Hubby Wants to Switch Child to a Private School

(have edited this a bit, I've un-confused myself...hehe)

Private school is a great option if you can afford it. I personally prefer that way more to public school for MANY reasons. But it's not something we'd be able to afford. Plus, we homeschool. If you can't afford private, is homeschooling an option? They have co-ops and groups, so there is a lot of interacting and such. Odds are he'd do fine making new friends if that was a concern. My family moved a lot when I was a kid, and I did great at making new friends when I was elementary age. When it was middle/high school, that was more difficult to make friends.

If you can afford it, private school is better and usually rank better with student knowledge and education, etc.

There seems to be a MUCH bigger issue here than "should our child go to private school."

Please re-read your own post, as if you were reading a stranger's post. Try to stand back a bit and be as objective as you can.

There are a lot of red flags here, and again, they are not about school:

"Since my husband and I were arguing already...."
"I don't even know where he wants to send him.....
"I am really uncomfortable with all these things my hubby has sprung on me..."
"We have our intruder who has already left to be at our vacation spot...."

You and your husband are not communicating. Period. Doesn't he realize your son is NOW doing OK with school and loves it, or is your husband's memory of school stuck in 4K?

Why were you "arguing already"? You don't say but it sounds as if it wasn't about school since he "sprung" this on you. And one rule of fair arguing is not dragging in issues that are unrelated to the thing you're talking about. From what you wrote here, hubby dragged in the school issue out of the blue, apparently unrelated to whatever else you were arguing about, and blindsided you with it. Not done -- and it puts your son's schooling into an argument that (I assume) was not about that at all.

You don't even know what school (if any) your husband has in mind. I'd bet he has none in mind and dragged the issue in either to distract you from other topics (whatever those are, that are making you argue) or to needle you and give you something else to be upset about.

You need to separate the school question from whatever your other issues together may be. I'm gathering from reading between the lines that there ARE other issues (and I have no idea who the intruder is, but that may be part of the mix?). Have you told your husband what you wrote here? That your son is happy, loves his school, expects to see his friends next year? Unless your husband is making an argument that the academics are a problem, or there is bullying etc. -- and it sounds like he isn't -- he seems to have zero reason to bring this up UNLESS....

He's trying to hurt and upset you.

You and your husband need to agree that school and your son are not issues for discussion until other issues between you are resolved. And it sounds like you may need a third party to help. I'd get a marriage counselor involved and say you need communications help -- together. If hubby won't go, you have an even bigger problem, unfortunately.

What Sara G said. Some public schools really rock while some private schools are horrible. Gross generalizations about these things aren't helpful or accurate.

And given the traumatic last year for your child and the vast improvement this year, it seems reasonable to leave him where he is. As long as there are no overriding factors for choosing a private school (and it sounds like religion is not one of them).

agree with the PPs who say that the school thing seems to be something that's been thrown in with the other issues that are going on, and agreeing with the folks who say that private isn't automatically better than public. sadly a lot of public schools are underfunded and overextended but there are still some excellent ones out there

edited to add: saw your comment about hubby wanting him to go to a church school so he'll believe and go to heaven. I'm a Sunday school teacher and will repeat the saying that goes something like "being in church doesn't make you a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car" - if a parent genuinely wants his/her child to know God (and it's not just about going to heaven, it's also about living your life on earth in a manner that's consistent with how God would want it to be - particularly in treating ourselves and others with compassion and integrity), that parent has to make knowing God part of his/her own priorities as well. Also just because a school is a 'church school' doesn't automatically guarantee that it'll be a good place for a child to get a good understanding of who God is (I know so many people who rejected organized religion on account of heavy-handed religious schools that I figure the atheist organizations should embrace them as their most fertile recruiting grounds)

First, you and your husband must be in mutual agreement on this- your husband doesn't just make the decision. Why does he want him to go to private school? Perhaps you should both create a list with the pros and cons of each school. Include things like academic rankings and other things you both value. Once you each have your lists, have a calm and logical discussion.

What is his reasoning for sending him to private school?

If he's so bent on your son getting exposure to religion, then he can feel free to teach it to him.

That's not a good enough reason to tear your son from a place where he's happy & comfortable.

I don't understand the last part of your question... but about the private school:

Tell your husband that your son loves his classmates and teachers, he enjoys going to this school - PERIOD. There is no reason to spend lots of money on a private school if your son is doing well at the current school. Also mention the summer playdates that are arranged to keep the classmates in contact so when the new year starts they will be right back to where they were in their friendships. Also mention that he needs to stop being selfish about doing what he WANTS for his child, instead of something his child NEEDS.

Private schools are the best for kids now in days! If I had the money for private school my son would be in one:) You can always call and email friends and have them come over your house:)

Because your child is now enjoying school and having success I urge you to leave him at that school. Changing schools opens the door for difficulties. He loses his friends. You and he both lose your already established support system.

Why does your husband want to change schools? I don't see how he or anyone else can decide to change schools unless they have a school or two to investigate to see if they would fit the needs your husband has already listed.

