Hyper Three Year Old During Church...

Hi Carrie,

Honestly, I don't think your kid is adhd or more hyper than normal....He is just three years old. Also, I think that you are not being cruel at all! He is doing great, and I believe that most of the kids at his age acts like yours.
My youngest is three years and a half, and he behaves pretty good everywhere and in church (He has his bad days too!). Relax Carrie, your little one will be calmer and more quiet some days and some others not, and it is OK to expect him to behave, but do not exaggerate. I have seen children who are unable to behave in church or other places where they are supposed to be quiet and still while others are really angels. In my opinion, is not just a matter of behaving or well educated or disciplined,it is just a thing of character or temper sometimes. Children who move a lot and talk a lot are not necessarily adhd or something alike, they are just more active. Just keep bringing with you books, small coloring books or "easy" puzzles for your kid (I say "easy" for him not to get upset in the middle of the service, lol).
When we go to church, we remind to our kids to behave properly and being quiet (we repeat this over and over again every time we attend something they should be quiet or calm)Sometimes during the week, we do role play, it sounds silly but has helped a lot to the younger one! Repetition is the key.
I don;t like to go to the Nursery or the special room for the kids to "play" or "read" with other kids,......the yelling, or crying or just any disruptive behavior gets worse in that room, so we usually seat in the last row next to the door, and when the behavior becomes too annoying for others, my husband or myself leave for minutes with the "disruptor"..lol!....(or myself when I go alone with the kids..that happens!) I try to attend the 10:30 am mass most of the time: the kids are in a good mood, they have eaten and it's not too close to the nap or quiet time.
Carrie you are doing OK and according to what you're saying H., your little one is doing great!!! so, just keep doing what you are doing..it will pass....
Good luck!

quick & simple: do not expect him to have the skills you want him to have...if you're just expecting it in one setting. What you desire from him needs to be taught DAILY, not just for Sunday church.

That said, start at home. Sit & do a puzzle-color a picture-build a tower-read a book.....anything where you are with him, modeling the desired behavior. That's how kids learn! Hands-on, constructive approach....you can't just "tell" him & expect him to get it.

And to some extent, this goes back to the old time-out rule: one minute of time-out for each year of age....that's pretty much what you can expect as an attention span for children. KG expectations are 10-20 minutes "focused" time depending on the school district!
Good Luck........

Good Morning Carrie, your son is doing great. Like the other 2 mama's said he is 3 and doesn't seem anymore hyper then any other child his age. I have seen preteens and older kids act up in Church more then little ones.

Our kids when small were in the nursery when infants, then with us until age 2-3 then SS, then Children's Church.
They had their own praise and worship song times, story time/lessons/ alter prayer time. Was like the adult church on kids levels.

In the Summer months the Children's pastors held their services outside in a Huge tent, then called it "Heir Force". Our kids where grown and married by then, when we attended this church. I was the Christian Edu. Director then

I never taught in our boys classes it was better that I not. So when they would advance to the age group I had, I would take a break for a while or help out with the infant nursery *I loved hold dem dere babies :))

Our 3 oldest Gr children do well in Church and Children's Church. Our two youngest wouldn't or couldn't be quiet to save themselves or us. It would be like that Internet joke that went around for years. Little boy acting out in Church, Mama kept saying be still. Finally Dad picked him up and as they left the Service the little boy could be heard saying in a loud voice "Pray FOR Me!!!"

Your doing well Carrie, if anyone looks at you and your child if he is noisy, they are just revisiting their own memories of their own kids growing up learning how to behave in Church.

