I Need Little Privacy.

From my experience people are just trying to make conversation and showing they are concerned about you and what you are going through. I really didn't want to tell people my thoughts on baby's names because people will tell you negative things and it can ruin it for you. When asked that question, I would simply say, "I can't talk about that. I'm superstitious." YOU then change the subject!

Good luck and congratulations!

Just tell people "we're not telling yet" when they ask about the gender or name. It's a short and sweet answer and it works.

Hi H.:
I understand this may be difficult to adjust to A new culture,but here in the United States,people are a lot more open,naturally curious,and yes noisy. lol.You have enough to think about,without allowing questions about your pregnancy bother you. You can stay quiet about your condition,but eventually,your baby will grow and it won't matter if you want to share the news or not.When people here ask you questions,or bet on which sex your baby will be,it's their way to show you they care about you. It's their way to tell you,that they are happy for you,and they want to share in your excitement.All pregnant women are asked the same questions.It's normal for people to be curious.Some may ask,because they envy you,and would like to have a baby themselves. Whether it be strangers in a store or family members,just smile,and say I have plenty of time for all that,thank you for asking. Your pregnancy is something to be joyful and thankful for,you needn't feel stressed,just GRATEFUL and HAPPY. I wish you all the best. J. M

Dear H.,

Congratulations. My youngest turned 30 this month.

Forgive us, we are very open and many people relive their pregnacies through moms-to-be. Talking to you about your pregancy gives them enough to remember when they were young and pregnant. Some may ask because they can't have anymore and this is the closest they'll ever be to giving birth again. Some get inspiration to concieve themselves while others remind themselves why they wish not to concieve again. Some never could have any.

There are those of us who are trying to find a way of connecting with you. There is no stigma on being pregnant in this country. Don't look at our questions as prying as much as a way to have a conversation with you.

I apologize for our culture that makes you feel so uncomfortable.

Just say, "Culturally, all these questions make me really uncomfortable, it's me, not you, but I prefer not to answer questions like that." Then change the subject.

Carpe Diem F. E :^D

Aloha H.,

Pregnancy is such a wonderful and exciting time. It can be frustrating at times, but everyone wants to share in that excitement. They want to be a part of such a wonderful time in your life.

Blessings,
Marie-anne

Try not to get upset, people are just excited and happy for you-they want to celebrate your pregnancy. If you feel like you would like to keep things private, such as the baby names and sex of the baby, just tell people you don't know yet or that you haven't decided. You don't need to tell anything you don't want to. Try not to get stressed-the baby will be stressed too!

Hi H., everyone feels differently about pregnancy. If you want to keep it private then you have a right to it. After all this is your baby. I am different, i am 37 weeks pregnant and I love it when people ask about the baby. Some people are more curious than others but to me its not like I'm going to see them again. I am at the point in my pregnancy where I just want the baby out already, I am in so much pain and am completely exhausted. Everyone asks me how much longer I have because I'm small and have this huge belly popping out. It gets old after a while but I know it will soon be time to have him so I don't let it bother me. That's another thing, don't let something like this stress you out. When you stress out the baby feels it too. When people ask you questions just tell them we don't want to know the sex of the baby until its born and we haven't picked out a name yet. They won't know you're telling a little fib and it will keep you from feeling like your an open book. Congratulations on your bundle of joy! I hope you have a safe and healthy pregnancy. Take it easy and enjoy it!

I agree! I found it disgusting that once you get pregnant, society thinks it's ok to to think you are their property - touching you, asking you where you are going to deliver, even down to how much weight I gained! My response to that last one was, "Well, that was rude! How would you like me to ask you how much weight you've gained?" That ended the conversation right away and never got another question from that person again - it happened to be my grandmother who is always about being prim and proper...but I was DONE.

This worked for me on my first baby: I never made eye contact with anyone. I answered with vague answers and shut down the conversation:

Is it a girl or boy? "I don't know."
Where are you delivering? "At home" - most people had nothing to say - they couldn't find anything in common to keep the conversation going. LOL
Are you having twins??? "I don't know." The looks I got with this one was hysterical. One woman actually looked at me and said, "You know sweetie, your doctor can tell you." My response: "You think you want to get into this conversation with me, but you really don't." That ended that. LOL

Almost no one even tried to touch me....I must have given off BAD energy or somthing. I did have ONE MAN at the grocery store try to touch my belly. I moved away and told him no.

If someone was to ask to touch me, I usually obliged, but honestly, it almost never happened.

I'm not Asian and I thought it was weird and I don't mind sharing or being touched, but this was ridiculous. You have every right to feel the way you do. Just enjoy the pregnancy and follow your heart on how you need to handle things.

Hime sama, what a special name.

I know Asian culture and that is the way it is.
You can simply and nicely say that "In my culture we don't talk about it to much too soon, because we feel its bad for the pregnancy... " or something like that. Or "I don't feel comfortable talking about it... its just me and my cultural beliefs... or the way I was raised..."

Or you can just be direct in a nice way and say it makes you uncomfortable to say things you and your Husband did not decide on yet and you don't like to have "bets" on your baby.
And simply tell the people you do give information to, to KEEP it private. Or just don't tell them anything.

Bear in mind, that it will continue. That is just the way it is. Even after the baby is born, people will ask all about it. So as the "Mom" you have to state your "boundaries."

For me, I didn't allow any "visitors" to the hospital, I told everyone I need my privacy and don't want people dropping in, even at home. It was fine. People understood. I just said "that is they way I am...." and let it be. I said when "I" am ready, I will call them. We didn't even bring our baby out in "public" for 3 months, per cultural beliefs. It was fine. WE decided our "family" rules. We stated it, nicely to everyone. It was fine.

