I Cant Get My 3 Year Old to Sleep in His Own Bed

My 2 1/2 year old daughter use to do the same thing. So we started a sticker chart and a reward system. I started by talking to my daughter about it all day long and told her if she sleeps all night in her own bed she gets to put a sticker on that day. Then when she fills up a week she get a prize at the end of the week. the first week I had to go in every night and rock her and calm her down and then reminded her about the sticker and getting a treat if she gets stickers all week. The next week I told her she got a sticker if i did not have to come in her room. We have been doing this for a month and has worked great. Good luck. I know how hard it is!

I had a somewhat similar situation with my son. My son needed a gradual transtion so this is what worked for us...
We still have the same betime routine to start off 2 books, 1-2-3 lights out, then a about 5 minutes of very quiet whisper singing.
The first change I made was to lay down on the lower half of the bed instead of right next to him. This allowed me to still keep an arm on him or for him to snuggle against my head. I could also get out of the bed easier without distrubing him much once he fell asleep. Then I sat at the end of the bed but did not lay down.
After he adjusted to this I put a chair next to his bed. I did the same routine in the beginning but did not go into his bed. I could still put my arm around him or pat his back or whatever was soothing for him. He often needs to roll around a bit to find a comfy spot. If he was having a very hard time I would gently cover his eyes with my hand. Sometimes he would not let me do this but my guy usually liked it because it helped him to realize that it felt good to rest his eyes.
I also bought a clock radio for his room that has sounds. We use the waterfall as this is like white noise. With this routine it now takes my son about 20minutes all together. Sometimes it has worked when we go through the routine and at the end I get up and tell him that I will be right back and to stay in bed. I stay close to his room so that he hears me and his door is open. I keep checking in on him every few minutes and after a few times he has just fallen asleep on his own.
When I started something new (like when I finally made it to the chair)He would sometimes get complainy/fussy. I gave him a choice that I could sit in the chair and keep him company or he could go night night by himself. He would of couse choose me there. Sometimes he would cry, I did not abandon him but I would be firm that I was going to sit in the chair.
I think that it is great that you are so responsive to your sons needs. It sounds like you are a wonderful and busy mom and he may miss you so much when you are working that he is extra demanding of your physical presence at night. He will grow out of this eventually. In the mean time I hope that you are able to encourage him to get to sleep faster and easier.

You do sound overwhelmed. The good news is that with small children 'phases' pass in time. From what you say, I am concerned that your son's discipline problem is not confined to the bedtime issue. Is Early Intervention involved at all? Your two year old would benefit from speech therapy and your son may have undiagnosed problems for which you can get help.

It is important for most children to have very strict routines to help them learn what is expected of them. If you don't already have a special and fun bedtime routine, then start one to include a relaxing bath (lavender essence will help relax him),snacktime and storytime. To wean your son away from you lying down with him, set a timer for 5 minutes, then let him know firmly that it's time for him to sleep and you will see him in the morning. If he does awaken during the night, bring him back to his room with a gentle but firm reminder that Mommy needs her sleep and that he is required to stay in his own bed. If he cannot stay in his own bed like a big boy, tell him you can get the crib back out and put one of those zipper-locked tents on top to make sure he stays there. His temper tantrums may be hard to take at night, but giving in only makes it worse.

Proper diet plays a big role in how children behave as well. Be sure you eliminate sugar, refined carbohydrates, artificial flavors and dyes from their diet. In other words, if it's not 100% natural (certified organic is best) then don't feed it to your children. I have seen many cases of ADD and ADHD, as well other behavior problems treated succesfully with diet alone.

Having raised three sons as a single mom (my husband passed away then my youngest was 9 months), my heart goes out to you. I urge you to see help from Early Intervention and any other agency in your area that provides support for young children and their families.

Hi R.,

I am a single parent of an 8 and 7 year old (boys), and I had the same problem from that age. Basically you have to weigh out what's more important to you - sleep or your child sleeping in your bed with you. After a long battle, I just decided I have more important fights I'd prefer to battle. BUT I FEEL your pain!! Hang in there, it does get better!!! Get yourself a strong support system, whether it's family and/or friends - that always helps when you get stressed.

You're a single parent, and you work at least full time - sometimes sleep is more important and you gotta roll with it.

If that don't work for you, your other option is to be consistent and let him cry it out. But again, sometimes that's just not worth it.

Just know it's wont last forever, and like my pedi said to me "Trust me, they wont be coming into your bed when they become teens!

Good luck to you and keep us posted!!!

