I Want Another Child but My Husband Does Not...

I can totally relate. My husband and I agreed when we were young that we wanted to have two children. Then after we had my son, he told me that he no longer wanted two. My son is now 8 yrs old and I am desperately wanting another. Now that I am 34 yrs old, I am even more worried that I will never have another. I don't think I would agree to a vasectomy anyway though. I have heard about many men telling their wives that they don't want another and then their child gets older and they decide that they do. My plan was to wait until my son was going into school to have another, that way I would have more time and energy for the new baby. I hope things work out better for you than they have for me.

The only advice I or anyone could give is to perhaps go to counseling, as this is something that could go either way good or bad.

K. C

T.,

Does your husband have siblings? If so, what is his relationship with them like? What is his relationship with his parents like?

It seems that he sees a lot of scarcity connected with having another child, while you see the abundance another child brings to the family and ultimately the world.

Understanding that innately, man is the provider and woman is the caregiver, I wonder whether the current financial state we are in is impacting his decision. As someone who has lost both her parents (7 and 9 years ago), I can say that I couldn't image going through life without my 2 brothers. No one knows what the future holds, and I'm so thankful knowing that in addition to my husband and sons, I also have my brothers.

Might he be willing to hold off on such a decision for ??? years? Does he see your relationship as a union/partnership and wanting to make the best decision for both, even if that means holding off right now on this decision? Have you shared your concerns of possible resentment of him? What other birth control options can you choose to assure not getting pregnant while you give each other time to make such an invasive, potentially undoable, decision?

As a means of learning and raising our children, and as a mother of two sons (18 and 21), my husband and I have had several conversations with our sons around having "deal breaker" conversations prior to marrying: religion, number of children, working/SAH mom, values, boundaries, etc. While things can change, having such open conversations prior to marriage supports going forward with a greater degree of clarity and expectations.

Best wishes!
G.

Dear T.

I am so sorry. Perhaps you could try to point out to your hubby that he is only looking at the negative aspects of another child and not the positive. I think that what ever you do don't get angry at this point because it will just make him more determined. Perhaps you can tell him you need time to think about how this will affect you and your son. Come up with a list of negatives to not having another child. Like if, God forbid, something were to happen to you two your child would be all alone or worse if something happed to him you two would be all alone. Every situation in life has the possitive and the negative the difference is made by which ones we choose to focus our energies on. Then give him a list of the possitives to having another child. If all this fails then tell him you think he should give it at least until your son is 3. If by then he is still determined not to have another one then he can have the procedure done. Remember that it is reversable in most cases anyway so should he change his mind you still have hope. And if you believe in God then pray for him to see the light. Good luck! Just one more point!! after reading some of the earlier posts i have to disagree with one thing. I have heard many moms talk about how they had wanted a big family with 4 children before they had them and then after the first decided no more or visa versa had wanted 1 and after the first went on to have 4. You may have discussed it before marrage but you never know before you have them.

T.,

That is something really only you and your husband can decide. If you feel strongly in opposite directions I recommend counseling or you jointly going to an unbiased friend for advice. This is one of those things that tare at a marriage and what is more important to you, him or another baby?

I strongly doubt finances are his only reason. He is more likely worried about you and the time he would like to spend with you and let’s face it until babies get bigger they demand close to all your time. And at 20 months you are just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I recommend getting a sitter for a weekend (or grandparents) and taking the time to spend with your husband even if you don’t go anywhere. Making the time for each other will if nothing else give you a mini-vacation.

