MY DD will be 6 in Nov. I need some confidence building advice for her.
I do have her enrolled in gymnastics and swim lessons and she loves both, and it does help her confidence.
But she has always been behind in her motor skills - we've had her evaluated, and there;s nothing wrong with her, she's just more cautious than most kids, and not as confident, so trying new skills is always difficult.
Lots of kids her age at the park can do more on bikes, scooters, swings, monkey bars, etc than she can, and she gets very frustrated. She will say things like - I can't do anything. She'll cry a lot. I try and tell her all of these things take practice, and that no one gets it right the first time, and there is not necessarily a right way to do all those things.
This carries over into other areas of her life as well. We have a 2 yr old - her sister - and every time she cries, my 5 yr old gives her what she wants. She says things like - mom, its ok, she can have my toys, clothes, food, etc. I just don't want her to cry. Meanwhile, she's upset because her sister gets everything! It's sweet, but I'm worried.
I'm thinking of getting her some private lessons in swimming or gymnastics to help her with confidence and motor skills, as well as keep working with her at home.
Any other advice?
Private lessons would not be a good idea b/c she needs to be with other kids to learn confidence and everything else...
I would not worry about her, but I would give her new experiences and get her in the "deep end" with things.
My girls are not the least bit athletic and it hasn't effected them negatively in the least. I got them involved in theatre when they were 5yo and I don't think there is a better way to raise self esteem. Additionally, they learn life long skills of public speaking etc.
If I were you, I would try to find something she is good at (art, musical instrument, sewing etc) and let her try that. Although I love private lessons and it will probably help with her motor skills I don't think I would focus on improving her abilities unless she really wanted to.
As I mentioned, my girls are not athletic at all but they get kudos from classmates for their ability to perform on stage and sing.
It sounds like you are allowing her to act that way, and feeling bad for her just makes it worse. My 6 year old swears he can't ride his two wheeler bike, though he knows how. I REFUSE to baby him about it - he can get on and ride or he cannot ride the bike...but his other friends ride, so guess what? He tries every day to build his confidence and ride his bike. I don't allow him to say "I can't do that" and feel sorry for himself. Please, stop doing that.
Why do you let her give the two year old her way? Not only are you making life harder on the 5 year old, but you are making a very difficult child in the 2 year old that teachers and other adults will have to deal with. Trust me, my older two gave my youngest whatever he wanted for quite some time, they have stopped and life is so much easier.
This is really more about your parenting style than it is your child. Sorry to be blunt, but YOU have to change before you child can change.
Stop feeling bad for her. She's capable and there's nothing to feel bad about. Focus on teaching her to work hard and try harder.
Some things don't come easily for certain people. They have to work twice as hard to get half as far. But they get there eventually if they are tenacious and refuse to be beaten.
Kids are naturally lazy if allowed to be. They have to be TAUGHT to work hard to get what they want, and they have to be taught not to give up if it's hard. So show her how you do it, and be firm that "The T's (your family surname) are TOUGH and don't give up." Make being tenacious and hard-working part of her family identity instead of feeling sorry for her.
ETA: I disagree with the above poster about not having competition. Competition is JUST what an "I can't do it" child needs. She needs to see other kids her age and size who can do it. She needs to see SMALLER, younger kids do it. She needs to know that if she keeps trying, she'll be able to do it too. NO private lessons, and NO coddling on this.
Get some OT like physical therapy either through your child's school or through your insurance.
If you had her evaluated, get it done again.
One of my daughter's good friend's is very tiny for her age and because of that she cannot do what many of her peers can physically such as swim without floaties, or ride a two wheeler etc. But she's very smart and can read way above her level etc. She goes to OT and stuff like that to help her motor skills.
Give your daughter the extra help she needs, and good luck!
Also I think martial arts is very confidence boosting.
Poor little thing. Cautiousness, sensitivity, valuing the feelings of others, those things go together a lot.
Private lessons sound fine and good, but if she's not a natural athlete or daredevil, it'd be great to give her lessons in areas where she CAN excel. Think about things like art, music, science -- things that aren't focused on moving your body through space. Or, since she's naturally generous, some kind of volunteering program for kids (nature centers sometimes have these options) might be a perfect fit. Even ballet, as opposed to the more danger- and muscle-intensive world of gymnastics, might be better for her.
I would never take her out of gymnastics and swimming since she LIKES them and they are helping her build confidence. Those are GOOD things.
Plus gymnastics is building her bones and her body. She is gaining so much in terms of her coordination and confidence. She needs this class.
She will mature as she gets older. Just let her be the kiddo she is and be patient with her.
Find an arena in which she excells, where progress and achievement comes naturally and easily. Use that as a model for boosting confidence. If she can get ahead of the pack on her own efforts in activity A, perhaps she might learn to transfer those skills to activity B.
No suggestions on how to handle the dynamic between the 5 and 2 year old.
good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
Oh you have just about described my dd! Be glad she does
swimming and gymnastics. If she loves it stick
with it. Mine was in dance (ballet and tap) LOVED
it but when it came to recital time or even try on the costume
time there was no way she was going to do it.
