Husband Refuses to Use a Sitter!

I think 22 months is definitly old enough to get a sitter. If you can have family for it thats great but if not then a trusted recommendation is great. Sounds a lot like a control thing to me. Does he also control who you talk to and where you are at any given moment? My daughter's first husband was like this.

Definitely old enough for a sitter. We don't use one very frequently but started when DS was 6 months old.

22 months is totally fine. They dont need too much attention or tending to and you could probably get away with leaving him asleep! What are his concerns with a 'babysitter' vs his parents watching the baby?

I can see both sides on this issue. I worked for child protective services and I am hesitant to put a child who can't talk in childcare (like a daycare situation). On the other hand, I was baby sitting an 18 month old and a 4 year old when I was 13. I was their babysitter until they were too old for one and I am still friends with the family over 25 years later. I would say you need to find a possible babysittter and get to know them by having them come over and play with your child a few times while you are home. When you and your child feel comfortable with the babysitter then go out.

Also, if it helps convince you husband, I left both my children with my Mom, MIL or sister before they were a year old. When my son was 22 months my parents watched him for a weekend so my husband and I could go away.

We used family for my son's care because they were easily available, I think his first non-family sitter was over when he was around 21 months. Now he is 4 and loves his sitters. We now also have a 9mo old and he had sitters since he was 5mo old. Our family isn't as readily available anymore and we have a few good sitters that we really trust, one is a young teen and one is an adult.

The reality is that your son needs to learn how to be comfortable and be able to function in the care of others. If he doesn't learn this now in a controlled environment, what happens if an emergency comes up and he has to stay with someone that he has never met?

You and your husband's relationship is also important, if you guys don't get that alone time with a date night every now and then, your relationship could start to suffer which will not help your child.

I didn't leave my kids with a sitter until they were 6 years old. The sitter was my BFF's high school aged daughter and it was only for a hour or two on a Saturday afternoon.

When the kids were little, the only babysitters we had were family or adult close family friends. Personally, I'm with hubby on this one.

No, 22 months is not too young for a babysitter.

No, being concerned about getting one is not weird. Especially when you can't use family or someone you already know.

First kid, first sitter, it can be a big deal for parents. I was reluctant, too. Of course now days I'm waiting on the front porch for her, and yell "food's in the fridge" as I zoom past her in the driveway.

Find one you BOTH like. Meet with them first with no plans to actually take care of your son. It's impossible to really be comfortable with the idea of a sitter until you find someone, see a face, and talk to them a little bit.

Then have him/her watch the kid while you're both there the first time, if the house is big enough to not all be piled in the same room (do something in the other room, don't hover).

Next time leave the house for an hour. More if you're comfortable. But an hour is good if you're not entirely ready yet.

It's totally normal to have some reservations and anxiety about getting a sitter. That's the most important thing in the world he/she will be taking care of. But easing into it will help. And if your son isn't used to strangers, easing into it will be good for him, too.

In my personal opinion, any age you are comfortable is best.
I have twins that are 20 mo. old and have been in daycare since they were four months, and we left them alone with nurses ( I know it is a bit different) to file paperwork when we were stuck there for 12 days after they were born, from minor issues.
After they hit about 6 months I would occassionally leave my children with someone I trusted deeply, and find that the older they get, the more comfortable I am doing it.
However, there might be a deeper cause to your husbands anxiety and possibly talking about it would help to figure it out. I know I had a hard time leaving my kiddos alone at first (like panic attack hard) because I had a mother that would lock herself in her room for hours, and I was lonely as a child. Maybe explain to him that it is nice for you to be able to be adults together and enjoy a night out together.
Good luck..I totally know what it is like to bring a toddler along to appointments, so I totally hope you are able to find a solution that works for everyone.

I would interview some sitters and find one you like and then introduce her/him and their background to your hubby. If your son is talking, which I'm sure he probably is by now, he's not too young to be left for a few hours with a competent, trusted sitter. You are only a cellphone call away, right? Dad is being lovingly paranoid.