Hi T....you definitely are in a tough situation. I cant say I have been there myself BUT I do feel a need to give you my opinion since you asked.... I thought I wanted 2 children, twins actually, since I was little. I had no idea what life with a child would REALLY be like. I have one 4yo now and things are wonderful! I am a SHAM and LOVE it...she has all of the attention that she needs and is a VERY confident child! I know your one response said that big families breed leaders but I disagree in the fact that only children can be leaders too! I grew up with an older sister and just because you have a sibling does NOT mean that you are going to be close to them as adults..I know for a fact that even when you live close sometimes your lives go in different directions. You really need to rethink the issues carefully because you may have the second child you dearly want BUT may risk your marriage. I have seen first hand how horrible the situation is for EVERYONE when there is a divorce...and I mean EVERYONE! Noone wins in this case!! Life is tough enough for kids these days....Believe me things could be worse!

This is a toughie. It probably feels like a no win situation, cuz one of you has to give in, and whichever one does, that person is going to have to deal with some very difficult feelings. On the other hand, the "winner" doesn't win either, because what he or she also gets is a spouse who is dealing with some very difficult feelings that can grow into a great divide.

I would give it some time, but I also think you need to find a way to discuss it, and especially the feeling side of it, so you the burden of this doesn't grow and fester.
You don't want to nag him for a baby, but you don't want to force him to have one either.

His concerns for your welfare and very kind, and it's good to be married to someone who wants you to keep your options open, so you aren't forced into the workforce unless you want to be. But at this point, I think a vasectomy is a rather final decision, whereas your decision to be a homemaker might change once your child is in school.

If you do not have other children, perhaps there are ways to share your love with other children, as well as your own. You could look at volunteering, (once your child is in school, so you don't have to worry about child-care), at the library as a reader, in the school system, at hospitals, and/or social service agencies. Finances being what they are, the non-profit sector is in dire need of assistance, and volunteers who really love people are in high demand. You may find that this opens up a whole new world for you, one in which you are able to make a difference in the lives of people who are desperate to interact with people who care about them.

On the other hand, you might want to really look at your husband's fears. And perhaps he ought to as well. Is he worried about the finances? As a truck driver, he is facing the reality of the deisel fuel prices, and it's scary out there. I honestly don't know how truckers and trucking companies are surviving this mess. Maybe he doesn't want child #2 because he's afraid of making ends meet right now, with only one child. And in this day where people are out buying huge TV's, paying high cable bills, cell phone bills, and then losing their homes over it, it's good to hear someone wanting to be cautious on the expense side in order to be able to care for his family. He may be feeling a bit out of control of his life, and making this decision would give him one thing he can control. Still, a vasectomy is a drastic solution and should be decided by the two of you. (My husband had one)

The economy is not good right now, and the future is very uncertain. I think I would hear him out, but be sure he knows how you feel and how much you really would like to have another child if it were affordable. (It's no fun to have a child, and then not be able to provide for him or her.) Perhaps you could decide not to have one for now, and to revisit the idea in 6 months, and maybe a year.

We don't know what the future holds, and American budgets are being pushed to the max right now. Given the fact that you are on opposite sides of the issue, I believe the best thing you can do for each other is to listen, and to wait. Sometimes when you wait, another option becomes crystal clear. For instance, What about foster care? It isn't an easy job, and you would be having to love and nurture children who come to you with all manner of uncertainties and sorrow because they've been plucked from unhealthy homes -- but maybe this is an opportunity you should consider. It's having more children, without the same financial burden. (?)

Above all, keep talking to each other, and keep listening. Don't let this turn into an opportunity to put barriers up that grow and destroy your marriage. I am assuming that you wouldn't want more children if you didn't love their father, and that he doesn't want more children because he loves you and wants to be able to support you and your son. There's love on both sides, so hang on to that. Every marriage has its roadblocks, and we have to find ways to surmount them, not just survive them.

