lunch. Does she have enough time at school to finish her lunch? Maybe she was just too full and couldn't finish everything? When she did bring her fruit home did you allow her to eat it when she arrived home and then she could still have her treat? Maybe that could be a suggestion for this year. If she can't finish all of her lunch then she needs to bring it home and then eat it first before any other snacks. I guess that would be better than wasting good food to the compost pile!

I also struggle with my son eating his lunch so I have a few strategies. If they're helpful...
1. He packs his own lunch
2. He makes his own grocery list
3. He doesn't eat sugar ever, honey/agave nectar/fruit yes, but no sugar or fructose syrups or stuff like that.
4. I got him a bento box. He packs it and I help him cut up what he can't cut. things are in smaller pieces so it feels easier for him to eat.
5. The lunch staff know that when he doesn't eat he gets into trouble at school because he's hangry. So they help him remember.
6. Whatever he doesn't eat at lunch, he eats in the car on the way home.
7. No dinner til lunch is gone.
8. When his teacher calls and says, your son is doing x, y, z... I respond with: did he eat? Have him eat something from his lunch with protein. He does, he feels better and his behavior improves.
9. He gets treats (sugar free candy/etc) for certain behavior, not automatically. So if he's showing honesty, not talking back, that type of stuff, he gets a smile on a chart for the day. 2 smiles in a row, he gets a sweet, every day after that if he gets a smile, he gets a treat. If he doesn't get a smile, he needs 2 in a row again to start getting treats again. At the end of the week, the smiles translate into stars on a 30 slot chart. Once he gets 30 stars he gets a reward: small toy plane, special trip, sleepover...
10. We talk about the value of food. He has lived through not having the food he needs and people he loves having to beg for food. He knows not to throw it away because he knows it's value. However, he has given it away, which we are working on. :)
Hope some of that is helpful!

I agree totally with J.B. Everything she said.

And I will add, that often, kids don't eat as well at school because they are rushed. Fruit (especially something like an apple that requires being chewed well, as opposed to say banana, lol) can be time consuming to eat. My daughter is a slow eater anyway. By the time you add in the chaos and rushing during lunchtime at school, she hardly ate more than a sandwich. So I started packing less and bringing a better snack at pick up time for her to munch in the car when she wasn't so rushed. Even if she is hungry when the school day is over doesn't necessarily equate to her being "bad" and not eating her lunch. You should go sit with her during lunch sometime and see what it is really like. My older one would sometimes stop eating halfway through b/c someone near him would do something gross (like show a mouthful of chewed food) and he'd lose his appetite completely. (Can't say as I blame him).... but that wouldn't make him full all day. He was 'starved' by the end of the day...because he was UNABLE to eat what he needed to.
Food fights are not a battle worth having. Talk with her about how much food she actually needs, discuss what healthy choices she prefers and test the waters on the amounts as the school year moves on. I told my kids early on to always bring home what they didn't eat (yeah, it could be really gross sometimes) so that I knew how much food they were eating or not eating...to gauge how much to put in in the first place. :)

I would not punish her, what she did is HISTORY. Let her start fixing her own lunch and if she doesn't like fruit, give her fruit juice and some veggies. You never know if you let her start doing for herself (with guidelines), she may start liking fruit.

Blessings.....

Yeah, kids do that. I would ask her what kinds of healthy foods she would like to eat at school and NOT just throw away . I give my son two choices in two snacks( usually yogurt and then pretzels) , and then he takes a peanut butter/jelly sandwhich to school( which he loves) .

I would address the lying issue and tell her that she didn't have to lie all this time, and it's not right to waste food. It sounded like she wanted to please you instead of tell you the truth and upset you. All kids do this from time to time. Now that she was honest with you about what she really did with the fruit , you and her can pick out some snacks that she will enjoy at school.

Just a side note, some kids may not like the texture with some fruits. My son loves orange juice, but will not eat an orange. He loves apples, but will not eat them with the skin. His favorite fruit is bananas.

I would talk to her about lying and wastefulness, and stop sending in fresh fruit. Let her know that she can have some fruit pr vegetables for a snack at home after school, where you can see her eat it. Perhaps a full serving of fruit is too much and if you're at home, you can slice up an apple and put the rest in the fridge, or give her a few carrot sticks and dip, etc.