God Bless you and yours
K. Nana of 5

this is just more of a general statement for all moms who might read this.
We can not expect our toddlers to sit like rocks during movies, church, dinner, etc., especially at events that they don't find intriguing or interesting. It is natural for a 2, 3, 4 or even 5 yr old to be restless or even a little rowdy at any given time. I am not saying we shouldn't try to teach them self control. I have 4 kids and I do teach mine self control and to be calm and quiet in certain situations, however, if they don't, I take them out of the room or try to handle it with a reward system, etc. so they will be inspired to behave. I don't assume they have some medical problem like ADD or ADHD. All kids are different and just because some are quieter than others, it doesn't mean we need to send ours to the doctor and possibly start medicating them. Sorry if I sound just a little bothered but I don't think it's right. Churches make daycare for this reason, so kids can play or run out their energy. I don't think there is a single thing wrong with that. They are only little for a short time. Let them be kids. I don't mean let them run wild, but I don't think we should have such high expectations of toddlers and treat them as if something is wrong with them when they are behaving as most little children do. OK, if I offend anyone, I apologize but that's what this forum is for.

We have a special church bag full of items that we take to church with us. The church bad stays in the car and is only for church. I also allow my daughter to pick one snack out to take with her to eat during church. We have a children's sermon about half way through the service and after the children's sermon is when she gets her snack. She sits a plays quietly (sometimes not so quietly), but does pretty well most of the time. We also sit in the front of the church and if my daughter gets too loud the preacher takes whatever she is doing and puts it into his sermon. She loves to hear him say her name. I would try a special church bag with things for him to do. I too, do not believe in letting the kids stay in the nursery for this one hour.

Hi Carrie!

I won't really offer any more advice, because it seems like you have some good stuff, but i did want to say that your post rang so, so true for us too! You're not alone, Sister! I was just having this discussion with my family, that my 2 year old is a very active and busy little girl and I feel like she should be able to be more 'appropriate' in church (I also wholeheartedly agree about the nursery situation!) but I'm beginning to think it's a never-ending battle! I look around my church and see kids her age being so quiet and she's not! At first I thought my kid was abnormal, but now I think it's theirs! ;) LOL! Anyway, hang in there, it's bound to get better!

Hi Carrie!
It is not unreasonable to expect your 3 yr old to sit somewhat quietly through a church service. But you, as his mom know him better than anyone else; if you see that he is more active than other children his age, then you may have to adjust for that. There very well could be an attention issue similar to his father's, but like you said, he just turned 3. I teach Sunday School for 2 & 3 yr olds and worked in childcare for 12 yrs, and 3 yr olds do NOT normally have a very long attention span. Longer than 2 yr olds, but definitely less than 4 yr olds! :) But again, each child is unique.
You mentioned though that he sits through church and then Sunday school...in my opinion, sitting through anything after sitting through church service would be very difficult for a 3 yr old unless given sufficient time to get the "wiggles" out before having to sit again. Also, from my own experience, having a parent in the classroom is NOT always helpful. Most children tend to act out more in a classroom setting when the parent is present. I know that has been my experience with my own children as well as many others. My daughter just moved out of my class this past Sunday. :)
It's great that you are allwoing him some form of activity during the church service. I did that with my children as well. I remember not being allowed to do anything in church when I was little.
I also think that if ages have to be combined in a class, consideration needs to be given to the difference in skills and attention span. Is your little boy really too active in Sunday School or is there too much "sit down" time expected? Children can be taught while they are playing and while they are moving.
I wouldn't worry too much at this point. If he is doing ok and making progress, just give him time. Boys, many times mature slower than girls, and are just generally more active. And again, every child is unique...some are just generally more active while others are calm. Just do your best to teach him that there is a time and place, that no matter how active he is, he just has to sit for a while. It's harder for some than others, but he will get it!

Carrie,
I wouldn't worry about him yet. He is still very young. Also, this is a new situation for him. He hasn't had time to adjust yet. I work in the nursery/pre-school at church. His behavior sounds normal to me, and actually better than many I deal with! Give him some time to mature before you start worrying.

My kids are 5 & 7 and they still get antsy in church. I've just learned to sit at the back vs the 2nd pew in church. We have Sunday School after church as well. I think two plus hours is a long time to have kids try to sit still. Up until last year, I had to take my kids out to run them around between church and Sunday School.

If he hasn't been in a preschool setting before, sitting still might take a while to transition into for Sunday School or any other school like setting. It is only once a week. He will get the routine after a while. Try not to compare your child to others. All kids reach different stages in development at different times. You said he is smart as a whip. For some kids, social development doesn't come as quickly as "academic" development. We sometimes think that both should be on the same level at the same time but this isn't always the case.

