I Dont Feel like His Mom

Hi J., from the sounds of it, you are definitly the mom. Most kids behave for others much better then they do for thier parents. I do know how you feel I when through something similar with my daughter. Just stay firm with him and this will pass.

Hi J.,

Have you looked into a nanny? We are not only both working, but both in the Navy (can have long hours, underways, overnight work, etc.) When we lived in Italy, my sister came to stay with us to help with my then 4 yr old. Having the consistancy of the rules and the environment helped tremedously. She is now a mother as well as a mother's helper where she can bring her own son. It was a win win for both of us. Since we were family and she was 18 it was free room and board in Italy in exchange for home and child care. Very good economics for us!

My friend who has twin 3 yr olds also uses a nanny, (her 19 yr old niece) and now that she is going through a divorce the niece/nanny has been even more of a God send. She does recieve a paycheck, but it was still cheaper and more convienent than daycare do to the hours and deployments this mom had to work into her schedule.

P.S. The niece/nanny also had nothing to do with the divorce!

Good luck with your decisions and the bonding that will come or your love, care and concern for your son!!!

C. N

Hi J.,
I am not sure how much you make but there has been studies showing how the cost of daycare is around the same as one persons income. If that's how it is with you, maybe consider quitting your job, save the cost of daycare. I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids, with one income, and it's not a lot either. And my daughter goes to a Catholic School. If you want to, it will always work out. Your poor son needs you. I am a strong supporter of Stay at home moms, the children are in a loving environment, and I don't miss any of those special moments. Whatever you decide, good luck!

Although I don't catch his show much, I am a big supporter of Dr. Phil's book Family First. He stresses that if you're having problems at home, do whatever it takes to get them under control before they snowball. Family comes first. It sounds like your son thrives on a schedule and firm routine during daycare. Maybe you could try getting your son into a routine from the time you pick him up until he goes to bed. For instance, when you get home you both do 20 minutes of outside/exercise time. Then before dinner you could do a quiet activity to calm down. I'm not sure how old your son is now, but maybe it's also time to start doing reward charts. When he eats what he's supposed to at dinner, he gets a sticker. If he gets 7 stickers, he gets a prize (even extra time with mom or dad). I hope this helps. Don't give up!

I was in your same spot not long ago. He is just testing you and you should be on the same page with your daycare provider about discipline.That way the consequences are the same at both places.
Also remember one other thing judging from other post I have read of yours your son is around 2 years old right? I love both of my sons but i swear at 2yrs old boys are inhabited by patience wearing fit having demons. I have never had a daughter but I'm sure girls are too it's the age.
I stay at home now but understand that may not be possible for you. My children are both autistic so it was necessary for us. Good luck

My mother ran a home daycare for 20 years in her home, and I am now running one in my home. He knows that you are his mom...he is just testing you. My mother and I both comment on how different the kids are when their parents come versus how they are all day. It is just that he hasn't seen you all day and he has missed you. It is hard on you, but it would be awful if you didn't feel like he was happy where he was all day too, considering he has to be there. There is no easy answer...just know that he could never love anyone as much as he loves you and your husband, and that this is just a phase and will pass!!! Good luck...if you want to vent some more, feel free to email me at ____@____.com

Hi J.~ I feel your pain. I am a working mother of two and had a lot of problems when my first born was small. One day my boss looked at me and asked me if I was ok, I burst out crying and told her I was having a bad mommy day. So, she was willing to let me skip my lunch and leave an hour early 2 days per week. I know it isn't much but the schedule adjustment helped. I know that whenever my husband and I are faced with a situation with our kids where we don't know what to do, we sit down and brainstorm. I bet you guys could come up with some good ideas to try. also, something silly I have done with both of my kids is taught them to say goodbye to things...........ya know you could make the goodbye daycare routine. Also I would talk to the daycare, maybe they could help him wind down and prepare to stop what he is doing and get ready to go home. Maybe he just has to stop his routine or fun to abruptly. Hang in there Mommy, this is just one of the many challenges, and you will feel like a million bucks when you overcome it!

Hi J.,
I am a mom of a 3 year old boy and we went through the same thing. We didn't understand the tantrums then but we do now. We had to learn to give him time to realize he is going to be heading home soon with mommy and not just have you go an get him without any warning. The daycare provider could say it is time to start getting ready for mommy to come and get you, about 10 minutes before you get there and again 5 minutes before you get there. It not only gives him time to process what is going to take place, it also gives him time to get excited about seeing you. It works for my son when we go places, we find if we are playing at the park and just leave he gets very upset for about 15 munutes, but if we periodically tell him we are going soon then he holds our hand and walks to the car with us smiling. I hope this has helped. Good luck.
-J.

Hi J.,

I go through the same thing with my 21 month old. By the time I get home from work, she is tired and terrible getting into everything. I feel like all I do is chase her around saying No. She doesn't act that way at the sitters at all. All kids act differently with their parents. I try to make "our special time" before bed where we lay down and read or watch animal planet and she seems to quiet down and respond to this, but not without some antics lol. It will get better and he knows that you are still his mom.

M.

Consistency is key....just keep consistent in your message to him...create a routine from the time you pick him up to the time he goes to bed, that is a good reason he is good at daycare. Also, have you thought about asking your work to allow you to work from home one day a week? or even leave work a little early each day? I know you are not alone in feeling frustrated. I decided to change careers and was able to find a company that allowed me to work from home and believe it or not, i can't wait to send them to daycare 2 days a week, so the other 3 workdays, they are by my side. What about a change in career?