I Need My Zzzzz

Around 8-9 month, babies change & become more aware of their surroundings. During the day, if you try to hand them over to someone new, they are likely to protest. They get clingy & are experiencing insecurity. This to will pass, but in the meantime, extra love & reassurance is required. This is a NEED, not a want. When this need is continually met, they will become more secure & life will go back to normal until the next stage.

If at night your little one is waking up, tend to the basic needs, i.e. diaper,food, temperature (I highly recommend doing this in as little light as possible - or none at all as not to stimulate the little one even more) & then stand & rock or lay and cuddle with a little humming. They are in need of reassurance. It may take longer for him to fall asleep in the beginning, esp if he is use to crying it out, but, 20-40 min of loving your child is far more effective then 1+hr of him screaming. He will learn that you are there & you may get to a point where you can get up, lightly pat his bum & he will fall right back asleep. If you can catch him before the hysterics begin, it will be a much smoother process.

You are building a foundation. What you do now, will impact him in the future. I highly recommend bonding & building the trust. He'll be grown before you know it.

In addition to the other experiences here...
no...a baby will NOT sleep through the night, always.
And, even a teenager has sleep pattern changes, too. Sleep is not static in babies, much less older children or adults.
It will ALWAYS change... per their development, per their phases, per their ailments, per their teething, per the stages of 'night terrors', per growth spurts, per cognitive changes, etc. All normal developmental stuff. It's all about 'growing pains' for the baby/child AND the parent.

My son, is 2.5 years old. Only NOW, have I noticed that he is sleeping through the night, more often. My daughter, also did not sleep through the night until about that age.

BUT, for a baby...if he is waking, it is for a reason. Even if it is due to 'separation anxiety.' One thing you can do, is feed him on demand...perhaps he is growing... and when they are going through a growth-spurt they NEED extra feedings, they need the extra calories, and because they are getting bigger and their intake naturally increases too. A hungry baby will not sleep, well.

But every baby is different.

To me... what matters is the "expectation" the Parent has upon the baby. For example, if one expects a baby to 'act' and 'be' older than they are... both child and Parent will be sorely disappointed & frustrated all the time, because the child is NOT ready to do certain things nor understand things. Your baby is only 8 months old and is behaving normally, actually. Crying it out does not work, for him. You tried. So, just go with what your baby needs. Otherwise, it may just be too frustrating. I know, you are a single parent....and it is hard enough... but, perhaps your baby just needs you. Have you tried co-sleeping? I know that it is not for everyone... but if done only at night...perhaps this would allow you to get more sleep? Or as Deanna Leigh said... going in at short intervals to pat or console the baby.... works for some.

No matter what, its all about the "expectations" we put upon a child/baby, and the baby's own personality. Both my kids are so different in terms of sleeping. What I did for one child won't necessarily work for my other child, and visa versa. So, I had to learn that. I learned to just really cue into my child, and 'learning' what will work for them, versus what will work for me.

Or, perhaps if you can... do you have a close friend or Grandparent near you? Maybe sometimes they can come over and help with baby so you can get some needed and deserved rest at night?

Also, from what you said "if I'm not there then he freaks out.." It seems that he is indeed going through "separation anxiety." Per our Pediatrician... she said that from about 6 months old a baby starts to experience this... and YES even at night when they should be sleeping. AND they will wake and look for you or not want to be away from you. But as hard as this may be, it is a NORMAL developmental phase.

YOu could also try and introduce a 'lovey' to your son...something that he can cuddle and feel cozy with. From about 6 months old, this is what my son did... he just started to LOVE his stuffed cow... and still sleeps with it to this day. Or try "white noise"? When my son naps, I turn a fan on low, before i leave the room. He likes it and will even tell me to turn it on if I forget. Try to see what will help "soothe" him.

Or maybe your son is teething? They do get irritable at night and wake more because of it.

It is not easy... and I really feel for you. I have a Hubby but I still get so tired from waking at night for my 2 kids on certain nights because I do the night time duty too.

I don't have a conclusive answer... just some ideas.
All the best,
Susan

Hi AC:
Your son,is a Baby.Babies cry.I don't know who told you,that Babies will sleep through the night after a few months,but who ever it was, lied.Because crying is the ONLY way your son can communicate right now, this is how he lets you know,when he needs you.Wether its because of a wet diaper,hunger,colic,teething,illness,or he simply feels insecure,and wants to be held close.Leaving him to cry for an hour at a time,has left him to believe that you've abandoned him.Or that you aren't ever coming back.Do you honestly believe you or your son benifit by leaving him with these thoughts? You ask why he freaks,every time you leave him in his crib.Because,he knows,that you are going to leave him there,regardless of wether he cries for you.At eight months,he needs all the love and nurturing he can get from you.He doesn't know how to manipulate at this young age,and you certainly can't spoil a baby with (TOO MUCH LOVE)You have set yourself back,by leaving him to cry. You need to help him feel secure again. Take the time, to calm him down. Don't make him feel like your in a rush,or That there's an urgency to separate from him. Take your time,bathe him,feed him,sing to him or read to him.If he cries,don't make him believe you don't care,or can't hear him. (He knows you can.) Go in and calm him.You'll hear from mothers who say NOT to pick the baby up,however, I use to go in after a few minutes of crying, picked up my son,and rocked him,and he would fall to sleep within minutes.Sometimes,all they want is to feel safe,and loved.That's not much to ask for.It may take some time,and patience,but follow your motherly instincts.He will soon feel secure,that your in the next room,and sleep for you.I wish you and your darlin baby boy the best.

hey maybe teething. try gentle naturals teething drops when he does wake up. also growth spurts can cause it. good luck!

