Husband Spending Time with Kids

Quite a bit. He's a very involved Dad. We are all different, but I do believe that the idea of the mom (or dad) doing it all is outdated and a huge disservice to the kids. They need the time and attention of both parents :)

Both parents need to spend time with the kids and both need breaks from the kids. I'm a much better mom when my kids spend a little time with the grandparents.

my husband is with them any chance he can get. Pretty much when he is home, he is playing with them. It's nice because it gives me a break.

C., where are you hearing these things?

From your husband, himself, by any chance? Or from other older men from the generation when Father Knew Best and he said hello to the kids over a perfectly cooked dinner served by his apron-clad wifey who was in makeup and heels to welcome him home?.....

It's a very outdated and damaging stereotype that "men dont' play with the kids, men don't need/want to spend time with kids, that's a woman's role" and so on. You could go online and find countless studies of children's psychological states and find that children need to see and interact with both parents throughout their lives, at all ages and stages. Both boys and girls need to see a man being involved and caring, not distant and cold. Distant dads raise boys who become distant dads and girls who go around for years seeking a warmer version of daddy as they meet and marry.

Some parents -- NOT just dads, moms too -- need a little decompression time after coming directly home from a tough job. But if a dad is claiming that his job is too tiring for him to do anything with his kids, even help take care of them; or if a dad says that he must have the ENTIRE evening, five days a week, "because I have to decompress!"; or if dad's idea of interacting with the kids is yelling for them to hand him the TV remote, or to say, "If you want to play, go ask your mother" -- that is a problem. For the kids, because they will never know their dad and eventually won't care much about him. For the dad, because he's going to suddenly be older and realize he never knew his own kids (and he will resent them for daring to grow up and not care much about him....). And for the mom, because she will have 100 percent of the work of raising the children for which her husband is just as responsible as she is. That's a great recipe for the mom to resent the dad forever.

If this question really is about your own husband, then please consider marriage counseling if he is resisting any real relationship with your children. There is a bigger issue there. It may be in how he was raised; he may have issues with showing emotion or feeling commitment to them; or he may be stubbornly stuck in stereotypes about what makes him "manly." But don't let him get away with telling you that since you birthed the kids, they are yours to play with, care for a raise. They're his too. If this isn't about your own husband -- well, I'd say the same things about any man who clung to being remote from his own offspring.

Ummm....guess i better rethink this whole work at home and rear the child thing...

:)

He absolutely does. Just a bit ago he went for a bike ride, put DD in the trailer and they went to the park for A. hour or so. Why wouldn't a father be good or "supposed to" play with them? My DH was formerly a single dad - he did everything.

Having A. absent father can be harmful to the kids. If your husband doesn't spend much time with his children, try to find out why and encourage him to be more interactive with them. Read a book, throw a ball, do a puzzle, take them to the park...he may be overwhelmed, but spending time with your children should be a priority and can also be fun. Further, kids get different things from different parents. Also if you spend time with the kids one on one, you give each other a break and all parents need a break now and then. I took the longest shower while DD was with DH today. I am a better mom to have had that time to myself.

Both parents need to spend time with their kids doing special things together and kids need to see both parents playing a role in raising them and shaping who they are. I think some men just really don't know where to start, if they traditionally away from home earning a living and the mom stays home and is in charge of taking care of the kids. But that doesn't mean they can't do SOMETHING, they just need to figure out what that thing is. One friend of mine is a SAHM to 2 little boys while her husband works, but once he gets home, he just takes over so she can get dinner ready...then after he's in charge of baths so she can finally relax. A lot of dads I know are able to bond with their kids doing special activities that the moms may not get as involved in, like fishing or even just playing video games together or building stuff with Legos. Dads tend to get more physical, so it could be even stuff like wrestling and overall just goofing around and acting silly. My husband spends a lot of time taking care of our daughter since he's been out of work and I've been working much of the time.

So no, I don't think it's okay for fathers to not want to spend time with their kids - they just need to figure out what works for them, and in some cases, the moms have to back off, given them space to figure things out, and not try to micromanage how they handle things. "Being overwhelmed by life" is no excuse - they should see what I have to deal with sometimes!