Good luck.

Hi Carrie, I teach one of the 3 to 5 year old pre-school class for our church's AWANA's group (CUBBIES ROCK - that our class' battle cry) - anyway the boys are always more wiggly than the girls. And I have 2 little boys that just can't sit and be still. One thing that we do is to change activities every 10 or 15 minutes. In an hour and a half we will have game time in the gym, sing our Cubbies song, say the pledge of allegiance, say our Cubbie key verse and motto, say our verses for the night, do a project, a coloring sheet and have a snack. And if after that is all done and it's not time to go then we play musical chairs. I keep them moving so that it keeps their attention. I think that you little guy is normal and as he gets older he'll get better at focusing. He may have some ADD issues, but I wouldn't worry about that until he was in "big" school, like 1st or 2nd grade at the earliest. My younger daughter is also wiggly and hard to keep her attention. She's in the first grade. She sits at a desk away from the other kids. It's not nearly as bad as it sounds. At her desk facing the wall she does not get distracted as easily, and she has not only her desk, but an empty one beside her and a table so that she can spread out and wiggle a little while doing her work. The teacher is working with my little angel on sitting still, and she is getting better, but it's a work in progress. It's hard for little ones to sit still in church. I didn't expect it from my kids until they were in kindergarten. Until then they did the nursery or sunday school and if they came into church I would try to keep them quit and still but I didn't hold my breath for it. Hang in there - he'll settle down someday. And this phase too shall pass. Good luck and God Bless!!!

Hey Carrie. Lighten up. I am the mom of a 6'7" young man. guess what he was bigger and acted less mature than the older children in his preschool groups also. He is also the mighty man of God that every child in the nursery wants to hang on, play with, go camping with. He did not want to sit still during worship. He praises God in the outdoors and at the mountaintops. God made your child to be who he is not who you have imaged in your mind. Quit comparing him to others. God may very well have a different plan for them. In the meantime, let him go potty when he needs to, not when the other children go. Accompany him to encourage not to mold him to the ideal behavior of others. Praise him when he behaves. Help him learn from his mistakes. Treat him as you want God to treat you when you err. Grace is not just for adults. In the meantime develop a sense of humor. Perhaps this is the very child God has planted in your life to teach you how much patience He has had with us. Don't make church a battleground. It is intended to nurture Christianity. Bless you and good luck.

How many young children are in your church? I wonder if they could start a Childrens Church like our church has? Our children stay in church until after the music, announcements and tithes and offerings and then they are invited to go to Childrens Church. It is held by a rotating staff of men and women and is sort of a 2nd Sunday School for them. That way they get to experience the adult church service but when it comes time for the sermon when being attentive is so important for the adults, they are off doing their own thing and learning at their level.
You have to remember that it isn't just you that is being distracted by your squirmy little one....the other folks around you are affected too. I am not saying that your child is acting up too much, it sounds to me like he is just being a 3 year old.
I would also agree with one of the other Mom's who said it might be causing your child to act out even more when you go into the Sunday School class with him. Let him learn to interact and learn with his class without your hands on guidance. It is a great learning experience for him and a great way for him to prepare for Kindergarten!!
R. Ann

Ask your pediatrician to refer you to someone who can diagnose ADD/ADHD. That's the only way to know for sure. But it's true that almost any 3-yr old will have trouble sitting still for a solid hour. He's not getting anything out of the "adult" church experience so why make him do it? To prove that you can strong-arm your children into submission? I don't get it. He's barely three years old. Children just don't operate that way and they certainly don't understand or enjoy sermons. I don't think you're being cruel, but yes, I do think you are expecting too much. It's simply a disruption for you and everyone else trying to worship. Wouldn't you rather enjoy the sermon yourself instead of stressing out and fiddling with stickers? :-) Try again when he's four. Or maybe five...

What ever works for you and your son. Be glad something works!
you dont have to live up to other peoples Ideas.