I am also a sinlge mom with a beautiful little boy. I went through alot with my sons sleeping patterns but i stayed true in my beliefs. I chose to nurse on demand and we still sleep in the same bed (he's 2.5 years now). I can tell you two things sweetie, 1. it will pass I promise and 2. remember that when it does pass he has taken one more little step away. Do what is best for you and your son, follow your gut first and remember that one day you will miss that little baby and all the exhausted nights and days.
I do not believe in letting a baby cry for any length of time. I believe that they cry for a reason and its for a need. That has worked for me and my son. I am happy with how I handled that stage.
I hope that you find a solution that works for both of you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am a single Mom too.

At any age, you need a good solid sleep routine...I mean before nap and bed routine. For us, its always been books and singing and a little bit of cuddling and conversation...find one that allows your infant to see the cues that it is time for sleep. Low lights, soft music and a very calm environment are pretty essential.

Also, I am not a fan of sleep training and am a co-sleeper of sorts...however it sounds like you need to find a mthod that works for both you and your child. You cannot just let a baby cry. 9 times out of 10 they NEED something...bottle or diaper.

Elizabeth Pantley has a great book that seems to be very good. It is my understanding that you let the baby cry for short intervals and not for chunks of time...like 20 minutes...its more like 2 then 3 then 4...it's progressive. Also I have a friend who is a fan of Baby Wise.

Just remember this child is a baby...totally dependent on you for everything. This could be a growth spurt, which requires more nourishment and sometimes this means an increase on night feedings. I fed on demand for the 1st year with my kiddo. Also teething happens during these months and can effect sleep. Oh and seperation anxiety can manifest as baby's become more aware of their surroundings. This happens again and again.

Sleep is soemthing a baby will not master..in my opinion ever.

Good luck.

YIKES! First off, sorry to be blunt, do NOT go get the book "Babywise". That particular book has been directly linked to hundreds of infant deaths. There is a seminar every year in my old nursing school, and it was also widely broadcasted in the psychology dept., and the microbiology (premed) department, and in most of the 2 year CC's to hit RN's and counselors who start practicing without a B.S.

You've gotten some really good advice, already. The 2 single biggest causes for babies waking is A)Needing calories [either for a growth spurt, or for their immune system], & B) because they're in pain or uncomfortable [teething, cold wet diaper, etc.]. We COULD add C)because they're scared [nightmares, etc.]...but the first 2 are the big ones.

I DO have to say, there's a big difference in "Cry it Out" and "Ignoring". "Cry it Out" is a conscious, step by step thing...that's actually really difficult to do, especially for one person...and it USUALLY has to be done while the parent is awake. We've all ignored, at least once. We're TIRED, we're SICK, we're about to cry (or darnit, ARE crying) ourselves. Then we take a deep breath and go be parents. Or we abandon our children. Most of us choose the former, and booooooooooy sometimes in the moment it can be a hard choice. Pillowbiting, face scrunching, tear jerking hard. And when you're on your own (either because you're single or your spouse doesn't give a rip), just knowing that you have no relief can make it harder. We've all cried and been there. Many of us will be there again, and again, and again. Thank goodness it's worth it. <laughing> Otherwise the species would die out! None of us have memories THAT bad.

It sounds like you've got some trust-building to be doing. Right now your son knows that when he goes into his crib it doesn't matter if he's hungry, in pain, or scared..."Mum! Guardian of all that is right in the world!" is leaving and won't be coming back. My guess is that it's probably going to take about 6 weeks of being there for him to rebuild that trust. It might take a lot less, it probably won't take more, if you're there for him every time he needs you.

One of my favorite things to remember is this:

Babies know what they need.
Children know what they want.
Adults have agendas.

Hi A C If you are getting up with him everytime he wakes up crying, you are creating a habit that is very hard to break. I started my babies on rice cereal at night (my mom's advice ) and they all statred sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. I have given my daycare parent of babies the same advice, and their babies have slept through the night from 6 to 8 weeks old. It's not to late for your baby, also I always rocked my babies to sleep, there's no feeling like having a baby fall peacefully a sleep in your arms, the more secure and peaceful a baby feels while falling a sleep, the better they will sleep. Hope this helps. J. L.

I know how you feel, its not fun. First go get the book Babywise the gift of sleep. Second try leaving the shirt you wore for the day in bed with him (he will smell you and that may let him rest as if you were next to him. Just do yourself the biggest favor and dont put him in bed with you (I know you are desperate) this habit is horrible to break. Think about it do you want to lose a week of sleep or years of uncomfortable sleep. I have a friend that still has her 10 year old in bed between her and her husband. How cozy? Not! Good Luck. If you really need sleep asap call a friend to watch him and just go to sleep while you can.