No! Not at all!!! Our 16 month old just LOOOOOVES her babysitter (a responsible 16 year old who lives two houses down) and is so happy to see her when she comes. She reaches for her over me! Our 6 year old son loves her as well, in fact, I think he has a little crush on her! And it's very important for you and your husband to get out for those "date nights"!! You may have to try out a few babysitters to get that right chemistry so that you find one your son adores. :) It's a win win situation!

Your son is not too young to be left with a sitter by any means. He might have some separation anxiety, which is common in all kids at this age, but that does not mean he can't be left with a trusted experienced sitter. I don't know anyone that does not use a baby sitter with their toddler at least once at some point. It would make life so much easier when it comes to making appointments, visiting family, and have a date night once in a while. It would be nice if your husband could come around and begin to see that - what is it that he is concerned about exactly?

I would see if your husband is open to meeting your pediatrician's sitter - have her come to your house and see how she interacts with your son. We have a teenage girl in our neighborhood who babysits our 3 year old daughter from time to time when we need it and has done so since she was 2 - we got her name from one of our neighbors that has her babysit her son. Our daughter adores her and is always really happy when E comes over - she thinks E is there just to play with her and doesn't even care that we are gone!

I won't do any babysitter. I prefer a neighbor, a neighbor's kid who use to babysit, or a family friend that we know will care about our kids. Other than thinking that my kids are still to little, I am not comfortable letting someone we don't know before staying at our house unsupervised.

Well let me start off by saying I have been accused of being very protective of my children and Will Always be so, because they are the only kids I got. With that being said I would say that would depend on how much trust you put in other people. Not saying it is a good or bad decision however if something were to happen accident or not the only thing that could be said is "sorry". The only way our kids were ever able to be watched by someone is once they were old enough to tell you if something was wrong or happened. Hope that helped and many blessings.

Your son is definitely not too young.
No way!
If your pediatrician's sitter isn't good enough, who ever will be?
I think getting kids used to mom and dad being away once in a while is easier on the kids. The longer you drag it out, the more shocking it is to them and then they REALLY don't understand.

Make some plans. Get a dinner reservation. Hire the pediatrician's sitter to come to your home. Be at your husband's office, or wherever, looking sexy, tell him to get in the car and then drive him to the restaurant.
Surprise him and romance him a little.
When he sees your son is just fine, then he will relax.
You just need to break the ice about it because it doesn't sound like he will.

Use your womanly wiles to persuade him that you need some time together.
When your child is grown and gone, there will be the two of you left. You need to keep the fire alive.
Your little one will be fine for a few hours while mommy and daddy remind themselves that first they were husband and wife.

Best wishes.

I am very fortunate that I only have to have my girls in someone else's care for 4 hours a week. I am even more fortunate that I found a teenage girl (and her family) that I TOTALLY trust and have trusted since my oldest (now 3) was 3 months old. I knew the girl and her family for a few years before I even considered using her. My girls LOVE going to her house and she loves having them there. She turns 18 tomorrow and we will be devistated when she can no longer watch my girls. Her parents are like another set of grandparents and they actually watched my oldest while we were at the hospital with the second.

My point is that you have to TOTALLY TRUST your caregiver of your children and once you have an established relationship it is an AWESOME feeling to know you have someone your child loves and you enjoy leaving them without worry.

I suggest using recommended people and interviewing them with your child. Have them come over and play with your child for 15-20 minutes and ask many questions. Run their background check if you feel the need.

You obviously see the need and the benefits of having a trusted caregiver. It has allowed my husband and I a chance to get out on occasion and for me to work very part time. It has also given my daughter a chance to have extended family, something we don't have here.

Good luck.. You deserve some time out without your little guy!

Go out! Start w just a few daytime hours. It will be good for her to learn to attach and connect to non parents.

Of course it's healthy for your son to be with a sitter occasionally. I don't know how your'e going to convince your husband though. Maybe if you show him these messages.

Yes, it is too young unless you REALLY REALLY REALLY know the person babysitting. There are TOO many child abusers out there and you MUST be extremely careful who you hire. Just because it is someone through word of mouth does not make that person SUITABLE!! It is your responsiblity to RESEARCH this person BEFORE putting your son AT RISK. It's not worth....just for a date night.
C.

