Husband Vacation and I Don't Want to Go

No way in hell would I go on the trip that you just outlined.
Sorry.
No way!
With a 3 year old? Trapped at a KOA? That's a vacation?
Not happening.

(Did I say 'never'? Lol)

Is there anything in Moab, Utah that YOU can do? A hotel with a spa and a pool? You and the kiddo can chill there and hubby can 4x4 to his heart's content.

Unfortunately, vacations for mommies aren't ever really vacations. You really end up doing the same things you do at home just in a different location.

Be honest and open minded.

Before reading this, I was going to say, YES you should go with him. But then I read it.

I totally agree with you. I'm a safety freak, and I would be really uncomfortable with that. I am also a mommy freak, and I would be really uncomfortable with the toddler traveling all this way for such a reason. I guess it really depends on how badly he wants you to go with him... and how ok you are with being trapped at home while he's gone.

I think he will probably be ok with it if you don't want to go, and he just wants a little guy time without the guilt. This is not a family vacation haha, but it is nice of him to at least offer for the family to come. My ex told me I wasn't allowed to go with him on his boy vacations, but he was also cheating on me while on those vacations, so that's understandable, right?

Anyway, I think whatever you decide to do will be ok with him. It's more so about what you want to do.

Yikes! Maybe your next family vacation he would enjoy a scrapbooking weekend with you and your girlfriends!

That sounds like the least fun "family" vacation I have ever heard of.

Either stay home, or how about this? Go to Utah, and then you and the toddler hang out in Salt Lake City while your husband and his buddies hang out in Moab. There is a TON of kid-friendly stuff to do in SLC (seriously, it's the most underrated place to vacation with kids - Mormons have tons of kids, and find great ways to entertain all of them). We actually visited there last spring and kept very busy - they have a great zoo, and right across the street from that, a really cool village re-created from 1850's houses/buildings - complete with real live animals, costumed docents, the whole nine yards. (My kids got to bottle-feed newborn lambs - squeeee!) The museum of natural history is GREAT (yes, even for little ones), and next to that is a beautiful garden with a huge kids' area. In the spring they have a kids' movie festival that is fantastic. The downtown library is awe-inspiring. Even if you're not Mormon (I'm not), the tabernacle at Temple Square is amazing, and they give free organ recitals a few times per day. The mall across the street from that is to DIE for. Thanksgiving Point has the biggest dinosaur museum in the world (yes!) and is totally geared for kids. I could go on and on. Surprisingly great place to visit.

I totally agree the 4x4 stuff in Moab is a no-go, but drop husband off and head to SLC. You'll be glad you did!

I can't believe Jen C. is comparing this with a day at the beach or museum.
A 28 hour round trip drive in a car with a three year old to go sit in a trailer park (yes, that's what KOAs are) while your husband and his buddies play and (I assume) drink beer? No thank you.
I say let him go and have fun, and while it's nice (I guess?) that he wants you and the little one to come along this is NOT a family vacation, any more than it would be a family vacation for him to drive many hours and sit in a hotel with your child while you went out and had fun with your girlfriends all day.

No you are not being too critical or even unsupportive for not wanting to go.

Honestly, this doesn't sound like a 'family vacation' at ALL. This sounds like a fun time for your husband and your husband alone!

14 hours in the car just to sit and watch your husband go do some four wheeling with his friends? Uhhhh, No Thank you!
*And I am a lover of road trips but the being stuck at the KOA does NOT sound like fun AT ALL!

I don't know your husband, but I have to say that the first thing that came in my mind is that he doesn't want you and your 3 year old to go on vacation with him AT ALL. He's banking on your staying at home, and then he's on his own with the fellows.

I think you need to plan your own vacation. Don't just stay at home. Go have fun elsewhere.

Why is it you think you would be "critical"? Did he even bother to ask how you felt about it before he planned it? If you said you didn't think of that as fun for a 3 year old, would he changed his mine?

Next time it's vacation time, tell him that he and you will be planning the family vacation TOGETHER.

Dawn

Ditto all the responses saying this isn't and never was a "family" vacation. With a big smile, tell him he's free to go on his own and have a man-cation with his buddies. Tell him he will feel SO much more relaxed not having to hear you moan at the end of the day about how you had to entertain a bored toddler all day long.

Then, take that same week and have a fun mom-and-kid vacation with your child. Daddy will miss out. Boo-hoo.

While you have time off from your husband, also spend a little of it asking yourself: Does he do this kind of thing in other ways, at other times? Does he assume that whatever he wants is fine with me? Does he make plans on our behalf but doesn't consult me about them?

If he does this stuff in other ways, you have a bigger issue than this one trip.

