I Want to Talk About Grades.

Is this for real? That is the weirdest thing for a preschool I have ever heard. Grades? That seems like an extremely inefficient way to effectively communicate a child's development with their parents.

And rewards for a preschool for grades?
Feels like the world just got dropped on its head.

I worked with kids for years and honestly, I would be embarrassed to present anything like this to a parent at a conference. I would present specific incidents which highlight each child's areas of development and what we could do to continue strengthening the child in certain areas where they could use more support. If my kid's preschool decided to use this system, I wouldn't mention grades to him at all-- I'd just move him to a new preschool.

I should add that most schools are changing their report cards to reflect mastery, not attainment of a grade. This is just a mind-boggling bad idea in my mind. Really too academic focused and not respectful of the child (or the parent) at all.

I do not really reward my kids for grades. I will usually do something like take them out for ice cream for having worked so hard, or maybe buy them a video game because they did well, but we don't have a set reward for grades, and they aren't expecting a reward. I could see offering an incentive for a child who needs an extra push to do the work, but I wouldn't set a child up to require a reward. My children work hard because they like to get good grades and praise. Some children can get A's with very little effort, while other children have to work very hard to get a C. Better to reward the effort than the grade.

Introducing grades in preschool is nuts. And no I wouldn't pay for them. In fact until my kids were in middle school the report cards were really just to let you the parent know how they were doing. The kids didn't really have much to say about them.

No. I asked once in junior high why my friends got money for grades and I didn't. My father told me it was because I was expected to get good grades, and that was the end of it. Terrible precedent. Do you really think that preschooler is thinking "well, damn, I was GOING to hit Jonny, but then I remembered that cashola, so I'd better keep it under wraps!" No, of course not. It's a happy coincidence, not an effective incentive. Stupid, stupid parenting.

I expect As from my children, but Bs are fine as long as there is room for improvement. There is no "punishment," just a recognition that not enough time is being spent on school work, so beloved extra curriculars and electronics may have to go away until it can all be handled with good grades.

I also wouldn't show my child the grades. This seems absurd. Every learning opp should be celebrated, not graded at this age. So silly. If it's mainly behavior driven that's a little different. But even then, too much. And no way to rewards. I won't ever reward most likely. Kids should be encouraged to be intrinsically motivated, not extrinsically.

No cash for grades in my house (elementary and preschool).

At this point (again, 3rd grade and my opinion may change later), I consider a good grade one that he put in sincere effort to get. My son loses privileges for lack of effort, regardless of the grade earned.

So, for example, he loses some electronics time if he doesn't do his homework. But he doesn't lose anything if he tries hard to do the homework, but gets some answers wrong because he doesn't understand a particular concept. Actually, in that case, I would give him extra encouragement and attention for giving his best effort even when it was tough.

I disagree with grades in preschool. I personally don't think you should share these "grades" with your daughter. She's got many years ahead of her in which to be judged and stressed out, it doesn't need to begin now.

She's supposed to be socializing and having fun, not getting graded. Jeez. What a dumb school.

And for later years when she gets grades that DO matter, I don't think she needs to be paid for them. Good grades should be their own reward, and I've never noticed that money works as a reward for grades, anyway. Kids need to be intrinsically motivated to get good grades, not extrinsically, as mentioned below.

"Is this normal?" - not in our house.

You're going to find that lots of parents do things differently - and that's fine.
YOU have to decide how YOU want to do things in your house.
We never had allowances growing up - so our son doesn't have one.
Some of his friends get allowances and some don't.
Our son (so far - knock on wood) has always been a straight A student (he's starting 10 grade).
We don't pay him for grades - but we never tell him 'No' at the book store.
He really enjoys reading and we encourage it.

If a student is struggling with something - I'm less inclined to think 'punishment for a bad grade' than I am to think 'this kid needs help - I'd better get him a tutor or find out how he can do better'.
You'll find your way through this!

My daughter is in 2nd grade and loves school. We've never done anything for her good grades. When I was a kid, I'm not sure my parents even noticed my grades. We certainly never talked about it. I had a boyfriend who if he got an A- instead of an A+ on anything would get notes on his tv and X-Box saying he should be studying instead of playing. It all depends on the parent and the kid, I guess.

But money for good grades in pre-school? Geez Louise.

Sounds like something they do to make the parents feel like they are getting their money's worth.
Sorry, but no.
Look for an NAEYC accredited preschool (just google NAEYC if you don't know what I'm talking about, they are the National Association for the Education of Young Children and the most highly respected agency in the country.) These are the schools that have shown the highest level of professional training and commitment to the education of young children, and in no way would they condone marks or grades or anything like it for this age group.
You're getting sold a (rotten) bill of goods, "private" just means free enterprise it doesn't mean good quality, find something else.