Just state your 'boundaries' in a nice way... and try to ignore the things that cannot be controlled. People mean well.. .mostly. Although I know it can be irritating.

All the best,
Susan

Wow! After reading the answers I feel sooo much better about my new approach to this sort of situation. As a mother of four (first child born when I was 17) with no mother, in-laws, or support system what-so-ever I was always charmed when strangers showed any interest their 'neighbor' (you know - love thy) also, you know, "it takes a village" - but the village has to care first. Anyway my natural response to a pregnant mother or a little baby is to smile and engage with them in an attempt at shared humanity, but I've been feeling a negative vibe lately from these parents especially when my kids aren't with me. Like I'm some sort of freak for opening my mouth. So I've been training myself to stifle my smile and keep it to myself. Why, yesterday I was in the elevator at South Coast Plaza with a new mom and I'll admit I even went so far as to think to myself, "that little baby's homely." Thank you ladies!!! I'm not rude and antisocial I'm respecting boundaries!

Hi H., Just be open about how you feel, let people know that you are happy that they was to share in your joyment but that you are feeling a little over whelmeed with the daily questions. Some will think it's just hormones, but they'll probably respect how you feel. J. L.

H. : )

Congratulations on your first child! We are very friendly, and too curious. I think if you don't want to share, tell them that you have decided to make it a surprise, you don't know the gender of the child, and won't until it is born. That way, at least, people you know will quit asking. Some of us nosy, caring strangers may still ask, but you'll have that answer for us.

Best of luck.

A.

I completely understand! When I was pregnant with my son some friends made me a shirt that basically told people to leave me alone. My biggest issue was people touching my belly. I hate that! You are entitled to your privacy and you have every right to let people know how you feel. I refused to tell anyone my sons name until he was born (actually I did that with all my kids). That was my secret. You can just tell people that you don't know what the sex is or you are undecided on a name or you can just say "You'll find out soon enough". I think people are just really curious about the whole baby thing and some women are loud and proud while others are quiet and proud ;) Unfortunately unless they know you it's hard to tell. Good luck!

~V.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I know (and you do too) that everyone is just thrilled for you, and they want to show you their love by talking to you about your pregnancy! If you are uncomfortable about discussing anything, just say "We're not 100% sure, so I'd rather not say" or something like that. My husband and I did not determine the sex of our babies until they were born, and we did not share ANY name choices, because we just did not want other people's feedback. You can just tell them that you and your husband are considering lots of choices for the name, and it is all too overwhelming to talk about except with your husband. If you are in a mood to engage in discussion, you can tell them about anything you are happy to discuss, like decorating the baby's room, choosing a stroller, or pediatrician. I'm sorry that you are feeling uncomfortable, but you really, really don't need to tell anyone anything that you don't want to reveal. If they want to bet lunch, that is up to them, just tell them that you cannot participate in the office pool because you have too much influence on the outcome :) and it would not be fair. Good luck with your pregnancy and try to enjoy the attention - let people open doors for you and carry your heavy items!

Lighten up a little. They are just showing interest. What if no one asked, or cared? Then what would you think. Having a baby is a blessing & most people feel happy when they hear you are expecting & it is natural to ask about it & show interest. It is the way most human beings co-exist together & make friends & get to know one another. My daugher-in-law is from asia & is very open & friendly about everything. My other daughter-in-law is from honduras & is the one who is more private but will share if asked. Good luck with new baby...whatever the name of him/her!!!

the best not very rude unswer i know of is "what baby? i'm just fat"
Good Luck
V

welcome to america! everyone is in your face here! but honey, its not nearly as bad as europe! lol

i have had four children, i understand how you feel.

if you dont want people to know about the pregnancy, just tell them that its very personal to you. if you dont want to explain why or dont want to offend anyone, just tell them the babies gender is a secret! tell your close friends and family that its a secret that they need to respect so that they dont tell everyone about it.
chances are if you ask them to you respect your privacy, they will. if they dont, then you dont have to talk to them anymore!!

good luck!

H. S

congrats on your baby. when I was pregnant I too was asked all the time and the attention is nice. But even in the US there are those who need some privacy. when I was asked if the baby was a boy or girl, I told them "I didn't know, I wanted to be surprised." This seemed to surprise them, but they seemed to be ok with this. You are very correct in the social culture in the US, pregnancies are many times a cause for excitement for some. A new mom can get much good advice from your friends. Your cultural upbringing should also be considered by those who know you. I am very sorry these individuals are making you so uncomfortable.

I had three children and they are all very happy and healthy with families of their own. My daughter made sure her pregnancies were a private affair by discouraging extra attention when she was pregnant, I wanted to be there and she told me this was between her and her husband. I respected that and stayed out of it. I am also a very proud grandmother and great grandmother.

What country in Asia are you from? You might explain that you want this to be a private affair and please stop asking questions. Your adjustment with the US culture will be a lot less stressful if you can remain calm and ask that your friends respect your wishes and not play games around your pregnancy, if this does not work, then as you have said just keep those who are willing to show you respect for your feelings and culture close.

I truly wish you luck in learning the American culture, there are many facets that are very confusing even to those born here. You will learn them in time. As for the guessing of the date your baby will be born, only you can tell that; even the doctor can only give you an estimate of the date. This is much like a party game that many co-workers play for fun to break up the stress of the daily grind. My sister when she had my nephew even picked the date she felt her son would be born. The funny thing is that she was correct on the date. LOL I know that does not help you with your dilemma, but if I were you I would ask that this party game not be done out of respect for your feelings. Its up to you ultimately, and I know you will get much advice about this from others and you will choose what is right for you. Good luck!