Husband Doesn't Respect Me for Wanting Religion in Our Children's Lives and Mine

B.,

This one is tricky. Some things just can't be controlled and the harder someone tries, the further they get from their goal. My advice is to pray for your husband - a lot - every day that the Lord will soften his heart and support you and the children in going to church. It will probably be a long road. I have known people who waited years for husbands to soften like this, but in the end it was always worth it.

Secondly, to get your husband to soften, he can never feel that your love for him is contingent upon him supporting your efforts to go to church. If he feels you resent him or are angry with him about it, he will dig his heels in that much more. Along with that, if he senses any kind of "self righteousness" from you (i.e. people who attend church are better than people who don't) he will resent that much more.

You won't be able to convince him that this is important by talking him into it. Any attempts to convince will have the opposite effect. Just drop it. Let him believe (or not believe) what he wants and love him unconditionally. Give up the desire to be right. Just take your kids to church when you can like you were taking them to soccor or ballet or whatever. This can't be about you being right because it will always start and arguement.

It may take years, but if your husband is to change, it will be because the Lord softens his heart to see for himself the benefit religion has for you and your children. Then he will want it for himself. Then he will choose to change, but you can never make him do it.

Good luck,
S.

Have you told your husband exactly what you just shared here? If it is important to you that your kids have a religious background, it should be important to him to at least try to see your point of view, even if he doesn't agree with you. One thing to keep in mind though, I don't think that lack of religious upbringing is the reason for the difficulties you are having with your daughter. Part of it is her age, and part of it may be her personality, and part of it could be (you'd know this far better than I could) that she's taking her respect cues from her dad. If she sees you not in agreement about her going to church (and they do see more than you think) she will resist going. Yes, going to church may show her other kids being respectful and honest, and she will be exposed to the teachings that you want to instill in her. But your family needs to be living those values at home, or they won't stick.

Hi B.,
I can relate to what you are saying very much. Although my husband was raised with the old Roman Catholic Latin religion and it was crammed down his throat.(no personal relationship with God). Anyway, same problem. He didn't feel the importance of bringing the kids up in the church. We argued about it all the time. Now that my kids are grown, I have guilt about not fighting harder to raise them up in the church (after awhile I just gave up the fight). I taught them what I could, but it is not the same.(Because of this, my Grandchildren do not go to church and my daughter is totally against God mostly because she is just ignorant to it all..Not enough information was given to her in her growing years). Just put your foot down and tell you husband this is how it is going to be because it is important and he just needs to deal with it. Believe it or not, my husband came to Christ about 5 years ago and goes to church with me every Sunday and now carries guilt also for the way he acted and for not bringing the kids up in a church. My prayers were answered, even though it was in Gods timing not mine :) (Better late than never). You do what you know is right and pray for your husband. Things will work themselves out God will watch over you. Blessings, C.

Hey B., my husband is very strong on religion yet he does not go to church with us very often. It is his idea that the kids follow through with confirmation but it is me that makes sure they go. Many times you will find yourself in a one-sided situation, since this is important to you, go for it. It is ok that he doesn't go, after a while he probably will go. It may be more that he is just selfish with his time and feels Sunday is his time. I don't want to make excuses for him but sometimes it is easier to do your own thing. Keep up the good work you do with the kids and having religion in their upbringing. My philosophy is that you provide the kids with a background of religion and what they do with it when they are adults is up to them. They have a base and that is important. R.

Although you are feeling disappointment, it is important to stay positive and have faith. If you love your husband, let him know it. Complaining about him in front of your kids will only affect them negatively. It makes sense that religion doesn't mean as much to him if he never grew up with it. Think why it is important to you, and try to help him experience it. Arguing with him will only drive him away from it. If he is not supportive by going, ask him to be supportive by just letting you do what you feel is right. If you go and you are uplifted and you are happier, then maybe he will see you growing, and it will grow on him. Nobody can be forced to come unto Christ, they usually desire it as they see others shining his light. Good Luck to you. I hope that things work out for you. Just keep praying, and be humble so he can speak to you. Prayer is the key to personal revelation. God wants you to go to him, so he can help you know what to do.