I really can't give a "right" answer for this one. I'm an (admitted) freak when it comes to letting people watch my kids, probably mostly because we never had anyone close by to watch them when they were little. The idea of having a sitter freaked me out for a long time.

I think if it's really important you can reach a compromise. I'd find someone you both trust and ask for a referral. Let the person come for a short period of time and let your husband get comfortable with the idea that your son will be ok with a sitter watching him. With technology these days, there's really not a time or place where you and your husband will be unreachable.

Honestly though... and I'm not saying this to be unkind, there will be plenty of time when your son is a little older that you can have time away for whatever you need to do. At 5 and 7 my kids LOVE when we have a sitter come over, and I don't worry a bit about them.

Good luck!

I think if you are both comfortable with the sitter then it is perfectly reasonable. Talk to your hubby about what age he feels is acceptable.

I was a "professional" babysitter from 14-18. I babysat starting at 12 but turned pro at 14. I was awesome at my job and the kids loved having a younger babysitter. Gramma's nice but a teenage girl is cool!

Parents who get time together are happier. My husband jumps at the chance to get me alone!

I have my parents that live only a mile away. They are involved with our lives everyday, pick my duaghter up from school and watches her wheni have something to do or need a break. That said, I have not had anyone babysit her. SHe is 7 now. In your case you have no family around so that is no possible. I would only allow someone that you KNOW. LIke a daughter of a friend, someone from church. (maybe your church can recommend someone that volunteers there). Even an adult who does sitting. Do not put an ad in the paper and see who you get.

interview some ppl and see what you think, in this day in age with the average family needign 2 income's to survive having a sitter as soon as mom returns to work is not uncommon. write a list of questions for an interview schedule the interview so that you and dh can attend and see how that goes.

me personally, at that age, my sitter would have to be a licensed professional, and in my opinion day care is better because it'll teach them social skills at early ages...AND if something goes wrong (hopefully not) there will more than likely be witnesses

Why don't you suggest to your husband to have a teen sitter come in while you guys are home and be a "helper" for a few hours..... That way, you and your husband can get some work done AND see how your child is with a sitter........ You could even have a picnic in the yard with each other while the sitter is in the house.

I feel for you...my boyfriend feels the same way about daycare. He says he doesn't want our daughter...who is now 15 months going to a sitter or daycare until she is able to talk! I feel the same way you do....I think all children should be away from their parents once in a while...but then again I can't go against her daddy b/c she is a daddys girl and I would never do that if he didn't want me to! Good luck! : )

It's all in your comfort level--some people start using a sitter when the baby is 3 months old, and others don't feel comfortable doing so until the baby is in preschool. We've occasionally (rarely) used a sitter since our son was about 5 months old. (We've had a hard time finding a reliable one that is affordable).

If you're wanting more time with your BF, sit down and explain that to him. Don't belittle his concerns, and ask him what concerns he has. Maybe you can opt for something like: going out for dessert after the baby is in bed, so the sitter is just there "in case" and is not really interacting with the baby. Ask him to "solve" this problem of you two needing more time together but him feeling uncomfortable with the babysitter idea--it could be that you can brainstorm some options, like trading sitter service with another trusted family; inviting the in-laws up for an over night stay with you so that you get in a good visit with them, and also get to go out to dinner or something with him (make a nice brunch for them the next day. :); doing background checks on a sitter, or going through an agency that does them for you. See if you can him to open up as to why he's not comfortable with this.... Tell him you understand and love the baby as much as he does, but that you two need time to work to keep your relationship strong, and part of that is alone time together & doing fun stuff w/o the baby.

At 22 months, you can start exploring the idea of playgroups with other moms/dads. This might open up some possibilities of developing a trusting relationship with other parents, whom you could start trading (or paying) for sitting services.