While it's important to have a balanced diet rich in fresh, whole foods as long as the other foods that you give her are fairly healthy this is not the hill worth dying on, and it's been so long since it happened that punishment would be disconnected.

Perhaps you can engage her in problem solving. You tell her what your goal is, she can tell you why the fruit was a problem and let her come up with some ideas. But I wouldn't continue to put something in her lunchbox that's just going to be thrown out everyday and give her reason to lie.

I would first ask myself these questions, if she were my daughter: is she at a healthy normal weight? is she performing well at school (getting acceptable grades and staying awake and alert for the day)? are her demeanor and attitude fairly positive?

If she's considerably over- or underweight, is horribly cranky when she arrives home from school and if you're seeing slipping grades or comments from teachers about how she's falling asleep in class, then it would be time to have a talk with her and her doctor about how food affects her. Have the doctor help make her a plan for healthy eating.

But if she's at a good weight, is active and pleasant, and is doing well in school, then I would ask her what she considers to be a lunch she thinks would be sufficient. Talk with her about a snack after school (a healthy one, like fruit or fresh vegetables, or yogurt, etc).

Practice packing a lunch before school starts, and talk to her about protein, fruit, etc. See what she considers a sufficient lunch to be.

Some kids find it very difficult to eat at school. It's often noisy, rushed and crowded. Make sure she has some protein to get her through the day, and a good breakfast and something available when she returns home from school. Don't pack too much.

But I certainly would address the dishonesty. Give her a lesson the next time you go to the store about how much food costs. Sometimes it's hard when you see something like $1.29 a pound to translate that into how much per piece. Let her help you weigh one apple and use a calculator to figure out how much one apple costs. Let her help you count out that amount of pennies.

And tell her that if lunch is stressful, and if she can't finish everything or too much is being packed, to come to you and together you can figure out a happy medium.

Punish, no. But I would have a serious talk about lying. I always tell my daughter if she tells me the truth she will be in a lot less trouble than if she lies. If this is her first offense, just a warning will be ok.
My daughter would bring food home in her lunch box and that would be her after school snack. I packed Teddy Grahams as a dessert and she would eat those and no fruit or veggies, so she got her Teddy Grahams taken away until she ate the other stuff first. Sometimes she did (or so I think) and sometimes she didnt. I just had to keep adjusting her lunches.
Someone probably put your precious baby up to this im sure! Tell her not to listen to the other kids!

8-1

I am a substitute teacher and so I have been to A LOT of school lunches and what you are describing is not unusual. I personally would not expect my kids to eat something they don't want. Its not going to happen for many reasons. Obviously, if the kid doesn't like it, then they won't want to eat it. But, also, lunch is not long enough. As a teacher I usually don't have time to eat my lunch and I'm and adult. Lunch times are not long enough, and the kids have to have their entire lunch eaten in such a short time because then they have to spend the other half of their lunch playing outside or recess. Kids do not have time to eat an apple or anything that takes a lot of chewing. I don't have time to eat an apple. I personally think that kids should have a hot lunch, but that's another discussion. If it were my kids, I would make sure that they have extra food so that they can bring some home if they want to, but that they don't go hungry. I also know kids like to trade, share, and experiment with other kids, and being given the resources for this at least on occasion is a good thing. Some days you are really hungry and other days your not, and its no fun being hungry and not having enough to eat, but also, having too much and getting in trouble for not eating it is also no fun and not fair.

As to your original questions, I would not punish your daughter. She knew that she didn't want/have time to eat her fruit at lunch, and since she would be hungry and really NEED her snack when she got home, and you weren't going to meet her needs, she found a way to do so herself. While I don't condone lying, I understand and really can't blame her for problem solving for herself. Try to look at this as a positive resourcefulness. Next year, try and involve her more in packing her lunches.

I would not punish her. Tell her you're disappointed that she didn't tell the truth and ask her why she put her fruit in the compost. Does she not like fruit? Did she not have time to eat it? Was she unhappy that she wouldn't get her treat after school and didn't know how to talk to you about not eating all of her lunch? I can see my daughter and myself in each of these scenarios.