You say you respect your husband's views, but you don't seem to convey it in your email since you still want him to attend church and you don't give his beliefs any validation. Since the two of you have directly differing opinions on this subject, it is best to each do your own thing. You cannot make your husband believe in religion. The fair thing to do with the children is to each speak with your children about your individual beliefs and let your children decide for themselves. Why should your beliefs take automatic precedence? There is no scientific evidence to prove any god exists. I don't believe in god and I find religion quite hypocritical. If you take a look at history, you'll notice how many atrocities were done in the name of religion. However, some people find peace of mind in the study of their religion. If that works for you, that's great. It's fantastic to have your own beliefs. That is what gives everyone their own beat. Just because your husband doesn't believe doesn't make him a bad person. Just because a person believes in god and goes to church doesn't make him/her a good person. I happened to have discussed this matter with my husband whilst we were dating and we both felt the same. I have no plans to take my children to church. We didn't marry in a church. My children both have godparents, but were not christened. The British Humanist Party has a civil ceremony one does to honor the godparents, so we weren't hypocritical in doing this. I look at godparents as another parental figure to guide the child. If either of my children choose to follow a religion, barring a wacky cult, I will respect their decisions. I wasn't raised going to church. I did spend one summer riding my bike to attend church, but I love science and the people at the church couldn't provide any concrete proof of anything they said. Go Darwin! Let your children decide for themselves and leave your husband to his beliefs. Go to church for yourself and let everything else fall into place within your family.

As the wife of a minister, the daughter of a minister, and having a brother-in-law as a minister - I do recognize the importance of religion in my life and that of my family. However, I grew up trying to "ARGUE" people into agreeing with me. My best advice, don't argue - simply state your feelings. Be honest. Tell him why you feel it is important. You aren't going to change him over night, but explain to him how important it is that the two of you agree on your daughter's attendance because it is more confusing for her to see parental discord. Ask him if he will work with you on this for a limited amount of time, and then PRAY. PRAY CONTINUALLY!

I would talk to your Pastor about it. Get some biblical feedback from him/her. If God is important to you - keep it that way. The only connection to God your children will have is you -God will bless you for your decision to follow that commitment to honor him. I'll be praying for your!!!!

I know how you feel. I take my two boys to church every Sun. by myself. I gave up trying to get my husband to go and have accepted that. I have also stuck to my guns at going and not missing Sunday school. He is starting to give up trying to get me to skip once in a while and knows that I think it is important. I suppose that is all you can do. Tell him how strongly you feel about bringing up your kids in religion and stick to your guns and don't pressure him into it.

B.,
Pray! I believe in the power of prayer. It is not just your husband it is actually satan woring through him. Pray that God will open his heart to Him. Contiue taking your children and yourself to church each week. You all need that time with Christ. Contiue to pray that your husband will come to find God. You can also witness to him, by simply respecting his feelings, but continuing to invite him with you, or to a family night at the preschool. He may just feel that this is not for him. Try inviting him to something at church, but not centered on a service, like a concert, or an evening at the preschool. I will add you to my prayers. Satan is fighting an ever growing battle for he know his time is coming to an end. Pray! God's blessings.
J..

let your faith speak louder than your words. Give it up to God in prayer then let Him handle it. I would try to get her to go but if it creates a big conflict then submit it again to God and as long as the rest of you come back home joyful, she/they may start wondering what they are missing. This is not always easy to do especially at first but I believe it is the right thing. Colossians 3:15 Ephesians 5:21-33 Of course if you haven't already done so talk with your pastor. God will bless you and your family for having a willing heart and being faithful.

This is a tough issue. I think you should focus on bringing the children to church. If they want to know why daddy doesn't come, they can ask him. It's crucial to let children learn about God at an early age. To give them the comfort and security of faith. Good luck - pray about it - talk to your pastor as well.