Okay, this sounds like a Dude's trip.
Not a Mommy and 3 year old child, trip.
Nor does it sound like a "family" trip with a 3 year old.
Once there, you will be trapped with nothing to do, while the dudes are 4 bying.
Oh, you will probably be having to keep the camp going, making food, keeping things organized and staying at base camp etc. Not fun, huh?

Does your Husband, EXPECT you and your 3 year old to go?
Plus it is a 14 hour drive, one way.
Plus, 4 days once there, of the Dudes jeeping around.
Is there going to be any other Wives there? Or just you/your 3 year old and his Buddies and them driving around all darn day?

I would stay home.
Tell your Husband.
AND then, do you have any friends or family... in your town? Tell them to help you out.
OR, tell your Husband... to drive down there via car pooling with his Buddies. Because, you NEED the car and you have a 3 year old and you will not be trapped at home. What if there is an emergency?

Okay, so your Husband's plan of going 4 by 4'ing, does not sound like a "family" trip.
It sounds like HIS... trip.
Unless, he plans to take care of his... 3 year old too and babysit and be a Dad on that trip, instead of just going 4 by 4'ing all darn day everyday for 4 days straight.

I think he should drive there, with a Buddie's vehicle. Not yours.

It sounds boring... for you and the 3 year old.
It is a man's trip.

If my Husband told me that, I would tell him he's nuts.
He can go by himself.
That is not a child friendly trip, at all. And with nothing to do, for you either.

Oh, I love Hell on Wheel's answer. You definitely should make it into your own vacation. There are so many fun things to do in Utah with or without kids. If you stay downtown you can walk a lot of places or take Trax train. The Gateway Mall downtown is an open-air mall and has the Planetarium (free admission), Children's Museum, lots of restaurants and eateries, also the Leonardo Museum is nearby ($7 admission and my kids had a ball there last week), Natural History Museum is about 10 min away. There is also the new City Creek mall downtown which is about the cleanest shopping center I have ever seen, it has a man-made waterfall and fish-filled creeks running through the sidewalks, has a great play place inside, you can walk through the temple grounds with all the beautiful flowers and fountains which is very close nearby. There are lots of free splash pads in Utah (north salt lake - 12 min drive from downtown) also the aquarium in Sandy is fabulous. Anyway, that would be my vote. Go have yourself some fun, you deserve it.

I would have never taken my 3 yr old in the car for more than 2 -3 hrs!

This trip would take 28 hours in the car---No way !

Tell him you will go on a vacation to Disneyland in CA, but, not to Utah !

This is a guys trip ! Excuse yourself from this one !

I agree with Sherri G.
That is definitely an equivalent I would share with my hubby if I were you.

Pack him a bunch of snacks and a first aid kit and tell him to have a blast. Then you enjoy the comforts of home while he is away. Get your little one to bed early each night and enjoy some quiet time at home by yourself. When he gets home, let him tell you about all the 4x4ing fun he had. Then start brainstorming ideas for a FAMILY vacation you can all go on soon.

Let us know how the discussion with hubby goes!
Good luck and best wishes!!

You are not being unreasonable at all.

Let him have a "man trip" - this vacation isn't a family vacation. He just hasn't figured that out - some guys are clueless. Southwest has flights from Seattle to Salt Lake - maybe that's an option? If not, send him along with your blessings, and get a babysitter so you can go have some spa-time.

What the heck would YOU have to do on this trip? Stay at the KOA and keep your toddler from eating every little thing he finds on the ground? :) Seriously, I'd totally stay home. Let him go with your blessing-- this is a Guys Trip, not a Family Trip. Just make sure you get a few nights out with your friends after he gets back!

my answer totally depends on who else is going, alot of single guys?? alot of couples with older children, people you know, people you don't.

I would not be happy about this trip, but you know your hubs and his buds and you would know best how muchyou can trust him and what his buds wives would say about you if you weren't there. or what they might treat you like if you are?? no way to reason with your hubs and save the money for something great for the house???

oh!! would you have gone before you got pregnant?? thats something to think about.

There's no way I'd go, that sounds completely miserable!

I'm sorry, my first husband considered a family vacation to go fishing with a brand new baby, stay in a cabin with no books, no television, no nothing (not sure if there was electricity) and he was to go fishing while I took care of our baby. I actually tried to bring the baby on a boat one day out of this (twenty eight years ago) while he fished, just to prove that I wasn't a spoil sport. Well, none of it worked out (see FIRST HUSBAND) and that never would be anything I called a vacation. Since you would be sending him with blessings (AYE AYE) that would be great but you make sure you get yourself a little spa weekend somewhere later. MEN ahh

Before reading, I was about ready to flip because I never even GET to take a vacation with my husband.

However...yup, I agree. :) Boring!!