Have her be part of planning and making her own lunch. She knows how much time she has/makes to eat and what she wants. And it's a good thing for you both to do together for lots of reasons... gives her control over what she eats/packs, gives you time to connect and communicate and teach.

Good luck Mama~

I would pack things she will eat for lunch and then when she gets home from school her snack will be fruit. When you punish for tendencies like whatever reason she didn't eat the fruit at school then it could breed sneakiness which is what happened with the compost bin. Something I read about dinner struggles (not exactly the same thing, but kinda) is will it really matter if she doesn't eat the fruit packed in the lunch? When I was that age I would talk with friends and eat and we didn't have enough time to eat everything, even if I didn't talk to them. I'd just have her fruit be her after school snack, that stuff is expensive lol Good on you for wanting her to eat them, I love fruits and veggies and they are so healthy for ya.

I would tell her you're really glad you know that she hasn't been eating her fruit. Compost piles are great, and it was nice of her to contribute, but the fruit you sent was for HER to eat.
Does she not like fruit?
Are you sending too much for her?
I had to go into the hospital numerous times when my daughter was little and bless him, my husband sent enough food for 12 kids in her lunch. Oranges, banana, apple, a sandwich, fresh green beans, avocado, cheese and crackers. That poor girl couldn't have eaten that in a week let alone a day. He was just worried she wouldn't have enough.
Fruit is important. Maybe just choose a few peach slices or a few cherries. Some sliced melon. Just a few bites and something different each day.
My kids always had some type of fruit, but they loved it.

I wouldn't punish your daughter. I remember being in the first grade. My mom always made my lunch, which I always liked. But one day, she made me an egg salad sandwich (eggs were not my favorite) but I noticed black stuff in it and I threw it away. I thought it was rotten. I felt so guilty about throwing that sandwich away that I confessed to my mom. I had to get it off my chest. I had thrown away something that she took the time to make me and I felt bad about it.
She wasn't mad. The black stuff? It was just pepper.
And I liked pepper. Still do.
I threw it away because I didn't know.
It's too late to punish your daughter NOW.
There's a new year coming up so maybe talk to her about how fruit is good for her. If she doesn't like it, don't send it to school. Argue the battle of fruit at home.
If it was my child, I would say I'd be happier if they shared with someone else although I know even that is frowned on with all the allergies, etc. nowadays.
But just to waste fruit is not a good thing. Nice of her to help the compost pile....but not with fresh fruit.

Just have a new game plan.
Fruit isn't cheap and it's not always that easy to come by for many families. It's nice that she is lucky to have an abundance, but just throwing it awy....
I think you should tell her you wish she'd told you sooner.

Just my opinion.

Explain that what she did was lying and NOT ok, but don't punish her for it - this was months ago!

I agree that if you want her to eat fruit, make her have it at breakfast or dinner when you're around to make sure it's eaten.

And I wouldn't force the fruit. There are many healthy options out there and if you let her participate in the selection process, she'll be more likely to eat what's in her lunch.

Wow! Lots of answers for this one!

"Punishment" doesn't seem like the right course for this. As I discovered with my own kids, lunchboxes are a system set up for easy cheating.

Why don't you ask your daughter how to solve the problem? Explain to her that you really want her to eat healthy lunches, and that you don't want her to lie to you. Then let her figure out how to achieve the goal.

If she's part of the solution, she's more likely to stick with the results.

Good luck!

Since it's been so long, i think i would do a serious lecture,but leave it at that. You don't want to reinforce a negative connotation with lunch even though in your adult mind you know it's about the lying.

maybe ask her for ideas on packing healthy lunches that she likes, that might mean veggies instead of a fruit and she gets her fruit for an afternoon snack at home that you supervise. You could serve it for breakfast too.

Just reading between the lines, you sound like a great mom and she sounds like basically a good kid that maybe wants to please you ( or maybe i'm wrong and she just really lilkes her treats). It is serious but she did fess up and last year is over. My answer might be different if I found out she was doing it again.