From one B. to another. 47 yo mom of twin 6yo girls.
YOu are who you are- he either loves you for that or tries to control you to be the way he wants you to be- from experience.
You go to church and he will follow over time- or you will agree to disagree about this and when the kids are of age to make the decision for themselves they will. If you don't expose them, they will follow his feelings it isn't important.
Set the example and it will work out as it should. Clearly God will have a hand in it's outcome too.
B. J
____@____.com

Hi B.,

This must be very difficult. If talking with him hasn't worked, then this might have to be won thru prayer. God can change his heart. I'll keep you and the family in prayer. Don't tell your husband that's what you doing, just let it be between you and God. A great book is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. I have personal testimonies of my own, with things when I've kept quiet and prayed. God is faithful and he's on your side, you'll just have to trust, be patient and watch God work.

Psalms 37:4-5 Delight yourself in the Lord;and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your ways to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it.

Being an old timer, I have difficulty with the fact that this was not discussed before marriage. We have a mixed marriage of 48 years. While dating, we discussed religion and what each of us expected. Believe me it was not easy as at that tme the Catholics and Lutherans were not exactly nice to each other when it came to mixed marriages. My husband, lutheran, agreed to have the kids raised Catholic and I agreed not to pressure him into turning Catholic as long as he remained strong in his faith. When the kids were little, he often stayed home to watch the kids so I could attend mass. We could have altered our schedules so we both could attend, but it was his preference not to go. Today he goes nearly every Sunday. I pray for him all the time, not to turn to my religion, but because he is a great, wonderful, compassionate, Christian husband and father and deserves all the best. It would have been easier and nicer to be able to attend church together but that was not the way it was. He always attends all functions that the family has in church and attends Christmas with me. All our children did marry Catholics but they don't all go to church. I totally believe in the power of prayer. Don't push at this point, pray and set a positive example that prayer in our lives can move mountains. We will pray for you.

Check out the book "Love and Respect". It'll help you.

B. I know what you are going through. I wish I could help you out but I am going through the same thing. My husband won't even take our daughter to religious ed whish is after school for an hour. I finally told him we pay for them to participate and I expect them to go. Since then he is ok with it but he does not do anything else. He did go to the baptisms and First Communions but that is because he had to. The only other time was the first time our son served. He used to go with his mother but then there was a conflict with the church she went to and stopped going and at that time so did he. My job does not allow me to take my children as much as I would like but we talk about God and every chance we get we go by ourselves. Good luck.

It must be so difficult for you. You have to do what you need to do for yourself and children. It's a devilish act on his part to hold you and your children from religion. My husband didn't come with me and my kids when I was part of the ELCA Lutheran. He still allowed me to bring the girls with me. I didn't grow up in a church but my husband did. I feel it is important for my kids and so I do it for them. I have since switched churches to one more strict. My husband went with me once and found that he liked it and we now go as a unit. It's h*** o* you because you don't have any support whether you go as a unit or not and it makes your situation unique. Just pray for him. I doubt he'd see the head of the church, would he? It would be best if you can talk it out with someone. A counselor. If you can at least go alone with the kids that is what you need to do. I know your disappointment in that though, but that's how it appears you need to work it until something changes his mind.

Hi B.,

I have a situation that has similar themes to yours, however, it's my husband that wants church for our daughter and I'm the agnostic who would never have brought her had he not mentioned it. I'm not oppossed to religion if it has positive, non-judgemental outcomes for people. My husband has a happy, constructive faith with God and I think he really needs this relationship. I don't (I don't NOT believe in God, but I'm really not sure and I have always been very comfortable with ambiguity), but I began wondering if my daughter would need something more concrete than I do. So that made me search out churches that I would be comfortable with her going to. I ended up making those decisions and my husband supported my need to make sure she would be somewhere I could respect. You may want to ask you husband if he would make an effort to look into some church that he would feel comfortable that your children are attending. If he helps with this decision under the assumption that his kids MAY need a God-centered community, rather than his needing one, you might get support for it. On the other hand, making him go just to put on a united front will only show your kids that dad is faking it. That will be obvious. I do show respect and support for "our" church and often attend. I'm honest though in "why" I attend. I like the people, can see the benefits in a happy daughter who has friends there, and I am very impressed with their non-denominational community service projects where I volunteer. I would NEVER have done this if I was forced. I have seen so much negative and proselytizing religion that I was terribly turned off to most relgions during my teens and twenties. My husband showed me a side that was positive and love affirming. While I don't think that Christians have the only answers, a lot have some good ways of living and I can respect this. Find out WHY your husband doesn't like attending and talk more with him about his viewpoints without judging him,(not saying that you do - I just wanted to give you a perspective that might be similar to his). Also, I truly think that humans are so different with varying spiritual needs that very well may be biologically determined (there are brain studies that show much evidence towards this). Ask him to respect your children's potential spiritual needs, and don't focus on yours. This might get him thinking.

