I Started My Son Too early....now What Do I Do?

Don't plan so far ahead. Wait and see how he does. If he does well in 1st grade, then let him go to 2nd. Then wait to see how he does then before you make a decision for the following year. Don't worry, his teachers will let you know if he should be held back. He may not have any problems at all throughout all his years in school. Age should not make any difference. How many kids are older and still can't make it? Just because he is younger should not have any baring unless he is several years younger and he is not ready socially to move on.

I had 5 kids. All are out of school now but when each of them graduated high school there were kids in their graduation classes that ranged in ages from 16 to 19 years old. And when they went to college it was the same. Age never seemed to made a difference in how smart the kids were or how they did academically.

Hi Trina - as a teacher and a mom who was the youngest in her class, I recommend kindergarden in a different class or in a private school for one more year. I think being the oldest and with that usually more confident offers more advantages than disadvantages. My daughter missed the cut off her b-day is November 15 and she has been in 2 different 1/2 day pre-ks that year. I'm confident she is ready and will master kindergarden. I believe with retention the younger the better, but you can actually look at one as pre-k.

I am going through this too, My son was 4 in January and is in Pre-K. He can move academically to Kindgergarten next year, but will be too young to move to 1st grade after that. The cut off around here is dec 31st. I was disappointed at first, but in talking to mom's in the area, more and more are holding their fall babies (sept-dec and you have the choice) back a year, making them right around his age. I have talked to his school and next year he will do kindergarten, then I will move him to another school to repeat kindergarten. I don't know if waiting until 1st grade will be a great option as you have mentioned by that time he will be much more aware that his classmates are moving on. As he is a boy and they tend to mature slower, I don't see and issue with holding him back in Kindgergarten-that way he will move forward with the kids he will continue to go to school with.

As an elementary school teacher and as someone with a November birthday myself who was started "late" in kindergarten, I definitely recommend being one of the older kids vs. one of the younger kids. I am surprised to hear that a teacher recommended that you skip pre-k altogether and go right to kindergarten. You have a big decision to make now that he is doing well. I agree with the first posting, though. If you are going to have him repeat, you should have him repeat kindergarten, not first grade. In first grade, he will be too aware of his peers and it will not make any sense to him and to them to hold him back if he is still doing well. If you are going to hold him back in kindergarten, you might want to consider putting him in another school, either permanently or just for the kindergarten year. That way the second experience will be even more different for him. I met someone who didn't want to give a younger child three years of preschool and decided to put her into a Catholic kindergarten program with the idea that if she wasn't successful at the younger age that she would go to kindergarten the next year at the public school and it would seem like two different experiences, rather than repeating.

Hi Trina, If your son is doing well academically and socially, I'm not sure why you have concerns about his future if he stays on the path he's on. As a person with a late-Sept birthday who was one of the youngest in her class, the only "issue" I encountered was my annoyance at not getting my driver's license until I was a junior in highschool and not turning 18 until my first semester of college. There weren't any issues during adolescence or my academic success. I say, keep him on the path he's on since he's doing so well. Good luck to both of you.

If he is not struggling, why would you hold him back? It sounds like you're doing it "just because." I don't see a benefit over being the oldest than being the youngest. Holding him back in any random grade if he isn't struggling socially or academically won't provide any benefit. I'm not a believer in this holding back, particularly of boys. Why would you think that he'll struggle later? I work in an elemenatary school, and we have plenty of October and November kids who are doing just fine in the grade that they are supposed to be in. If your son does well in whatever grade he's in, holding him back to repeat the curriculum will not help his learning and can lead to behavioral problems because he will be bored and will not be learning anything new.
Good luck

I was in the same boat with my son, who is now 11 and in the sixth grade. He was one of the youngest in kindergarten and he did extremely well. I never thought of holding him back, even after talking to other parents and I am glad that I didn't. He had a little difficulty in 1st grade with reading, but they worked with him and he has been an A and B student ever since.

The only thing he struggled with this year was the transition from 5th to 6th grade because he went from 70 kids in 5th grade to a class of 370 this year. We worked through this, which I think is just an immuturity issue, but he is doing great.