I wouldn't punish now. I would file that knowledge away and try some different ideas for the upcoming year. My youngest brings home a lot of uneaten food in her lunchbox. She generally likes fruit, but says she often does not have time to eat it. Admits she spends a large chunk of lunchtime talking to her friends. OK, I cannot be there to micromanage her choices and behaviors at school. So here is what I do. Reduce the portion sizes and amount of food in her lunch. Sometimes I only pack a half sandwich with some fruits, veggies, or other things. Make the "treat" or fun item really small, so she can't fill up on it, maybe one small chocolate piece or just a few jelly beans. Send fruit cups that she can bring home and can be saved later instead of an apple or orange that will get one bite out of if that, and tossed. When it comes to school lunches, I try to stick with healthy favorite foods vs. variety. I ask her what she wants in her lunches before I go shopping. Ask her for what kind of healthy things her friends are bringing that she would like to have in her lunch. I've given up on baby carrots because she never eats those. However, a regular large carrot cut in long skinny strips is a novelty. She loves that! I know she will be more likely to eat different kinds of foods at home. Also, she is a vegetarian. About 35% of the time, the school lunch offers a vegetarian entree or choice, so on those days she always takes school lunch. They have a fruit and veggie self serve bar, so she has more choice and variety that way as well.

I may be different than others on this, but this far after the fact I wouldn't punish her, but I would certainly have a discussion about it. Obviously, she's probably forgotten that she even lied about it so she'd miss the point if you punished her for it. If you make a big deal out of eating a particular food, she's going to go the other way. With my daughter, I put fruit in her lunch, but I know she may/may not eat it so I more monitor what she eats throughout the day. If she doesn't eat her fruits and veggies at breakfast, dinner, snack times then I know she isn't at lunch either.
That's not really your question though...sorry. I don't think you can really "punish" her at this point, but talk to her about the difference between the truth and lying and why it's important to be honest (especially with mom and dad). Explain why eating fruits and veggies are so important for our bodies...and I don't mean to focus on the image of our bodies but rather the true health of our systems. For example, an apple is a great source of fiber and explain why fiber helps our system and it's a natural source of sugar, etc. She's old enough to start "getting it".
I digress again, sorry.

Check out the book Disceptively Delicious...you use fruits and veggies as the fat, sugar and flavor in many main dish and snack foods.

Maybe she just doesn't like fruit! And she DID tell you the truth (eventually). I would not have punished in this situation. The only thing that would annoy me about this is that she threw out the fruit instead of bringing it home - that's just wasteful. My kids are much older that yours, but their pediatrician always told me NEVER to make an issue out of food. To this day my daughter (healthy, 20 year-old) does not eat fruit - she just flat out doesn't like it, although we always have a variety in the house. She much prefers veggies. My son (16) is just the opposite in his tastes. As long as they are getting a variety of food in their diet, from all the food groups, it's not something to stress over. Let your daughter have some input over what goes in her lunch box, but don't start battling over it! Make it fun, cook things together at home, let her come up with some healthy snack ideas. What's done is done as far as last years' lunches go, just move forward.

Oh man, don't punish her for that. Look what you already achieved by making a big deal out of this. She started lying.

Offer her healthy food in general, and treats occasionally, and she will develop into a healthy eater. If you start making a big deal about food, by punishing her if she doesn't eat something, you are more likely to create food obsessions and lying.

She's a NORMAL kid. Kids throw away their lunches ALL THE TIME. I've worked at schools during lunch and more kids throw their lunches away than eat them. I think you need to mellow out on the whole food issue.

I only put healthy items in my son's lunch bag. He is 5-1/2. That way whatever he eats, he eats and whatever he doesn't he doesn't. I would NOT make a big deal about what's in there. And yes, if I were to put a cookie or other junk is his lunch, that would be what he would eat. There is some good evidence that kids need to try a new food item 12-16 times before they will consistently eat it and most parents are not nearly that persistent.

As far as the 'lying' all kids do and there is some great research on the topic. Please take a look at this article before you decide what to do. Apparently punishing kids just makes them better liars (ie less likely to get caught, not less likely to do it)
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=1122...