I have friends who, for whatever reason, were never were able to conceive, and in the end, later in life, they were able to adopt a baby boy. (After a few times getting close and having the potential baby whisked from their grasps) . . .They are a wonderful family. They love each other. They dote on their son in some ways, but he doesn't lack discipline or responsibility. They are simply very active in everything he does. Having just one child, and being so very thankful for him has meant that they are very active in scouting, they go to all his sporting events, they camp together, they do as much as possible with their son, specifically because they love him and don't have to decide between doing something with one child or with the other. They gladly give up stuff they might want to do, in order to raise their son to be a healthy and mature adult. (he's 14 now). In that sense, they are a model family -- because so often today, you just don't see families who are so tuned in to each other as family members. Their togetherness grew out of heartache, because they really wanted children and couldn't conceive. But they worked through it, and around it, and while they couldn't afford to adopt more than the one, they are so very excited to have a child to love and nurture and to be blessed to participate in his development.

You guys will get through this. It's not a dead end in the road, it's just a really huge pothole, and you need to raise your eyes from the massive ditch in the way; give yourselves a broader perspective, so you see the good as well as the struggle, and then work together on how to get beyond it.

How old is your husband? I think he should really think twice about having a vascestomy done. What if he changes his mind down the road? He's really putting you on the spot to make such a hard decission. I too was a stay at home mom for three years till I drove myself crazy not being around the adult world so I got a new job after our second child was born went back part time for a short time but they wanted me to do fulltime but could not give them that so I had to quit. The job I do now I have been at for 10 years and our youngest is 11 now. It worked out best for us. Anyway it's said that he doesn't wanna divide his attention up between all of you. As for it being a financial burden it that was the case then I really think that no women would of had children, don't let that hold you back from having another one. I felt the same way as you do now about your child growing up with no siblings, like you said who is he to turn to when he is an adult when mom and dad are no longer around. It sounds like you really care for your husband and I think it would be best if you two had another talk about this and ask him to reconsider. Good luck to you and keep us posted!

I absolutely agree that you shouldn't agree to something you're not ready for. Ask him to at least keep the options open. Your son is still young, and perhaps he's not ready to commit to anything when you're still in this stage of your son's development. Sometimes, when the kids get a little older (potty trained, etc), fathers are ready to add to the family. Does your husband have siblings? If so, I would talk to him about that and his relationship with them to help him understand your strong desire for your son to have a brother or sister. Men often only think of the logical and financial aspects of having children, but believe me, once he lays eyes at your second child, he will sing a different tune. Of course, there is more financial burden to having two children, but that will be far outweighed by the emotional and intangible benefits (so I think). We had two children and I wanted a third very badly because I felt our family wasn't complete. My husband was pretty adamant that he was done for several reasons, but I insisted we keep the dialogue open for two years. He eventually gave in! Now we have two boys and a little two-month-old girl.

Have you thought about sitting down with your husband to have one last final discussion on this subject? Have you thought to prepare the advantages and disadvantages of another child would be. The benefits and disadvantages of being an only child for you one child. Hint: the disadvantages outnumber the advantages, even though the advantages seem to make them achievers. Only children do not learn the same problem solving or social skills that children from multiple children households. Strong leaders come from larger families; where the children have to learn how to problem solve, get along, and help take care of younger siblings. I would suggest that you do your homework with the advantages and disadvantages for your only child and for the family at large. This seems to be the standpoint that he is coming from. If he then, after you have the proof sitting in front of both of you still continues with the only child thing. He could be jealous of the attention that your child is receiving and thinks with another child will only take more of your attention away from him. So be sure to address this lovingly and kindly, in pros/cons that he will not loose attention. Good luck.

My husband and I have an only child and are quite satisfied with our decision. I don't feel that I need another child to give "more love" to--I am perfectly happy to lavish it on our (now 5 year old) son. Did you discuss this before you got married? This is a personal decision that you BOTH need to agree on. Your son is only 20 months right now. You have plenty of time for another IF your husband changes his mind. Enjoy your son right now!