Don't listen to what others say and you know your son best, go with your motherly instinct, I'm sure he will be find.
Good luck!

I would not recommend keeping any child back in kindergarten if he is doing well in all areas. As a first grade teacher, I can tell you that we are more likely to retain children in first grade than in kindergarten becasue it is more academic. This retention has not negatively impacted any of the children that I have retained or the ones that I have that have been retained. Most of them don't even know the difference. I would talk to your child's teacher and see what she thinks. Most school districts need to show proof that another year in a grade would benefit that child in order to retain him. It doesn't sound like this is the case with your child. You should send him on and see what happens in the future. If he has trouble later on, then retention could be a possibilty. Also, in our school district, the school has final say in which students are retained. If he were doing fine, he would have to go on to first grade.

Don't push your child ahead, with our culture, technology and the advancement of our world today I would recommend the children begin school on the cut off or held back one year. Retention for 1 year never hurts especially for playing sports..you can always enrich him with activities and lessons to challenge him. Better late than sorry.

DON'T wait til 1st grade. Do it NOW. His self-esteem will be more hurt later. My son has a late Sept b'dy and he did an extra year of Pre-K...BEST thing we did. Another friend's kid did 2x K. DO IT NOW. Boys need much more time to mature and he will be better off in the LONG run. PS. IT took me about a year to get over our decision, but now I see how right it was. SO many boys are 6-10 months older than their girl classmates.

I have a 20 year old who was always one of the youngest in his class and I wish I had the knowledge and the courage to have held him back when he was younger to give him the best opportunities later on in school. School was always a challenge and he was a bit immature for his class. If I had it to do over again I would make the decision - I think do it now.

L.

If he's thriving, let him go on. I started kindergarten a year early, and never knew the difference. Better to let him continue with his friends at this point. A year isn't too much of a difference, and he'll continue to be challenged. All the best. He sounds great.

Hi Trina,

If your son is doing well academically and socially, I am not sure that you need to keep him back a year. I was myself the youngest of my class from the very beginning, and never had problems either academically or in development compared to my peers.

I did have some teenage issues with my peers (who doesn't?) because I was at the top of my class and I was a little bit of an outsider, but this had nothing to do with my age, everything to do with my upbringing.

My son, while not quite as close to the cutoff as I was (I was literally born days before it - at the time they made no exceptions; if you were born one day after, you were waiting for the next year) is in a similar situation; he's one of the youngest in his class, is doing extremely well academically, and is one of the most popular kids in his class (not following in my footsteps there :-)) ).

Now is when 6-12 months between children make the most difference, and where social development differences are the most visible if they are present. If your son is not struggling in any way, I don't see why he should be kept back. This being said, if you choose to do so, I agree with the other responders that holding him in K is better than the higher grades.

Good luck, it's a tough decision.

K.

I have a late birthday, December, and was always one of the youngest in my class. My mom considered holding me back after 4th grade because I was struggling socially and I knew a lot of the kids that were one grade behind.

I'm glad now that she never did. IMO, I wouldn't hold him back unless you see that he is struggling. Also, since I was older, my mom asked my opinion. She gave me a little control over the decision, which made me feel empowered. I told her that I didn't want to be held back. If you decide not to hold him back and see the need for it in the future, ask him how he feels. He might be very upset about the idea of being held back. Had my mom just done it, I don't think I would have been very fond of her, even if it was done early.

Good luck, and I hope you can come to a decision easily.

Dear Trina,
I support your decision to hold him back in kindergarden. Kindergarden is more fun than first grade. And as you say, he will notice it more in first grade that he is being held back, which could make him feel like a failure. In 3rd grade, all children tend to level out, socially and academically. That's when you'll see the results of your decision.
My son made the deadline for kindergarden by a week, and passed the test with flying colors. But I decided to keep him home another year, so he started school at 6. I never regretted the decision. He will graduate from college next month, and throughout school academics came easy to him, always getting straight A's and winning many awards. Socially, he was ahead of the others in his class, and he always made good decisions for himself. Also, athletically he had an edge, making any team he wanted to join. Especially when it came time to learn how to drive, I was glad that he learned before his friends. I could teach him responsibility and respect for a car without his friends planting other ideas in his head. Not that it's significant, but he met his fiance in high school. They were in the same class, and will be married in July.
I believe you're on the right track. Good Luck.
W.