I don't understand when you say someone is already at your vacation spot? Sounds like your husband is hounding you and making decisions without listening to you. I would be tempted to say I wasn't going on this vacation because it is not the vacation that you both agreed upon having. Stand your ground and insist that this is to be a family vacation or no vacation at all. He can go. You and the kids can have your own vacation.

I urge you to get counseling. First, marriage counseling. He seems to be demanding that you change schools and is not listening to you so that you can make a joint decision. He is not THE boss. This is a decision in which you have equal say.

I would also ask for a list of what he wants in a different school which causes him to want to change schools. Then I'd agree with him to investigate these schools in a reasonable manner. Take notes. Pay attention to gut feelings. Be sure that a school does provide a better learning environment for your child.

I urge you to also list the advantages to staying at his current school. You named several here. Put them in a list. List the disadvantages if any of moving.

List advantages and disadvantages for changing school.

Do not let your husband bully you into doing something you do not agree with.

By the way I do not believe private schools are the best. Every school is different. Yes one private school my be better than on public school but one public school can be better than another private school.

I just wanted to chime in to respond to the private-school advocates who have already posted...I don't think generalizations like "private school is better nowadays" or "public schools are for the lowest common denominator" can be applied across the board. All school systems are unique. I went to Fairfax County Public Schools and got a great education. My sister-in-law went to a private school in Connecticut because, according to her parents, the public schools there were too dangerous.
Anyway, as others have said, I think maybe there are some other issues and arguments going on between you and your husband (uninvited guests, anyone?) and the school issue is just a red herring.

hmmm. Your priorities for your son's education are not clear here. You would want him to go where the best curriculum and teachers are, and he will make friends wherever he goes. I'm pretty jealous actually, I want the kids in a private school near us and my husband thinks public school is "good enough" but actually in our particular town, it's a very bad school and I HAVE done the thorough research and am looking into affordable ways to get a decent education built for the kids by mixing homeschooling, lessons, curriculums I am comparing since the private budget wont' work right now.

I have been researching and thinking this through for years. I've traveled a lot and have lots of friends in many countries and are WELL AWARE how much better their schools are. Last night I saw Waiting for Superman which got me back on my obsession about it.

The early years are crucial to his levels in later years. I dont' need my kids to go to the best colleges and become CEOs if they dont' want, but I do want them to have choices and a love of learning and an awesome foundation for whatever they choose to do.

Many many schools are offering a sub par curriculum and parents don't even know it. Even our countries best public schools are almost last in achievement compared to the other 30 developed nations. Our kids don't get a foundation of foreign languages, musical instruments, more advanced science and math and literature like other young children in their basic early curriculums. The VERY LEAST we can do here is pick the best school we have available to us.

You want him to have fun and enjoy school, and he will enjoy a good school too. As for the religious school, is it also better academically? To me that is the most important thing. Christian schools also tend to have less bullying etc in higher grades. There is a huge bully epidemic in our public school and NO BULLYING EVER REPORTED and a super harsh policy (which has never been used) at our local Christian school. A spiritual base is not always a bad or useless thing.

Find your priorities and work this out with your husband. School is something you'll have to compromise on, and "friends" isn't a super strong argument. My daughter is leaving K4 for K5, and she has no heavy attachments to friends yet. She likes all kids wherever we are. Your son will be fine to make new friends if another school is better, he's so young. If his school is the best academically, prove it to your husband, and he cant' argue.

What I don't see in your post is the reason(s) your husband has for wanting to move him. ????

Sorry, but a Kindergartener already having friends doesn't really seem like a stellar reason to keep him at a school. Kids make new friends easily, especially at that age.

That being said, I think you should talk it over with your husband and find out WHY he wants to send your son to a new school, and what he's looking for in a new school. Is his concern for the academics? Does he want your son to have music, art, and foreign language classes at school? Is he concerned about class size? All of these are valid reasons to consider private school. Obviously you will want to visit the schools you're considering and determine which one would best suit your son's and your family's needs and budget. But all in all, I don't think this switch would be nearly as bad as you think. Kids are very resilient.

By the way, my kids are in 1st and 3rd grades. This was our first year at public school, and I would move them back to private school in a heartbeat if we could afford it. Public schools tend to be over crowded, and they exist to serve the lowest common denominator (i.e. their job is to get the kids who are way behind, up to grade level - so if your kid is average or above average, they are ignored. Not good!).

Best of luck with your decision!

Oh dear. This sounds more like you guys need some counseling - or that at least YOU should consider it.

Something about this post sent all my red flags up - your son is happy in school and now you have friends - and your husband wants to put a stop to this; your husband is being controlling and weird... especially as he wants to send your child to a fundamentalist church school (most church schools are fundie) - even though you do not attend church regularly.

By the way, not all church schools are bad - but MANY are pretty horrible as to the actually level of real education that goes on. Basics of science and critical thinking are often secondary to religious indoctrination. (I know, I attended one such school.... )

I would walk away. Now. Something about this sounds super unhealthy and borderline abusive.