Husband Deployment Really Bothering My 4 Y/o Daughter

My kids go through these weird changes when their dad is deployed too. Do you get to talk with your husband at all? Sometimes kids can feel something we can't. My husband was deployed over the summer and one day my 3 year old was constantly praying for daddy to be safe. Her prayers are usually thank you for..... never asking for anything. Once talking with him a few days later I found out that very day the base he was stationed at was hit and many died and was injured. Not to scare you but to maybe help you understand her some.
Was she prepared ahead of time that he would be leaving? Is this his first time gone that she really knows he is gone? All these things effect the way they deal with stress.
My youngest also went from being totally potty trained to back in pull ups the first time her dad was gone. So also is just stress they don't know how to express it and it comes out. The good new is right after dad was home she was fully potty trained again. As Danielle said my girls also had a stuffed animal that dad got for them and we sprayed it with his cologne. I let the kids wear a one of the set of his dog tags always to help feel close to him. We would pick out a star and tell daddy what it looked like so he could see it too, etc.
I'm sorry you are going through this it is very tough of kids and mom when daddy is deployed but start counting down to when daddy will be home (although if it was anything like when my husband was deployed the countdown was a wide timeframe since we didn't know exactly when until the day before he was home). Have her help you plan a party or special trip you all will take together when dad gets home. This will help her see the light at the end of the tunnel. Also you can talk with your family readiness coordinater they may have some advise or know a professional to talk to that can help you help her.
God bless you and Thank you for supporting your husband who is serving our country. Hope this helps :)

Separations of any kind are hard on kids, but personally I think deployments are the worst.

There's no almost about it, your baby girl is depressed. My own girls get like this when their daddy's gone, the last one being fifteen months to Iraq. A good thing was, we had nearly daily internet conversations. The girls would take turns talking to him on yahoo while on webcam. It really helped. As did them having their "Daddy Dolls". Normally these are stuffed animals which have a slot in the head to put a picture. We just went the route where daddy picked out a special stuffed animal for each girl, gave it a set of his dog tags, and we'd spray it with his cologne every night. So they always got their daddy hugs.

Sounds like she's on the phone with grandma so much because that's daddy's mom, and that's okay. She feels a connection to daddy through grandma.

As for the wetting of her pants, remind her (gently), that daddy's coming home to his big girl, and big girls use the potty. Or some variation there of. You just have to remember to be gentle and very patient.

Kids feel deployments differently than we do. Especially the younger ones, as they don't really understand what's going on or why a parent is gone. Just remember that it's okay for her to cry and talk about daddy. She misses him!

Sit down with her and get started on a welcome home banner, have her make some special crafts or presents to give him, sit with her and talk about all the silly things daddy's done to make you both laugh. All these things can help, a lot.

Believe it or not, deployments get easier, it's always a hard adjustment though. Also, remember that there are military resources for these things to. I'm not sure which branch you are, but there's always the Chaplain to talk to, the FRG (Family Readiness Group), and if you're Army, the ACS (Army Community Service) to go to for advice.

Good luck, and take care!

Call military one source or look at their resources online. They are a great turn to for info about everything!! They will have all sorts of ideas for things you can do with the kids to help easy the seperation from daddy.

Another good idea is to get her a daddy doll. https://www.hugahero.com/ I've seen kids at the day care lugging theirs around when daddy is gone.

Make a paper chain that goes all around the house. You add a loop each day he is gone and you write something on it that the kids did that day. It will help decorate the house for when he comes home and tell him the things the kids did. or you can make a chain now with every loop being for every day he is too be gone. Each day you cut off a loop and turn it into confetti, save it for the day he returns to toss in the air.

Have the kids write him letters, help put a care package together, etc.

I don't know what the Air Force calls their Family Readiness, but if they have anything for the wives of the deployed to do, do it. Having the kids around other kids who has a parent gone lets them know they aren't the only ones. It's good for you too because that becomes your support system while you go through the stages of deployments!!

Good luck!!
And hope your hubby returns home soon!
S.

I had the same issues with my then 2 year old son. He would draw pictures for us to send in my husband's care packages and once he started school; he refused to draw. I guess he was associating drawing with his dad being gone. Once his dad was home; whenever he would have to go do "army stuff" my son would ask if daddy was coming back.
During an FRG meeting they told us that deployment was harder on the smaller kids because they do not understand the whys of a parent being deployed. To help my son get through this time I would take him around other kids who's dad/mom was deployed (from our unit). I was surprised on how much my son understood things coming froming another child. For my son I guess connecting with the other kids who were going through the same thing helped him a lot.
Not sure if this helps or not...
I also agree with Sharie G. - My son had 2 army action figures figures that he carried every where! One he called Daddy and the other he called Willie (a good friend who was deployed with my husband). He would always tell me that Daddy & Willie were togther keeping each other safe.

Maybe the two of you (with a little help from Daddy) can make an event calendar / scrapbook... with ideas from daddy about things he'll be doing and seeing on his deployment. Draw pictures and take lots of pics of Daddy and daughter to put in it. You could do it like a countdown in weeks or days til daddy comes home. This might make her feel connected to him and his activities while he's gone. And having it, might make her dread his departure a little less. And having a countdown will help give her something physical to relate to when she will see him again.

Also, I don't know where he's headed or what kind of facilities he'll have - but check into email and such and see if they will maybe have a webcam. If so, go ahead and set up some skype accounts and show her how every once in awhile, she'll be able to skype with daddy. (Of course, you'll want to make SURE this will be available before you tell her about it. If it falls through, she'll be very bummed).

My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope all goes well and your little girlie is happy again soon!

S.
Columbia, SC