Hmmm...it's kinda hard to punish something like this after the fact, but if you want to teach her a lesson about not wasting food, maybe see if there is a way you and her can spend a day volunteering at a homeless shelter or food bank - then maybe she can see what it might be like for people who don't have enough food.

Another thought would be no treats after school or dinner, regardless of whether she eats all her lunch or not. Then there is no incentive for her to try to fool you. Let her pick out what she thinks she would like, but let her know you expect it to come back home with her rather than get thrown away. Remind her that she picked it, so maybe she's less likely to change her mind later.

But I think the real issue is here is she lied to you and thought she could get away with it. I would have a talk with her about how you trust her to tell you the truth and now she has broken that trust, so now you don't know if you can believe what she tells you or not. Sometimes a little guilt goes a long way.

I think my kid is at the same phase - suddenly she discovered she could lie to cover up something that might disappoint or anger us. And she always confesses and shows little "follow-up." I get unreasonably annoyed (I think an aunt or uncle might find it rather cute.)

I think how you handle it depends on how you handle things in your household. Some households punish, some do not. Most seem to have a range of responses to things. The thing that is hard for me to remember that I am not raising a young criminal and that how I handle her deceptions doesn't mean the difference between an honest kid and a pathological liar. Or, as my mom's generation would have said "it's a phase." If I were handling it the way I want to I would take it light and firm since there are at least two lessons being learned that important to your relationship -- you and she need to be able to count on each other to tell the truth and you want her to come to you and tell you when she makes a mistake like tossing out her fruit to insure she gets sweets, or the much more serious stuff that could come up later.

I'm a stickler about healthy eating so I would be fit to be tied. None the less, there needs to be something said about that honesty and confession and I would protect that a little. There for I would focus more on a stradegy to get her to eat it in the future more than a punishment now. How about eating a fruit smoothie every day for the next month for breakfast to make up for it (5 serving in one glass!). Not such a bad punishment and would help you feel better about her health. I often noticed that a lot of my classmates ate the fruit from their lunch after school. Maybe you can give that to her as an option after a discussion about how expensive food is (esspecially produce). also, consider what else she has in her lunch. I always ate my fruit because my mom made such skimpy lunches I was too hungry not to eat everything in there (simple sandwich before the days when bread slices got big, a fruit, 1/2 serving of chips or crackers, and a dessert like two small cookies or a mini candy bar). Maybe you need to leave something out so she goes for the fruit?

I don't think I would punish. I would ask her why she did that, and tell her that it made me unhappy, but I was happy she told the truth. Then I would ask what we could do to make it better this year. Is it possible she didn't have time to eat it or it was hard to bite? (Like whole apples or something?) Is there a kind of fruit she really loves or one she really dislikes? It sounds like you are doing a great job of trying to give her healthy choices. Maybe there is just a reason she chose not to eat the fruit before and you can work it out together.
Good luck!

This is so old by now that I would just talk to her and reinforce that truth is rule 1 and even if she didnt eat it, she should tell you and bring it home so it doesnt go to waste

I know I'm way late on this - I would not punish for this. I would get her to help decide what she wants in her lunch and not make such a big deal about it. Also I think you are very over controlling about every bite she eats. "no snacks not one cookie, not a handful of goldfish, not a popsicle"? Sheesh. Sorry but I think you're way too strict about food and a bit mean! My kids are younger than your daughter and I am not so strict with them. I think you're going to give her food hangups!

My son is 6 and he got in a habit last year of not eating but keeping the food in his backpack, sometimes this included a milk container with a straw in it and it made a huge mess. I got angry with him for making such a mess but it was an important cue to us that he had NO appetite as a side effect of a medication he needed. So we talked with his pediatrician and helped get him to stop keeping the food past lunch and try to eat while at school. I think you want to be real careful about punishing any kind of behaviors related to food because you don't want to inadvertantly start a food issue with any kid especially a girl. I would be clear that wasting the food by tossing it onto the compost heap without attempting to eat it is not a good use of resources but you want to keep the communication open because I know teachers and lunchroom helpers are too busy to keep track of this for you. Talk with her and see if there is anything that she is willing to eat. Perhaps if she is into something that has evidence of its consumption left (a core or peel) she could bring that home for your compost heap. While I still understand being angry about the lying and wasting she did this to avoid a bigger confrontation with you for sure. Getting into a confrontation instead of seeking a solution that both of you can live with may just encourage her to beome even more sneaky on other issues. Keep the discussion open with her