I am in this situation right now!!!! We have a 28 month old daughter and my husband has just said he wants to stick with only one and not have another child. And since we've been together we have always agreed on having two children so I was very upset by this. I know exactly how you feel. My husband thinks that the stress of one is enough and doesn't want to add another. He said we can be happy spoiling our daughter and make sure we can take care of her well. So it's all I have been thinking about and I have been wondering if I can settle with just one. But I can't get it out of my head and I love being a mom so much I can't imagine NOT doing it again. Your child and mine is similar in age too. This is a difficult stage. Maybe your husband saying that is influenced by that.
But as far as the money goes, you will already have the stuff you used for the first one. So it wont cost the same as the first one. And a lot of money for little ones goes to daycare. We pay $600 a month for daycare and that would raise it to $1200 a month for two. By staying home you are saving a lot of money.
I guess I am just venting here with you because I feel the same way. But my advice would be to give it time and remind your husband of all the positive things about having 2 children. More to love, to do family things, with, a constant companion for them. And maybe find work you can do from home or part time. Good luck. I am still working on my husband about this. And I want to be pregnant by the end of the year.

I am an only child and I am a mom with two kids. I can see both sides of the coin here and it isnt an easy decision. Both my husband and I work and our shifts are opposite of each other since the kids started school. Our kids have to go to 2 different school districts because my daughter has Autism and our home school district does not have a classroom environment for her. I always wanted a sibling but now feel I was wrong watching my two and trying to balance time for each of them. The confusion will never change no matter which route you take because you will always wonder and ask yourself "should I have done this differently?".

Have you talked to your husband about his reasons as well as expressed YOUR reasons?? How serious is the money issue? If you have to go back to work who would help care for the children? Both of you bring valid points to the table and ultimately you both have to decide your path in life. You say you worry about resenting him.....that is such a strong emotion. I can only respond to the words you have written but it seems that he cares about you and your son, worries about being able to spend time with the family he does have and about providing for them, and is placing the burden upon himself and NOT you. Most guys dont want a vasectomy; they want the their spouse to have a hysterectomy. Marriage is a give and take thing.

This probably doesnt answer your question but opens the door for more. I could debate for both sides of the issue for hours on end.

There are also counseling options both for you individually and for couples. Sometimes an intermediary can help. Good luck!

This is so tough! I went through this with my husband when I wanted a second baby and again when I wanted a third. My husand gave in to the second, but we decided we are not going to have the third. Mostly his decision! I, like you, stay home and my husband had the same reasons exactly. I will tell you that I am an only child and was dead set on having a sibling for my son. I really really think sibling love is awesome. Maybe you could explain this reasoning to your husband. What you really need is a lot of heart felt discussions so that you can come to an agreement that will make you both happy and understand one another. At your age, the risk for something going wrong is so minimal. I am 36, and had two miscarriages, one of them being Down's, so my husband won the risk argument! I wish you the best. Say prayers and talk to your husband a lot to try to explain your feelings.

Awww, T. I am so sorry to hear this. My hubby was set on two at first. We had our two boys and he was done. He knew how sad I was that he didn't want to try for a little girl for me. I also felt a little resentment at that. I felt like when they got older, he would have all the fun and they would not want to hang out with mom and I would be lonely. Well, he gave in and two weeks after that he changed his mind. Guess what, too late. I was already preggie. NOW, he would NEVER turn back time. She is our Princess. I wish your hubby would think of your son. It really is sad to be an only child. I know people who only have one and they are now older in elementary and they are lonely. I feel as if they would not have anyone to "lean" on when they get older. Family sticks together and when they are older will be best friends. I know what you mean when you say more love to give. I have three and would love to have two more!!! Tell him not to let money be an issue. It always shows up. BELIEVE ME! I had NO idea how we could afford more formula and diapers, but we had no problems at all when she arrived. I think he will regret his decision when he gets older. They are a blessing and I HOPE YOU CAN SHARE SOME OF THIS WITH HIM and he will CHANGE HIS MIND! Please keep me posted. I will pray that he does!
S.

How old is your husband? It is a tough situation and I understand how you must feel. You are still quite young, so I am not sure why he has so much fear about an unhealthy child. We all want healthy children. If you are a spiritual person I would recommend prayer. I will pray for your family.