It seems that the older the kids get, the more time they spend with them. When they are infants, babies, etc., they don't "do" much. I think moms (generally) get more into the interactions at this stage. Dads do, but the engagement level isn't as high - it's like dads don't know what to do with them cause they don't really "do" anything. When the kids get to a point where they can actually "play" and interact, dad's seem to connect more. It's just a different relationship.

Now, actively not wanting to do anything with them is different than being clueless about what to do with them. Just encourage time - dad can sit and do stuff with the kiddo around, etc.

EDIT: to add - here's a song that shows just how important the time a father spends with his child is - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zH46SmVv8SU

It made me think when I was young; now that I have a child, it makes me cry - and my husband is very touched by it. It came on the radio when we took our first real family vacation and it was very meaningful.

Try not to dwell on: husbands do this, and wives do that. Men do this and women do that. If you were to look at me and my husband on paper and you didn't know our sex, you would think I was the man and he was the woman. So no, I do not believe men are supposed to play with their children more. I definitely do more rough housing, as he'll do more quiet things like crafts and watching movies with them.

So with that being said, yes, we do get overwhelmed in life, but what type of issues are we talking about? Are they fixable? I do not think it's OK for any parent to not be involved with their children. That 's a choice a person decides to make. Unfortunately, men AND women do it all the time. Not having mom around and not having dad around is equally hard for a child.

I always think forums are a questionable litmus test for these types of questions. Everyone has a different situation. Everyone's expectations are different. How much time my husband spends with the children is besides the point, really. For you, it may be too much or too little, but is fine for our family. If your husband isn't spending enough time with your child, and you're already feeling kind of down about that, then you have a bunch of moms saying their husband spends a lot time with their children, it'll probably make you feel bad.

Try to talk to him. I'm sure it's something that can be worked out.

Part of why I'm getting divorced is that same issue: my STBXhusband hates kids. He growls, whines, complains, avoids. Even now. He got his fancy pants lawyers swing 50/50 custody, but has our son in daycare from wake up to bedtime.

My dad spent very little time with us, but he looooooooved kids in general, and us in particular. He was military (hence the not a lot of time), but the time he was home? He was all over us. Playing, having us help him with __________, reading, pushups on his back, bath times, long walks, silly talks, homework, discipline, chores, leaf jumping, cooking, dinners, brunches... There was nowhere he'd rather be. We were his whole world.

Some men have a natural "want to" with their kids and some see kids as "mom's task".
My stepson is a very hands on Daddy and loves being with his boys and has been like a mother to them since the day they were born. My son will play with my granddaughter when she coaxes it and will do things when asked to by my DIL but he is not near the hands on daddy as my stepson is... but he loves his daughter just as much as stepson loves his boys, they are just different parenting styles.
Sometimes we sort of have to coax our husbands into bonding with the kids by leaving them in charge from time to time so they learn how to deal and feel more comfortable in the role.
I think many dads feel intimidated and don't want to be told they arent doing something quite right by Mommy.... so they sort of shy away until kids are older and more durable.
Kids love it when Daddy gets on the floor with them and lets them jump on him and wrestle and tickle and give horsey rides and such, it makes kids giggle till they hiccup.
I do believe dads should play with their children, children need it and crave it.

My husband works a lot, but he has always been a very involved parent at every stage of our sons' lives. He plays with them all the time, but he also cares for them, teaches them, guides them, and disciplines them. We spend a lot of time as a family, but he also spends time alone with the boys, and with each of them individually, too. I do the same thing, and we are good about spending time together, also (date night!). I feel that our boys (and our family as a whole) has benefitted enormously from having two involved parents.

I think some men feel inadequate around kids, and it's a shame. Fathers have A. incredibly powerful and important role in their children's lives, if only they can see it and have the character to care (and their wives/SO's let them, which can be another problem).

We loved the movie "Courageous" - might be something to check out. It's very Christian-oriented so hopefully that's OK.

Good luck.