I have one friend who waited until 1st grade.. and her little girl repeated 1st grade.. it was hard on the parents and the child.. and the school fought her decision.. now her child it ok.. but she is now in 5th grade. My other friends held them back in kindergarten.. better choice all around.. and don't let the school push you not to do this. Most of my friends found doing kindergarten over plus put the kids in another thing.. like arts and crafts after school.. so they wouldn;t be bored.. good luck... being older in class is better. My daughter missed the cut off by a few days.. so she is one of the older ones.. and it really is a great thing. She takes all the harder classes and she is mature in her class.. I love that she is one of the older ones... As they get older - it works out better.

I am concerned that you want to keep your son back because of other people's experiences. You state that he is doing well in all areas. It seems appropriate that he should stay where he is and advance as scheduled. If he is doing "super" in kindergarten, it is likely that he will also excell in first grade as well. Also please consider how he will interact with children who are "younger" than him (socially he is advanced for his age so if you hold him back he will be interacting with children who are behaving at a less mature level than he is). As far as the memory is concerned- I have a brother who was held back in kindergarten and it bothered him through high school. If he is advanced the he will be aware that he was held back whether it be kindergarten or first grade.
If you lived in New York you wouldn't be having this dilemma b/c the cut off date here is December 1st. I suggest you speak with the counselors and teachers at his school and follow their advice.

I feel fortunate that my Oct 21st child was able to start kindergarten at age 4. She has always been drawn to "older children". She is also excelling in all areas. I wouldn't consider keeping her back. I am aware of the boy/girl maturity argument. Most boys are not as mature as girls at that age. However if your son is more mature than most boys then I encourage you to honor and appreciate that and keep him challenged.
Please keep in mind that boredom and not being challenged in school are detrimental to children. They stop paying attention because they are bored and that tends to refelct negatively in their grades and behavior despite their intelligence/maturity level.
E. W.

Check to see if your sons school offers a T-1 program. My son goes to north park elementary & he did good in kindergarten but wasnt quite ready for 1st grade.In the T-1 to 1st program he has the same teachers for 2 years. Next year he will be going into 2nd and he will be right on track. good luck.

Every kid is different, so don't worry about other moms and their situations! I was a teacher for 7 years before I became a SAHM. And I've seen kids EXCEL when at the younger end of the spectrum. I've also seen the opposite. But there was no hard and fast pattern to be found. Every child had their own challenges!

Your son sounds bright and socially on target for his current grade. Retention (staying back a grade) is a huge decision, and not one to make without a VERY good reason. He won't be smarter or more prepared by doing K or 1st grade again, if he isn't behind now. In fact, he'll be bored. And possibly at risk for losing interest in school!

I only recommended retention twice, in 7 years. In both cases, the students were very, very behind in reading and math. (One was in first grade, and was struggling with the alphabet!) Both were socially inappropriate for their grades, and got in trouble a lot. They were struggling, and needed another year to feel confident and catch up academically.

I think your son sounds perfect where he is!

Ok so let me see if I understand this: Your son is doing well in all aspects of kindergarden and yet because some other moms have had problems because they felt their sons were at a disadvantage being the youngest you feel the need to keep your son out of school? Shame on you for listening to those other moms. Their children may have had other issues but it's easy to blame shortcomings on them being young instead of other things.

I was the absolute youngest in my graduating class and I had friends, straight A's, and kept up just fine. Age has little to do with learning; it's interest and the ability to absorbe info.

How do you think your son is going to feel when all the kids he went to kindergarden with are a grade or two ahead of him and in a couple years they start spreading rumors that he was held back because he's stupid? Instead of just looking at one thing, AGE, look at everything your son is doing right now. If he's moving right along with everyone else then there's no reason to hold him back.