If it were me, like another poster suggested, I would stay home and enjoy myself...toddler to bed early, good movies, pizza and cheesecake in bed, etc. :) And do some things with your little one around where you live that would be fun!

you said husband planned a 'family ' vacation then he is going jeeping so no I wouldn't go if the family vacation has turned into him hanging out his friends! Other couples there? Other wives and kids? Maybe so.

He will probably be happy to go alone. Let him go.

E.G.:

Welcome to mamapedia!

Are you serious? Your husband considers **THAT** a family vacation? uuummmm no thanks. I am ALL for desert hopping - love my ATVs and 4 wheel drives...but not with a 3 year old in a Jeep or a truck. No, thanks.

KOA's aren't bad. But really? I would tell my husband - have a GREAT time with your friends! Johnny and I will stay here and enjoy some mommy son time.

The KOA in Moab has cabins. oooh wait!!! Is this in March?!?! Their annual Jeep safari? If so - it is fun - but no - I wouldn't do it with a 3 year old. Tell him to have fun with his friends...

I know the KOA there has excursions you can do so you wouldn't be trapped...but again...not ones that I would do with a 3 year old.

Good luck!

No, he'd probably love to have a man trip. HOWEVER, if you'd like to go and rent a car after you get there to explore, that could be fun too! Perhaps you could take a girlfriend?

I love to travel and would go almost anywhere for any reason. I have driven from Texas to Wisconsin with a four year old and a five week old, to Colorado multiple times with all three, and most recently to Florida (kids were 9, 5 and 1). KOA's usually have different activities and sometimes a shuttle. If your child likes the friend, have the friend babysit one evening so you and your husband can go to dinner. We have stayed at a KOA and hooked up our portable DVD player inside so the kids could watch cartoons or movies when they got tired of playing outside. Arches is definitely on my bucket list, so if renting a car for a day is in your budget, you and your child could go explore on your own.
That said, traveling with a friend can have it's drawbacks. If he doesn't have kids, he may not know that traveling with a small child means more frequent and longer stops and a little bit of a slower pace. Also, I once traveled with my first child, my husband and his friend on a weekend hop. I felt like the nanny. So, if it was going to be a situation where I would feel like a third wheel, I would just stay home.

No I think he should understand and should have taken the 3 yr old and yourself into consideration! He would probably have more fun going with his buddies than worrying about what you two are doing while hes having a blast! My 3 yr old is obsessed with 4 wheeling but again hes 3 hed be ready to move to something else in a few hrs!

i love moab with every fiber of my being, but this sure doesn't sound like fun. we did a drive-to vacation with a 6 year old and 2 year old once, that was fun because we all did the camping and hiking together at the far end. but that drive (9 hours) was a real challenge for the little boys. if it meant being stuck in the campsite taking care of a baby by myself while my husband was out having adventures, that would be a non-starter in my book.
it's not like you're telling him he can't go. what's critical about that?
will he be willing to have an actual family vacation at some point?
khairete
S.

It is possible to enjoy Moab with a 3 year old - I've done it. However, being trapped at the KOA with the 3 year old while your hubby and his buddies whoop it up isn't it. This is the most thoughtless "family" vacation plan I've heard in a long time. It would be a great trip to make when your kid is 12 and can go 4 wheeling and whitewater rafting with you and dad. It's a lousy trip to make now.

The idea that he couldn't drop you off in Salt Lake City is BS, to be blunt. The only highway (I-15) that will take you to Moab from Seattle runs through the center of town. Getting you here would not require a detour. Dropping you off here would cost him 10 minutes of drive time. What is the real reason he doesn't consider SLC for you and your child to be an option? I would guess that if you dig deeper, he doesn't want to spend the money it would take to give you and your child as nice a vacation as he wants for himself.

Take a few deep breaths, then ask your husband if he wants a solo trip with the guys and has been too timid to come out and say so.

You are not being critical by wanting to stay home with your toddler. You are being sane. Your husband is being terribly thoughtless and unrealistic. If this sort of behavior is a pattern for him, please try to get into couple's counseling. It seems that your man has not adjusted to the idea that living with a wife and child means that he must consider your needs and wishes as well as his own.

Do you like it when he comes with you to do things you enjoy? If you planned a day at the park or the beach or a museum would you be annoyed if he said "babe, thats not my thing, you go have fun and I will stay home alone"?

I would go, and I would find a way to have fun. Camping and being outdoors can be a blast for a child of 3, and when he is not in the jeep you can all have time as a family. If I would expect my husband to support me and want to spend time with me, then I would grant him that same courtesy.

I did 5 days in the car with a 2 and a 3 year old, bring a portable DVD player or game unit and some snacks, he will be just fine.