Hubby Leaving for 30-45 days...any Advice??

I'd recruit your 10 yr old to be a parent helper. I did that when I took care of my neice and nephew a couple of years ago (4 kids total - 10, 7, 4, 2) The older kids got dressed first then took over with the younger ones (washing faces and making sure teeth were brushed) while I finished getting myself ready. I told each child that the washcloth they used in the morning to wash their face would also be used that night for their bath; which helped keep the laundry load down a little. On the weekends, I'd recommend going out and being active in the AM so your little ones get a little worn out and nap after lunch. In the afternoon, playing in the yard would be enough. Also, what about doing a craft project? You could do simple Thanksgiving or Christmas ones.

You mentioned that you work from home. Are your younger children home with you too? If so, you may want to hire someone to come in and help with the younger ones.

As for meals, I try to plan ahead, freeze what I can, and have leftovers. It really helps on the days when my family and I feel like we're being pulled all over the place.

I'm sure the time will fly by!

When I cook, I cook a LOT, freeze some, eat it for several days. Speghetti sauce is a great one, make a bunch then all you have to do is boil noodles. Do easy things and stock up before your husband leaves.

Cut out all unnecessary things, its amazing when I look at my daily list, do I really need to do that now, or can it wait. If it can wait, it does, and sometimes I realize it never needs to be done.

Adult time is really necessary for me, I plan one outing a month with girlfriends, hire a sitter or trade.

Get some exercise, walk with the kids, something, it helps reduce stress levels.

Dont try to accomplish/finish big projects while he is gone, just try to maintain the statues quo.

Have him read the younger kids their favorite books and record it before he leaves. That way they get to see him, hear him, whenever they like.

For the month, hire someone to come in once a week and clean. Ask friends or family for recommendations.

Don't tell random strangers that your husband is gone, for safety sake.

Lower your standards, just for the time he is gone, it will help take the stress off.

Enlist the kids to help with housework. The 4 year old knows his colors? Then he can sort the laundry. Really, and there is a sence of accomplishment for them. Take it a team effort with rewards.

Let friends and family know what you need.

A little about me: Husband passed away suddenly, leaving me a single mom of 4 boys 3-14 years old. But that was 10 years ago.

Hi J., My husband travels a lot for work & takes 2 trips to China a year where he's gone for 2 weeks at a time. I hate it. We try to do a big store run & stock up on all the things that I'll need while he's away so I don't have to go get as much while he's gone. We also make sure all car maintenance is taken care of (oil change, etc). I'll get easy meals to prepare & freezing some dinners is a great idea. Play dates are great & getting the kids some crafts or games is good too. My son is currently 15 mos, but when my hubby would leave for a long time we'd plan trips to see my family since they all live far away. A weekend away at your parents or a close friend or family member's might give you & the kids something to do & give you a little extra help too. Just make sure that you have some friends/family come over or go visit b/c I got really lonely & missed grown up conversation & companionship every day.

Just do what you can and don't stress over the stuff that can't be done. Get plenty of rest, i know this sounds crazy but after the kids are down, lay yourself down, regardless if the cleaning is done. This is a great opportunity to teach the kids about responsibility and helping out. Use them to their full potential, have them make their own beds and clean up after themselves, even if it isn't to your liking. You'll be amazed at what they can do and believe me it will free up some of your time. Most of all, make this a time to build memories of the time dad was on his trip not a time that "Mom Lost Her Marbles". It'll work out just fine.

The zoo, the park, indoor playgrounds. You can do fun activitise for thanks giving or make signs for when dad gets home welcome home, we missed you. I also write notes for my husband each day he is gone so he has something special to read while he is away. Baking cookies, pies anything too keep them busy. Movie night bundle up everyone and make some popcorn. The ten yr old should be helping out. Good luck. Hope you get lots of advice. I wanna check back and see what other mommas have for you!

I am assuming your husband will be making more money from this trip, so what I would do is hire some help. I have used teenagers after school to either help with the house work or intertain the kids while I did the housework. Also, I would make a weeks worth of meals and freeze them, then I do not have to cook during the work week. If you need someone during the day to help, I bet you have a friend that knows someone to entertain the kids.
I also, use to work from home with toddlers and I would just hire someone to help with the kids and it was great.

Wow, you have some great advice here so I'll just add one thing I haven't seen yet. When my husband travels, we video conference using a free service from Skype. You can download it (free) at www.skype.com and follow a few very simple, very clear instructions. We love it when he is over seas and we can't really talk on the phone very much.

