I Am Board with My Life.

Yes, yes, yes - I DO know. You could do a couple of things - join a Mom's group and volunteer. If you're religious, it looks like Mothers of Preschoolers is in Eagle River (www.mops.org).

Find a hobby. I either watch movies, or play video games.
The Video Games, let me feel like i accoplished something!
and if you like nintendo theres a bunch of games out there that help with learning for the kids.
www.ActionGameXchange.com
AWESOME place.

One of my best friends became a mum in the 60's... when nearly EVERY mum was a housewife and SAHM.

I remember complaining about nearly the same thing and she LAUGHED at me.

"Darling, if all you're doing is housework, shoot yourself right now. That is NOT what being a housewife and mother is about. Never do more than an hour a day. Period."

She went on to tell me that what used to be the "standard" was a half hour right before lunch (in case hubby would come home for lunch), and a half hour right before he came home. And to MAKE SURE that you were "just finishing up" something as he walked through the door. Also that making the bed in the morning didn't "count" because it only took 45 seconds. Half an hour before lunch and half an hour before hubby came home and "my house would be spotless".

Do you know? She was right. Instead of chasing my tail all day, every day, an hour a day took care of everything. And cooking... even if I cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner (3 hot meals) would only take up another hour and a half. 2.5 hours a day. SO doable.

((Sigh... and I've found her to be SO right. If I'm relaxing after a LONG day when my husband comes home, he pretty much assumes that's all I've been doing all day. If, however, I'm just wiping an already clean counter... he actually seems to think I've spent all day cleaning. <rolls eyes> I HATE that it's true, but a lot of men only believe what the see.))

Since the average SAHM's day is 15 hours long that leaves 12 hours + to be doing interesting things. Yes, a lot of it is child raising, but it can be FUN child raising... not trying to get things done while child raising.

She also kvetched with me about the lack of support. In HER day, all the SAHM's would get together for 10am or 1pm bridge & cocktails ... or would in some other way REALLY socialize. Note: those are the 2 standard "naptimes". There was no need for "girl's nights" because it was girls' mornings, or girls' afternoons. That, of course, doesn't exist anymore. And playdates have superceded FRIENDS. Instead of mom's getting together to socialize and relax, instead it's about getting kids together with strangers.

But, last bit of her sage advice, the most important thing about being a SAHM and not losing your mind... is that it's not all about the kids. WHATEVER it was that you did before, continue to do. Follow your passions, dreams, and hobbies. Just bring the kids along, or trade childcare/ get childcare for 2 hours a day. But for the first year, especially, babies don't know if they're being held on your sofa, or being held in the supermarket, or being held at a concert, or the library, or a card game, or stable, or sports arena, or wherever. They're just being held. But for older kids, they see you working on things you love, and they learn to do the same. The whole, being a role model thing.

Hi J., Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I had every intention of being a stay at home mom and before my son was even a year old I made the decision that I had to go back to work for my piece of mind and so I could have a break, lol. I always tell my coworkers when I return from time off even just a long weekend, that I am so happy to be back to work, so I can relax. The truth is that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world, it is also the most thankless and most underestimated and most time consuming. You have a pat on the back from me for doing such a great job for so long. Take some of the other moms advice and try and do some volunteer work or find a hobby that is adults only and make time for yourself as a woman and not just a mom. You are such a productive member of society in the highest degree by devoting your time to your family and raising your children to be good people.

Hi J.,
First of all, I know you know that you are doing something vitally important for society: raising your children. Have you heard the phrase: the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world? It is true. You are equipping the future with morals, confidence, tools of communication, so many things! You are VITAL in your children's lives. My first thought was to ask you why you do what you do. Why? What is your goal, your vision? What do you want for your family? Your husband? Your children? Your grandchildren (that are yet unborn)? Work today to effect the results you want. Pour your life into these lives (as you are already doing) with confidence in their future. I get in ruts sometimes. It stinks. But, then, I get a fire and get back to the task at hand. Teach your children to be thankful and appreciative. Require that they thank you for every meal you prepare for them. It becomes habit, then it comes from their hearts. Enjoy these precious days. Yes, we all have bad days. That's part of life. Focus on the goals, the promise of tomorrow, your dreams and hopes for your family that causes you to do what you do today.
Blessings!

Wow...I'm so sorry you feel this way.

Perhaps you could volunteer someplace for a few hours a week? When I was on my maternity leave (a 9 month leave) with my second son, I suffered the same thing. I finally bundled my baby up and went to the main office of my synagogue and asked for a project. All the office ladies were happy to listen to my baby happily cooing on his blanket while I stuffed envelopes. Obviously not a huge project, but it helped someone, it was a projected completed and I had a reason to shower and get out of the house.

Perhaps you could look in to a part time job. Granted, you might just be working to pay for day care, but, again, it would get you out of the house and interacting with other people.