Check out some of the local churches. They may have a Parents Night Out type of thing that he may be more comfortable with. If you want your Date Night and he is still refusing.... I would suggest letting your WIFELY duties that he particularly enjoys (wink, wink) suffer for a while. Then maybe he'll change his mind. :)
Best of luck.
Jen M.
Mom of 3 boys ages 7, 4, and 3

I think for your husband its really not about the child being old enough, its about your husband's comfort level. I think its extremely hard to leave your kid with a sitter for the first time. I know it was for me. I think you need to work on making it more comfortable for your husband. Have the sitter come over for a visit to play with your kid to see how they interact. Schedule something short where you are not far away just to get the hang of leaving your kid with a sitter. I dread leaving my youngest with a sitter too, but its a bullet that you have to bite.

I have left my children with sitters since they were about 6 weeks old! I always use daughters of friends from work or church. Our YMCA trains girls to be good babysitters, with training in CPR and infant care. If you find someone you know, you could offer to pay the fee for the sitter's training. My adult friends and I also watch each other's children. For me, my relationship with my husband comes first. We have to have date nights to keep OUR relationship from suffering. Tell him you miss him. :)

Is it possible that your husband had a bad experience with a baby sitter when he was little? That could be his reason for not wanting to leave your son with one. If I were you I would check out Care.com. They do a background check for you and you can contact sitters and question them through the web site. A lot of people leave their children at three and four weeks old with a sitter. I honestly see nothing wrong with getting a sitter. You need a date night and time away from your son other than working.
Make a list of pro's and con's for your husband in getting a sitter. Maybe that will convince him to get one.

Personally, I think getting a sitter is fine. After all, you wouldn't just be grabbing some random person off the street and having them watch your kid - it would be someone you met, who was recommended, etc.

I would just tell him that you plan on going out once per month on Saturday, and he's welcome to join you or stay home with your son. Then really do it. I bet a couple months of that and he'd be more on board.

I have a 9 month old girl. My husband and I agree that we should not use a teenager for a child that young. We hire a professional (trained) lady from a daycare center to watch her occasionally on the weekends so we can go out to eat. Daycare centers are a great place to find a caregiver. They are trained, CPR certified, and have more experience than anyone. You can first hire her to help you out for a few hours. Then, your husband will notice that perhaps that lady knows more about children than you both do. That's exactly what happened to us :-)

Good luck!

My husband is the same way - and it hurts us a lot! It makes it so hard to do anything and it's frustrating to me. Our oldest will be 8 in June. My family helps a couple of times a year - but REALLY?!?!? He is nervous because we have known a lot of people who seemed good, who have ended up doing bad things. But the oldest is only a few years away from being able to babysit herself...so hopefully he gives in soon!

I started taking care of the little girl I nanny when she was a little younger than 22 months old. In the beginning I took care of her 12 hours a day 2 or 3 days a week. Now I take care of her about 9 hours a day 1 day a week, just so the father (He's laid off at the moment) can get some stuff done around the house and so he can get some alone time. She was going to a regular daycare long before they hired me. She loves it! She gets so excited when I pull in the driveway, and we have a lot of fun together. I bring my 3 month old son along with me, and she LOVES him. She laughs, he laughs, and she laughs some more.

A babysitter is perfectly healthy for a child, and it's almost a necessity for parent's. Your son will be absolutely fine :) Don't be surprised if the first time a sitter comes over, your son is a little anxious. After you guys leave, and he is able to settle down and have some fun... He's gonna be loving it.

Millions of children your childs age or younger are at child care every day. The child is not too young to have a sitter. It may make him more at ease if you use an older, more mature person the first few times or until the child is older.

I am wondering what your husband's hold up is - is it because he's over protective of your son and feels that his son can ONLY be around people HE knows....??? In today's society you can NEVER be too careful with your children...however, YOU NEED date nights!!

Our church has a parents night out once per month. Check with your church and see if they have anything like this - if they don't - see if you can chair it.

Our son's have had baby sitters since they were 12 weeks old....however, i will state that the people who watch my children? i've known personally or have passed a background investigation from a local day care that I used to work for!! I do check into the people who watch my kids - even now that they are 10 and 8.....