BTW, I grew up in a very strict church and attended Christian schools from K-12th grade with all kinds of Christian kids. Some were respectful, some weren't, some grew up to be criminals. I'm not sure if religion is the determiner to whether or not a child behaves and acts out of respect and kindness. I know plenty of non-church going people whose children are wonderful, kind, loving and respectful.

I hope this helps.

This is a situation of being unequally yoked and that your husband has some reservations which he has not made clear to you. Discussing these things with him and finding out his objections will go a long way toward getting both of you and your family on the same page.

You would be wise to contact a pastor whom you trust and discuss these issues. At some point, your husband might want to go for a meeting, too. The conflicting messages to the children by each of you can cause a lot of confusion, so the pastor's guidance is important here. Be sure you have a pastor that isn't telling you that you have to do whatever your husband says no matter what. That's not Biblical. Nor is it Biblical (or Constitutional) for your husband to prevent you from going.

As for your husband not going with the family, it would be best to explain to the children that God wants each of us to come to Him of our own volition. That's why He gave us free will. Your husband just may not be ready. It may also be that your husband would be comfortable going to another church, and as long as it is a Christian-based church, you may be able to reach some compromise that way. He also needs to understand that he doesn't have the right of preventing you from attending. He also may have some other reason which he might have some difficulty expressing his reservations.

As for your daughter not having Christian pre-school exposure and your son having it, keep in mind that from one school to another, Christian or not, there is no guarantee that you will not have some "free expression" from your children. "Church" kids can be just as independent in their expression of opinions and feelings as kids who do not attend church.

One aspect you will need to be very careful with is the question of "submission". Many pastors advise the woman to submit no matter what and do not emphasize the man's role in submission. That's not proper instruction. This is something you want to explore in detail and be very clear on. In some circles, it translates to 'trap' rather than 'freedom' and that's not what God intended in the marriage covenant.

I wish that some of the people who responded would have read your whole post to avoid this confusion. B. is NOT requiring her husband to go to church!!! She specifically said that she RESPECTS his beliefs! This is about her taking her kids to church.
B., he should respect your feelings. Is there a reason that he is so adamant about it? Does he forbid the kids to go or can you all just go to church without him and him not worry? if all else fails, can you compromise? Can she go every other Sunday or something? I think you are laying a wonderful foundation for your kids by bringing them to church! My son, he's four, loves church. Kids are very spritually connected and bringing them to church when they are young does not force them into "organized religion". So, go ahead! Lay out all your reasons for wanting your kids to go to church and ask that he would let you have this battle.
Be blessed and don't let anyone here judge you!
-Anne

My husband wouldn't attend church with me either. However, he did like the idea that I was taking our son. Don't say anything about it anymore and just do it. One of my parishoners told me, she just started going and being active with her church, her husband finally realized that if he wanted to spend time with her he would need to start attending as well. Don't get me wrong, I have seen this backfire too. With the attitude- well you spend all your time with your church so I am going to the pool hall with the guys- religion is a touchy subject and unfortunatly it can be more of a problem in a marriage than we like to admit in the beginning. Good luck.