I can relate to your situation, because I would like a third child and my husband does not. Good luck. Hang in there!

In my opinion, a child should ideally come into a family because BOTH parents want him/her. If your husband says NO MORE, and wants a vasectomy, that is HIS choice. You can ask him to wait, in case he changes his mind which really does happen as the older child gets to be less work and your financial circumstances change. In that case, reliable birth control is a must. Do not slip up and have a 'surprise' - that is not fair play, that is selfishness.

OR. If he won't wait and he is dead set on only one, what does that really mean for you? If you really feel that you must have another child (which is about you, not your family, your current child or even the possible second child), are you really willing to leave your husband to find a new one who is willing to have a child with you? Is that in your family's best interest?

I think it is great that you have so much to give! Could you find another way to channel it? Why not research being a foster mom and then once you know what all that entails, see if your husband is open to that?

As well, what do you plan to do in few years while your child is at school all day? Being a fulltime SAHM is a blessing. I've done it and I'm still home all day with my child. Having said that, going back to school and owning my own business has made my life well balanced and complete. I don't wonder about what I will do when my child is too grown to need me so much anymore.

It is time for you and your husband to both do some soul searching and maybe just wait awhile and see. You are still early in your marriage and at 20 months you are not even into the real heart of the terrible 2's yet! YOU may not want another child once you get through the next year! OR, when your child is 6 your husband may change his mind. Hang in there.

My husband and I are in the same discussion, only it's on having a third child. My first two boys are 20 months apart in age. I will tell you that there is not a huge difference in financial burden from one to two children. Your oldest will be out of diapers by the time the next one arrives. Also, why does he think you will have to go back to work? Putting two children in daycare along with the price of gas you will be using everyday will be more of a financial burden then anything. My husband and I have calculated it out and it would COST us money for me to go to work. Keep on him and let him know that how passionate you are, you sound like you have a loving home and adding to that would be a blessing he would never give up once it's here.

Hi T., I just want to say is to be patient. But like you I would not agree to a vascestomy at such an early age. Perhpas you need a mediator so the two of you will be heard outside of your own desires.???

Okay, it sounds like you both are really set in your ways of thinking. Personally, I am more on your side. I understand your husbands reservations but honestly, our second child did not add as much to our expenses as he probably thinks it will. I also had reservations when having my second and third wondering if I would love them as much as the one and then 2 I already had. You will both love a second child just as much as the first. You may love them in different ways but they will be different people.

If you truly want to have another one, I suggest you do a little research to calm your husband's fears and reservations. Arm yourself with the information. By doing the research, you will either find information to help in arguing your side or you may find yourself crossing to your husband's way of thinking (although I doubt it).

In the meantime, sit down and talk with your husband. Tell him a vasectomy is a very big step and you are not ready for it. Look into other options instead (like Mirena where you can be protected for up to 5 years but can decide to have it removed early). Ask him to compromise for now. Ask him to give it a little more time to be sure that is what he wants and to see if it is something you can live with. In the meantime, agree not to get pregnant by using other means of birth control until the two of you can come to an agreement.

This is just my advice. Please feel free to use it or ignore it. I hope that you find it helpful.

If you married him kowing he only wnated 1 child then it's your own fault. Sorry, really I don't mean to be ignorant but he is clearly telling you how he feels and you don't seem to care. I say get him to counceling with you or consider divorce. I don't think you should push another chidl on him that would cause resentment and more problems. Good luck.

Good Day T.,

This decision is yours and your husbands. I just want to mention I'm a stay at home Mom and have an excellent home based business where you can work part - time hours and receive a full - time paycheck! The BEST part of it is you can work your hours around your child. This might help with the part about you going back to work you can stay home and bring in income. Whether or not my home based business is right for you maybe looking into home based work will help?

Wishing you much success and happiness in all you and your Family do!

