I wasn't sure what to put this under. This has to deal with divorce, but it is also behavioral problems. My child comes home from his dad and is mean. I don't know what to do about it. Everytime I try to talk to my ex about what is going on, he tells me not to worry about it. I can't take my child doing what he is doing. He acts like he doesn't get enough sleep. He tells me that his dad doesn't love him anymore and that he hates his dad. He also says he hates his dad. I keep telling him that he doesn't and that they both love each other. I just don't know what to do. I am trying to get him into someone to talk to. Anyone know of any good place to send him to? My son has changed so much from this.
I'm adding a little more. There is another woman in the picture. She has four kids. There was another one before this one that had one child. This has all been going on since May when we seperated. My son looked at me last night and said that he thinks I will leave like his daddy did. My son said his daddy gives his hugs and kisses away and he doesn't like it. I called a place yesterday and got my son into some couseling. It is going to be another month before he will be able to get in. So please keep the suggestions coming. I really appreciate it.
Deborah Butler LISW to leave her a message: ###-###-#### to schedule an appointment: ###-###-####
She's at OSU in the psych building. she's terrific!
Hey , i totally know what ur going through. My son has visitation with his father every other week and when he gets home it takes him a good 2 days or so to get back to his normal schedule. I know from my experience it is what happened during his time with his father, stayin up late, not being on a schedule like he is at my house. It is very hard to deal with other than all I can do is expect it now and deal with it when it comes and make sure ur son understands he is home with u know and same rules go when he gets back. My son is now 6 and has done this for probably I would say 3 or 4 yrs. It gets easier in time. Good Luck!
It sounds like this is such a difficult situation - I really feel for you and your son. Perhaps both of you would benefit from someone to help you work through this trying time? There is a wonderful parenting coach (who is also a father) that will set up appointments via phone (meaning, the session takes place on the phone):
http://www.scottnoelle.com/#coaching
If you think it would be helpful, I encourage you to speak with someone (coach, counselor) about how to best support your little guy through this AND to also be able to talk to someone who can empathize and support you, too!
Best of luck to your family - I hope that harmony is restored as quickly as possible for all of you.
N.,
I work for a domestic realtions attorney so this is something I hear about daily. You may want to try taking him to a counselor at The Woodlands. They seem to be the most helpful around here. I wish you the best of luck!
You need to evaluate the sittuation. Is there other children in dads home? Is there a girlfriend? My 3 year old has been going to his dads every other weekend and has been coming home saying daddy is mean. And when I drop him off he cries and it takes me at least a hour to get him to stay. Now I do not yell at my kids unless it is something that is going to hurt them I treat them as individuals and talk to them normal. But dad isn't around much so he yells at them over stupid stuff. Like when I picked the kids up my ex asked if I let our son help me with laundry and I said yes and he said that my son wanted to throw everything in the washer and he told me that he tried to tell him no but our son wouldn't listen and so he got a time out. Now come on thats stupid right. So different ways of treating the kids happens when there parents are split up. I also found out that he really don't play with them much and he is dating someone so he probably pays more attention to her than the kids. Anyways my point is listen to the child. They will let you know in there own way that something is going on that they do not like. You just need to listen and try talking to your son. Ask him why he is saying that I bet there is a reason and if you can figure it out you can find a way to solve the problem. I would try talking to him first before having him see a conseler and try to find out when he is going to bed. A tired child is hard on them and on you. Once you find these things out you can go to your ex and resolve it if that means earlier bedtime and so on. Good luck
I am almost embarrased to respond to your search for advice becasue I was on the other side of the shoe. My husband's ex-wife had your problems with their daughter after he took them home after two days. Basically the problem was that he was, as he called himself, a "Disney Land Dad". It was all fun at Dad's house and no rules what so ever. Now our house has more boundries than mom's house. I would explain to your son that at Dad's house he has a set of rules and at Mom's house there is a different set of rules. Be consistant with your preferred form of punishment (time out or what not) and review the rules for your house as soon as he comes home. Such as sitting down and asking him about his weekend and then going over the house rules. I also suggest to talk to his dad about the situation. If he is anything like my husband he doesn't realize that there are behavioral problems for you when he returns to your care. Just describe some of the things he does, he might also not realize he is repeating words he uses that are inappropriate for a little boy. I would agree that your little one should go to some counseling, he might open up more to a professional than to his mom. Best of Luck!
ok im not sure of any good places you could take him. there could be a couple of this goin on. things for you to look for. does daddy have a new girlfriend or wife? if so maybe he feels that daddy wants to spend more tme with her then him. is there a new baby?? does daddy hit him? how long ago was the divorce? if it was soon then maybe he feels that daddy left because daddy just doesnt love him. you need to sit down with daddy and child to see how the child is feeling. even if you have to just sit down with your son.how often does daddy work? how often does daddy get to see him? there could be lots of things goin on at once and he just doesnt know what to do. is your son getting vilont? is daddy saying things about you while he is there? do you say things about daddy infront of your son? just take a min. to think these over!