$5??? Wow! When my daughter was in 3rd grade and struggling, we came up with a system. I explained that for every C on her report card, she got nothing. For Bs, she got 25 cents each and As got her 50 cents. The flip side was Ds made her pay me 25 cents and Fs she'd pay me 50 cents. We only did this that year. This worked because she didn't yet understand the value of good grades. Now, in 5th grade, she takes pride in her work and the good grade is reward enough. I consider anything above a C decent, but for me it's more about effort. If I saw my child working really hard and she ended up with a C, I'd be prouder and more accepting than if she skated by, put in less effort and brought home a B. I would stress giving the best effort and taking pride in work over just a basic grade.

I just want to say here that the mother who said her kid is going to get $5 for every check plus is going to either create a monster, or she is going to get very poor. And it won't make her child a good student. It will make a greedy kid who won't study for the love of learning, but will demand money to do it. And then will expect money for doing anything as part of the family. She is a fool.

T., this preschool is not about teaching children through play. That's what preschool is SUPPOSED to be about. They are trying to foist academics too early. It's a "snooty approach" to make themselves look "better" than regular preschools, probably to justify their higher price tag.

I URGE you not to be taken in by this. Don't show your child her "report card". Don't give in to this. Your child is NOT school aged. She is a preschooler. She does NOT need the pressure of a report card.

FYI...
Haven't read any of the responses
Both my daughters are now in college

When my children were in elementary school and in middle school the thought of paying them for good grades seemed absurd. I remember a coworker saying she paid her child for A's and I said "I'd go bankrupt".

When it comes to grades my children were always expected to go their best. I knew they were both capable of getting A's and B's and that was what was expected. When my oldest grades started slipping in high school, she was punished, as in computer time and tv time was cut, and she was expected to spend more time doing school work and studying. Good grades were celebrated, by going out for dinner or for ice cream.

As my children grew older, I began to look at things from a different perspective. If I do my job well, then at review time, I would get a raise. So for children school is their "job" (so are chores etc), if they get a good review does that mean they should get a raise too?

The only time that I "paid" my daughter for good grades was when she graduated from high school. In our district the top 10 (determined by GPA for all 4 years), are rewarded with a dinner and scholarship, it's a really big deal. My daughter worked really hard and I bought her an expensive gift.

I see both sides. I truly believe that a preschooler/kindergartener doesn't fully understand grades and in no way should they receive any form of money, but would need to be recognized for doing well in school. If a monetary reward is going to be give, I would think it would be when actual letter grades begin. Whatever you decide, both you an hubby need to be on the same page and be consistent with all children. Also, keep in mind what happens if you have a child that excels and another that is just average when it comes to school work?

We don't give rewards for good grades or punish for bad grades. Granted my kids are K and 2nd, but even when they are older we won't. We look at grades as, "you worked really hard," and "now we know this is something we can work harder on."

Our daycare/preschool had progress reports all the way back to the toddler room. It was a way of letting parents know what the kids could do and what we could help them with. All developmentally appropriate. But I never saw them as "grades".

I think the pay-for-grades thing is ridiculous, and I think it's crazy to pay preschoolers for check-plusses. I also think it's crazy to even tell preschoolers about these report cards! The report card is a form of communication between teacher and parents, and that's how it should stay.

By the way, there is so much grade inflation that colleges are really taking heat. Wellesley College recently instituted an anti-inflation policy that's been in the news. You might google that to read up on what happens when there is an expectation and pressure to achieve.

I feel badly for your wife - I too was criticized for low grades. Like a 98, and I'd get "What happened to the other 2 points?" Not a good way to grow up.

Report cards, even for older kids, are still an indication of where they need to apply themselves more or where they need extra help from the teacher. So I don't believe in penalizing a child for having problems - it is still a way to tell parents that their child needs help. It puts WAY too much pressure on kids to only pay them for As or to tell them they are not good enough if they get Bs or C.

I neither rewarded good grades nor punished bad ones.

We do not pay for grades and never will. There are gifts at the end of each school (elementary, middle, high, college, etc), but no money goes out for grades. We reward good grades with something fun. The kids get to pick dinner that night, we stay at the park extra long, we go to a movie, we go bowling, get the idea? That's what works in our home though - I know plenty of people

Plus this is another way to teach my kids that hard work is expected of them - not setting them up for an easy path through school and life.

Pay, no. Appreciate their progress, yes.