Hi R.,

I have a 7 year old boy and a 3 1/2 year old boy. My 7 year old was wonderful when he was little. I used to put him to bed at 8:00 pm and I wouldn't hear from him until I woke him up at 6:00 in the morning because at that time I was still working full time. My 3 1/2 is a different. When he was still in his crib, he used to do the same thing, I would have to let him fall asleep on the couch and then I would put him in his crib. Around 2:00 in the morning, he would also cry. Like you I did not want him to wake all of us because my older one had to go to school and my husband and I had to go to work, so we all needed our sleep. I would just put him in bed with us, which I never wanted to do. This happened for a while. I tried letting him cry, but he would not just cry, he would scream. It was very fustrating. We bought him a race car bed for his 3rd birthday back in January. My son loves car and of course he loved the car bed. Well that didn't help. He didn't want to go to bed. He wanted to go on the couch and watch TV. So I just let him because he would fall asleep and I would put him to bed. But around 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, he gets and pillow and comes to me and my husband's bedroom and get in bed with us. When you are like in a nice sleep, I just let him do it. I threatened to even get rid of his bed, and he would cry no, but I told him that he needs to sleep in it and he would say I will. I finally started potty training him and he now wears big boy underwear, but pull ups at night. I made a chart for him and if he has no accidents, he gets a sticker and when he gets to the end of the row, he gets a prize. I just go to the Dollar store and he can pick it out. So far it's working. The other night he went to bed at 8:00 and I did not hear from him the whole night until he woke up. So I praised him and clapped and made a big thing about him sleeping in his own bed all night long and for going to bed when I wanted him to go. I then told him that he will get a sticker for sleeping through the whole night in his own bed. He will get the sticker on his chart in the moring and if he has no accidents during the day going to the potty and will get a sticker on his chart at night. So now he has a incentive because he will get to the end of the row faster now and get a prize. My rows are kind of long. They say not to make the rows long, but I find it works better, because he does better. Last night I put him in bed at 8:00 and he slept in his own bed all night. This was the second night, so I am going to keep on doing what I am doing. My son is also strong willed. I hope this helps. It will get better.

Thank you,

S.

The only idea I had to add is that you give him something of yours to sleep with (e.g., a sweattop, preferably one you can buy a duplicate of if this approach works). Then he'll have "you" with him all night.

Good luck

I wish I could day I had a cure or at least a plan for you that would work. All I can think of is to tell you how my four year old goes to sleep. She has always fell asleep while listening to te lullaby's on those fisher price musical soothers. My daughter is four and we just converted her bed to a full size bed. I didn't want to put it on her bed again because I could see her still using it in college. I gave her my old cd player alarm clock and now she listens to her old Baby Einstein lullaby's as she falls alseep. It wasn't always this easy. She is afraid of the dark and monster's now when she never was before. But she always used to ask for something every minute, water, bathroom, hug, kiss, story, stuffed animal. She would make falling asleep a whole night process. She never wanted me to leave the room. I knew I had to do something. I had made the mistake of rocking her to sleep as a baby in my arms and then putting her in her bed. ( We still do that w/our 4 month old now. I need to cherish evey baby moment I have w/. them. They grow up to quickly.) We would sit on her bed till she could fall asleep, then we moved to the rocking chair, and we wouldn't let her talk with us or we would leave the room. Eventually I would stay less and less time in the chair, until she could stay in her room and not be scared. We also never let her sleep in our bed. My husband and I our both rollers or toss and turners in bed and we probably would have squished her. Our cat has found this out the hard way. It always seems like it will never end, but her phases have passed eventually. She is still in the I want momma phase, not the Dadda, but she is not as mean as she used to be about it and he doesn;t take it as personally anymore. If there is anyone, friend neighbor, relative that you can lean on, have them help you put the kids to bed once or twice a week so you can get some things things done ata decent hour and have some time for yourself. Good luck and sorry I rambled on.

You sound very busy and very overwhelmed. I'm sure this must be h*** o* you, but if you keep him in his bed and lay with him, it will eventually pass. My son is also strong willed and also wanted me to lay with him until he fell asleep, which seemed like hours sometimes. Eventually I started saying that I had to go to the bathroom and that I'd be right back. Amazingly, this worked. He'd usually fall right asleep. When he didn't fall asleep and called for me, I'd just keep stalling "just washing my hands, etc." He soon figured out (I assume) that I wasn't going to the bathroom and there was no sense in waiting for me. It might seem deceitful, but it worked for both of us. By 4 he was going to sleep on his own.

Your other choice is to just let him sleep in your bed, then once he falls asleep carry him to his bed. That way he's not kicking you all night. (My son would lay right across my abdomen with an arm over my face if I let him!)

I hope you find a bedtime routine that works for all of you!

One thing to try...positive reinforcement for doing what he needs to do. My step-son would cry it out forever, too, if you let him when he was a baby. Even now, he is a kid who you can punish to the cows come home, but that won't deter him. But, if you offer him some kind of reward for doing the right thing, he steps right up to the challenge to get what he wants. It doesn't have to be anything big, and it can even be stickers on a chart where, once he has a certain amount, he gets a bigger reward. I do this for my second grade daughter now who has a tough time in the morning before school...if she has a good week getting ready I let her order a book from the scholastic order form at school. Good luck!

First I would consult your pediatrician. Second with your busy schedule and your children so close in age I can only imagine he is craving some Mommy Time as well. I am a firm believer in the cold turkey kinda resolutions but knowing your alone and with your living situation my suggestion is some serious bonding time that is calming and soothing before bed. Infant massage is really huge right now but the techniques are calming and the physical contact is huge with issues like this. Your local hospital will usually offer a class or be able to get you in contact with a therapist who can give you a sequence of strokes. The key is after your other one is down and after a bath in a warm room with soothing music you work on the head, extremities, and tummy. then back although you may want to start with the back I am not sure since your encouraging sleep just check with the therapist. I realize this will not eliminate your need to lay with him but it may lessen it and if he wakes that shared time may be enough for him to stay in bed. The key like with anything you do with children is consistency. I would leave the music playing on a loop so if he does wake up the music may trigger him to self sooth. My son is 9 and has some hyper activity issues and still ask for a massage at night when he is more keyed up due to sports or school activities or anxiety. Good Luck Mary