As a Christian motivational and inspirational speaker and teacher, this is often a question that arises in a family. Mom wants to find a faith-base for the family, and dad doesn't quite find the relevance. You can say all you'd like in support of the choice, and likely it would all be very good. But scripture says in 1 Peter chapter 3 that we ought to do it silently, with our behavior and quiet spirit. Geesh! Like we could be quiet! Women use words, and lots of them! My advice, first, is to pray. God will change his heart in His time, not yours. Model to your children godly behavior and actions. Grow in your own faith. Honor and respect your husband, but ask him for at least a commitment of two or three Sundays a month for Sunday school for your kids. If you shove it down his throat, I guarantee it will come back up....in bad ways! If you mirror to him the reflection that faith is to you, he will begin to see a beauty in you, a peace and an assurance of hope. Remember the qualities of the fruit of the spirit from Galatians 5:22-23. Patience, referred to in some translations as long-suffering, is a part of your faith journey. Rest in Him, knowing that as you mirror to your husband and children, He is at work in their lives!

I grew up in a home where my mother was Lutheran and my father catholic. When they first married he was not attending church for the first five years as he had gone to seminary school and his beliefs were very upset. My mom continued to go to church without him and with out bothering to ask him to go. All three of us kids went with mom every week. It is important to know God, but it does not matter whether or not dad goes with. I never missed that, and your kids wont either. My dad goes to church now, but they both go to different churches. Never together, unless it is a wedding or funeral:) I think it was uncomfortable at first to go to church alone for my mom, but when you get close to your church family it will not feel weird anymore.
My family now, My husband, three kids, and I go to a Baptist church he grew up in. It is different than what I grew up with, but I feel that any christian church will help my kids to know god so I don't mind the differences. I think you have a lot of mom's out there praying for you and your children right now. Take comfort in that and know it will get easier.

Hi B.,

I hope you can stand just one more response to your question -- looks like you've hit a "hot" button (as religion always is)!!

First of all, regarding church...here's my opinion: You should go to church -- hopefully your husband will respect your (somewhat new) beliefs enough to let you go without a fight or requests to do otherwise. As others have suggested, talk with him about taking your kids -- make sure to explain that this is important to you and why, remembering that as you do -- he may not/does not feel the same way and you need to respect him as well. Certainly, continue to pray for him, but do not push him or nag, as his beliefs are HIS beliefs.

Secondly, remember that although church will most likely be a wonderful experience for your children -- a place where they will/should be bathed in love and acceptance -- it is not a "magic bullet." You're daughter will not stop lying and poor behavior just because she goes to church! I think you need to look further/deeper to solve this problem. You mentioned that you had at least some of the same issues growing up -- possibly you are modeling negative behavior or repeating some of the same things that your parents did? I'm not saying this is true, but I do think it's worth thinking about. Check out the book series: "Parenting with Love and Logic" -- they are wonderful and may help you with your "difficult" child.

Finally, it is also true that there is a BIG difference between RELIGION and FAITH. They can both be beneficial, although I believe that sometimes, some religions can function negatively as well by allowing us to judge and separate from others, following a misguided path of rightousness. Religion is what we attend at church -- FAITH is what we practice and learn from our family at home. You can institute a faithfull home at any time. I personally believe that faith is where it all starts and religion is the positive reinforcement of our faith. :-)

Good luck with your struggles. I know it can feel lonely to attend church w/o your husband. I've been there myself. :-)

A.

Hi, I have been going through some spiritual questions myself. I grew up in a religious home and know what that feels like. It is not always as positive as one might hope for. I felt like it was forced on me and guilt was my number one emotion growing up. The minute I left my parents care, I left their church and searched for my own spiritual path. It has been years since I have had any desire to return to church. I now have 2 children and I do not want them to feel like the only way to god is through church. I take them to church when we are visiting grandparents ect. but I feel it is up to me to help them understand and connect to God in their own unique way. Example given: we pray together before meals and other times, talk about god in every opportunity, visit nature often and make it a point to do a family activity on Sunday that does not involve cell phones, computers, t.v.'s ect. Also, my daughter knows honesty is important and she didn't learn it at church and showing respect to adults is not only learned in church. I would ask your husband what his spiritual goals are and what he would like the children to learn and understand about god. Find out if he has had negative experiences surrounding church. Explain to him you understand, yet ask him to please try and understand your need to go to church. If he respects you he ought to at least take it into consideration. Also, you said you didn't start wanting to go church until the past two years?? That is a pretty big change and probably hard for him to accept. Good luck with your journey.

