How Would You Respond? - Landenberg,PA

Updated on August 10, 2015
S.E. asks from Landenberg, PA
23 answers

What would you do if you knew some one's girlfriend was posting things on FaceBook under their name - and causing family drama?

I know, he approved it - after the fact - but the post was passive aggressive and upset people, but it was clearly NOT WRITTEN BY HIM. I find this girlfriend and her behavior really alarming, but would you talk to him about it?

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So What Happened?

I totally get where all of you - ignore it people are coming from - this is my default position to all drama. But, this time it was my circus and my monkeys. As in his kids all ended up in hysterics at my house, the post insulted my husband and upset my kids in the mess. The drama landed full on in my lap. Since none of it was addressed to me, though supposedly my actions started it all, I felt his kids and my husband needed to speak to him about it. Nothing was done by me on facebook. Others did though. Thankfully, (Im not kidding here) one of the BFs is actually a police officer who used all of his anger management and hostage negotiation techniques to keep the conflict from going off the rails. It was and remains ugly. Everybody made nice in the end, she agreed to stop posting as him, he agreed to stop being passive aggressive, kind of, we all had a big stupid family dinner gathered around the giant pink elephant.

Featured Answers

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

it's his girlfriend. it's his facebook. it's his circus. it's his monkeys.
step away from the facebook drama.
khairete
S.

10 moms found this helpful

S.C.

answers from Kansas City on

I'm sorry but fb is not the devil. The bs is because of people like this that use it this way. And people that don't put their foot down and STOP THE DRAMA.

Unfollow him. End of story. It's not that hard, people.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

I would just unfriend them and be done with the drama.

10 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

I ignore Facebook drama. You should too.

9 moms found this helpful
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M.G.

answers from Portland on

It's kind of like any other kind of nonsense - if someone made a passive aggressive remark at a family function for example. You can address it right then and there and call them on it (in this case, I suppose that would be the guy since it's under his name) or do what I tend to do - which is let it slide and ignore them.

When people make passive aggressive remarks (my MIL does this a lot) it's usually because they are insecure or are not confident enough to actually confront you about something that is bothering them. I figure then it can't be that big a deal if it's not worth talking to me about. I myself stay away from people like that as much as possible - remember, they are looking for a reaction, so don't give them one.

I tend to block people's posts like that. If it was really offensive though or hurtful, I would just say "hey didn't appreciate that post ... just sayin'". Leave it at that. Likely he wouldn't do anything anyways.

6 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Facebook just seems to enable drama.
I'd block drama sources.
If you're yelling 'Fire!' in a movie theater and there's no one there to hear it - who the heck cares?

6 moms found this helpful
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A.L.

answers from Las Vegas on

If you asked me this just a couple of years ago, I'd have said, oh yes, DO talk to him..NOW, I wouldn't bother to get involved.. why? if you do, the guy will probably take her side and not appreciate your speaking to him about his girlfriend... Also, could put a wedge in between your own friendship with him.. Let someone else do the talking.. I would keep clear of the drama..

5 moms found this helpful
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M.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

None of your business. This is their relationship, stay out of it.

5 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Depends on who this is. If it's a friend or a brother and that person's girlfriend is putting stuff up there, I'd ignore it. Does it relate to you in any way? That's the only time I would get involved.

What's alarming about it? Is your safety or that of your children affected? Then I'd start unfriending and blocking, immediately. And I wouldn't invite her to anything at my house if you think there is a safety concern.

Is this getting your extended family all riled up? Don't get sucked into it. If the family comments, just say, "Oh, that Facebook sure takes over normal relationships, doesn't it?" And be done with it.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Atlanta on

And this is why I don't have facebook.

Get out of the circus. Not your monkey.

Unfriend and be done with it. If he asks why you unfriended him? Tell him straight up why.

Is this person your friend or relative? If it was my son, I would sit them both down and tell them enough is enough. Nephew or cousin? Unfriend and don't get pulled into the drama.

3 moms found this helpful
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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I'd just spread the word that he's aware of it and that he's encouraging her to do it. He knows she's doing it and he approved it.

HE LIKES IT...okay? He is sitting back having a blast and he's likely telling her what to say. But he's going to use her as a scapegoat. He's going to say he didn't know when you know he did. Okay?

Go to their timeline and click on unfollow. You will still be friends but his posts won't show on your timeline. If you want to go to his timeline to see what's going on you can. But you won't see his posts unless you go to his timeline.

I have relatives that I unfollowed. He would get drunk occasionally and use foul language and use slurs. SO I go to his timeline to catch up with him every few days. If I see he's planning a party or going out with friends I avoid him for a few days.

3 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I wouldn't do or say anything, not my monkeys, not my circus.

3 moms found this helpful
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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

No, I would just mind my own business and not add to the drama.

2 moms found this helpful
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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

Not enough information given to answer this question.
*Disclaimer: if FB is negatively affecting your life? Step away!

2 moms found this helpful
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S.W.

answers from Detroit on

sorry if this misses the point but in my opinion...facebook is the scourge of the modern world and that's why i don't plug in....

i agree....if it's causing drama..shut it down and/or walk away. it's no different than being offended by a tv show....change the channel or read a book.

my 2 cents. S.

1 mom found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

Unfollow so you don't see his posts.

It might be "really alarming," but it's his Facebook, girlfriend, and family. Let him manage it.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

No, I would just quit looking and pay no attention to the drama.

1 mom found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Austin on

If the "him" in question were my young teenage son, fairly new to the dating scene and new to social media and all it's potential implications/problems, I would counsel him, and try to teach him about how social media can impact his life.

If it were anyone else, I wouldn't read it, wouldn't comment on it, and wouldn't discuss it. If it were brought up in conversation, I'd simply say that I don't let social media affect me, and that I don't get involved in that kind of stuff. And I'd make sure that I was sticking to that. Facebook is not required reading.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

If he knows about it then what do you want to talk to him about? He is the only one who should care if someone else is posting on his wall, so if he knows then clearly he has handled it the way he sees fit, or doesn't care. It is really none of your business if he lets her post on his account, or what she posts.

1 mom found this helpful
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C.C.

answers from Orlando on

You don't have to "unfriend", just "unfollow". I do this for certain family members so I don't have to see the garbage they post. Their stuff does not show up in my feed, I have to actually click on their page to see what they have been up to. They can still see and comment on my posts. It works for me.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I'd unfollow or block and restrict him. If he asks why he doesn't see your posts anymore you can say simply you don't need the drama. His reaction will tell you if you need to unfriend that account entirely.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Why talk to him about it? Apparently he is getting his jollies out of it or he would delete it. The end.

T.D.

answers from Springfield on

i wouldn't respond. when you respond you only add to the drama.

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