I Reported Bullying - Did I Do the Right Thing?

Please go to this site and read some of the stories and information. Bullying is so hard on kids. It is where they learn their self worth to the world and it influences how they respond to stuff the rest of their lives.

http://www.standforthesilent.org/

These parents are teaching these kids to act like this. Several years from now when these girls have hit the "big time" in bullying, they will be forced to face that their kids are awful. Meanwhile, bullying you instead of making their kids toe the line teaches their kids to disrespect adults.

You should go to the principal and discuss this entire issue with him or her. This kind of disrespect to adults needs to be nipped in the bud at the school.

Dawn

Document everything your daughter tells you that is going on with dates and times.
Document when and what the teacher said
Go in and observe, even unannounced to the playground.
Go to the principal, if he doesnt take it seriously, go to the superintendant.
You saw where these girls are getting the behavior from, the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree, and the mom bullied you.
Demand that the girls be separated next year, especially your daughter from the ringleader.
Get your daughter into tae kwon do or something similar, mine does fencing.

Stand up for her, you are her best advocate.
You can do this, do not let the other mother and some 9 yo kid railroad you.
The next time the child speaks insubordinately to you, put her in her place and tell her it is impolite to speak to an adult in that manner.

Definately you did the right thing! You are her advocate and poor girl endured all this for some time before you found out.

Bless her little heart for trying to help you feel better after they were mean to you.

Hope everything gets better soon!

Yep, did the right thing. It finally stopped right? And your daughter knows you will stand up for her and put an end to unjust behavior for her.

I'm a school counselor and deal with this stuff all the time. Often there is a little dust-up when things are brought to light, and the accused usually get defensive. But the point is to get it to stop and you did.

I agree the teacher might have tread more softly... but she knows her class, maybe she handled it the way she knew would be most affective.

The repurcussions will fade, they really will.

Those other parents sound like a-holes.

You did NOT over-react. You advocated for your daughter when her best efforts were not able to manage the situation. You did exactly the right thing--you DID leave it time to sort itself out, and it started to, but then the bullies started bullying again, so you had to step in.

As far as the other parents' responses, I agree with Dawn (I usually do!). Their reactions are about them--not about you.

I agree with Mommy B. We can't stop bullying (maybe cases here and there), so it is best to not give your daughter the impression that it can be stopped.

Show her by example to not let it get to her, be there for her by making yourself available always, make sure she's prepared in a way just to know it will happen again, counter their rudeness by making sure she has a secure home to go to, and always use humor and wit.

I was bullied, but I dealt with it, didn't let it scar me, but OH how I remember that all my friends went through it at some point, too.

You didn't over-react, but I think you probably know now a better way to help your daughter deal with things like this when it happens again in the future.

Agree on the confusion of how you answered your own question...but no, you did not overreact.

I do not think a child needs to go through this kind of treatment, if given a choice. UNFORTUNATELY, this is far from rare. This is that girl-type bullying that is just evil, but, like I said, not uncommon. Bullying (especially of this kind) will never totally cease...

It isn't necessarily bad that you reported it, but unfortunately it isn't the kind of bullying that is obvious to teachers and other parents. It is the sneaky, less noticeable kind. Therefore, it is hard to detect and stop. Honestly, I think a lesson to your daughter would be more effective in this situation than telling their parents and such.

Helping her know that this will happen in life -ALL the time and to learn to deal. To tell her that she can still talk to you and her friends about it (I told my daughter that she can also talk to her friends about this one girl who is a borderline bully, and that simple suggestion helped her tremendously). Expressing yourself is a form a therapy. It is empowering. Let it all out. I also encouraged her to let the girl that was bothering her know that she didn't like what she was doing. She can speak up. Another thing your daughter can do is show the teacher where the jacket was placed. Have her say, "They put my stuff here again!" as she gets it back- in front of the teacher.

Make sure she knows that she can say something just as much as you can. But also, more importantly she needs to know that stuff like this will happen again, with a different person... and helping her have confidence to deal with it is the best thing you can do. Help her change from victim to overcoming and moving on.

Anybody here that wasn't bullied by girls like this? The manipulative, sneaky hurtful actions/comments? I have yet to know a female that didn't have to go through this. There are plenty of adults like this (it never stops), and I just make it mean nothing to me- it gives the b***h less "power".