The reason you argue about it is because what he isn't telling you is that it is just as important to him to NOT be pushed into it as it is important for you that he do it. Religion is a tough issue for families, especially in this day and age when it is a non-issue until we are married. My husband is Catholic, and although I was raised Lutheran, I would consider myself agnostic. Our daughter, 7 months, is not baptized yet. I have given my husband the authority to do it and he has not, saying that we should do it as a family. So he probably feels the same way you do, that I am not respectful of his beliefs and desire to have church a part of my daughter's life. The fact is, I feel the exact same way - that he is being disrespectful of my beliefs. Just be sure that if you feel it is a lack of respect, that you are respectful of his thoughts and feelings, as well as beliefs (or lack thereof) too.

First of all, Biblcally speaking, the Bible says: "be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives." I don't think he will be won over by you fighting to go to church. First of all, pray that God will change your dh's heart in the matter. Second, YOU can be your daughter's best teacher for biblical teaching. There are tons of books on the matter. Also, are there Bible Studies or children's programs during the week that your husband might not be so bothered by? That way you can still have Christian teaching and fellowship, but you are not bothering your husband's Sunday morning. Just some ideas...I will certainly pray for you! Bless you for seaking God for you and your children!

I don't think it is a lack of respect. Your children are too young to understand the concept of organized religion and should be adults before being asked to make any religious choices. Don't be upset that your husband won't go to church with you. If he is of a different faith or secular, you are in the wrong for even THINKING about asking him to accompany you. He may be a little concerned about the questions your little ones may ask after going to a service if they are new to it. Again, children of this age do not understand the concept of religion, and should not be forced into going to church or even practicing faith at home. Your husband is wiser than you may think.

Hi there, first and foremost I wouldn't like to be in your shoes. However, the only thing you can do is bring your children to church with or without his blessing. My husband and I both "Roman Catholic" sometimes we missed church but we try to go every Sunday for our 2 daughters Vicky turning 11 in few months and Britney 9 we want them to learn what our parents taught us when we are a kids and respect is very important to me because I am a Filipino-American. My husband and I are strong believer that "The family pray together stay strong forever". Is he refused to let you bring your chidren to Sunday service?

Take care,
M.

I wonder what your children are learning from the family dispute over going to church? Your life and your beliefs are yours, not his. I doubt you can "make" him want to be a family in church. But you can go to church and take your children to Sunday School. You can, by example, make it a "family" priority by being the leader in this role. Perhaps, at some point, your husband can be led by your pleasure and peace with your choices. Maybe not. But it is not the purpose of religion to sow family discord. Find your own beliefs, be true to them, and model them for your children. Don't bother to argue about this disagreement. Agree to disagree and let it go.

If I were you, I would do what is right for you and your children, and let him stay at home if he likes. It is his own choice, and you have your choices.

I agree with you that a christian school instills more values and morals. I come from that background as well. My husband will not goto church either, but he respects my decisions of what I want to do, and that I think is a compromise...a good one.

The difference of religious beliefs might have been something worth exploring before the marriage. However, you are where you are now. You say you respect his feelings and so it must be out of respect you change the name of your request of his attending church to going as a "family unit". Your changing the name of what you request of your husband does not change the fact that if you truly respected his beliefs you would drop the request. It is because you fundamentally believe that you are right and he is wrong that allows the continued request that he attend church with you. If you want to go to church and take your children, by all means do so, do not ask your husband to be part of it. Your might request that he support your wishes in regards to your daughter; but, again, this is not respecting his beliefs, but a statement that you must be the better parent because of your religious beliefs. You do not respect his beliefs any more than he respects yours. This cannot be corrected by popular vote which is what you seem to be asking for in this venue.