I would be reconsidering allowing my child to spend time in this situation until your ex is ready to talk to you about it. Does your ex have friends/relatives hanging around that could be hurting your son?? Do you think that this is backlash from your split??
Whatever you think it is...your ex shouldn't be sweeping it under the rug. I know that this is what you're working on, but you need to get him in to see a therapist ASAP. Look in the yellow pages and make him an appointment today!
When my husband and I separated, I think he had high expectations of each visit with our daughter and felt selfishly let down each time things didn't go spectacularly well. Like things should have been great because they saw each other so rarely and when it didn't, it was too awful for either of them to deal with.
You and your ex need to make sure you're on the same page as much as possible with regard to schedules and discipline. You might also try asking your ex how he anticipates visits. It would be easier on both of them if they approached it as "just another day" instead of something special because what gives kids comfort is stability and routine. He's too young yet for a lot of "special."
I don't know where you could take him for counseling, but maybe this will give you some ideas.
I was relieved when I read your story. I am going through the exact same thing with my son who is four. It has been going on for almost a year now. (we have not been together for almost 3 years). This change in behavior also started around the time his dad started dating someone. I am taking my son to his pediatrician on Friday to talk to her and hopefully get some suggestions. I will pass along her feedback if you would like. If you ever need anyone to to talk to, I know what you are going through and maybe we can help each other. My email is ____@____.com or you can reach me through here. If anyone else is going through what we are feel free to use that email address too and maybe we can all help each other. Take care and hopefully things will get better for both of us soon.
hello- my kids are part of an awesome group called divorce care for kids (dc4k). it is a nondenominational program that is run at my chuch. a new session is starting up next tuesday, 2-20. it runs thirteen weeks and cycles over. anyone can come in at any point of the cycle. during that time an adult divorce care group meets if you are interested. it starts at 7 and the kids always have a great time. you can go to www.mylbc.info for pictures and information(including links to the dc4k's web-site) best of luck! M.
I can somewhat understand what you are going through. I also have a four year old, but she is doing the complete opposite. Her father lives about an hour away so she really only sees him every other weekend. For the past month she has been very difficult with me at home, but she's an angel for her dad. She screams at bedtime for hours. She is extremely cocky. She know's that she has been bad lately and she even tells me that it's b/c she misses her dad so much. At first it made me very sad for her, but she is so manipulative it's getting so hard. Last night she broke my heart. She said that she didn't want to live with me anymore, that she wants to live with her dad. I tried not to let her see me cry, but I know that she did. Later when I was putting her to bed she said that she loves me and that she wants to live with her mommy and daddy together, and she just doesn't know what to do. I don't know the circumstances of your divorce but maybe he feels that his dad in a way deserted him. This may be the only outlet for his hurt feelings and anger. I am learning that even at four years old children are very aware of what is happening around them no matter how hard we try to keep it from them. I know I haven't helped you with your concern, but I wanted to let you know that someone else is going through something very similar. Feel free to contact me, even if it's just to talk. I'm a great listener. Good luck to both you and your son.
Rather then to tell your son he don't hate his dad, ask what makes you not like your dad?
Maybe ask your son questions like this:
Does he not get things as when he was at home?
Is dad more grumpy at his new home then he was here?
Does daddy hit you when you are there?
Don't daddy do things with you like when he was here?
Does daddy say no all the time when you ask him for something?
Is there other kids that his father may be paying more attention to then sharing all the attention equally?
Is your son bored there because the father is paying more attention to his new woman and asking questions and getting no answers and has to repeat himself until dad is respondant?
Is dad glued to tv when your son visits and don't want to be bothered until his favorite sports shows are over?
Does daddy have friends over drinking and laughing and he seems like they don't know your son's there?
Does your son have a bed and not having to sleep in a crazy place like the floor or a couch?
Something being said about you that makes your son not like his dad? Is dad saying bad things about you?
So much should be asked and if your son don't talk then maybe there should be a child worker to get whats bothering him out so you can find out.
Hope some of this helps.
R.
Hello N.. I'm sorry to hear you & your child have such stress in your life. I don't have any experience with what your going through, but I wanted to make a suggestion. Please give Children's Hospital in Cincinnati or Children's Hospital of Dayton a call. They can help or can refer you to the right people to contact. I hope this helps in some small way. Good luck!! My prayers are with you & your son.