You telling on the girls hopefully made a light bulb go off in these girls' heads that they took things too far and that they were being mean.

You did the right thing, absolutely. I'm stunned that not ONE of those 4 parents apologized to you for what happened to your DD and treated you with kindness and empathy. What rotten people. I'm not so sure I disagree with how the teacher handled it. The girls may never admit to anything, and the parents my never admit their children may have done anything wrong. But if the teacher didn't already have concerns about those girls' character, I doubt she would have immediately summonded the parents to the school. She is there every day. She obviously felt very strongly your DD was telling the truth. That says a lot. However disappointing the reaction of the parents and mean girls, the message must have gotten through that what they are doing would not be tolerated if they are now leaving her alone. Their game is up. I hope your DD spends the rest of the school year getting to enjoy the company of the nicer kids with all of this behind her.

While they never admitted to doing anything... your daughter is telling you that they are leaving her alone. That is the end result you were going for and got.

While I agree I don't like how they handled it. They should have left your daughters name out of it and refered to her as a "child" only for her privacy. It sucks when parents act like this. I wouldn't care if my child denies it or not obviously the principal saw enough to call the parents in because normally they wont just go on a parents word. They need more to back it up. My child would have gotten a stern talking to.

While the events that happened sucked, the out come is still the same as you wanted, thankfully. Hopefully the girls got enough of a wake up call and its ended once and for all!

You did the right thing. If we don't stand up for our children when they reach out to us... who will. Good job momma!

What the?? How did you answer your own question??

Anyway, I think you did the right thing. You are your child's advocate. Bullies never win, and it's important for children to learn to stand up for themselves.

Behavior is not just for the teacher to take care of. That is also the vice principal's job...primarily actually. Most schools today have a no nonsense, no second chance, no bullying policy. I remember my nephew got in trouble because he was playing war/guns with his friends on the playground. It was normal "boy" play in the country so we all felt the school over reacted. But, in this case, the school under reacted. I would continue to document what is happening, and I would go back to the school and talk to the vp and principal; they have a lot more authority than the teacher. They actually should have been involved in the first place.

Demand a bully awareness campaign, or an assembly, etc. Also let them know that you are not "satisfied" with the outcome and you expect more from the people that are supposed to protect your child. I wouldn't leave it at that.

Also, maybe give your daughter a tape recorder to keep in her pocket and to turn on when she is being bullied so that there is proof in the secret dark places where they get away with it. Girls are very sneaky bullies.

Uh no! You did not overreact. I would have done the same.

Sorry to hear the school handled it that way. I think the hypocrisy of the parent who stated "How can you believe what a 9 year old says" - believes their child is completely innocent.

These type of stories scare the heck out of me. I have two daughters and worry about this kind of thing all the time.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!

The teacher told you who the four trouble makers were? She knew who they were and she contacted the parents? Then she is definitely well aware of what is going on and it sounds like she has known for some time. I suspect your daughter may not be the only victim. You may be the only parent who called the four families on the carpet...but your child probably isn't the only being bullied. I suspect other parents of bullied kids have chosen to just let it go and that meant the teacher couldn't call a meeting until you stepped forward. Why the teacher never contacted you when she clearly knew there was bullying going on is sobering and not a good sign. With that said, no you are not over-reacting. But you may have to find solutions on your own because obviously the school doesn't have any in place.

Sounds like the teacher's hands are tied...she has probably done all she can under school policy. Which do you know what that is? If not, find out.

Considering the behavior of the kids and their parents after the meeting, I'd say this is going to escalate and the school probably isn't going to do anything else to prevent it. Perhaps it is time to look for an alternative school. Without support from the school and clear direction on how they will remedy this (as it is the school's responsibility to ensure her safety while she's there), it is only cruelty to leave your daughter there to fight this on her own. If the system there is broke, don't expect them to fix it. Sounds like they want you and your daughter to do it for them...but at what cost to your daughter's self-esteem and safety?

Unfortunately this is what girls. They pick on other girls. Would I have
reported it to school? No. She would have figured out how to get them to
stop, or eventually the girls would just move on to someone else. This will
go on throughout her life. She will learn to stick up for herself.

thanks moms for your comments and support. You've restored my back-bone!! L.

