HUSBAND Travels Alot

I think that what you are upset about is that he goes off on his own without taking you on non-business trips after being gone so much on business trips. I think you have something to be upset about. If he didn't already travel on business a lot, it would be one thing. But he's going off on a wonderful vacation leaving you at home with sick kids. Not cool...

The solution is that he doesn't go on these personal junkets without you. The budget should include you and the kids going with. I wouldn't back down on this.

Dawn

I can't imagine my husband WANTING to be in the lovely, romantic Bahamas without me. He would want me there with him, and wouldn't really enjoy it without me. If the kids were sick, he'd reschedule so we could go.

I find the entire situation to be...odd.

I don't have an issue with going on a vacay with buddies....as long as you two are getting ample getaway time together throughout the year.

Well... he probably can't do anything about the work travel. That's a part of his job, right? Why in heck would you be fighting with him about doing his job?

Seriously - if he needs to travel for work, he needs to. Don't be whiny or resentful. Be glad he has a job. As for the "pleasure" travel, is there a reason why it's bothering you? Are you resentful that he has friends? That they do fun things? Do you not get to travel with your friends? If it's fair and you both do fun things, why worry? If you're always stuck at home while he gets to go away two or three times a year - then work out a way that you get a break too.

My soon to be ex travels 95% of the time for work (touring musician). On years where his work travel was lighter, he would often travel for "pleasure" because while he was out on the road all around the world, he would make all these plans for people's weddings and getaways.....ugh. I eventually put the kabash on the "leisure" traveling because it was just too insane to have him booking trips with friends during his rare time off once we had three kids. We didn't have the budget to haul the whole family around, and they were always trips with childless buddies etc...

Other than that, the work travel was OK with me (even though our budget was super tight), but of course, I unearthed ALL KINDS of cheating and basically realized that while I'm self-sufficient and able to handle ALL house and kid duties with no help...he's not able to behave, so, THE END. Next time, I'll get a guy who stays home.

In your case, I would make it clear he is not home enough and you are not happy with the leisure travel. See if he'll compromise. If not it shows lack of character imo to put his own private vacations above his family if you are feeling overwhelmed. It certainly proved to be true with my relationship anyway....Plus, those luxury vacation spots are TROUBLE. They are DESIGNED for everyone to relax, hang out, and socialize and there are ALWAYS ladies around wanting to "have some fun". I could tell you STORIES...not trying to make you feel worse, but HANDLE it. Even on trips with friends, if he's got his own private phone, etc, you just don't know who he's meeting or what's happening. Maybe nothing, but really, the sky is the limit. BAHAMAS on his own just for fun? He's not a bachelor. They have family resorts there.

The only way this would be OK is if you were perfectly happy with it and happy at home without him. Otherwise, he needs to respect you as his wife and mother of his kids ABOVE the fun vacations.

Why is he in the Bahamas? Does he go away often for pleasure. I would definitely have a problem with that! Some friends get together once a year for a few days. That is normal but several times during the year no.

What do you want him to do about the traveling for business? Quit the job so he won't have to travel? Then you'll have even bigger things to fight about........

Ok... I don't know how to address the "traveling for pleasure" aspect....

but.... speaking from experience..... even if he is traveling for business, be THANKFUL that he has a job, and apparently a good-paying one at that!

There are MANY moms on this board who have hubbies that travel for business... including military moms where their hubby is gone for months at a time......

Find something for you to do..... quit relying on him to entertain/take care of you. He is trying to take care of you financially by working, even though that means he has to travel.

I'm not really sure what you want us to do.

Work, I get.
Pleasure? What exactly does that mean?

Work trips and pleasure trips are completely different. The work trip is not a choice, the pleasure trip is. My husband traveled alot for work. He didn't travel for fun. I actually did that. Since he was gone all the time, I told him that I wanted two trips a year to visit my friends in Ohio. I would take a long weekend and go visit Cleveland. I did that for several years. I haven't really done that lately, I need to!

I think his pleasure traveling like this is not right. He needs to spend time with you and the kids. I would suggest that when he wants to go to the Bahamas that you invite yourself as well. A nice week in the tropics would be delightful.

honestly if he;s traveling a week to the bahamas now and then 2 more weeks a year for fun without you i'd be upset.

why doesnt he invite you?
do his friends wives go? i cant imagine a bunch of wives being ok with this. or does he go with 3 seperate groups of guys?

i would tell him you are tired and the kids nees him more...if thats the case, and compromise? maybe one trip with friends a year, and 2 where you go too?
i wouldnt want to take away all of his friend time but them again he should miss seeing you without and with the kids as well

My hubby has been traveling a lot as of late. He use to travel about 3 times a year, but in the last year, it increased to monthly, and now he is gone for the second week in less than a month.