If you son is doing well so far, I would recommend NOT having him repeat a grade especially since he seems to be doing well right now. The stigma that comes with repeating a grade (especially the lower ones) can be detrimental to the child's desire to learn. Honestly, if your son is not struggling with the work, repeating any of the elementary school grades is not going to give him a stronger foundation, but it could lead to discipline problems caused by boredom.

If you are sure you would like him to be in a class a year lower than he is now, consider homeschooling him for a year (or trying an alternative schooling program) and allow him to learn about things that he wouldn't get a chance to in a regular school setting. You could talk to your son's teacher and the 1st grade teachers to get a good idea on what s/he thinks would benefit your son during gap year.

Hey Trina,

As an educator and an owner or a Montessori School I would suggest you repeat kindergarten again verses first grade. Most children are held back in kindergarten so it will not be that big of a deal if he repeat again and be one of he older children. First grade can be challenging and even though as you said he has done well in kindergarten I wouldn't worry about him becoming bored in kindergarten. If your school system has the option of a different kindergarten teacher for next year then I would go that route. This way he will have a new teacher who I am sure will have her own curriculum therefore making it a whole new experience for him. Repeating first grade is really only done for children who are not ready academically for second grade so my concern is if he does well he will not become bored doing it again, and also he will feel inferior not moving on with his friends. I have had students who have done kindergarten with my program because they have missed the public school cut off and have done kindergarten at their school district and have done very well. As a matter of fact one of the mom's who is a school teacher and children have attended my school has opted to have have both of her boys repeat kindergarten because they have missed the cut off and it has benefited them greatly. I strongly suggest you do not repeat first grade and let him do kindergarten again. Good luck with your decision I am sure you will do what is right for your child.

As a teacher, I whole heartly believe if he is doing well let him move on. He's going at the right pace for him. A lot of my male students that have been held back for various reasons, feel very ashmed of the situation. They don't like people knowing that they are on the older side of the age pool and sometimes have social adjustment issues. But every child is different, my opinion is don't fix it if it isn't broken. If he performing on level don't hold him back, because you might be biting yourself in the butt later on in his school career.

I had the EXACT situation as you and debated all the same issues as you. I let my son go through after Pre-K, then again after kindergarten....he was doing so well, why stop him?! Cognitively it was the right thing to do. He is now in third and still doing well...cognitively. But socially, and emotionally, he is not doing all that well. By virtue of sending him ahead, I unknowingly "pitted" him against kids that are a full year older than him, since most of the boys in his class were held back themselves. That is a lot of stress for a child to endure. Now he has irritable bowel syndrome and migraine headaches, both stress related illnesses. I kick myself almost everyday wishing I held him back. But, you know your child best. Some children do fine moving ahead.

He has a younger brother, who like him, could handle the academics of school. But I learned my lesson and kept him back. (I put him in another Pre-K program, instead of moving him on to kindergarten.) Almost everyday, I say to myself (or my husband), "I am so glad I kept him back!"

Holding my second son back is the best gift I could give him. I have given him an extra year to grow and learn about himself. Now he will always be one of the oldest kids in his class. When tough situations arise, he will be working with an additional year of maturity that his classmates will not have. In high school, he will be one of the first kids to drive, instead of the only one not driving, and experiencing the temptation to hop into a new drivers car.

It's THE BEST gift I could ever give him. If only I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now...

By the way, a friend and I both did not have our boys move on, but we did move them to a different school so they would not be bored with the same curriculum and would not see their friends move on. Then the boys will go back into the original school and make a new set of friends! Yes, they will see the old friends but by then a year will have gone by and it won't be a big deal. My youger ones sees some of his old friends and doesn't think much of it.

Good luck!

Tina,

I own a Preschool/Pre-K in Pompton Lakes and our cut off date is October 1st in order to attend Kindergarten. Where do you live where the cut off date is September? Most areas in NJ is October 1st. I only allow children that are going to attend Kindergarten the following year to attend Pre-K otherwise they must stay in Preschool. My school is very challenging. The children in Pre-K and Preschool are sounding out words and my Pre-K writes everything. I would say my Pre-K is half Pre-K and the other half of the year I teach them Kindergarten-addition and subtraction, writing words and learning alittle bit of reading. I would say the Preschool is alittle bit of Pre-K. I noticed kids that don't make the cut off date are smarter, because they get an extra year of learning.