Right after our daughter was born he was over seas for six weeks. Our son was 14 months and my stepson (his son) was seven. We missed him terribly but it was reassuring to see him. The kids loved it! Both of us have laptops with a camera built in but if you don't, they are pretty cheap these days. It will make the hard trip for him a little easier because he will miss you all.

Good luck! I know you asked about some other things but it looks like the lovely ladies of Mamasource have you covered!

OK, So let me try to answer this with out contempt. One day without your sweety is one day to many.
During the 446 days..yes that is correct 446 days...very long days, with out my hubby. And the closest family member was 2,797 miles away.
I made a point to include Daddy in at least one activity..mealtime bed time anything during the day that you can include the kiddo's and do something for or about Daddy.
Then every Saturday go somewhere different that your hubby would not want to go (museum, park, zoo, day drive just to drive).
Let your sweety know that you are alright on your own so he doesn't worry but be sure to let him know it would be easier with his help, so he doesn't get the idea that he is not needed.
best thing to do is KEEP BUSY, yourself and your kiddo's. I couldn't sleep so I spent most of the night cleaning and sewing, and during the day I would volunteer at my kids school. That turned into a part time job...
Have your hubby read a bed time story on tape or CD, so you can play it at night..Have him tell them his good-nights on tape in case he can't call some night.
have a kiss jar...a jar filled with hershey's kisses so you can give your kids a "kiss" from Daddy...I had some kisses after the kids went to bed...LOL (I love chocolate)
as far as meals go, if you can make and freeze then do a couple but plan on using them as...last minute I got home late and don't have anything out...kind of dinners. I also kept chicken nuggets fries fish sticks and a few other fast fixes in the freezer, we ate out very little while he was gone. I had Breakfast for dinner once a week and the kids loved it...and it is surprisingly quick to fix.
30 days should fly by pretty fast...it is only 4 Saturdays. I say that because I broke it down to smaller numbers so it did not seem so long..
Good Luck and all us moms and wives are out here if you need us.
If you have family close by ask them for help, if you have a trusted friend ask them to watch the little ones for a couple hours each week to give your brain a break and go shopping while they are there. shopping with out kids is a wonderful experience! Give yourself time each day after the kids go to bed to feel sad, bad, mad whatever. that way you are taking care of your mind but keeping it away from the kids.

My hubby deployed for 2-4 months at a time about twice a year so I feel for you. The best advice I can give is to SIMPLIFY everything. Kids' don't care what they eat so don't spend hours in the kitchen making fancy meals. Grilled cheese and soup is fine and nourishing. Make one night a week fast food night and order pizza and watch a movie on Saturday. It is also very important for you to get a stress outlet. Make time to go to the gym or do aerobics at home...even having a silly dance-a-thon with the kids. If you are a stickler for cleanliness, have all toys, clothes, etc picked up every night before the kids go to bed or you will tend to let it pile up and get buried. Also do not let kids get in your bed. People have said it but making and keeping a routine is paramount! Google "talk, listen, connect" which is a video starring elmo, that has his Dad going away for a long trip. It is cute. If you see that your kids start getting stressed, remember that their behavior is often a mirror of yours. Take a hot bath or take time for yourself. And do give your ten year-old a lot more responsibility. My Dad was military too and equated the family to a see saw, you go through the re-balancing process when someone leaves and again when they come back. Keep this latter part in the back of your mind because hubby will come back to a schedule where he doesn't fit in. Just make sure to reinstate his responsibilities right away. Good luck, you will survive!

I have a 20 month old and a 3 1/2 year old. My husband frequently has to work in the field and every couple of years he will have one big project that last 3 months or slightly longer. During that time he is out-of-town 10 days then home for 4 in a 2 week period. He is on one of those projects right now so I feel your pain. I work part-time and I think it is the "scheduling" that is the hardest to cope with.

My advice on meals, like someone else said - keep it simple. I make fast meals that are still somewhat healthy. One example: I buy Pacific Butternut Squash soup (its organic with a little cinnamin in it) and pour some of it in with frozen microwaved mac and cheese (also make mac and cheese from scratch and use the soup instead of milk - just pasta, cheese, and soup). Add fishsticks and you have a fairly balanced meal the kids love that was quick prep. I don't do this all the time, but it helps especially on busy nights.

