Husband MAY Have Another Child from Before Me....

Sounds nervewracking, but I would INSIST on a DNA test later on, but before making payments. My friend's husband has to pay for some girl's college because when the girl got in high school her M. decided to tell the truth. The test confirmed it.

They can't buy a house because they don't have the money and he gives the money because she is his. His other kids don't even know she is a halfsister because they see her twice a year and she has another dad there.
My friend is relieved the girl doesn't want a relationship because it would take away from her kids.

It is all up to her at this point. To be honest, she may never want to know. Right now, I would let it go, and wait for her to decide.

I would think your husband would want to know. But if the girl needs some time, then follow her lead. Be prepared that he may just have some paying to do--and that's only right. I think how your husband handles this news and his financial responsibility will speak volumes about his character, and frankly, I think it was a little chicken of him NOT to find out about his responsibilities before this...I hope it all works out for the benefit of the "other" little princess.
Can't help but wonder why these women have not pursued at least financial support for these kids. They count, too, you know.

It sounds as if you are a kind person, just processing the news right now. I would let this decision rest with the 12 year old and her mom right now. They are going through a lot right now and probably need space.

@ mamatothreewee- Okay, I just had to comment....why doesn't your husband go through the courts then? He can petition for paternity as well, without any cost. And.....a dna test by blood sample costs about 150 bucks out of pocket nowadays. If he is the father he should do everything in his power to own up to the responsibility too. He should be more proactive in paying child support. And I find the whole thing kind of lame...he didn't have the money to pay for a paternity test yet he has the resources to get married and start another family? I really hate statements like "We figure when she is 18 she can come find him.", because it passes the responsibility of initiating a relationship to the child. And if your husband should happen to die before then, that kid will lose out on things like SS benefits. Go get a paternity test already.

Listen, your husband is not her "dad". His ex-whatever-she-is is married to another man and HE is the dad. He has apparently been there for her for a long time. So, while I certainly agree that having a father figure in her life is important, don't start thinking that she doesn't have one!
I completely understand how you feel about your daughter not being his only princess...who says a King can't have two!? If your husband is fabulous, which I assume he is since you married him, then he will be able to love your kids you have together as well as Brittany.
You are going to have to wait. As hard as it may be, Brittany doesn't want to know right now, and apparently her dad is hanging on by a thread. It sucks to have to wait, but I understand how the mom and daughter feel as well. Patience is very very hard.
It could toss a huge wrench and she could be a wonderful addition...try to think of her being a wonderful addition.
L.

Leave it up to her to decide and support your husband.

Don't worry about your bio daughter together not being a princess or having to share being a princess. That is not the issue here.

I'm sorry but my take is a little different from the other moms. I think my life experiences make me see this another way. Why does your husband have two possible children that you did not know about before you married him? Any man that knows about a child that could be his, has a responsibility to find out asap. Truthfully, she could not have stopped him from finding out, if, he truly wanted to know. It only costs a minimal amount of money to get the proceedings started. It sounds to me that, for whatever reason, he really did not want to know. This little girl and that young man, have the right to know their paternity. My heart goes out to this little girl, but a twelve year old should not call the shots here. A DNA needs to be done right away, enough time has passed already.

As for your kids they may love having a new sister. It really all depends how you introduce her into the family. If it presented as a wonderful surprise it will help your children think this is a good, not bad, thing. Children are highly adaptable. She may be an awesome young lady who would adore your kids and they her.

As far as money goes, I can only say that maybe they can work out an amount that you all can live with. Not all support cases have to go through court, in many cases it is easier that way, but not always. You may find the mom to be more amenable than you think.

Good luck!

Ok why in the world would this mother tell her daughter that the dad she always knew who is apparently dying may not be her father but two other guys might? What a wierd and horrble thing to do to her daughter. I am sure this little girl is grieving for her father and now in more ways than one. Poor thing. I think you guys are ok in waiting this child is dealing with a lot and sounds like her mom sucks and is probably worried about money or somehting with with her husband dying would be my guess or why would she do this to the little girl. Why would she need to tell her now. I would not want to know this if I was the child I wouldwant to go on believing my dad was my dad,. If your husband is a stand up gut he won't abandon your babies. This is a tough situation for everyone I hope it works out for all of you.

My opinion...

If the girl decides she wants a relationship with your husband and his family, great... I'm sure it will be a rewarding experience for all involved.

However, if she decides she doesn't want to find out... She has 6 years left as a minor child. After age 18, child support would end. There is always the possibility that she might make contact with you all as an adult--which again, would be an enriching experience for all of you.

But, you and your husband need to talk to an estate attorney and find out how to write his will to protect the inheritance of you and your children. Im not trying to be callous, but you need to be practical! Your husband has more than one instance of fathering other children... He could die suddenly and both the son and this potential daughter could claim an equal portion of his estate--with or without establishing a relationship with you all. Really, you need to talk to an attorney as to what could or couldn't happen when your husband dies. Even if you decide not to exclude them from the estate, you should know what to expect as a possibility.

he wouldnt have shown the picture if he wasnt pretty certain the kid was his, and by the way, he obviously has contacted the mother fairly regularly, if you dont want to end up helping him pay for the results of his "hookups" say so. because, chances are good, where there is one, there are probably a few more. contact a lawyer to make certain that YOUR personal financial liability is non existent for his "other" children. sounds harsh? maybe, but, it he cant keep it in his pants, that should be on him, and not effect your children, or you.
maybe, just maybe, if he has to get a second job to help pay for these other kids, he might start taking "precautions"with his "hookups"
K. h.