If you live near Pompton Lakes, you might want to check out my school. I also test the Pre-K to make sure they are ready to attend Kindergarten and I also tutor Pre-K and Kindergarten children.

Good luck.

M. S.
Owner/Director/Pre-K Teacher
Little Achievers
235 Wanaque Ave.
Pompton Lakes, NJ 07442
###-###-####
www.littleachieverschilddevelopmentcenter.com

I was one of the youngest in my class and it really only affected me when friends had their driver's license before me, and then in college when friends were able to drink before me. I grew up with several boys who also were young in their classes and we have talked about this issue. They, as boys, said they are glad their parents allowed them to be young in their classes and it would have really impacted their self-esteem to be held back when they were doing well.

Why do you assume he will struggle? It seems like it would be a struggle to explain to him why he has to repeat a grade, especially since I'm sure he's smart enough to know that kids who aren't as smart as he is will be advancing to the next grade. Just keep him on the track he is on and instead of anticipating future issues deal with the here and now and what is best for him in the present.

The reality is that people have different struggles to deal with throughout their lifetime and learning to cope in healthy, productive ways as a child will only serve him down the road. Trying to protect him from potential problems, I fear, will only create more problems.

Dear Trina,

I know I'm coming late to this discussion, I just wanted to pass along my cousin's experience.

I have a lovely cousin, who is now in her mid-twenties. She did well in kindergarten academically but was rather quiet with her peers, so her teacher recommended that she be held back so she would have a chance to mature socially. Even at that young age, my cousin was deeply disappointed and ashamed. From then on, she described herself as "stupid," despite everyone's protestations to the contrary. She would say things like, "I was held back in kindergarten, so I'm going to fail this test anyway." She is strikingly beautiful and from an early age, she took great interest in fashion, beauty, etc. But she refused to take on challenges academically and was convinced that she was not smart enough to succeed.

My cousin is a lovely, gracious young woman, but she steadfastly refuses to plan for a real career. I don't know what things would have been like for her if she hadn't repeated kindergarten -- who knows, they could have been just the same -- but my whole family, including her parents, attribute her lack of confidence to her being held back a grade.

I know that grade-repeating is more common today than it was twenty years ago, but having seen the shame and stigma that my cousin attached to it, I honestly would not recommend it, especially since your son seems to be doing so well.

Best wishes,

Mira

If he's doing great academically and socially, then what's the problem? He seems to adapt fairly well, so what if he's an age behind in his grade level. I grew up with a lot of kids who are young in their grade level and it hasn't seem to affect them. I don't know...I wouldn't hold him back (I think that would do more damage than good, in my opinion, but I'm no educational expert). If it's not broke, why fix it... unless I'm missing something here, LOL!

My oldest daughter missed the cut off and started later so she was older than everyone else in her class. My youngest daughter just made the cut off so she was the youngest in her class. I decided to hold her back in first grade even though she was doing fine at the time. The work gets more involved as the grades progress and I was concerned for the future grades. Once a child feels they cant do it and they loose the drive then you are "done for" I didnt want her to loose that drive and stop trying. As far as the friends in the class. it is easier for them to make new friends when they are young. I would say hold your son back in first grade. Oh and the daughters I spoke of... one is in Grad school and has carried a 4.0 all the way through. she has 8 months to go. the other is in college and will grad in sept. So I feel I made the right decisions :)

In our district the cut off date for school is they have to be five by October 1 and my son turned five on September 16, this made him one of the youngest in his class, but he has had no problems with it. I would say if he is doing well socially and academically then I would leave well enough alone. If at any point during his schooling you feel that he is experiencing a problem, then I would discuss with the school guidance counselor whatever options would be available to you. But as long as he is doing well, I would leave it alone. I, myself, was a younger student in school, I turned five on November 21 and the cut off date in NY is December 1, I never had any problems in school socially or academically, not due to my age, anyway. Good luck with your decision.

