I Swore I'd Never Have Another baby....now Hubby Wants a Girl

All I can say is: don't have a baby because your husband really wants "to try for a girl." Not a great bet there, with 50% odds, it's like flipping a coin (literally.)
Ugh. You should BOTH, um, REALLY want a CHILD.
After our third was born my husband really wanted me to keep on going. Of course he is a wonderful provider but he was/is working all the time, playing golf, etc. I was the one pregnant, nursing, up all night, doing all the hands on work, not to mention all the mental and emotional stuff.
And I continue to be the one dealing with all that stuff during the teen years, which is even harder :(
Seriously, you're the one doing it all, and you're the one who will be raising the child (how old is he?) and with your issues it honestly sounds like a nightmare!
Enjoy your son, the 2 year old grand baby and any other grand babies that come along. If you REALLY want another baby you will know, you will feel it!

You know you want another baby when you don't do anything to prevent conception.

Well, first of all, no 2 pregnancies or children are alike. Several people have horrible PPD the first time around (think Brooke Shields) that don't experience it the second time around. Doctors also will sometimes put you on meds right after the birth to help prevent it from happening. the first baby could be horrible and the next easy peasy (or the other way around). It is a gamble and you just don't know. You also can't "try" for a girl, because that is also a gamble. I know plenty of people that try for one gender and end of up the other. And just because you get a girl, doesn't mean she will be a girly girl.

After reading your post though, it sounds like you really don't want another baby. Have you considered adoption so you don't have to go through the PPD?

If you can, go back and try to re-read your own post with as much objectivity as possible -- as if you were reading a stranger's post. Hard to do, but possible if you can step back from your own emotions.

I would see a lot of red flags.

He wants a girl. What if a new baby isn't a girl? Will he then push to try a third time? There is zero guarantee on gender.

You have clinical depression; you have endometriosis; you have markers for an autoimmune condition. Not one, not two, but three major health issues on your back. How willing and able is he to do the raising of this new baby while you cope with PPD again (very possible)? While you undergo treatment for an autoimmune disease, if one flares up? Can HE handle a young child and a new baby, on his own, if your medical issue and possibly PPD render you unable to do it for a time, possibly a long time, after the new baby's birth?

If he ends up being the primary caregiver to two kids and a sick or depressed wife, will that cause resentment on his part? Is he fully aware that another child could create this scenario and is he fully ready to take it all on -- just because he rather fancies having a girl that he might not even get?

Unless you and he have had some very long and very frank talks about all this, and he has factored in your illnesses and come away 100 percent ready to deal and keep the family healthy and together -- I would say a baby is a risk in more ways that one.

You said you missed the first two years of your son's life. It sounds as if you have come up from under the PPD that made those early years toughl and that's great. I guess you need to ask a doctor about the odds, with your history, of losing another two years -- of not one, but two kids' lives -- if you have another child. And that is a question not for the ob/gyn but for your therapist.

I'm not saying it'll never happen, just that in your case this is not a simple "Gee, should we"? question. Your serious PPD before, and your diagnoses right now, would really give me pause. I do wonder if your husband fully realizes that you are dealing with these things, or how much they affect your relationships with your son and with him. Adding another child to the mix solely because he wants a particular gender, or because your ob/gyn says "Hurry up or your fertility window will close" -- well, those don't seem like good enough reasons, when compared to your lifelong health.

What does your heart tell you?

Of course you'd be excited if you happened to get pregnant. It's a new person to get to know and love. I had PPD w/ both babies and not NEARLY as bad as yours sounds. The second baby was a COMPLETE surprise. They're 18 months apart. We knew before our first ob appointment that baby would be our last.

I, personally, don't believe in "trying for" a particular gender. If you have the gender you "wanted" it seems to me you're sending the message to the baby you already have that he is "better" with a sister. If you don't, what would happen? Would your husband then want to try again, and again, and again? We know TWO families that wanted a particular gender and ended up with 4 girls (for one family) and 4 boys (for the other). Obviously, you guys could just try this one time but if you get two boys there is that potential for a lingering disappointment on his part and resentment on yours.

You might change your mind, and if another baby is in the cards he or she will come, no matter what you do or don't do. But it sounds to me like your heart isn't on board. Your husband's feelings obviously matter here, and this can be a tough road if he's not on the same page, but remember YOU will be carrying and delivering another baby. YOU will be feeding that baby. YOU will be working through the recovery afterwards. For me, the decision was a simple one. I was finished having babies. PPD is no joke. I do have to say, with your hubby already having so many kids and the plan already set at one baby, the conversation seems pretty well settled. I hope so much that you guys can find a resolution to this together, whatever you decide. But please don't let yourself feel guilty (not that you do now, but guilt could come up) for protecting your body and your sanity.

Your second baby isn't a "make-up" baby. I was so sure I'd get everything right the next time. No colic, breastfeeding would be a breeze, no PPD(!)...and we got 1 out of 3. My little one didn't have colic, but everything else was tough all over again. Love your little man. And if a little woman, or another little guy, comes along, love that one too. Otherwise, wrap the two men (hubby and son) you have in your life now up in your arms and love them w/ everything you have. Best wishes!

I guess you know you want another when you DON'T feel like me! I would be devastated if I got pregnant again ( I feel bad saying that since so many can't get pregnant ) but I've never been that one. I get pregnant very easily and im so glad to have a IUD now. So, if the mere thought of it doesn't make you hyperventilate, your good :)

Tell him when he conceives, you'll throw him a shower!