Your concerns are valid and, yes, your daughter can learn to be of better character at church. But the things you are worried about are things that are taught by a child's parent's at home. If the proper influence isn't THERE all the church-going in the worlD isn't going to do any good. Children AND adults need to feel God and goodness in their hearts. Go to your Bible; it has the best instruction on rearing children than any other book and remember to always ask for your Heavenly Father's help and guidance.

Start speaking scripture to get into the will of God and into agreement with Him. Claim what is not as if it were until it becomes. Your husband is the Head - but you are not the tail - address the issue of respect with him - but pray before you enter into the conversation. Ask your pastor for specific scripture to speak and claim about this!Since your hubby doesn't have a Christian background he probably believes the lies that have been told about being a Christian. I watch Joyce Meyer 6 days a week - she's great to listen to - and has great advice! God's Blessings upon you

Hi B., i think you explained yourself beautifully in your request for help. Why don't you let him read that? I am in a similar situation. But my significant other doesn't care either way. He just makes the odd comment. Good luck.

B.,

I think it is important that your husband respects your beliefs. However, he does not need to go to church with the family to demonstrate that respect. Go ahead and take the children by yourself. It will be good for them to participate. Have your daughter get involved there too. She will probably benefit from it.

Even if hubby does not think it is important, it seems as if he is willing to allow your son to be in a Christian-based school. Don't insist hubby come along. That shows respect of his beliefs.

L. :)

If........heaven forbid you and your husband die before your children grow and even after they grow. It's so comforting to them to know that there is a higher power, that they know they are not alone, that they can still talk to you and to god, and that they will see you again in heaven. Without belief, what is there for them, and when they are making decisions, standard moral christian beliefs will help them to make better ones for themselves and for their future. What we instill in our children be it alone or together, they will keep forever. I would not point my finger and say you must go, just go with your children and pray that he will follow. Maybe if you present to him these things he may see your wisdom. But, every child will grow with problems throughout their lives. It's what we give them as tools to cope with tragedys no matter how large or small, that will get them through. I've found that repetition is the best teaching method and it is how we live at home that will guide your children. I too grew up without a religious background, so there is hope. I do believe. People will find God when they are ready, I was lucky, I always believed in him, even without church.

That would be a difficult situation. I went through the same thing several years ago. I couldn't convince my husband of how important it was to me. I decided the only person I had control over was myself and I stopped asking or demanding that he go with me. It stopped all the arguments and made Sunday mornings much more pleasant. The past 8 months I have been studing about some natural healing and I bet that would work for you... One is called EFT and you can find out how to do it online for free, the other is SRT and you will need to find someone to do that or you. It helps from everything from physical illnesses, anxiety, reading/writing problems and belief systems.

How can you show him it is important? SHOW HIM I went to church regularly only after I was married and had two children. Then really desired us to go as a family,and I wanted him to have the peace I was getting from growing with God. I kept thinking "wouldn't that be great to be on teh same page and have a solid marriage and let my kids have it better than I had it growing up"

Bottom line is that it didn't go so well and he resented me for coming across that I was (in a way) telling him that I was better than him by saying he should be going and on and on I went with my mouth. It jsut took him that much longer to come around to even trying to come. When he did go he felt out of place. Bummer. But when I let off the kind of badgering I was doing ( I thought it was encouraging) and when I showed him HOW I handled things better, made better choices, in making decisions in the budget, disipling the kids and really all aspects of my life, he could see and wanted some of that. It took about 10 years of marriage. Don't let discourage you. Just like marriage, you are in it for the long haul. Set a good example like you would for any non believer. Trust God!

My husband and I were both raised in a christian home, however, both of our families were not practicing cristians. I always felt like I missed out in life because of it, so I'm doing what I can to offer more for my daughter (and expecting baby). My hubby also doesn't care nor does he attend with us. I had to make a couple of choices for myself and my family. First, church or not. I chose church. Then, it was...church for my daughter, or staying home with my hubby on Sundays. I chose Church again. So,...my daughter and I go to church every Sunday and I enrolled her (age 4) into Sunday school. I'm doing this for my daughter, not for my hubby. While we're at church, he cleans the house and stuff (I think he feels guilty but that's not my problem,...that's his.) I know he supports me and my decision to attend without him. I'm hoping (but not holding my breath) that eventually, he'll feel so disconnected that he'll start wanting to be involved, but for now...I can't force him. And, neither can you. You can only control what YOU do. You have to lay in bed at night and be comfortable with who you are as a person and the decisions you make. This one will make you feel better, because you're doing it for your children. If you DON'T go, you'll start feeling like it's your hubby's fault and resentment will start to grow. Just go without him. Someday, my kids will ask their dad why he doesn't go to church and he'll have to explain then. Not my problem.