You stated that he is doing well in K socially and academically, so I would not hold him back. He will get bored and what is the point of teaching him what he already knows? As for holding him back in 1st grade, keep in mind that there is a strong body of research out there that states that being held back in any grade for any reason is a strong contributing factor in the drop out rate. His age really doesn't matter. And really, he is not that much younger than the other kids, at least not by more than a year. Also, another point to think about- at this point he doesn't NEED to be held back, but what if there comes a point in his academic career that, God forbid, because of surgery, extended illness or move to a different district, holding him back a grade becomes necessary. Then he would be two grades behind and that can be very detrimental to self esteem and your son's feeling capable in school. If he has learned what he is supposed to learn in K, interacts in an age appropriate way with the other kids as well as adults, let him move on. If the day comes and he tells you he doesn't feel comfortable with classmates because they are a few months older than he is, deal with it then. He is way too (and capable, it sounds like) to be made to feel like a failure.

Hi Trina,

I think that if your son seems to be doing well socially and academically in Kindergarten now, then keep him on the same track. School enrollment cutoff dates are kind of abritrary -- NYC public schools, for example, cut off at the end of December, and my son, whose birthday is late November, has always been one of the youngest kids in his class, and yet he's done fine. He's been able to not only keep up, but surpass many kids -- I don't see any negative effects. Someone has to be the youngest kid in the class -- if it's not your son, it's going to be whatever kid is born closest to whatever cutoff. It does't mean that child (yours or anyone else's) is going to develop a "complex" from it or anything. Actually, IMO, there are certain advantages to being one of the younger kids -- the child might push himself harder and work harder and actually perform better.

Frankly, if he's not having any social or academic issues now, just keep going where you are now. It sounds like your son is a great, well-adjusted kid -- so don't worry about it and I'm sure he will be fine. :)

S. :)

I have 2 children with January birthdays and 1 with a December birthday. Our school system has a cut off date of December 31st (which makes no sense to me. The older kids did very well but the December child struggled socially until I had him retained in fifth grade(the end of middle school)I constantly got notes from his teachers that his behavior was immature and even though he was doing ok (just ok) academically, he was getting a reputation of being unruly when he was just acting age appropriate.
So I definitely would recommend having your son repeat kindergarten. He will be less bored, since they have more play time and will feel good about himself for knowing more than the other kids. Keep in mind that girls mature faster than boys and once he hits junior high his age difference might be more noticeable. At that age it would be better to be older than younger.

If he is doing well, I would not hold him back. Same thing happened with my daughter and she turned 11 this year and is in 6th grade. The other kids in her class are 12 yrs old. They felt she had the maturity to do the work and was moved from Kindergarten to first grade the first semester of school. As you say he is doing well socially and in all other areas. When he is in his teen years, one year will not make a big difference. Reinforce what he learns at home and keep challenging him. You will know if he is having any issues. It will all work out.

Good luck!

I work with parents and children. I have NEVER heard a parent say that they regret holding a child back or start K when they are 5 1/2...

In middle school you need to be courageous both socially and emotionally. The academic load in middle school is much more demanding than it used to be...

I have rec that parents repeat K in another school. Then go back to 1st in their area school. A few have sent their kids to private K or Catholic school K.

One parent home schooled for 1 yr. Then sent her child back to the original school for 1 st grade.

Both of my kids are the oldest in their grades. I am SO happy and do not have any doubts. In fact, parents come up to me all the time and ask why I held them out a yr.(They wish they had). They are both mature, doing very well academically, socially, etc.

I've seen too many kids struggle and never catch up. It's a much tougher world than it used to be !!

Hi Trina
I certainly don't recommend holding back a potentially well adjusted and academically sound student because you are worried about what might happen. Statics say most if not all of what we worry about never happens.
So I want to pose a different question. What happens if because you hold him back and have him repeat K and he gets bored like most gifted kids do in a classroom where they know the work? Some read and occupy themselves, others are brats, and still others resign themselves to the fact that learning is not fun. How do I know that? Because I had at least one of each of those scenarios, and it was not because I held them back.
Have you talked to the school officials? Are they going to even consider such a scenario? When we moved from NC, the twins were going into second grade, they didn't know the difference as they had been in a private ungraded classroom in our former area. So I wanted to have them placed in first grade. "there was no reason" and "not even consider such a thing" Over my objection they were placed in second grade. They were so bored, and considered learning a bore. I homeschooled from 3rd grade on. It took nearly a year for them to realize that learning was fun, and show me that they were interested in anything. The worst thing I could have done was to place them in first again. Wouldn't it have been worse? I think yes. We all loved homeschooling and the girls are both in college now pursuing their dreams. One for fine arts,GPA 3.7, on campus; and the other for journalism, GPA 3.8. commuting.

