I Am Not Getting Any Sleep and Would Love Some Help

A couple of things you could try. Start responding to his crying slower. By this I mean, let him cry for 5 minutes before you go into him for a week. Then the next week let him cry for ten minutes, etc.

Or you could cold turkey it. That is really hard on everybody. I don't recommend it.

How about giving him a bottle and not hold him. He probably can hold it by himself. As he begins to holds the bottle, you can sit farther and farther away from him.

Just a couple of thoughts.

My best wishes.

I know how difficult it is when babies don't sleep.

A.,

It sounds to me like he hasn't learned how to soothe himself. Try leaving a sippy cup/bottle (whatever you use) of water in his crib with him at night. Also, give him some time to try and get himself back to sleep.

My daughter is 17 months and we try to give her about 5 minutes to calm herself. If she changes her cry in that first 5 mins we go get her immediately. If she's just plain pissed we get her immediately. If she's winding down after 5 mins we let her be, but if she's still in full scream we go get her and either sway with her in our arms at her crib side, just hold her at her crib side, rock with her a little, or hold her a little in the rocking chair (it all depends on how upset she is and how awake I am). This usually works like a charm and she's back in bed fairly (usually) quickly. This also worked for my son who is almost 5.

Good Luck,
Melissa

Just read Amber's post and thought of two other things that might help too. 1) A nightlight/dimmer switch, and 2) soothing music playing all night. Did both of these with my daughter and that helped as well.

I would look into the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She nursed her children on demand, and even co-slept, and her book works for however your child sleeps: in a crib, in your bed, with a bottle, with a boob, etc.

My daughter was barely getting 8 hours in a 24 hour period, before that book. Now she gets a daily 2 hour nap, goes to sleep at 9pm, and wakes up at 9am. She now gets 14 hours in a 24 hour period! We ALL sleep so much better now. And we didn't have to give up some of the things that work for us either!

*hug* Momma. I've been where you are! There is light at the end of the tunnel!

Hey A.!!

I'm in the same boat right now with my 5 month old. He is still waking up 4-5 times per night. I have been so exhausted that I asked our pediatrician what he suggested and he told me about the book by Dr. Ferber- "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems". I read it (the parts that are applicable anyway)but haven't started any of the techniques yet. However, my son only has woke up once the past two nights!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed! Anyway, I like Dr. Ferbers technique and he is not a proponent of "cry it out". He talks about "sleep association"- the environment in which your child falls asleep every night, and how these have to be repeated each time your child wakes up in order for him to fall back asleep. This is because your baby has never learned how to fall asleep by himself. My son's sleep association was nursing because every time he cried at night I would go to him and nurse him back to sleep. Now that he is 5 months old, he should only be eating once at night but he THINKS he is hungry. Anyway, get the book- it was like a lightbulb going on for us, it completely described all the problems and gave us easy solutions. Good luck!!

A.

I'm wondering who told you that "this (nursing/holding) needs to stop"? I feel so sad that so many people still think babies should be left alone to fall asleep. I think it's fine and wonderful that you are with him as he falls asleep. As far as waking up at 3 and not going back to sleep again - if he is going to bed at 7 or 8, that may be all the nighttime sleep he needs. You could try getting him to bed later in the evening - and/or going to bed earlier yourself and napping when the children do, so that you can get more sleep yourself. If you aren't already sleeping with him, I'd highly recommend that too - if you aren't sleeping with him, he may not feel safe to go back to sleep, knowing you won't be there when he wakes up - whereas if you cosleep, he knows it is safe to fall asleep because he knows you'll be there when he wakes up. Also, it's natural for people to have a stretch of deeper sleep earlier in the night and then lighter sleep towards morning, so, although he may not sleep as deeply after 3 a.m., he may be able to sleep some shorter/lighter cycles - especially if you cosleep, because when he first wakes up you respond right away because you're right there, and neither of you has to wake up fully, so it's easier for both of you to go back to sleep (whereas, if he is sleeping alone, it is more likely that by the time you hear him, he has become so fully awake that it is much harder for him to go back to sleep). Also you could try practical things like dark curtains, although now that it is getting light later in the morning, that may not be an issue. I slept with my children till they were about 4 and nursed them to sleep until they were 2 and 3. Now they are happy loving adults who cosleep with their wonderful children! It works, and it's so simple!

Gosh, I understand your lack of sleep! I have a 11.5 month old who still wakes up at night. Though he doesn't stay awake after he nurses, I am still exhausted! Just recently, my husband suggested letting him yell it out. So I did last night. I didn't sleep so well cause I could still hear him, but I am going to try it for a few days and see if I can get some better results. You might try putting some toys in his bed and letting him play, yelling, until he learns. Most likely he'll fall asleep pretty fast. After he all, he needs sleep too!

I've read that it is a myth that children "sleep through the night" before the age of 2 (it's just one of those dirty little secrets that moms don't want to admit to!) I agree that nursing and holding him are beneficial, because studies have shown that supporting and 'indulging' children actually creates more confidence and security later in life and that trying to encourage too much 'independence' too early actually causes insecurity and dependence! Use of the "cry it out" method has also been shown to be associated with adult sleep disorders like insomnia! These are recent studies which overturn a lot of commonly held beliefs. Dr. William Sears calls it the "pay now or pay later" philosophy, basically saying that the more you put into them the first few years, the less trouble they'll give you the rest of their lives.

BTW, I co-sleep, nurse, do all that attachment stuff and mostly give my son anything he wants (at home, not in public) as long as it is not dangerous or really bad for him. I often think I am overindulgent or spoiling him. Some of this is influenced by my husband's mexican family which is very loving and children-oriented. BUT, at 24 months (and ever since he could interact with others) he is always willing to share things with other children and adults if they even ask him for something, and says "tankee" (thank you) whenever I give him something -- and I never taught him these things! I think it's because I generally give him something if he asks for it at home, and I always thank him when he hands me something.

I've noticed many children who have a hard time sharing, whose parents are very insistent that their child "share", often yanking the object from their hand. But I think these children only learn to grab from others because their parents do it to them.

These are just my observations and what I've learned from my readings, but I really think that comforting your child in the middle of the night will not only make life easier for you in the present, but also in the long run as well. For more information, read any of these William Sears books: "The Baby Book", "Attachment Parenting", "The Discipline Book". I guarantee you will not be wasting your time reading any or all of these.

Hi A., I'm going through the same thing...it sucks! I've started sending in my husband (I'm against the crying it out method), my thinking is if he doesn't get a snack there is nothing to stay awake for. So far it's helped, he's only up maybe twice a night rather than 6-8 times a night.
Some moms have suggested co-sleeping, I tried that first and that lead the way for dad to answer his cries. Slowly but surely it's working for us.
good luck! It's not fun depending on caffine..
E.