Carrie-

First of all, you cannot compare your child to any other three year old. Kids are so different that it's just not going to help in any situation to think "he's quieter in this situation. how can I get my child to do that?" It sounds like your son is doing well in church/sunday school. I honestly do not think you can expect a three year old (any three year old) to sit still for two hours in a row, especially when they are not constantly being entertained! Many three year olds have a hard time sitting through a 2 hour long cartoon that has characters that they LOVE!! I would think that if you expect him to be quiet during the hour long church sermon, you should then expect that he'll be a little more disruptive/loud during the S. hour during Sunday school. Maybe take him outside after church and let him run around and jump around to get rid of some energy. Are you wanting him to sit through church because you want him to listen to the sermon and learn how to respect a church service? I do not think at his age he is capable of understanding what the context of the sermons are about so if it's just because you are wanting him to be disciplined, then that's okay. I would also look at hte Sunday school and how they are teaching. Maybe he's just bored? If you are helping, see if there is a way you can get the kids up and moving and talking and yelling and laughing while learning.

As far as the whole ADHD, Dyslexic, etc stuff, you never know - your son could have both but I do not think that the signs you have told us about are signs at his age (but I'm not a professional!).

I'm not saying asking him to sit through church is mean, but I have a 27 month old daughter and want to start going to church but want her to be there (not in the nursery) but we're waiting until she's older...just my opinion. But then again, she's not as old as your son!

My just turned 4yo could not sit thru church service. He is just a very busy boy. He is the oldest in his 3yo Sunday school class and normal very helpful. But there are still days when he is just a lil' wild. He loves God and is normally respectful when in the sanctuary, but I would not expect him to be able to sit thru service at his age.

I don't think he is being hyper, he's just being a boy! I would never expect a 3 y/o to sit still for an hour doing anything. He is just too young. Boys are more physical than girls and need to move and play. Playing is how young children learn. It is not an early sign of ADD or ADHD. Asking a 3 y/o old to sit still and pay attention for any hour is like requiring an adult to sit still and pay attention to a boring mono tone lecture for 24 hours straight. I think it is a bit unreasonable. I have an 8 y/o & 4 y/o boys (neather have any ADD or ADHD) and they can't seem to sit still for more than 30 minutes!
I'm sorry that I can't help & I don't have any suggestions.

God bless!

I am a teacher of 3-5 year olds at church and some kids are just more active than others. I had this girl 2 years ago in my class that was just all over the place and had to keep things active for her and was sure she probably had ADHD and the parents thought so too but their family doc won't test kids until they are 5. Well as time went on she learned the rules of my class and adjusted after about 3 months and started calming down and was able to sit more than a few minutes. By the time she was 4 wow she was a total different kid and could tell she was definitely getting herself ready for Kindergarten. now she is in Kindergarten and doing well even though sometimes she has problems talking too much in class but she is 75% better than she was at age 3. She is just very sociable and will probably be a good actress or singer one day.
I wouldn't worry about him too much at this age but if you feel things are getting worse by the time he is 5 then you might ask about getting him tested for ADHD/ADD but 3-5 is such a crucial time for kids to develop and they learn a lot. Just be consistant with your discipline and let him know when he acts up what is appropriate and what isn't. Also encourage him to stand whenever everyone else is standing because when kids sit the whole service then they tend to get bored and act out within the first 5 minutes of the sermon because they have already sat a long time during the beginning of the service. They need to be involved in singing and clapping even if they don't know the songs very well. I didn't let my kids start drawing or writing until the sermon started that way they participated in half of the service and didn't get bored as quick with the things I brought for them to do. Encourage him to draw a picture about something the preacher talked about and that will help him be more attentive to find out what the sermon is about.

However I did put my kids in the nursery until they were 4 and then they sat in the Sunday night service as we go to 3 services a week so they got their learn to sit still in church on Sunday nights but went to children's church during morning service. I do not agree that pre-teens and teenagers should be in childrens church or youth during Sunday morning service which a lot of churches have now. My kids moved into the main service at age 10 for both Sunday services even though there is a class for them until age 12. I just feel they need to learn to sit in church and worship and connect with the adults and can't wait until they are teenagers to start that.