Talk to his current teacher, ask her what she would do. Think about his friends. Ask the principal about your child in particular not in general terms, but in very specific terms. Tell them your fears and then listen to what they are saying to you about your son in particular. If they generalize, be sure and say I don't care about the rest of the world I want to do what is best for my son.

Don't worry so much about the average student, kid. There is no such thing. There are extremes on both sides to come up with that middle ground.
May God bless you as you make this important decision.
K. -- married 38 years so probably old enough to be your mom, with lots of years of experience, however, not with your son.

Nooooooo, please don't hold him back. Now that he is already registerd and will be in class, it's not a good idea to have him repeat any grade unless his academics are that bad. He needs to be with the friends he will be making in that class, or they will pick on him for being held back. He only missed the cut-off by 2 months, which is really no big deal. He's still close to their ages. Trust me on this one. My son missed the cut-off too, but they put him in kindergarten early so he wouldn't get bored with school. When kids get bored, they can get really unrully and don't pay attention. Then wind up doing worse in class. My son is now in 5th and 8th grade. (8th grade alegbra and 5th for the rest of the classes) He has no problem socializing. He has lots of friends and has no trouble keeping up with them athletically either. The biggest problem he has is that he out does his classmates in sports, so they don't like to play against him in gym class. Outside of class, he takes it easier on them and lets them wind once in a while. Even the 8th graders like him. So don't feel you did anything wrong. You did what you needed to do.

My son Rhys is only a couple days older...Oct 30th, he went to kindergarden and did great!! I don't regret this at all...he picked up on the writing and reading a lil later than the kids in his class(but really at the same speed, you can't hurry hand cordination...he is younger..) although there were kids that were below average where he never was...now he's 8 and in the 3rd grade and this seems to be the year where you'd never even know he was younger...if your son is doing great or even average...I wouldn't hold him back, you're going to bore him and embarass him and that will cause a whole other spectrum of problems. Life is full of struggles, I think it's better for a child to have to work a little bit harder than not to have to work at all...if he was struggling, that would be one thing, but he's NOT, don't fix a problem you don't have! We all worry about if we're doing the right thing....yes he may mature a lil slower, but he's not going to be the only one! Don't second guess yourself, support him where and when he needs it...that doesn't mean hold him back...Good luck!

Why would you hold a kid that's thriving "back" and risk him becoming totally bored with school in general? When I was a kid I was always envious of "the youngest kid in the class" because I thought they had a cool advantage / head start. I wouldn't mess!

My 8 year old son is in 3rd grade and excells in every subject. If we did not live in NY he would only be in 2nd grade. At first I had misgivings about letting him start school. We had moved here from the south where the cut off date is much earlier. I thought he would have problems, and he didn't. He has surpassed my expectations. I will never hold him back a grade. Think long and hard about doing this to your son. He already has his peer group. Do you really want to change him to be with new friends? It could affect him badly if he is put behind them at this point. If your son is doing well now, give him a chance to keep excelling. Chances are, he will!

18 years ago I was in the same situation! I decided to have my son continue with his schooling. His kindergarten teacher said he would do fine as did my friends and family. I was also a teacher so I should have listened to my inner voice. Something kept telling me to hold him back. My son did fine academically through all the years but was never stellar. (Boys do tend to level out as they age.) However, the telling sign was when he was about 18 years old and he told me he wished I had kept him back a year as he was almost a year younger than everyone and he felt it made a difference.I have been teaching first grade now for over 12 years and can say that I wish more children were held back in Kindergarten. They need one more year there instead of later. My final answer is to really listen to your gut feeling. Mother's DO know best!