When I first met my hubby, I was working in a kiosk in the mall. I was working there and at Naturalizer Shoes. My manager one day was in hysterics when I went in to get my schedule. I asked her what was wrong and she looked at me and said with a shake in her voice...''How do you know cory??''...my hubby. I looked at her and said,''he is friends with my buddy, why??'' She goes''he is Vanessa's dad''. She has told me many times about her daughters dad. I was dumb founded at first and was not quite sure how to react. We had only hung out a few times at that point. I had been withhim long enough though to know that I liked him. So, I continued to date him. I had also said yes to baby sitting her kid before I knew him. Which was very awkward and I only did it a few times. She started coming after me to try and get cory to submit to a Paternity test. He said he would do it, she tried to pin me with paying for it though. He couldnt afford to get one done...and she wouldnt go to a lawyer to get a court ordered one. So we have never found out for sure. She found out where I was working right after my hubby and I got married. She had another kid by then. I was pregnant with our first. She started coming after me at my work. She was screaming about child support. She refused to get a court ordered Paternity test again. My hubby wanted to do everything through the court.

We figure when she is 18 she can come find him. Her mom has made it really hard to work. My hubby knows there is a good possiblitly another guy could be the father. He has sent money more then once and tries to keep up with where they are. I am not sure why she has come in and out of the picture so much now after the fact. My hubby couldnt afford the test alone. He wanted a judge to order fifty fifty on the costs. He thinks she doesnt want to do this because she knows he is not the dad.

I have just kept and open mind about it. I know that if she comes around when she is 18 and wants to know her dad...or find out who her dad is..he will be there for her. He didnt want it to be like this but he is settled in knowing this is what it is for now.

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Life changing no matter what, even if the 12 year old girl turns out not be his biological daughter. To put some words to your feelings; you are feeling your reality getting shattered, what you thought was yours is yours just less of him. I admire how you have all handle this uncertainty up to now, it is remarkable that everyone involved is keeping their wits and more importantly letting Brittany show respect for her ailing father. Good luck and keep taking it slow, and always keep in mind how the children are going to react any news.

You should try to stop worrying about this so much. Let it play out. There is no rush- let the daughter deal with her dying dad and just hang low for a bit.

My fiance's little brothers (from his dad's 2nd marriage) are young enough to be his kids, and I kind of wish they WERE his sons, not his brother, sometimes. I feel like I brought 2 kids from previous relationships into this, and it would, on some level, be cool if he did too. Kids are great, no matter where/who they came from, you know?

Your situation is somewhat similar to some of our friends. They had been married for 4 years when he found out he was the father of a 14 year old girl. Obviously, this had happened well before our friends met and married. His daughter is now 17 and the couple is pregnant with their 1st child together. Over the years, they've actually grown to know/love each other as family (think of how hard that was on the 14 year old to finally know her dad!)... theirs is a 'happily ever after' story for a similar situation.

If I were you, and your husband, I would want to know FOR SURE if these are his kids, if for no other reason than to be able to tell the children you have together that they have half-siblings. If you don't know, you won't be able to answer any questions they may have.

One more little side note, my 5 year old has a half-brother that she's met ONCE when she was 2, and he lives states away. We'll probably never see him again unless he makes contact (or she does) when they're older. I'd love for them to know each other, but if that's not their choice, that's fine too. I guess my point is, I'm honest and open with my daughter if she asks about it, but it doesn't effect her, and that's something you worry about.

Hope it gets better!! Follow your heart and gut on this one, and I applaud your hubs for being honest with you. You're taking it like a champ :)

I think how your kids would take it completely depends on how you take it. Me, personally, I have often thought how cool it would be if some young person knocked on our door and told me he/she was the child of my husband from some former girlfriend that he had never known about. It would be like having another child! I think it would be awesome. My husband didn't have that many girlfriends, so I probably won't ever get my surprise stepchild. :(

I can't imagine how it could possibly hurt your children to find out the good news that they had another sister or brother, unless you presented that fact to them negatively. Seems to me there should be plenty of love to go around.

Have fun with it, I would.

This sounds very shady to me, sorry. Very shady. I have a problem with the fact that about how this woman went about all of this with her own husband, daughter, and your husband. I have a problem with your husband keeping these sorts of secrets during your marriage. If there are two children that you didn't know about who's to day there aren't more? and if he lied about these children then what else is he capable of lying about? What else has he lied about?

I'm with you on wanting to find out sooner rather than later about paternity for this girl. Since the "hook-up" woman decided to let your husband in on the notion that he might be the girl's father he has the right to know before he's really attached to the idea in case he's not the father. And that girl deserves to know if the other candidate is her father or not. Or if there's a third candidate for Dad. They don't even have to involve the girl right now if they can get a DNA sample from her hairbrush or something, and then give her the results when she's ready. But for the sake of working out custody and child support from here on out, if your husband is the father then he deserves to know now.

I know several women who were told at some point in their lives that their "father" wasn't their biological father. Some had suspected, some were relieved, some were shocked. One friend of mine who was almost grown before she found out she was adopted, now has met her three siblings (each from a different mother). They get together for vacations!

You sound like you are capable of caring about the emotional health of this 12 year-old girl. She is the one going through the hardest time right now. She is grieving for her father and suspecting that everything about her life so far could be a lie.

Most times, additions to our family, no matter how gained, are a benefit. Having more children in that extended family does not take away from your children, it is a gain for them. Your kids will handle it fine. They are young enough to see this as a cool thing, as long as you present it to them that way.