I do not complain about it to him, however, because it is part of his job and he is paid well. In fact, he tells me they pay him so well so they can have such access to him.

My hubby does not take vacations without me. In fact, I don't understand vacations without one's family.

It can really suck when he is gone, and I am sorry your kids are sick. The last time hubby was away, my 2 year old had me up every night. He just wasn't sleeping, and it was HELL. Hang in there. Treat yourself to lots of take out food --that's what I do ;-)

thank you for all the feed back. I agree business trip is one thing and one pleasure/leisure trip a year is okay but he does too much. I have tried talking with him several times and he always says go ahead go away with your friends thats fine. Which I do. we are trying to go away together without the kids too. there is also resentment because our babies are sick with pnemonia this week and no one is sleeping. And if it was me I would cancel the trip.
some things i have done to hopefully help is I am postponing earning my masters degree until my kids are in school fulltime and postpone taking my teachers tests. i have a part time night job which I enjoy so I am going to keep doing that and my hsuband is with the kids then. I am also going to keep asking for more help with house hold chores or hire someone to help. I hope this helps. I do love my husband and I know he loves us I just think he is a bit selfish at times

Work trip s probably can not be helped. Why can't you go with him on some of these trips? Start going away when he is home. Let him see how much fun it is to be left at home with the kids. He needs to include his family more.

My husband is in Hawaii right now on business...he goes once a quarter. I go with him at least once a year..sometimes twice. He did have a work trip this past spring also to the Bahamas and I went with him. We had a blast. The kids stay home when we go on these big trips. They have a great time with grandparents or with sitters.

He does not go away often for pleasure on his own. Maybe once a year with a bunch of guys to play golf and B.S. over some tall glasses of Coke.(he doesn't drink any alcohol)

Sooo, no there is no fighting in our home about the travel. Maybe it is because I go with him some times.

I think you might be tired and run down...especially with sick kiddos. Very understandable!! THat is rough to be "on call" 24/7 . And, the thought of him on the gorgeous beaches of the Bahamas while you are up with a puking child makes you want to crawl in a hole and cry...then crawl out and ring his neck. Very understandable!!

Things that help me look forward to his time away are I make sure my kids get to bed on time when hubby is away. I get all prepped and ready for quiet evenings alone by stocking up on a good book, filling up my Netflix que and making sure my stockpile of homemade popcorn is fresh. I really look forward to my quiet time when he is away...and then even more excited when he comes home.

I am not really sure why you are fighting with him over work trips...but maybe I would get very miffed if he was constantly going on pleasure trips. How about you plan your own pleasure trip with a girlfriend or two.

Good luck and best wishes!

My husband travels almost every week for work. It is very hard. But he doesn't go on vacations without us, or very rarely. I will say, though, he has gone away once or twice to go see a football game with buddies or something and it was hard to not lump business and pleasure trips all together. This may be what you are doing.

I'm assuming you are (or can) separate the two, and you said you do appreciate that he has a job. So it's important to keep these trips separate.

I would recommend coming at it in a positive, rather than complaining, way. Let him know that you appreciate how hard he works for your family, and that you miss him so much when he's gone. And let him know that you get he needs some down time and fun time. But say you'd like to come up with some options that don't involve him leaving town for pleasure (at least not without you!). Ask what he'd like to do IN TOWN for fun, and could he plan some of those things instead. Tell him how nice it is when he's home- how much you enjoy his time and how much the kids love and need him there.

I think for people who travel, it becomes routine. My husband is so used to being in other states, that if he finds out about a sporting event in another state, it seems like no big deal to plan a trip out there for it, where those of us who don't travel much can't imagine doing that! It's all about perspective. Good luck, hope he's receptive.

Business trips are one thing, but a week in the Bahamas without me, NO WAY!

When he tells you, he just casually says "by the way, I'm going to the Bahamas for week in November"? If so, plan your own trip and when he gets home tell him "By the way, I'm going to x for a week in (whenever). You'll need to plan and make arrangements for the kids" and then just leave it to him to do so. After all, I'm sure he doesn't worry about helping you find someone to fill in for him while he's away.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander!

I would seriously put my foot down about week long pleasure trips. He can take a long weekend once or twice a year, as should you, but week long trips to places like the Bahamas, are for you and he to do TOGETHER!

OMG, A.. I am totally with you! My husbands job causes him to have to travel a lot too, and it can be hard, I totally agree. Especially when the kiddos are sick. My 11 y/o daughter is in the hosipital this week, it has been crazy, luckily he was able to be home to help with the other kids, or I would totally FLIP, LOL.