Get a friend or a paid sitter to come in once or twice a week for a short break or to run to the grocery store unencumbered by kids. I usually encourage my mom who lives 3 hours a way to come visit when the hubby goes out of town. It just helps ease the workload, and even if you can get 2 hours to yourself it is worth it. I agree with the other poster that you should try to do all the dishes and cleaning up before the kids go to bed. You may still need the time after they are asleep to do small things like make lunches for the next day, but have as much done as possible before, you'll need that quiet time to relax.

Enlist your older children to help with the younger. Even my 3 1/2 year old is a great help with the 20 month old. When I am busy cleaning or cooking, he plays with him, pretends to read to him, and will even tattle on him if he is doing something he shouldn't. You could even increase the older kids allowances and add some additional duties (watch the younger ones) or chores (vacuum, sweep, help with laundry, feed pets, take out garbage) while your spouse is away. Or if you don't do allowance, promise them some big prize when your husband comes home. Oh, and just do the necessary chores while he is gone, the dust won't require extra work if you wait a month as if you do it weekly.

Increasing playdates will be good, especially if it gives you face time with other adults. Working from home you probably rely on hubby for the major portion of your adult conversation (I know I did when I worked from home).

To help your kids with him being gone, my husband usually calls at least once a day to talk to the boys and usually at dinnertime. The boys are captive audiences as he is more entertaining then their dinner and since that is the time we are always all together it makes it feel like he's not even gone.

Good luck.

Hi J.,
My husband worked away for 5 mo. when our children were 13,10,8,4. I was attending college. We too lived in the country so I had to drive the kids to school and youngest to daycare before my classes. I ran my home like a military camp for that time frame. The kids took baths every other day since the "off" days they were attending scouts or ball practice. On the same day as bath night, I washed one load of clothes from that day. Clothes went in the dryer when the kids started their bath. When they got out of the bath, they folded, put away their clothes. I cooked by the DOLODOL method: Double (save half for leftovers), One, Leftovers from day 1, One, Double, One, Leftovers. Some nights the One was sandwiches and raw veggies on the most hectic days. In the van I kept a snack tub with fruit, granola bars and juice boxes. In the homework tub, pencils and paper and library books. In the sports, club tub, the equipment for that. It stayed in the car, so there was no running around at the last minute searching for the glove, cap, cleats. They had a set bedtime which we did not veer from. The kids had playtime every day so they were ready to sleep by bedtime. Once we got the timing down, the kids fell right into the routine. As for housecleaning--that was done on Saturday. We did what my mom called "hitting the high spots", the most important things. Each child had a certain chore. Keep your chin up. You will make it. Even if the routine falls apart a couple of days, pick yourself up and begin again. (Don't worry, it will be right there where you left off. lol) Each night when the kids were tucked in, I did something I would enjoy: read, watch a tv program, talk to a friend, paint my nails, talk to hubby on phone etc. Remember to HALT: avoid being too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Take care of yourself. HTH, C.

My hubby is in the Army, and even when he's at home, it often feels like I'm a single mom =P Last year he re-enlisted and went back to school for 6 months, my daughters were 3 1/2 and 17 mo. when he left. I sat down and made a few different lists...daily chores that HAD to get done (laundry, dishes, etc.), activities I wanted to do with the kids (crafts, special trips, etc.) and projects I wanted to complete (organize a closet, scrapbook, etc.) I found it helped me prioritize my time. Since your hubby will only be gone a month or so (I say only, but I realize it seems like forever to you!), I say plan one thing per week you'd like to do with the kids, something totally fun like a trip to the zoo or a museum, or a special craft project. And maybe set one larger goal for yourself to accomplish (maybe some winter cleaning? LOL) That way if you are sitting there alone after the kids are in bed, and the house is already clean and you just can't stand to watch one more sitcom on TV, you can tackle part of your project!
For the younger 2 kids, have them help you make a paper chain with one link for each day he will be gone (make it for the longest possible time he could be gone...taking off extra links is great, but having to add them can be sad and confusing). Then every morning take one link off the chain...the visual reference helps the little ones put time into perspective.
I had my kids draw pictures, and even pick out cards from the store about once a week to send to daddy. I showed them pictures of him a lot so they felt like he was still there. Whenever I talked to him on the phone, even if they were busy playing and didn't want to talk, I'd just put him on speakerphone and let him hear them and vice versa. I sent him pictures on a weekly, and sometimes daily basis, so he wouldn't feel like he was missing out on their growth.
I took the opportunity to let my kids help out with housework as much as they wanted to! putting away their own pile of laundry (even if it gets dropped and unfolded along the way, or put into the wrong drawer LOL), matching socks, putting silverware and plastic containers away, etc.
I also made it a point to get outside and play with them at least once a day. Even if you can only take them to the park for 30 minutes, it will wear them out and get you some fresh air, and maybe you could meet up with a friend once or twice a week so you can vent and just have adult conversation!
I also thought it was a great time to watch all the movies my hubby won't watch with me =) Like Pride and Prejudice, Ever After, Music and Lyrics, etc. And I cooked foods that I like best instead of having to consider the fact that my hubby loves onions and I hate them! =P
Make sure you take time for yourself at night, after the kids have gone to bed, to just de-stress...take a long bath, watch a good movie, have a candy bar LOL, read a book, write in a journal. Hopefully you also have a good friend who will just sit and listen if you need to cry or vent or whatever! And if you don't have someone nearby who can babysit for you, find a good daycare or mom's day out program so you can have time at least once a week to go shopping alone, take a nap, or run errands!
I think I've covered it all...let me know if you need any more ideas!

