I Feel Guilty About Keeping Toddler in Playroom. Am I Overthinking It?

I've always let my kids have the whole house - and yes there is evidence of them being in the whole house (toy explosions, etc). we have dogs too - boxers - not the calmest of breeds. When my oldest was a baby, I tried the playroom thing and it caused him to have anxiety attacks as if he was trapped and mom wasn't coming back. So, we blocked the dogs off in other parts of the house and just dealt with it. Now the kids and dogs play with no problem and the dogs don't chew the kids' toys

When my children were younger, we used gates to close off areas of the house to keep the children safe. As they grew, we increased the size of the area we let them play in, but didn't let them have full run of the house until they could understand and follow specific directions, usually around 3 years old.

We first had our den gated off and kept my daughter in there most of the day before she could walk. Someone was always in there with her, or just beyond the gate where she could be seen at all times. Then when she started to walk, we took down the gates around the den and included the dining area which was right next to the den. When she started talking and could follow basic instructions, we moved the gates to include the kitchen area, but still kept the stairs and the formal living area off limits. Then, as I said, when she was able to understand and follow instructions consistently, we eventually took all the gates down and let her roam free.

Of course, during each stage, she had plenty of age appropriate toys, games, books, videos, etc., to play with and learn from. In fact, the den area of the house became so overrun with toys that we just made that the permanent play room and started doing our tv watching and socializing in the formal living area so that we could all be downstairs rather than making the kids always play upstairs in their bedrooms and out of the way.

I think rotating toys every week and spending as much time as you can with your children, even in a confined area is fine. Think about children in day care. They often only have one room to roam through all day and that seems to be socially and physiologically acceptable. They do have set activities and also get "outside" time a couple times a day so I do think that's important, but I wouldn't feel guilty about giving your children a safe place to play as long as you're spending a significant amount of time engaging your children in fun and/or educational ways and you can expand the area as they get bigger.

I don't think you're a bad mom at all. I let my almost 12 month old sit in the bed between my husband and I on weekend mornings and watch cartoons and play in the bed for an hour while we try to catch a few extra minutes of shut eye. We all have our crutches that we use, and honestly, those moments of peace for us help us be better moms the rest of the time.

If your son is getting bored in the playroom, maybe start trying to teach him how to behave when he's outside of the playroom. When the 7 month old is taking a nap, take your 19 month old out and do some activity with him - make it something that you're directly involved with so you can make sure he doesn't get into trouble. Build blocks, color, play ball... Maybe after time, he will be so used to those activities, that you could get up and tend to the baby for a few minutes, and he would be able to continue to play on his own safely outside the playroom.

The more time he spends outside the playroom and doing other activities, the less likely he is to get bored in the playroom. Also, maybe put some of the playroom toys up in a closet for a week or two, and then when you take them back out, they will be like new again. Then you can put some different toys up. Start a rotation. For my son, we rotate between playing in the living room and his room, but if we had a playroom, we would add that in too. He doesn't normally have a problem staying engaged with the toys because it's been a while since he's play with those.

Good luck! I know you have your hands full, but you will find something that works out for you.

There is nothing wrong with a playroom. However, your toddler is probably really developing in some new areas and may need more challenging toys and activities in there.
Tantrums are a sign of boredom. Note(as I'm sure you know) they are also a sign of exerting two-year old independence.

Also..I cannot stress this enough, do make sure you give him outdoor time every day, at least a couple of times during the day. That will break the monotony and develop his large motor skills. (Use climbing activities, a trampoline...small one is ok, balls, running, riding a toddler bike).

Try using a variety of activities including things that stimulate all senses; music, tacticle activities (playdough, pouring water from a large container to a smaller one, sand play, beads, bubbles), matching and seriation, toys that develop eye-hand coordination, cause and affect activities, pretend; particularly dress-up, and art.

Obviously some of these need to be directly facilitated and supervised, and some work better outside.

Have fun!! These years go so fast.

Google the Nanny, she has some wonderful ideas for keeping children occupied. There is nothing wrong with the playroom but you cannot expect a child to amuse himself for much of the day with no direction, which I realize you said you are in there a lot.

The outside thing is probably a good idea from the standpoint of alleviating boredom but also the little guy will get tired from playing outside and will be happier inside doing a low key activity in the playroom.

