I Still Dont Want Sex!

the desire is still there. I am just too damn tire most of the time! The kids never seem to want to settle down and by the time they do I am just beat!

i cant speak for every woman out there, but as I understand it, this is fairly common.

I have that problem off and on, too. I actually bought my husband some "business socks" (from Flight of the Cochords "Business Time" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU Watch it. You'll die laughing.), so if he wears those, he gets a freebie even if I don't feel like it. haha

I'm with everyone else that's posted. Just go with it. I don't think it's wrong to say no every once in awhile, especially if you're really tired or whatever. But let him win sometimes. :)

Inebriate and lubricate! A margarita and some Astroglide go a long way.

I have the same problem with slooooooooooowwww return of sex drive after a new arrival, but I find that if I play along I get into it more than I'd have thought ahead of time.

i view this situation or subject like a fire. if it burns out or dies down you must take steps to reignite it. go on dates. make out in the car. do what you did when you were first dating. get your fire started. marriage and relationships are work and effort. go for it. hope you go all the way ;)

If I made a conscious thought about it, I would say no. But if I let myself just "go with it" ("for his sake") I ended up feeling it right there with him. The hardest part is just going ahead and doing it. Once you decide you will, then take 10 minutes beforehand to hop in the shower and relax or whatever you need to do.

It can be really really difficult, in a completely normal post-birth scenario. But if you also are having any sort of hormonal issues, then you could have a much harder time "getting your groove back". Have you checked with your doctor about it? Call them up or make an appt and ASK them: "Hey. I am not feeling any desire whatsoever. Is there something wrong? Are my hormones out of whack? Do I need to do something?"
Good luck.
I am married to a saint, too. ;)

p.s. almost forgot: The fact that you are still breastfeeding could also have an impact. Breastfeeding releases certain hormones. Make sure you discuss that with your doctor as well.

I understand. I still battle with the desire for sex. I have a two and one year old. EXTREMELY BUSY!! I realize that I have not been fulfilling my wifely duties providing sex like he wants. I feel kind of bad. Between the kids, being tired, and arguing with my husband, sex just diminishes further away. I know its not good. I am praying that my marriage gets to the point of hapiness on both sides and we are both fulfilling our roles. I know its hard plus still breastfeeding, but you have to find a way to give your husband his sex. I hope it works out for you.

My youngest just turned 3 last month, and I still don't have the desire. It's really sad, and I often hate myself for it. I use to be a feen! My husband once said to me "My God H, you are the horniest girl I have ever known." I was a shock to his system the first year we were together, and now, 2 children later, the poor guy has almost gotten to the point where he has stopped bringing it up. We do it, but we do only for the sake of the act and feeling like we're "normal". I would love to want to ravish him! Well, I'd actually settle for wanting to make out with him. Its not there for me :(

There is alot of women who lose that giddy up & ride for many reasons
Your still bfing after months of stopping & it's still not normal speak to your dr. more than likely you'll be told your normal

The desire is not there like it was, but the enjoyment is there when we do the deed, so my advice is just go for it, even if you are only initiating because you feel bad for him, you will probably enjoy it once you get going. And yes, a little bottle or tube of lubrication can be a lot of fun. I have not tried the one that is sold with a his&her bottle that is supposed to react when put together. But before you try anything on very delicate private parts, try it the night before on the inside of your (&his) wrist or elbow to make sure you are not allergic.

It is one of the best examples of "Fake it 'til you make it." NEVER let him know that you don't desire him. Just like you would never neglect your child's needs, this is a real need for men. The best part is that once you're in it, the enjoyment will come.

What helps is to start thinking about it during the day. Think about some scenes from a movie. Be sure to take a shower, put on some perfume, something sexy, etc. Then when you get going with your husband, imagine a passionate, risky situation like in an elevator, or your husband's office, back row of a theater, etc.

Your husband has to know that he is still your lover.