Perhaps you could take a class at a local community college? Engaging your mind in something beyond laundry and dishes might do the trick, plus you get away for a few hours a week. Take something you never saw yourself learning or doing. One summer, I took an improvisational jazz class. I swear I played only 6 notes all summer on my sax but I had a great time trying!

As for the repetitive nature of house chores...I hear you. The thing that turned it around for me (and this was 12 years AFTER my children started school) was www.flylady.net. It's such a great "home management" philosophy that I finally de-cluttered my life and my home. I don't mind those house chores quite so much now!

I know no one likes to back out of a commitment, but I worry that you are doing your family no favors by staying home and being this miserable. If happy moms make happy families, then the reverse is certainly true.

Good luck!

I just took up sewing. I really, really like it. It makes me feel productive because when I finish a project, I've actually made something! I am also a SAHM and I am SO over the cleaning up. I don't know how old your kids are, but they need to be helping, especially with the toys. I have started having my 2 and 4 year olds help clean up because I can't stand that I used to spend a good portion of naptime cleaning up toys only to have them all out again 5 minutes after they got up. So, I don't pick up toys during naptime anymore. I try to get them to straighten up a little beforehand and then we put everything away before bed. As for the laundry and stuff....I try to do a couple of loads per day so that I'm not doing it ALL DAY LONG on certain days. It doesn't make it any less thankless, just feels a little less time consuming.

I left a nearly 6 figure job to stay at home with my kids, so I understand missing that feeling of being productive to society, but I wouldn't trade it for anything and my plan is to do volunteer work when the kids are in school and not go back to "Corporate America" full time. I always feel a lot more self fulfilled when I've helped someone than when I'm working 50 hours per week for an employer who is only out for a buck. Besides, then I can set my schedule and be around to help with the kids school activities as well.

My advice would be to try to get a hobby of some sort started. Sewing, scrapbooking, etc. that has a "finished product" so that you can feel like you've accomplished something permanent. Hope this is helpful! I completely understand where you're coming from, so if anything, you'll know you aren't alone. Good luck to you!

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am not a stay at home mom, but on my maternity leaves have felt the same way. What worked for me was to carve out time for me and something I like to do each day. I joined a couple of mothers groups, so that I could make friends with people going thru the same thing. Meetup.com usually has groups in your area. They have groups that do all sorts of things ( people who like to cook, dance, etc). Also you could sign up for a class in something your interested in( you could take anything from an educational class, or a class on a hobby)/ While on my current mat leave my older child goes to daycare for a couple of hours each week to give me some time to focus on myself, even if it's just to sit down and read a book. Hope this helps.

Well, one of the best things about life is we can change our path almost anytime! You could start looking for a job now and go ahead and go back to work. The world won't end, and yours might start to look a lot better! Even if it was just part time, it would be good for you. You could also volunteer at the library or hospital or something. It was time for me to go back earlier this year, and overall it's been really good for me.

Go back to work! Put your kids in daycare/preschool. They will be FINE!

I know what you mean with the cleaning. It is NEVERENDING, and just gets messed up the same exact day you clean. It sucks, I know. Anyway, I'm sure you have heard of the phrase, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." It will not be good for your kids to be around their miserable mommy. Go back to work! Go for it!

The other momma have given you good advice. Make up a daily duties calendar and break it down for morning and afternoon. Then schedule cleaning of the bathroom and a bedroom for one morning and then the afternoon something else until you have all your chores done in a five day window and not chasing what you just cleaned. I figured this out a long time ago when I became a stay at home mom while hubby was in the military and we moved out of country. It took about six weeks to get everything into full swing. After that I could do more and clean less and this was in the day of cloth diapers that were washed every three days about six dozen. Meals were prepared fresh daily and what was left from dinner became the next day's lunch. There was enough time for joining the wives club, ceramic class and sewing. In the warmer weather I would walk the kids to the park and hubby would swing by the park and pick us up on the way home. The meal would be almost done that was put in the oven while we all played outside.

I do miss those days of long ago. Now the kids are grown and we are retired. I work at the local university for something to do.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

I do the same thing. Because I am not working I dont have a "deadline" to get things done, no structure, no schedule. This doesnt go for my kids of course, Im speaking of myself. I used to stay home during the day and work every evening at 4pm. I would make sure the house was cleaned by noon so I could spend the rest of the day with my daughter. Now that Im not working.....Blah!! I need structure. :(

Take an evening class at home while your husband is at home. Make it a class that you either are going to use when you go back to work or something that you have always been interested in and have never had the time to do. Make it really worthwhile. And put your heart into it.

Have you had an opportunity to have a little vacation with your husband?
Do you give yourself a gift of an occasional event for yourself . . . .
massage? theatre? something without the kids?
Have you had a check-up lately?
You may be depressed and would benefit from meds
and/or talking therapy.
Have you considered getting together with another mom or two
once/week for mutual support and company?