I also do not think the playroom is directly related to the obstinacy you are dealing with, that is just an almost two-year-old who wants to stretch his wings and is frustrated by anything that thwarts that process.

I will put my daughter in her bedroom to play (she is 12 months)for a couple of hours at a time. It is a learned behavior to be able to entertain and soothe yourself. How else are you going to teach your child these skills if you don't leave him alone occasionally? I would check in with him every once in awhile though and give him some additional love and support so he doesn't feel abandoned. Maybe when your 7 month old is taking one of his naps, you can spend some alone time with your 19 month old. They grow up so fast! Good luck.

I have 3 kids under the age 5 and 2 big dogs. My dogs are gated in the kitchen or outside at all times unless I am right with the dogs. I love my dogs but I don't trust any dog with toddlers without supervision. I would suggest keeping the dogs outside unless it's too cold, hot, or rainy, then in one room and baby proofing so your children can roam freely between their bedroom, playroom, and living areas. It works great for us. Hope that helps.

Also, my daughter's terrible two's started at 18 months so that may be contributing to the tantrums. good luck!

My sons are 4 and 1 and they have always been allowed to go wherever they want in our home. They aren't going to learn what to do and what not to do if they are kept in one room for most of the day. I'm sure your son is bored. I would be, too. Your son is more important than the dogs. They should be limited and your son should have his whole house. I'm sure you can take care of a toddler and baby at the same time. Lots of moms do. Your house may get messy and you may have to put some of the dangerous or breakable things up for now, but that's what you have to do with little ones running around. Please don't keep your son in the playroom. It just makes me feel so sad for him.

Our solution was to childproof virtually the entire house so there really wasn't anything to get hurt on. Then we isolated the dogs in a single room using gates instead and a dog door to go outside. And put lots of fun entertaining toys in each room so you can predict pretty well what will catch their eye. Granted we have all our books, photos, movies, personal stuff up and in boxes and weird places - but it cuts the stress and guilt down so much its worth it for us :)

Hi K., I know what you are talking about, except yours are a little closer together in age than mine, mine are now 2.5 years and the other is 10 months. It is really hard on you when they are so close in age. We went through a spell like that where we left our daughter to play in her play room when we were occupied with taking care of the baby or cleaning the house. She went through the same type of tantrums from boredom. What I have found that helps is letting her play outside as much as possible, I know it is getting colder so that will be harder. Even making trips out of the house helps, going to the store, or walking around the mall or park. Our library has story time on certain days of the week, I think that is worth checking into. I also enrolled her in a great mothers day out program. She goes on Mondays and Wednesdays from 9am-2pm. She loves it so much, and looks forward to going to "school". It is a nice break for me too, to only have to care for one child for a few hours a day. I am able to get so much done in those few hours that she is gone 2 days a week, it has really made it easier for me to spend quality time with her on the other days she is with me, because I get most of my cleaning and laundry done when she is at mothers day out.
Try not to be too hard on yourself...I know how hard it is for you right now...just keep telling yourself in a year things will be better. In the meantime, really make an effort to engage your 19 month old whenever time permits, read to him, color with him, build something with blocks, blow bubbles together, to name a few ideas. Good Luck, hope this helps!

We rotate toys weekly....I have crates on shelves in the playroom and usually weekly we rotate them out....I have four weeks of rotations. It keeps the playroom cleaner and definitely keeps them interested in their playroom.

Increase his time out of the playroom gradually, and if you are not able to closely supervise, use it again. It is better to have him in a 'safe' place than to be upset and stressed all the time, but he does need to start having more freedom and learning the house rules.

I only consider it keeping them in the playroom when I'm not in there. That I do less than 30 - 60 minutes a day, while I'm dealing with heat. That said - they do like to explore, and I wonder if maybe you might not be happier with a few less canine children.

I know I'll get flamed, pets are forever.. blah blah. Kids are only for 18 years. We kind of owe it to them, after we have them, to put their needs ahead of our canine babies IMO.

You might also look into a MOMS group nearby - some out and about never hurt anyone, esp SAHM. :)

HTH
S.

Aww you are not a bad mom. We learn as we go. Dont be so hard on yourself.