Will she eat vegetables? they're better than fruit anyway. Pack in the veggies in the am and pm, and let lunch slide. If you have time and energy to make eggs in the morning you can stir fry some veggies along with the eggs, or throw them into an omelet. We do it almost every morning, and if the pan is good and hot it doesn't take much time at all. Brussel sprouts are great with eggs (esp. w/a little soy sauce), as is onion, red peppers in an omelet, etc. Serve the whole thing with a small serving of berries and toast. Try oatmeal in the morning with berries on top. If you can squeeze in the good stuff when you're actually there to see her eat it, you won't have to worry so much about lunch. GOod luck.

So far after the fact, its hard to punish her for it. At this point, the punishment would be for the confession.

I do think that I would have a talk about honesty, being trustworthy, and about character and what kind of person she wants to be.

AND I would have her teacher this year quietly check to see if she is still doing it and report to you if she is. You can then "bust her" on the behavior which addresses the action, and also sends the message that you are the all knowing parent whom she cant sneak anything past.

Well she admitted it without being forced so IMO you are back to square one. But i would pack no snacks other than the healthy ones in the future.

I wouldn't punish her because she at least eventually told you the truth which is even more important than her eating her fruit. They have drinks (a little expensive) called fruit-ables and they have fruit smoothies or real fruit fruit bars etc. that you can investigate that don't have a lot of sugar or some other fun ideas (fruit in jello) etc. that she may like. Find out what she will eat. If not, just give her a fruit smoothie in the morning and she can eat fruit as snacks when she gets home. Their tastes will change a lot but you want to encourage her to tell the truth, it is more important in the long run.

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I would address the "fibbing" and explain to her why it is not okay. I wouldn't punish her for it though... it is months later and at her age, it will not relate. For the upcoming school year, I would change the way she gets snacks. I would make sure her meal and drink were nutritious and give her a bit of an unhealthy snack, that she will eat and help keep her full and attentive in class. Not something loaded with sugar but something that she would enjoy like animal crackers or some other snack. Then the after school snack should be a fruit or veggie so that you are able to monitor whether she's eating it or not. Lastly, you should consider that perhaps she is full at lunch time. Depending on what time she eats lunch, she may be full from breakfast still. I know that our elementary school gives the kids a "breakfast snack" at 8:30/9:00am and some of the children have lunch around 10:30. My kids would eat breakfast at 8, breakfast snack at 8:30 and then lunch at 10:30, they were not so hungry for lunch. They would often come home with leftovers.

Oh, that would make me mad! I would tell her that lying to you is NEVER ok and that she needs to think long and hard about what she thinks the appropriate punishment should be. See what she says and then judge it based on that. GL

M

I wouldn't punish her. Use it as a way to talk about the benefits of healthy eating.

How about dried fruit leathers?? She may like those.

I would continue telling her it's okay to bring it back home & when she does bring the fruit back home & then asks for a 'good snack' (aka sweets, etc.) I'd just say, "here's the apple you brought back, you can eat that..." & be adament about it. We hardly had time to eat lunch when we were in school & the older we got, the shorter the lunchtime seemed to get. Hope this suggestion will help. Good luck!

They have apple "chips". My kids really like those. Would she drink a healthy fruit/veggie juice instead?

I also had this issue with my daughter. I told her not to throw anything away and put an extra plastic bag in her lunch box, for her trash. That way I could see what she did and did not eat. It's a struggle but they eventually get over it. My daughter is now 12 and eats everything. Good Luck.

The issue I would punish her for is the lying, not the fruit. That was to be expected when you put a treat on condition for her eating more than she wants/needs at the meal. Forcing a child to eat everything on their plate only creates food issues as they age, and often time weight issues as adults. Lying, of course, is never acceptable, and my son would be grounded from his video games. For you daughter just replace video games with whatever it is she loves.