No it is not OK for a father not to spend time with his kids. It can lead to terrible behavior because bad behavior gets attention from Dad and they would rather have negative attention than no attention. It can lead to low self esteem, even though they have a loving mother, they wonder what's wrong with them that Dad doesn't care to be with them? Find some research about the effect involved fathers have on children to show your husband, your children deserve two involved parents.

there is no reason a father shouldn't be at least as involved with the children as the mother is. in A. ideal world this would be the case.

in my world, my husband was very "hands off" for the first year or so. until our son was old enough to "play wrestle" and my husband could relate to him somewhat more. my husband, like many, didn't understand babies and was intimidated by them. sure, it's not fair, but yes, many times we moms end up doing the vast majority of the work. there are great dads out there that are hand-on from conception, but not all of them are. that doesn't make them bad men or bad fathers.

i had to work with my husband, really push him to spend time with our son. he had to get used to the idea. he was not raised with a dad who really participated, that was the mom's "job".

i began deliberately leaving them together, and he learned. he got comfortable. my son is 5 now and i have no qualms whatsoever about leaving them together. i can work some overtime and have no worries about my husband picking him up from preschool and feeding him dinner. sure, i still do the bathing, and the majority of the cooking and cleaning, lol. but my husband has become a great dad. they are best buds and hang out all the time, even when i AM around. help your husband if he's like mine. the relationship he could have with his kids is SO worth it.

my guys spends 2-3 hrs a day with our daughter more on his day off sometimes its all play sometimes its just cuddeling and being lazy or a mix of both

Both my father and FIL spend alot of time with their kids. We were blessed to have very involved fathers. My FIL was on call most of his life but my husband remembers when his father was home, they would sit and talk for hours, or if my husband was playing outside, my FIL would sit on the steps and keep A. eye out. My father worked the night shift so we got to see him after school until bedtime and it was my dad who helped us do homework, housework and everything else. I remember coming home from school in tears one day because this boy kicked me in the shins bc I beat him at kickball, and talking to my dad about it.

My husband comes home from work btwn 5-6p and he spends all his time with my son until bedtime. They do play around after dinner every night - there's alot of sword fighting, karate chopping, yelling and throwing things. Its like having 2 little boys in the house instead of 1. I try to explain to my son that daddy needs to rest and unwind but my husband doesn't seem to mind and is a good sport about it. I'm very thankful for that. My husband is from the northeast and has a thick accent. My son talks just like my husband...same accent! Thats my personal indication of how much time my husband spends with my son...and we live in Texas where the southern accents are thicker than the humidity!

I think some men need alot of time to transition from work mode to daddy mode. and daddy mode can be defined in many ways. I think some men do their best when they it comes to spending time with their kids, and some men just simply don't want to. And even others, God bless them, want to but just don't know how...that's where a good mommy comes in and can offer up suggestions for how daddy and kids can spend time together.

I don't believe in any such supposition. A child is A. equal responsibility of both the mother and father.

Whichever parent is in a position to give whatever care to the child(ren), they should. Agreed, sometimes women find that feeding, bathing, managing a child comes more naturally to them, than for men, but I won't say its a given. I've seen couples where the mother was quite clueless, and where the dad was such A. example of a caregiver.

I stay at home, and husband works. When he's home, he does take a short while to freshen up and unwind. Then, he spends 2-3 hrs playing with our daughter. On off-days, he's pretty much equally involved in all her daily activities.

Hi, C.:
When you two decided to get married and have children,
what did you all agree to?

Here are some duties of parents:
The duties of parents and elders to protect, teach, feed, clothe, and provide shelter for children.
The duty to become economically self-sufficient.
The duty to maintain the integrity of the family structure.
The duty to support personal and public standards of common decency.

8 ways to be God's lover to your husband:
Revise your vows
Offer your body as a gift
Mentally shift into sexual gear
Admire him
Nurture your sexual felings
Touch him in a sexual way
Ignite passion
Commit to romance

Good luck.
D.

My husband is great with the kids, and he plays with them as much as he cares for them. He does swim class with them, and he bathes them when home. He also reads to them on the weekend like crazy. And on the weekends, he takes over a lot of the primary care stuff and gives me a break. They adore their daddy, but he works long hours during the week. Hubby loves spending time with his kids.

My husband is the only one home at night anymore and he does everything for them... bathe them, cooks them dinner, eats with them, plays with them, gets them ready for bed and tucks them in.