Sincerely,
I. B.
www.trisharay.candlebizfromhome.com

This is very difficult, but know that it is not impossible for his heart to change... don't pressure him, don't guilt-trip him... but DO let him know how important this is to your happiness, and how important it is to you, period. Also, though I don't agree with the earlier poster's attitude, I do agree with her that if you knew he felt this way BEFORE marrying him... it's rather unfair to expect him to change his mind or to resent him since you had full knowledge of how he felt.

The following advice is from the assumption that you have not done these things as of yet. If you already do all of these things, please just disregard and please don't be offended :)

If money is truly his worry, consider raising this child a little differently. For example: If you formula-fed your first child, realize that breastfeeding is FREE, with no cost whatsoever compared to the high cost of formula (especially formula for kids with special health needs). You can save heaps and heaps of money that you would have normally spent on formula, baby food, etc, AND you can breastfeed pretty much as long as you want to. I *highly* recommend finding a lactation consultant or contacting an organization like the LaLeche League to make sure you can nurse for a good long time. When the baby comes of age to eat solids, instead of buying processed/pre-packaged baby foods, buy fruits, veggies and whatnot as FRESH PRODUCE, grind them in a mixer, freeze 'em as ice cubes and then when you feed 'em, thaw them and serve them as a cheaper way to feed them solids as a beginner.

Also, if you diapered this baby with disposables, try cloth instead. It is more work, but at a FRACTION of the price. Or at least only use disposables in emergencies or if he is absolutely against putting in the effort that goes with cloth diapering (altho changing cloth diapers isn't THAT much more work than disposables. It's the cleanup that's more work).

These are just a few things to do that will drastically cut-down on the costs of raising a kid. If money is TRULY the issue, this should calm his fears quite a bit. But if you tell him these things to try and convince him, DO THEM, don't revert after the babe is born, as that is very unfair and then it will just look like you lied. So make sure YOU are willing to put in the hard work of breastfeeding and cloth diapering if he isn't.

Also, it might be extremely helpful to actually draw up a sample budget for what you did with your first child, and how much it cost - and then what it would cost to raise your child in this less-expensive way. Oftentimes for men, seeing the difference in print makes a huge difference.

Good luck :)

Dear T.,
I always wished for a sister. My brother is four years older and we haven't been close ever since adolescence. We can't protect our cildren from everthing in life, but it sounds like you are giving your son the most precious gift of all -- the example of a harmonious and loving relationship with his father. Pray about it and be open to the mysteries that will unfold for you and your husband, as God shows you the way.
I believe that you will be blessed in ways you can't imagine.
Best wishes,
N

I think that your husband has all the right reasons for making this decision. My husband didn't want a third child and I did, I know that it is disappointing. But the bottom line is that it is a decision that has to be met with a mutual understanding.
My second child was diagnosed with epilepsy at the moment when I would have been having a third baby. I was glad that we made the decision that we had made. Also, I had many complications during my pregnancies and my husband was too afraid of risking MY life when I had two beutiful boys that needed a mom.
The only thing that I would suggest is not doing anything permanent for several years. Maybe you could agree to an IUD for a while so that with time, you and your husband will be extra sure that this is the right decision for your family.

HI T.,

I never had that kind of problem but my husband I didn't want any more kids after my first but now we have 3. I sugest that you get birth control and wait for a while and see what happens down the road your husband might change his mind. Plus you are still young you might change your mind you never can tell. I am 29 with 3 kids and some times I am like what was I thinking of having more.Don't get me wrong I love them and can not see my life with out them but it is alot of work!!! Wish you luck hope you get what you want.

I agree with some of the previous posters that it's essential to have BOTH parents completely on board with any decision to add a child to the family. On the other hand, since you feel so strongly about wanting another child, why not ask your husband to hold off on doing something so permanent as having a vasectomy - while you agree to use a reliable form of birth control and to drop the subject of a second child for a couple of years. (It's very stressful on a marriage to have the topic constantly brought up by your spouse even though you've made it very clear that you are not ready - I know, I've been there!) Then you can eventually revisit the issue and see if your financial or other circumstances have changed. You are still young and have plenty of time.