I felt the same way you did for the last year. I was a SAHM for almost 2 years, and while at first I loved it, I became very bored very quickly. I went back to work about 6 weeks ago, and OMG what a difference it makes! I feel like a whole new person. I feel productive, important, needed, etc. Not that our kids don't need us, but it's a different type of "needed" feeling. I feel like my old self again, and I am so happy I decided to return to my old job. I am a better mom and wife. I feel like I am a better person over all. I never knew how important working made me feel until I stopped working, but now I know and I will never not work again. Now I actually enjoy cleaning and cooking and all that good stuff, because Its no longer my number one job. And now that I am working, my husband has really stepped up and he does the dishes and laundry on the days I work. Its so nice! I think you need to return to the workforce, or like you said, volunteer. You need something more than the SAHM mom life. Some of us are just not cut out for the duldrum of every day at home. There is nothing wrong with needing more. Good luck, and I hope you get that "productive" feeling back.

About the cleaning-I recommend Flylady.com. It helps with the cleaning but also so much more!!!!

I second the Flylady suggestion, just to help with the monontany of housework. Then I would reccommend getting a hobby like sewing or scrapbooking as someone else suggested. If you are not sure take a day and just walk around your bookstore or library...I always get inspiration there. there are endless topics to discover, maybe an old dream you had may resurface (photography, cooking, language, whatever).
Most importantly, try to relish the time you have left at home with your babies. There are so many women who have no choice but to go to work when they would much rather be home. Good luck.

J.,

I don't have any real answers for you, but I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone! Being a full time stay at home Mom is definetely a thankless job. Try to remember your kids are better off because of you. Try to make sure you get down time for yourself & enough excersize, sleep & healthy food. Have you tried the flylady website? It helps directs/schedules cleaning so it is more managable & less overwhelming. One more year will really fly by quickly, you will be working again & then you will long for your days at home - it's human nature to want what we don't have.... Hang in there!

Sounds like you need a schedule. Treat housework/arrands as your job. Make a list of reasonable tasks and check them off when they are complete. There is a lot of joy that comes just from completing a written task, even if its scrubbing the toilet. Reward your self also. Give yourself a "paycheck". Carve time out one day a week for your reward and enjoy a work week done well.

Go back to work for a few weeks. Guaranteed that will help you see the green grass on your side of the fence! You think being at home is thankless? I should forward you a few dozen of the emails I got at work today. Corporate America is no picnic.

If you want to go back to work though, then do! It's not like it's going to scar your kids for life to have a nanny for a year, or go to preschool or daycare. They will be absolutely fine. Some people love staying at home, some people don't. If it's not your calling, then go get yourself a new job. =) Being miserable isn't good for you or your kids!

You know the saying, the grass is always greener...

I would LOVE to have time to be bored. I don't mean this in a hurtful way, but I would enjoy taking time to cook and clean and play with my kids while they are home. I would head to the park and live in the moment with my preschool son. I would schedule zoo trips and play dates, etc. I would work on their baby books (they are 5 and 7!!), I would go to the gym or take a class.

Instead, I get up at least by 6am and try to workout and try to get organized with lunches and even fit in some actual work. I then get the family up and struggle to get them dressed and ready for school on time. Once they are there it's time for me to work..on work. I work from home, so I'm extremely lucky, but there is no me time, there is no cleaning time, there is no resting, even writing this makes me feel guilty because I'm getting even more behind. Then I pick up the kids at 3:30 and it's a mad dash to try to do homework, activities (we only do swimming so we're not overbooked at all) dinner, cleaning up dishes, and we're lucky if the kids are in bed by 8 or 9. Then I go back to the office to work some more since I only get 6 hours during the day to work.

I'm still trying to figure out when I'll be magically cleaning and getting the kids to help pick up. I'm still trying to figure out how to get the paperwork and mail sorted. I'm still trying to figure out when I get to relax.

So, boredom can be beautiful. Enjoy it. Take a nap for me. :)

I haven't read all the answers, but I've seen some that tell you to get a hobby or project or take a class.... why not make your KIDS your project? Go to story time at the library, then pick up some books on science or art projects and get busy! Time FLIES when I am working on projects with my kids and I get to the end of the day finding myself enjoying a quiet moment of folding clothes while they read together. The more time I spend with them really engaged earlier in the day, the easier it is to sit them together for some quiet time without them needing my attention or fighting with each other later. We travel to different parks around the city a couple days a week, we go for a kid friendly hike a couple times a month, and we sit and draw/build/read/sing pretty much every day! They also help with tasks around the house (with me, not on their own), like loading and unloading the dishwasher and washing machine, washing and drying the table, sweeping, mopping, weeding outside, preparing meals and setting the table. This way I know they are learning to be independent and understand what it takes to run a household, and they take pride in our space. We talk and sing while we work, they learn how to sort and count, they learn to work together (you get the napkins, I'll get the plates), and no one is ever bored! When I find myself getting bored with my life (I think this happens to all stay at home parents!) I have to step back and look at what I am doing with my time - usually it is clear to me that I am not putting enough time and effort into my kids. When I put REAL effort into them I realize how much fun it is to stay home, and what a real impact I am making on them - which then makes me realize how important and needed I am!