Hi Trina,

I know you got a lot of responses so here is one more. My son too was the yooungest in Kindergarten. The difference between mine and yours was he was unable to do the school work, had problems with writing and reading and would have been greatly discouraged if we moved him to 1st grade where there is no more play time, but real school work. Socially he was fine. So we kept him back in kindergarten. We worked with him over the past summer and since he was familiar with the work he has been excelling in everything that was a challenge last year. Had he done super last year and he was just the youngest, I would have put him through to 1st grade without question. Moms mention their sons all the time as far as maturity goes because the girls their same age are more mature than the boys. I say let your son go to 1st. Watch and see if anything changes and go from there. Sounds to me you are cncerned about the tween years and how some kids can be mean to the younger ones. But a lot of the posts you got seemed to smash that concern. You are a good mom to worry, but don't. Have a great summer. A. B.

If you are only basing this on his age, forget about it. Look at how he does socially, and academically.
Talk to his teachers,see how he is doing and if there is any reason to worry about him.

My daughter is THE youngest and tiniest in her class. She was 4 when she started school. Our cut off date is December 1, and my daughter's birthday is November 30. Her pre-K teacher thought she might have trouble keeping up, I wasn't worried.
Within the first 4 months of school her teacher said she wasn't worried anymore and that my daughter would be just fine.
She was the first in her class to write her name by herself and spell it correctly and she was the first to tie her own shoes. Many of the kids in her class were up to a year older than she was.
She is now in 5th grade and doing great. She doesn't fall behind, is an A/B+ student and except for her size (which she naturally very small anyway), you'd never know she is younger than the other kids. She has several friends and has no problems academically.

You really need to look at the entire situation with your son and talk to his teacher before holding him back just because of his age.

Trina,
Some of my very close friends have held their children back not because the academics, but because they were concerned about their future socialization in Middle School....
I´ve friends also, who didn´t do it, however it´s sad to say that their 12 year olds girls are now struggling to keep up with 16 year olds...
It´s hard to acknowledge it but the true is that most of the parents are helding their kids back, and if they do it, you have a big chance that your kid will be hanging out older kids...
My friends have had their kids to repeat kindergarten twice but in different schools, like that they kids won´t feel that their frinds move to first grade and they didn´t.
I hope this help
J.

Trina, HA-my daughter's birthday is the same day (2004)!! Funny, our school has a Universal Pre-K program where the children CANNOT be school-age eligible. So she would have had to go last year -- AT THREE YEARS OLD!!! No way!! It's just free daycare, if you ask me!!
She is my 5th and all of my kids fall into the "fall birthday" issue. I have held ALL of them (3 boys & 1 girl) to be turning six while in Kindergarten (the youngest boy was actually six in August before he started school). My oldest was in the same situation as your son and I had him repeat Kindergarten. WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!! When they are young and thriving, it seems like everything will be OK, but it will eventually "catch up" and be a struggle in some area, if not academics.
I always looked ahead -- since I work at a college (and my oldest is a student here), it is quite noticable when a "younger" 17 year-old hits his/her freedom at college. The maturity just isn't there.
BTW - I've NEVER heard any mom say they were sorry to hold their child back -- go with your instincts, it will seem difficult at first, but I absolutely think if you have any doubts, keep him back!!!

Good luck!!

B. C.

If there isn't a problem don't retain him! If you feel that you must, do not do so in first grade. Here's the deal... kids are VERY aware of being retained, even in K. Your son hasn't struggled, so he is going to wonder why he has to do it over again. Read the research- retention rarely works in the long-term. When it does work, it must occur before 2nd grade and should be considered ONLY when a child is not developmentally ready to progress.

Have you talked with the teacher? If there are developmental concerns, then it may be appropriate, but retaining him "just in case" will likely do more harm then good. Have you thought about how to discuss this with your son?

I currently have a first grade child who is repeating the grade level. He is entirely under-stimulated and has become a behavior problem. He continually reminds his teacher that he "should be in second grade". I strongly advised the parents against retention, but they did it anyway. Unfortunately I can share more stories like this one than "successful" retentions.

Read the research and talk with the teacher before making a long-term decision like retention.