Hi, J.,

I think it would be great to involve the kids in "anticipating" dad's return. Will he be able to receive mail? If so, a regular activity could be making him cards or drawing him pictures to mail every few days -- or at least once a week. Mckenna can be the "leader" to help coordinate the Sophie's contributions, while you help Kyle. Also, if Mckenna and Sophie "plan" what they wish to tell dad on the phone whenever he calls, it will restrict the open-ended conversations where they do not contribute "real information".

If there are any activities that dad does on a regular basis (you say he helps a ton) that are suitable for the girls to assist with, then perhaps they could be assigned to activities to do "FOR dad." Then they could tell him how they are helping him out at home when he calls.

You could also engage the girls in making some "special preparations" for dad's "homecoming." This is the kind of thing that makes lifetime memories - so that when they are adults, they can thing back to that time when dad was away and we did (whatever) ...

All of these "focused" activities could help you to have a little more control and sanity during this time - and will also provide you some "special" time alone with the kids to make your OWN memories with them.

I also definitely recommend Crock-pot dinners and other convenient means of managing the meals. There are tons of meals that can be prepared in a crock pot - you can find many by Googling crock pot recipes on-line. But easy stuff that requires very little creativity can be done in a slow cooker, too. Throw in sliced apples, oatmeal and raisins to have a hot breakfast ready the next morning. After a quick wash, throw in hot dogs to have for a lunch or evening meal. You can coat the cooker with olive oil and throw in boneless chicken fingers and whatever veggies the kids like (baby carrots, small red potatoes or even red and yellow bell pepper strips seasoned with a little Molly McButter and lightly salted.) You can serve skewer the potatoes with a popsicle stick and serve it lukewarm, calling it a "potato on a stick" - the chicken strips and veggies can be eaten with the fingers (or give the kids dipping sauces like BBQ sauce, a little orange marmalade or apricot jam thinned with a little water (or placed on the chicken strips when cooking.)

The BEST thing to do in his absence it to look forward to it and ANTICIPATE the time alone with them. A positive attitude goes a long way toward making any experience successful.

God bless you during this time,
K.

Hi J., plan a lot of fun time and have them help around the house. Yes they are young,give them baby wipes to "clean with" while you are cleaning. Good idea about freezing the food ahead of time. Just curious what work do you do from home? God bless and good luck!!!!

The crockpot is a wonderful invention. I plan out my weekly menu and grocery shop Saturday, prepare all crockpot meals and assemble them in plastic bags on Sunday. The one for Monday goes in the fridge and the others go in the freezer. It's great because in the morning I open a bag, toss it in the crock pot, turn it on and when I get home we have a healthy dinner. Because the prepping happened on the weekend, the only clean up I have is washing the crock pot for the next day. There are tons of crock pot cookbooks at borders or barnes and noble, so before your hubby goes take some time to pick a few up. Also, I know it's not great for the environment, but consider buying disposable silverware, bowls and plates for a month. It will save so much time washing dishes and leave you more time to cuddle the kids which they will need with such a major change in their lives. Good luck.

Personally, I would schedule a babysitter a couple of Friday nights or Saturday nights (perhaps after the kids are asleep) to get out with your girlfriends. A dinner away with adults always refuels me when I'm on my own. :-)

I would definitely try to cook meals in advance and plan a special Saturday each week to help with the daily stresses. The weather is nice maybe do a pinic at a local park.

By the way, I'm a stay at home looking for extra income and you mentioned that you work from home. I was wondering what type of work you do and is it profitable to do it. I hope you don't mind me asking. The ecomomy is getting tight and I'm always worried that my husband could get laid off.