You were right to let the teacher know what was going on. It's unfortunate the way she handled it though. She should have started by talking to the girls themselves and observing them on the playground. I don't know why she needed to call all the parents, unless she already knew these girls were a problem? or maybe that's just school policy? You should ask so you'll know what to do if it happens again.
The important thing is that these girls have been called on their behavior and that your daughter is doing fine! Keep encouraging her to find friends that are kind and don't play these kinds of mean-girl games.

I think you did the right thing, I think it's important to stop those situations early. It effects the childs self esteem and their general feelings about school. Personally, as child who was bullied because of my weight and race, I flunked two grades because I hated school so much, I think things would have been different with some sort of parental intervention.

Those parents may not like it, but they are on notice, that you are an advocate for your child, and they will have to do something.

You absolutely did the right thing. It happens younger and younger and you need to stay on top of this.

Read this article from our local news just last night of a 13 year old girl who committed suicide last week and bullying is blamed. After a longer series of events of bullying, she reportedly was escited for ovie and game night with her family, but excused herself to go do a quick homework assignment, went to her room and killed herself! 13 years old!!

http://www.kare11.com/news/article/975590/391/Bullying-bl...

It all starts somewhere and no child should go thru this. Kids these days can be mean and they learn that its ok from their parents!

I wish you luck in this situation.

Please go to this government website on bullying at http://www.stopbullying.gov/ It's a federal government initiative to try to stop bullying, including cyber bullying. There's tons of info. on it such as resources, how to get help, how to prevent it, how to respond to it, etc. It's really good. The thing is that parents often defend their children and deny their child could ever do such a thing. This is normal, especially since a lot of children behave differently when they are at school than when they are at home. In my son's case, his bully was his best friend he grew up with. His friend turned against him around 2nd or 3rd grade. Luckily his mom was very nice. Found out that his friend was not only jealous of our son's uncanny ability to seemingly be able to quickly learn how to do anything, but was also picked on by his brothers at home. Since he was the target at home, he felt a need to find a target at school so he could feel better about himself. Another bully was the "perfect angel" type, which no one ever suspects. Beautiful, picture perfect boy that looks like he came right off a kids vitamin commercial. He was a passive bully and would talk other kids into doing the bullying for him. He would also dare my son to do things. Well, one time my son got into trouble for taking on a dare and wound up in the principal's office. I definately agreed with the principal that what my son did was wrong, and gave him a loooooong speech on why you have to show enough strength and smarts not to take a dare. Never took a dare again. I had my son start off reporting the bullying, but it didn't work so he started "firing" back at the bullies. (It was just verbal bullying.) I'd get phone calls and I would ask the parents what's the difference if your kid calls mine a "nerd" and mine calls yours "fat?" Of course they'd think "fat" was worse, but I told them both are wrong. Then I'd tell them to ask their child to stay away from my child, because he won't go after them and everything will be fine. It worked after a couple of phone calls. Sometimes the "mama tiger" has to defend her young ones.

You did the right thing.
I have this year had to contact 3 parents about different situations with my 6 year old daughter who was being bullied by a supposed friend and 2 parents of 8 and 9 year olds regarding my 8 year old son. I am batting 1 out of three meaning 2 parents wont speak to me and one was completely cooperative. Best bet? Take it to the school for both documentation and handling. Keep on them and keep going in and document ANY incident that happens to your daughter!

You did the right thing! You did not over-react. From the other parent's response to you, it seems evident that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this case.

Please see your school counselor and talk to him/her about this, about your school's anti-bullying policy, and about your concerns should this continue to be a problem for your daughter.

In addition to stopping bullying whenever and wherever we possibly can, we adults should also teach our children to deal with bullies. You can get some ideas from your school's counselor and also google the topic for some good information on how to teach your child to deal with bullying. Another previous poster also provided a link that is worth checking into.

I completely disagree with those who say being picked on is just part of childhood. We all know of cases where relentless bullying has lead to tragic consequences. And even in cases where the end result wasn't as extreme, just go back through the topic of bullying on this site and read from some of the moms here who can still recall the pain of being bullied, even when it happened decades ago.

You did the right thing for your daughter. Now, get some more information to help her to deal with similar situations, so if she faces them in the future, she can react with confidence and strength.

Best to you and your daughter.

J. F.