Today was my son's birthday party.. the two of them played with his toys for 2 hours on the floor! I think its crazy that anyone would say dad's shouldn't play with their kids.. who else is suppose to teach them how to throw a football or catch a baseball, from what I heard that is the "dad's " role.

Every dad should spend as much quality time with their children no different than the mom should. That is what makes wonderful family memories when we grow up!

My husband is a very hands on dad--coaches sports teams, takes them on field trips, spends one on one time, helps with homework, volunteers at school. I do the same (minus the coaching). We both work full time. It may not always be "equal" at every time depending on what we have going on in our laives at any given time, but we spend, overall, A. equal amount of time with our kids.

To answer your first question, my husband spends just as much time with the kids as I do when he is home from work. I stay at home with the four kids, so I obviously spend more time when he is not here. We mostly, actually spend time with the 6 of us all the time, but sometimes he will just have them or I. It equals out so naturally that time with dad is nver purposely "planned".

I DO believe that the majority of females just naturally are more likely than the man to nurture/raise the children. I think it is in the woman's blood (of course, there are always exceptions to everything). I do not think men naturally have that (generally speaking), but it can definitely be a true feeling and desire of the man to nurture his children. It can also be a learned trait.

With that being said, I'm a SAHM and when my husband is home from work, we split it all equally, and it works out beautifully. My husband has a strong desire to be very involved with the kids and he does not relate to the fathers that seem "out of touch". But that is MY husband, every man is different.

I prefer being married to a man who I have no worry at all leaving the four kids at home with him if I need to go out and no concern about how he handles them VS. me. We agree on all the important things, so I find that a huge plus. I do feel for those mothers that cannot feel confidant to do that, or those that have husbands that just WON'T do it. BUT, that is me, different things work for different families. I do not think a man is wrong to not have the strong urge to become just as involved as the mom. I just would not have married a man like that.

My husband spends as much time with the kids as he can. When they were little he would get upset that he would come home we'd eat, bathe them and put them to bed, he felt like he didnt get any realy time with them, so we moved their bed times so they could stay up and spend more time with daddy. He plays with them, has coached them in sports, takes them to do things ect. VERY involved daddy! We do know a dad who never even changed a diaper or held his kids when they were little, and I personally find that weird, why would you have kids and not give them love and nuture them from day one. Afterall, the dads helped make the kids(or the desision to adopt), so they need to help in all the aspects of raising them.

My husband spends as much time with my son as I do. Where did you hear that men are not supposed to play with their children? It is no more ok for a father to not want to spend time with their kids than it would be for a mother.

I have A. ex husband who couldn't be bothered with our kids, amongst other things. I didn't want to spend my life with someone who didn't care about us. I now have a husband who puts us first. He's home after work, plays with the kids, swims, rides bikes, takes walks, whatever. He doesn't go out to happy hour and hang with friends. Our kids all go in their rooms at 8pm every night, that's when OUR quiet time starts! LOL! I know there are lots of dads who can't be bothered with their kids and its so sad. I'm blessed to have a husband who loves and cares for our kids and not only SAYS that, but SHOWS it. =)

Hubby is superinvolved, thankfully and gratefully. I knew he would be from the get-go and again am very grateful.

I will say that we do different activites with my daughter. Hubby is a homebody and can play for hours with her on the floor while I am the parent who whisks her out to see the world.

In our family, my husband is as involved as he can be, as well as having a full time job with commute. He is parenting the kids when I go out to run errands, have fun on my own, or when I'm in the house - it's a shared responsibility. He is having fun with the kids if it's just a short time he gets to see them at night. He has no problem being the disciplinarian eventhough his time with them is more limited than mine. I'd say he does everything I do, except for less time.

I will say, though, that we both need a break from the kids. Sometimes my husband comes home from work and I leave to let him do the rest of the night, and he'll tell me a some point that it's my turn, on the weekend. I don't buy the "overwhelmed with life" thing, but I didn't marry a guy who crumbles easily either. I think it's A. excuse because parenting is hard work.

Actually, we spend about the same amount of time. My hubby is very involved with our kids.