I Hate to Be Touched Now!!!

You still get butterflies and that silly grin but you don't want him to touch you. I may be way off base here but I believe we do go through stages like that in relationships. The pregnancy and delivery plus everything that goes on with your body during that period and after sure sets you up for feelings you've never experienced in your life. Shelley, I think this feeling will pass. You might have to fake it a bit. Remember back before the pregnancy to the fun and sex before pregnancy. Your body, physically and emotionally, has been subject to so many changes. Concentrate on that little girl and the joy that she will bring you both once you get to sleep through the night again. Being tired, cranky, unfulfilled, and a bit shaken will cause all kinds of emotions. I don't think the age difference is a factor unless you really do not like the guy. Just be patient, take it slowly and your feelings will return. You might mention this to your Dr the next time you are in. A relationship between a woman and a man with life's daily challenges is hard enough. Throw into that mix a new baby, new changes, and things you never knew you could feel or do changes you for a lifetime. Take it slow and calmly. Your feelings will change. It takes a while to be "you" again. Love that baby...and put some responsibility on the daddy for care also. Take a break and do something for you if only quiet time in the bath. As much as you love that little girl, find someone to watch her for 2-3 hours and go walk the mall with her father, or do something you did before like a movie, a beer, pizza, music, something where you can relax and then get back home to her. One thing is: you're not crazy. We have all been there.

You might want to go see a chiropracter and get an adjustment. It could be something that is messed up with your nerves.

You have received some good advice. Your hormones are out of whack, a baby truly changes your life, however, your partner needs some attention and does not need to be turned away.

One thing we did BEFORE I got pregnant was to agree to ALWAYS have a date night at least once a week. This kept us closer, we communicated a lot and it also set the mood.

To this day, we still go out every week and we have since we married almost 21 years ago and since daughter was born almost 15 yrs ago.

You don't have to do anything that extravagant for date night. A simple walk in the park or mall gives you time together. We enjoy dining out at great restaurants, fine wine, and some nightclubs. Sometimes I will simply tag along while my hubby plays golf.

If I had one word of advice for anyone it would be COMMUNICATION.

I would go visit my Ob/Gyn if things do not get better. You don't want to lose your relationship over something like this.

You will get your groove again.....it does take time...it does happen to all of us at one time or another.

Good luck.

I had a friend that was that way when she took birth control years ago. You may check that out. G. W

I had the same feelings, it is like you are sharing your body with another person 24 hrs a day and as soon as the baby is asleep or with someone else you can finally relax. The last thing I wanted is for another person to need my body for ANYTHING! I think it's perfectly normal and it will go away with time. In fact, as soon as your baby begins inching away from you and establishing some independence, you will begin to crave physical touch again. Just give yourself some time and be sure to communicate your feelings with your partner, hopefully he will understand.
Good Luck!

Hello, I agree with all the other moms who answered and the intimacy did change especially after baby number 1. A new life style will change everything. First you need to determine if it is realy him or you just do not know why. If you just do not know then I agree it will change as time adjusts. I remember getting goosebumbs and an itching feeling in my legs and doing the same thing as you or faking for a while. I never told my hubby since I knew he would take it the wrong way but I told him I was always overwhelmed and could not relax. We got babysitters when we could afford it and got a hotel room since that would help getting out of the house, but i know how expensive that is.

I also have since got fibromyalgia so I am unsure if this was the start of it or just the stress that does it all but now my body always hurts to touch or push on the sides of my body instead of the light touch with goosebumbs awkward feeling. Maybe it all just being a MOM and constant daily stress so we learn how to deal with everything!

Try to relax and do things for yourself and you will feel better and in time it will get better. You may want to look into the fibromyalgia and see if that matches your signs. Mine gets worse with hormones and my cycle of the month.

I think hormones do that to us. I've had the same issue, got through it, and we have a great marriage. If you guys are in love and there is not anything wrong with your relationship, chalk it up to hormones. They do odd things to us.

The other moms have given you some great advice. I remember trying to explain to my husband that after nursing our daughter all day, that the very last thing I would want was someone else trying to touch me. lol Once I stopped nursing though and got back on a normal cycle of birth control my hormones seemed to even out some and things did get better. Hang in there and feel free to personal message me if you need to vent anymore. :) You are definitely not alone!

Talk to your ob at your next appt. Just admitting your feelings help and will help you work through it. Don't panic, but start working on it.

I felt the same way -- especially after my baby was born. She is now 17 months old and I still tread physical intimacy. I am still nursing and am hoping it is just the hormones.

For me, it was that I had a late in life baby and was going through the change early.

For some it's hormones.

I did realize tho, after the birth of my youngest, that I didn't even want him looking at me. And the thought of him touching me made me want to vomit and feel cheap...

In my own case...and it's just a thought...if the ONLY intimacy he is giving you is the kind that will always want him to lead to "laundry" (what we call it in our house...lol), then that may be another reason you are so disgusted by it.

