I Just Want to Know If I Am Overreacting

First no you are not overreacting. Once you calm down discuss it with your hubby. Seriously I would ask him if he thinks its ok at 4 1/2 to play violent games. Personally I don't even let my kids watch anything that isn't on PBS but I am extreme. i know several people do and maybe that is how Daddy wants to bond with him. I would ask Dad if he can think of another activity they can both enjoy. If Dad seriously wants his little man to play this with him or be used to guns than I would suggest Dad have some serious discussions with him that this is not real and that doing this in real life hurts bad etc etc. If you totally want to stand your ground look up the statistics on violent behavior etc tell dad to read the books and then see if he still wants to let him play. Dad may not think what your saying is really affecting behavior so maybe he should read up on it.. I do think you are absolutely in the right, however, I also know Dads like to bond with there boys and its a "guy thing"

The undermindedness,.. I, as the others before would recommend counseling before it gets worse.

WOW! First of all, you are not overreacting. What you are trying to do is raise a good son who respects his mom, respects other women and doesn't think violence is an everyday occurance that isn't a big deal. Secondly, your husband should not be underminding you the way he is. It will only confuse your kids and takes away any control you have over them. They will grow up not listening to you and will think it is okay to walk all over you since, quite frankly, your husband does. Thirdly, letting a 4 1/2 yr old play a very violent video game is so totally wrong it isn't even worth debating. Your husband needs to realize the harm he is inflicting on your son by doing all of these things. In my opinion, if you want to raise healthy, respectful children and save a marriage that soundl like it is on a downward spiral, get counseling fast and a lot of it. Your husband has issues that need to be addressed. Good luck and stay strong!!!

Hi A.,

I strongly agree with the other posters that your son should not be playing and/or watching violent video games with dad. I myself am an "xbox widow" (j/k) and my husband and I have discussed that our son will not be allowed to play or watch violent video games. Even when he was only a month old and fairly oblivious I didn't even like him to be in the room when my husband was playing some of his games.

But more importantly than the video games is the way your husband is treating you. A majority of the time boys treat their moms (and their future wives) the way they see dad treating mom. So your husband's current example to your son is a lack of respect towards you and all future women in his life. So it may be *easier* to just let this episode go, but by allowing your husband to treat you that way you're not only welcoming it to happen again, but you (and your husband) are teaching your son that it's ok to disrespect women and not take their voices seriously. Also from what your son said when you caught them playing he's learning that it's ok to do something as long as you don't get caught. ("oh Mommy, it doesn't matter because you couldn't see it.")

If you want an extreme example of kids living by these learned behaviors just watch any episode of that Nanny show (the one with the British nanny chick). I've only seen it twice and it made me sick both times the way those kids treated their moms.

So don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. Do some research on parenting and get some outside help if your hubby really won't listen. Maybe he won't listen to you because you're too close to the situation and maybe he really doesn't respect your opinion like he should. (MEN! I tell ya!) But maybe you could find someone to talk to your husband about the fact that he doesn't just have a short little best friend living with you guys. This is a person that's been entrusted to you to raise into an adult. His actions might not seem like that big of a deal to him, but your son doesn't have any other life experience to go off of like we do. We are our kids' moral compasses. They look to us about how to act and how to treat others. We can talk all we want, but to our kids it is OUR ACTIONS when we're down there in the trenches that speak volumes to their eager little ears. So you and your husband need to decide: what kind of person do you want your son to be? And you can't just TELL him what kind of person you want him to be, you have to SHOW him.

And a *big* P.S. I know this is WAY easier to say than to do!

God bless and good luck to you, A.!

You are NOT overreacting. There is a reason why games like that have ratings. Your child is only 4 years old -- if he should even be playing video games at all, there are ones that are age appropriate for him. I could not agree more with the other poster -- I think that you should consider some kind of relationship counseling. In the meantime, keep up the communication with your son and take every opportunity to gently steer him toward age appropriate activities while asserting your parental authority. If you aren't getting the support you need from your husband, and he won't go to counseling, maybe try some kid psychology books so that you can have some support and creative ideas for re-asserting your own parental authority. Good luck!