Dear T.,

First I would like to say that in my opinion a child is a huge decision regardless of how many you have or don't have. In today's world we as parents need time, energy, and money for each one. If your husband doesn't want another one than don't do it. It is not fair to him and not fair to the second child to be brought into that situation. Plus, you have plenty of time still and he may change his mind. Pressure always causing resistance so give him some space and enjoy the child you have for now.

Also, I see alot of people telling you that leaders and sucessful children come out of large families. I come from a family of nine and have many, many friends who also came from large families and every one has a sibling or two or three that didn't turn out well. So how do you explain that? My point is that there are so many factors in a child's life that may or may not cause a good outcome in the end. And unfortunately some kids regardless of the way they were raised or the numbers of siblings that have don't turn out well. Sometimes it is just there own will and personality that turns them toward bad things.

Love your husband, love your child and give it some time.

Hello, you sound just like me!! My husband had no children when I met him and he had a vascectomy. When we met I told him that I wanted children and that he had to have it reversed or I could not stay with him. THis was very important to me. After we had our daughter who is 18mths I really wanted a second child. He said that he did not want one due to the same reasons your husband has stated. We had long talks about this and finally I put my foot down and told him that I really wanted another child and if not I would have to leave him. I know it sounds harsh but I am an only child and hate it!!! I really had to explain to him that being an only child is not great and I could not do that to my daughter. I also agreed to get my tubes tied after the second baby since we agreed on two kids. We had to work together to get his worked out but I would have loved to have four kids but I know that will never happen and I will have deal with that if I want to stay with him. I am currently pregnant with my second due in may so we worked it out and hopefully you can also.
I do understand how you feel and if you need to talk please email me at ____@____.com

We were in the SAME situation though add 10 years to our ages (late bloomers). We went to a holiday party and an executive's wife asked me when we were going to have another and I said I was ready but waiting for "him" to say yes. He said he was too old and she gave him a big lecture about not being too old, etc. I wish I could remember everything she said as SHE made the difference for us!

T., I feel bad for you and your situation. I, too, agree that it isn't fair for your child to be the only one. In regards to your husband being afraid of an unhealthy child, that sounds to be to be an excuse. Did he think the same way when you were pregnant with your first? Was he nervous then about the baby being unhealthy?(thank God he is healthy!) Also, did the two of you discuss children BEFORE you got married? I have three chilren now and my husband knew I always wanted a big family (4-5). I begged him for the third b/c I just felt like I wasn't done yet. He gave me,literally, ONE chance and bang! I got pregnant. What makes it even more special is that my older 2 are girls and the little one is a boy! I can't tell you how happy he was and how much of a belssing our son is. My suggestion would be to talk to your husband and let him know just how passionate you are about another baby. Also, maybe you could try to talk to someone outside of the situation, like a conselor or pastor. He might see it your way and you might be able to see where he is coming from.
Good luck and I hope whatever is meant to be will be.

Hi T.. This is a really tough issue. I would talk to your husband about a compromise for the time being since you are both have such strong feelings about the subject.

He has alot of good points, as do you. So I suggest that you agree to not have another child RIGHT NOW. Take a break from the subject and use another less perminat form of birth control for the time being. Agree to re-consider the subject in say, six months or a year. You have plenty of time to have a child yet. Taking some time to consider his point of view and thinking about what is behind them might give you an opportunity to find ways around them. Like how much money can you save out of the household budjet without him noticing? How many friends do you have that have more than one child? Can you enjoy a sunday (or a few sundays)afternoon picnic with them so your husband can see how a Dad can be a Dad to more than one child? What about your health insurance? Can you do something to improve your coverage without incuring additional costs? Just a few things to think about...Good luck and best wishes.