I honestly tried talking to my other half. I let him know what was going on. That I didn't think it was him. And then I went to see my Dr and try and get on some meds or something to aliviate the urge to hurl when we got nekked.

Homones, body image, mental tiredness...they are all contributors. Give your body time to adjust to your new role.

Congratulation on your new wee one.

We all go through this whether we like to admit it or not. I also went and still go through this sometimes. We as mothers cuddle, kiss, and care for our little ones before caring for ourselves. In return our need for intimacy is fulfilled by our ability to touch our little ones in a kiss, cuddle, or nursing. Also, caring for others is exhausting so who has time to do anything else but lay down and take a breather when the kid(s) finally gives you a moment to yourself. Our hormones are out of whack and who feels sexy when you can't even remember the last time you felt like yourself pre-pregnancy. Also there may also be that feeling that he isn't supporting you and he isn't doing his part to help out. Here's what you can do to help. Yes, we can go to the doctor and get some meds. But you also need to reconnect with your husband. Remember why you fell in love with him. You wouldn't be with him unless there was some good there. Let him know you need help and would appreciate a hand. This gives him time to connect to your little angel while giving you much needed space. Some men are very intimidated by babies and need a little encouragement. If all else fails there is the "Sink or Swim" method. Give him instructions and leave the house. For intimacy start out small. Get a hug or a light kiss when you need a pick me up. Unbelievable but it does work. I remember being so stressed out with my 2 toddlers that I was about to cry when my husband leaned down and gave me a light kiss. He looked at me and I was still scowling so he did it again and again until my frown was gone. And all he said afterwards was "Better??" And amazingly it was. Recruit help from outside the home like hiring a babysitter or negotiate with a family member to babysit so you two can go out as a couple for a little me time. Being a good mother and wife takes practice and lots of it. There will be tears and frustration but alot of happiness too. Good Luck.

It's the pregnancy. I am 32 weeks pregnant and I have the same aversion- I didn't have it before(this is baby #5!)but I don't even like being touched by my kids! I can do the hug and kiss and I don't shudder but I don't go out of my way to give them out either. It makes me feel like a horrible mom and wife, but I can't help it- maybe this child will have space issues?!
Just start off slow and see if you can get less of a reaction(from you) by thinking of how much you love your man- that helps- and next time- you- start the contact. I have been able to handle it better if I feel in control- like I start by rubbing his shoulders or his feet if we are sitting down together. That makes it easier for me and he doesn't feel so neglected either.
I hope this helps a little- don't give up!
~C.

It's possible it's just a pregnancy/baby thing that will go away. I know after my son was born, I loved holding and holding him and nursing him, but by the time he was asleep, I wanted a 2 ft. buffer between me and anyone else because I was so tired of being touched. It did eventually go away, although if my son (who's now 3 years old) has been exceptionally clingy, I will want some space after he goes to bed.

Think about it like this: Over the past 8 months your body and your whole life, really, have gone through some serious changes. Even though you're happy with yourself and motherhood, that's still a lot to handle. In the past when you've had difficult challenges to deal with, you probably still had time to focus on yourself, but now you have a sweet baby relying on you 24-7. I think that the touch-aversion could just be your body's way of telling you to take a break for yourself. I bet that once you really get settled into a routine that works for you and are able to find more moments for yourself (even grocery shopping solo was a big deal for me early on) or pamper yourself a little bit, it will decrease.

Well, I do know that my relationship with my husband was strained after the birth of each of my kids. Also, I remember not wanting the intimacy like I had before. I think it has to do with lack of sleep and hormones. The romance and intimacy does come back at some point, heck we had a second!

I felt the same way, I think is all the trauma of going throught the pregnancy!

I know I went through that. It was hard to be touched by anyone. As my son got older, it did get better, but I think it got worse first. I think part of it had to do with the fact that he was always needing held or touched. So for someone else to touch me was an imposition, I have been touched all day, just leave me alone! It is hard to find the balance of being a mom and a woman. You will get there, this too will pass, just be patient and try to let your man know that it is nothing to do with him personally, but women go through a lot physically, mentally and emotionally when they are prego, post partum, and trying to figure out how to be a mom! Hang in there!

Are you nursing? It's definitely hormones, and I know for me it was always worse while I was nursing. After 6 months when I was nursing less, it improved some, and usually got better with time after that.

Have you discussed this with your Dr.? Perhaps he or she could give you some insight as to why you feel this way. We all live in different situations and our relationships are different. I really think that talking to someone you can speak freely to would allow you to open up about your true feelings about your relationship and being a new mother. Being a new mom can be very stressful.Give yourself some time, you are still recuperating from giving birth and adjusting to a new lifestyle. As I said before talk to your Dr.I'm sure they can help you through this. I wish you good luck and congratulations on your new baby.