Been there, done that. It is a make yourself kind of thing. I had this same conversation with my Mother. That is what she told me to do. It worked. I had in my head to make sure I initiate once per week. It is hard to feel like "doing it" when you are lactating and tired. Eventually you don't have to make yourself anymore. You need that connection with your spouse. Good luck to you.

Are you currently taking BC? I found that once I stopped taking the pill I was back in the swing of things after about 2 months or so.
Good Luck

Thank you for posting this question! I am in the same boat as you. I really LIKED sex before the baby. She is now 13 month and I could care less if we have sex. I feel very guilty about it, too. I hope to God he doesn't think it's him because it is ALL ME. So glad to hear from other women having the same problem!

My oldest is 20 and youngest is 17. I STILL don't desire it, but don't say no and NEVER let on you're doing it only for HIM. YOU need the intimacy with your man and HE needs it to feel loved. Once foreplay has started, you'll get into it - but it will take time.

I think it is different for every person. Do you mind giving your age? I just wonder, because I have not gotten it back since my 3rd child was born 4 1/2 years ago. I feel like I could go forever and never want it. It has been really hard for my husband to accept because he takes it personally like I don't love him anymore, which is not true. Anyway, I am 40, so I wondered if my age might also be contributing to the problem. Maybe it is hormone changes that come with age? I wish I could fix it too, but my doctor does not offer me any ways to treat it. I wish I knew the answer. Good luck.

I feel ya! My babe is 4 (no exscuse right?) But I gained alot of weight that I havnt lost and am flat out not comfy wit myself. That makes me want to duct tape footed pjs around myself! My husband says he luvs me and im beautiful but blah blah. Plus our daughter sleeps in the middle of us so that can squash it real fast when u have to get on the floor! I don't really have n e advice but wanted u 2 know ur not alone and im sending good vibes ur way!

My son is almost 3 and I still don't have a desire to have sex. It started as soon as I got pregnant. I blamed it on pregnancy hormones, then afterwards I figured my hormones were still out of whack, then I got pregnant when my son was 19 months old so I just blamed it on the pregnancy again, now my youngest is 7 months and I still could care less if I ever have sex again! I HATE it, I was never like this before.

My desire returned about 2 years after my son was born. We had sex but i wasnt into it at all. I am finally REALLY into it now and my son is 3....Good Luck with everything. i hope everythings works out for you.

Been there done that. What is important is that you keep communication open. Make a date night and make sure it's understood that sex is not a necessary part of date night. When that pressure is off you will feel more relaxed and it may come naturally. You need to rebuild intimacy. You can do this by holding hands, cuddling, talking etc. You don't even have to go anywhere on date night. Have a romantic dinner at home, picnic in your living room, watch a movie etc. The important thing is to spend time together as husband and wife (not mom and dad!) It takes some ork and communication, but you'll get there!

I can relate, but cant really help. My girls will be 3 in a month and my desire hasn't returned yet. Of course, the girls ended up sleeping with us and that morphed into me sleeping in the guest room, because I wasn't getting any sleep and now I sleep with one girl and he has the other in our room. Of course sometimes I have both or he does.
Anyway we have had other problems on top of it all and it has played into it a lot. I once told him that I missed my husband and we needed to get the girls into their own bed. He said that they are only young once and he would miss his little furnace. (she is one of those kids that produces tons of heat while she sleeps) I was kind of insulted and hurt.
He doesn't seem interested, but if we argue he tells me that I'm not acting like a wife. (He wants me to cook and clean for him, but he doesn't do any chores and we both work full time and I run all the errands.
Stinks!

It sounds like your hormones might still be a little out of whack. I know everyone is different, but after both pregnancies I was ready to go within a couple of weeks. Have you talked to your doctor about it? Maybe they could run some checks on your hormone levels.

my desire is just starting to return. my son is 21 mnths old. It think alot of it had to do with the fact that I really didnt want to get pregnant again (condoms break, birth control stops working, things happen!) and now that my son will be 2 soon I would be ok if we had another one now.

my desire never went anywhere, but my body, post c section, wasnt ready for awhile. Still I pushed myself, & had a very sore belly, but wth, I need that connection.