I Need Help Making a Huge Decision, Deciding Whether to Have Another Baby

I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this difficult situation. You're right, life does throw us some curve balls sometimes. My heart goes out to you and your family!

IMO, you should probably not have more children. If you happen to get well again, then by all means have more. But right now, while you are very ill and are not sure if you will get better, I think your time would be better spent enjoying the children that you already have. They need you and need to build great memories with you. If you had another baby, much of your time would be spent with that new baby (and worrying about that baby during your pregnancy). Not to mention that the new baby would likely have to grow up never really knowing his/her mom. Plus, it would be much harder for your husband to raise 3 children on his own than it would be to raise 2.

Just enjoy the time that you have with your boys. I wish that no family had to suffer this type of injustice. All the best to all of you.

L.

Hi Jen,

Sorry to hear about your illness. I think you should value every minute that you have with your husband and 2 boys. I know you would like to have another child but honestly it wouldnt be fair. You would have to care for 3 kids if you decide and yes you will have your husband and children helping out but every child needs his/her mommy. You need to take care of yourself in order to care for others. I wish you had a cure. I wish you didnt have to go thru this. It's tough!! God never gives us more than we can handle.

God bless you and yours
Liz

I'm in a hurry this morning so please forgive me if my post comes off different than what I intended. I agree with "Jessica" from Windsor 100%, your 1st responder. Personally I wouldn't have another baby unless I knew I was healthy enough to go through the pregnancy and help raise the child with my husband. It's definately a tough decision but you need to weigh the pros and cons ultimately with your husband and doctor.You mentioned that your doctor told you that this was the time to have a child if you wanted one because you might not be able to later. I'm not sure what disease you have but maybe you could find a support group online for those who have it. Or ask your OBGYN if they have any women who've had it and went through with the pregnancy and can give you feed back too. They won't give you their names but you can tell the doctor to pass your name on to those who can calm your fears and help you make an informed decision. I'm sure they know who to give your name to. I'm sorry you're having to go through this and I wish you the best on a full recovery. Hope this helps.
D.

J.,

I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through.

Love your little boys, Jenn, spend every day reveling in all the light that they bring to your life. Enjoy your husband, and the blessing of your relationship with him.

I understand the desire for more. I am carrying my second now, and during this pregnancy we've had to face up to the idea that we cannot do it again. My own health won't take it.

Have you talked to your husband about this? If the day comes that you're no longer there with him, does he want to face raising three children alone? I can't answer that. Love is funny, and he may be desperate for one more piece of you to carry forward with him. You'd have to get that answer from him. How do you feel about the possibility of leaving behind someone who may never remember you? Think back to all the times in your life that you really wanted your Mom around.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I'm even sorrier for your little boys. My advice to you would be to concentrate on them, on your husband, and on your health, and let the idea of another baby go.

1st of all I am so very sorry to hear about your Illness.
My prayers go out to you, God bless you and your family through this time, and keeps you safe.

I was 22 whne my mother died from Leukemia... I remember my dad barely making it financially,I can't imagine how he would have done it if the 4 of us still lived under his roof.

My kids keep me going, if it weren't for them somedays I don't know how I would get out of bed. My biggest fear is dying while they are still little, there is no replacement for me in this world, I know because there has never been anyone to replace my mother. Think before you have another little one that nobody can love like you do.

Hi J.,
My last child was completely unplanned,and I had no emotional support from anyone. Even though Our circumstances are diffrent in someways,the crisis decision we have to make is never easy. I went to an abortion clinic,and was about to o to the O.R. and in the end I just couldn't go through with it. It turned out he's the only son I have out of a bunch of girls.
I couldn't come to a decision on my own and I needed to know I had support no matter what decision I chose. I dont know your entire circumstance and you probably need someone you can help you to reach a decision without judging you,and whatever you speak of is confidential. If you choose to have your baby,they will provide you with clothes and furniture and anything that you and your baby need.(cribs,clothes,bottles,toys,etc) If you choose to have an abortion,the offer post abortion counseling.They are a wonderful group of people here on Staten Island,and I am sure they can help. My babies are 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 and they still help me. Services are free so maybe you can give them a call.
It's the Crisis Prenancy Center,and their number is
(718)667-HELP
(718)667-(4357)
I wish you the best of luck and I am most positive that whatever you decide will be for the best. I am sure they can help you the same way they helped me. Good Luck!

Wow you do have a tough decision to make. I guess if I were in your shoes I would need to question my partner on this and get his opinion first. Then if he is in agreement since he will most likely end up raising these children if something happens to you then take it from there. I would also consider the risks of having another child for yourself as well as the baby. I'm not much help I know but I do know what it is like to long for another baby and not have the option.
Sue

First off, I'm so sorry that you're in this position. All I can tell you is that this is a decision only you and your partner can make. You've got to weigh the positives and negatives of expanding your family as well as keeping it the way it is. No one can tell you what you *should* do, only what they themselves *might* do. If it were me, I don't think I could bring another child into the world knowing that the risk was very high that my child wouldn't have a mother for most of her life. I would already be heartbroken at the prospect of leaving the children I have motherless, let alone knowingly bring a new life into it. But that's ME, and only you can decide if you agree with that or not. You may decide that it's a great act of love to give your partner and sons one more life, one more companion, and a bit of you made in utter love to bring some joy through the sadness.

My other concern would be your health throughout the pregnancy. Could you enjoy your pregnancy as ill as you are? Would you be able to enjoy the time left with your partner and your children and family and friends if you're suffering through not only a difficult, possibly high risk pregnancy, but the side effects of your illness during that pregnancy? What sort of risks would the pregnancy present to your illness?

As for the 1-5% risk of passing the illness to your children... you have to also decide if 1-5% is "only" a miniscule fraction, or if even 1% is too high of a risk to give the illness you have to an innocent life knowingly.
There are many people who wouldn't think twice about it because they want a child so badly, while others would say "Nope, I couldn't risk knowing that my child may suffer with this in 30 years."

Good luck with your decision. Know that whatever you decide to do will be the right choice for YOUR family.

I wouldn't want to have to make a decision like that, can't imagine how hard it is. But really, if you want another child, I would JUST DO IT like Nike would say. You know that there's a chance you won't be around as long as you'de want to, granted, and living through the death of a parent is horrible. yet at some time, we will ALL have to face it, old or young, such is life. The time you have with your children, no matter how long or short, is QUALITY time. Have another one. And pack every minute of their lives with love and things they'll remember. That's probably what I'd do if I were you. Good luck. My father died when I was 26, at least I got him for 26 years. Seems too damn short to me, though. But I've got the most fantastic memories of The Man I most love in my life. Let your children remember you with their whole heart, the way I do with my father. Fill their lives with love, every minute.