The teachers said first time ever for them. But she
really loves dance. Afraid of everything you name it.
Trying new foods, the dark, riding a bike forget it.
BUT this past couple of months since she started
Kindergarten we have seen lots of improvement!
She has mastered the hula hoop. For can hula like
no tomorrow! She practiced I swear every day until she
got it! She has taken showers (which she never
would). She sleeps by herself (don't even get me
started on that one. That was a tough one!)
She got a scooter because one of her friends have one (although
it is a three wheeler but I will take it!). I found one
confidence boost is a movie she saw and watches
over and over . It's called twinkle toes. It was put out
by the people who make those awful flat sneakers which
I refuse to by btw. She is an only child but I was
very involved in moms groups and play dates so
she has social skills and is probably the best friend
anyone would have. She is the sweetest thing and I
could see if she had a little sister (which we tried) she
would be the same way. She is very polite.
She dropped out of dance by her choice because
she couldn't take the pressure of the recitals.
I think she will go back and do hip hop because she
tries to emulate that girl in the movie twinkle toes
and dances for us. Kinda really cute. But you have
to be 6 to take the class and her birthday is in January.
Oh another "weird" thing is you can't sing happy
birthday to her or she will break down. I know weird.
Pedi just says she is sensitive. She was noise
sensitive but has worked through that. Even the
blender or mixer but we worked through that.
I think she is a "super taster" as far as food goes.
So in short-lol...I tend to ramble -sorry. We don't
encourage the behavior just be acceptant that is who
she is and encourage as much as possible without
overdoing it (because she doesn't like that either).
Your dd is in gymnastics and swimming that's great!
Mine I did put in swimming class this past summer
and she made a lot of progress but it was slow
and there were tears and she did do some stuff.
You can tell she is trying to work it out for herself.
School has helped tremendously so I think you
will see a difference in school. Those that say
to tell her to "suck it up" basically well they haven't
lived it and seen the heartbreak. So I say work with
her on her little sister (kinda important one) and
leave the rest for her to work out with your encouragement.
That's all you can do with these sensitive kids.
This is my opinion and every kid is different. I know
I have a 24 year old that is quite the opposite.
Good luck and pm me if you want or need to.
I think she should probably continue with swimming since that is less obvious for people who are uncoordinated. Take the pressure off by quitting gymnastics. Speaking as someone who also is uncoordinated, I took dance for years and got frustrated because I didn't know my left from my right and was not flexible. I did "love" the idea of being a "ballerina" but in the end it really didn't do me any good to be awkward.
I would see if there is something less physical that she might enjoy- kids in the kitchen, jr lego league, music. Check with your library and your local parks and rec.
I think it's somewhat normal for girls at that age to want to give up on everything when it doesn't come to them easily. Both of my girls went through that. I remember my oldest crying when she couldn't ride a bike right away (it must have taken 20 sessions outside with Daddy before she finally rode on her own), she cried when she couldn't figure out how to do a cartwheel, she cried when she thought everyone else's handwriting was better than hers in Kindergarten... on and on it went. We just made her keep trying. Eventually she was able to do all of those things, it just took practice. To keep trying even when you're frustrated is a skill. Some kids might be born with it, but not many. Most kids have to learn it. I think it's great that she's in gymnastics and swimming; when she sees results from her hard work and perseverance, she will start to understand that if she just keeps trying, she will eventually succeed.
Now that my daughter is 11 and studying algebra, I'm glad she learned to keep trying even when she is frustrated. It's a skill that keeps on giving! :)
Another good activity for her could be karate. If you can find a good school with a program for young children that focuses on confidence building, I recommend trying that.
Stop letting your older child give in to a 2 year old and then holding a "pitty party" for herself.
Consider getting her involved in activities other then swimming and gymnastics....perhaps music, local youth acting, art. Let her know she does not need to ALWAYS compete with other children, but if she does that no one WINS all the time and it is just as important to be a gracious loser as it is to be a gracious winner.
That was my daughter to a T - at that age and now (11). Instead of changing her, I've had to learn to accept these things and roll with it. It's a very hard personality to deal with.
I wouldn't force her with gymnastics and swimming. Does she even enjoy them?
My daughter used to cry at that age too. She would get so frustrated on the monkey bars and I usually had to leave the playground because she just got so fixed on it and couldn't let it go and move on. Well, she kept practicing and now she can do the monkey bars and doesn't cry or fuss anymore. She also did the same thing when learning to ride a bike without training wheels. She would just cry and scream and didn't want us to help her. It was painful to watch but she mastered it before Kindergarten.
Maybe just give her some more attention at home and she'll feel more confident with herself. Have her help her siblings with tasks or something. She'll feel good about herself.
Sign her up for taekwondo.
It's a great confidence builder for boys and girls.
Yep. Take competition and comparisons out of the equation. Private lessons and control your younger child!