Have you tried recommending that your husband take Sunday mornings to go do something he wants to do by himself. If he fishes maybe Sunday morning would be a good time for him to get out by himself. Plus, he would be out of the house and you and your kids can get ready for church without any negativity he might be throwing into the mix.

Oh, can i ever relate to your heart!
My husband also, does not have a church background like i do.
It was always an uncomfortable dynamic between us. I did NOT want to go alone with the boys, because that seems to shed a harsh light on the husband---especially in a small community.
I didn't want a wall between us.
He did go for a few years---then stopped.
I continued with women's Bible studies, and tried to share and teach my children from the Bible at home.
The best advice i can give you is: keep praying!
For your husband, for your children. Just surround them with prayer. Play the Bible on CD at home, along with worship music to fill your home with His word. Nagging isn't the right thing, and it won't work anyway. Be cheerful, be an example of God's unconditional love.
And---trust and have hope.
My boys are all grown now. The oldest is a wonderful Christian dad of 4 now---and they are very active in the Church.
The other 2 i am waiting to see blossom, but i have faith that God isn't done with them either! They both have great morals, and are growing.
It's a lifetime journey, and your prayers will see them through. Keep the faith...and use every teachable moment with your children to share it. I do believe that the daily moments amount to much more than an hour on Sunday.
Keep respecting your husband, since that is what the Bible teaches us to do as wives. You're on the right track! :o)

If you want your husband to make a change, offer him something significant in exchange for what you want. You probably know what he'd really like to have, but if not, you can ask him. This is much more respectful to both of you than just wishing and hoping.

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Hey B.. I would suggest that you read, the power of a praying wife. It is a wonderful book that has increased my husbands need for God emensely. We have had such growth in the past year and I am looking forward to having a huge "harvest" with this in years to come!
A.

B.,
I understand your problem with your husband. The advise I would give to you is not to push the church on him, but use examples of the behavior of your daughter and how you feel this would benefit her. Remember not to talk AT him, talk to him. Sometimes I tell my husband I am not going to have this discussion with you right now because of his rejectiveness. When he is in a good mood, having a good day, let him know how important it is in your children's family values also. Not making her go to Sunday school is just an excuse for them to be lazy and defiant in my eyes. What do they have better to do? Would he rather have them out with their friends doing god knows what? It is a productive, educational experience. Maybe if you tell him that it will help. I hope this helps. But also let him know he is hurting you by not respecting you. If the tides were turned, he wouldn't want to be treated the way you are. Good luck and have a great day!

C.

I think this is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your kids.Don't make a big deal out of him not going. Continue to go for yourself and your kids. pray for him that his heart will soften towards growing with the Lord.Find a good Bible based church and let God grow in you and your childrens's
lives and you will get more peace knowing you are doing the right thing. And hopefully he will see a change in you and your kids lives and want to be a part of it.

Your preteen is going to love this conflict. STOP in your tracks before you all lose. Pray about this privately and ask God to work in YOU. Leave your husband alone. I grew up in a similar atmosphere and I have listened to sermon after sermon about the subject and listened to people pray for the spouse that isn't there. You may be right, however, being right isn't being righteous. Respect your husband. Take counsel from God in private and God will show you when to speak and when not to speak. Any other time will become nagging and will tear your family apart. Going to church is no guarantee one will tell the truth or act with respect. Pick a ladies-only lunch or other-time group for nurturing. Then your husband won't feel threatened that you think he should go. Do NOT let your husband be the subject of conversation at the group. No spouse wants to be bashed in the hen session or the rooster gathering.