And as a preschool educator, I'm surprised that some folks would be suprised at a report card. :)

We developed one card for preschool-1 and another for pre-k, to record the progress made or skills attained in pre-math, pre-reading, social skills, personal skills, fine-motor and gross-motor skills. The cards were sent home before the parent teacher conference, so that we could then discuss where each child was progressing compared to the curriculum and compared to the expectations for that individual child. If the child had OT, PT or speech/language services, those updates were included at the same time. Also, samples or photos of school projects and activities were shared. Some parents were most interested in academic progress, others were more interested in social progress. The cards were a great tool for discussion. And parents often told us of skills their children were, or were not, performing at home and we would discuss the possible reasons for different skills shown in different environments. All my best for a great year!

Update: Erica T. is spot on. We also called them progress reports!

We don't give money for grades. School is their job. Once they hit middle/high school, As and Bs will be our expectation. We will be reasonable, though. If our kids get a C in Honors Chemistry and worked their butt off, then we'll be okay with it. Growing up, hubby and I both had to maintain a 3.0 to keep driving privileges.

Our preschool did 'E, S, N'...Excellent, Satisfactory, Not there Yet. I liked knowing their progress.

I think it depends on the kids. I am THRILLED if either of my kids get a C or better in math because they have always struggled with it so much. So a C is actually an A for them in math. But I expect better grades in their "easier" subjects. And no, I don't pay for good grades. JMO. Good luck.

I would never send my children to a preschool that had any type of grading system. My kids didn't get report cards until third grade, they are both great students in MS and HS.

Trust me, there is plenty of time for being judged on your academic work. Older students these days deal with tons of stress, responsibility and hard work, why start that at age three? Preschool is for playing and learning how to get along in the world without a parent by your side.

The thought of paying a preschooler for grades turns my stomach, yikes!

No paying for grades.

I teach my kids that hard work, is what they need to get to anywhere. As long as he truly tries, I am happy with his progress. Regardless of what "grade" that is. My husband and I know that he is smart, but thinking we will be pleased with C's as long as he tried his best..

He is in 1st grade and his first writing asignment : I think it is important for me to do this at school: .. his answer_-- Do your best werk...

Sounds good to me. :)

No paying. Some kids are just not developed in some areas. To penalize is just not fair. I remember my mom bribing me with an ice cream cone if I got 100% on my spelling test at age 5. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get that ice cream. I was not ready spell. So to reward or penalize at this age isn't fair.

I don't pay for grades. I told my daughter that it is her responsibility to make good grades so we work at it. I know people who pay their kids for making good grades. Their reasoning is we get paid to work so they should get paid to make good grades because that is their job. I don't agree. No money for grades at my house.

I don't give rewards except for praise for hard work and effort at school and sport etc.

My children are naturally smart (so far) - this isn't something to praise as they haven't earned it. I encourage them to work hard, and praise them when they do.

Once they started getting report cards home, and then end-of-year academic medals, they seemed to become more motivated.

I agree that grading children in preschool is strange.

i think paying kids for grades is a poor idea. it ties achievement to monetary reward. i think praise and pride are much better ways to demonstrate 'good job' to a kid. especially in pre-school!
i agree with you that a 'good grade' is the one that exemplifies the child's best effort. a good grade in math is a C for my college student. in all other subjects it's an A.
khairete
S.

First of all... If you heard another parent talking about monetary rewards for his/her kids' grades, then you need to recognize that what other families do is irrelevant to how you want to or should handle your own. Really think about that now, b/c it won't get easier as your little one gets older. But the decisions about what is best for your family, your child and the best way to parent will get more difficult and convoluted... and you need to have a better "center" of what you are using to make those decision on than... what the other parents are doing.

Next, mehh.. they have to do something to record how they are behaving, right? I mean... if there were not some sort of grading system, you'd still expect a "report" of some sort, right? If they were following instructions regularly, being disrespectful to the staff or other kids, being helpful with their classmates, having a good or poor attitude about projects or work they are doing... right? That sounds like all this is. So, yeah. I'd be fine with it. When my daughter was in academic K4, she had a folder that came home every single day with a calendar on the front. She had a red, yellow, or green light bubbled in for each day, and if it wasn't green there would be an explanation. They also did report cards, but that is because they were learning their letters, numbers, basics of reading and adding and coloring within the lines, following directions regarding colors, etc.

Third, how many children do you have? The answer to this question can help you figure out what you consider "good grades". As you noted yourself, it was different in your wife's household than in your own. It is different within our household just between siblings! Kids are not equal. For my son, a "good" grade, is any A or high B. For my daughter, a Poor grade is pretty much any B (as a final grade or a test grade... daily work is just daily work... it's practice. As long as it trends high, then the occasional B or even C is no big deal at all). For our son, not so. He has struggle mightily in some subjects/classes over the years. Mostly b/c he is not very motivated to extraordinary effort. He is happy with the minimum. Which is not happy for us, but is "ok". He gets no rewards for the minimum. He will lose driving to school privileges for just the minimum this year. A solid B in any core subject is good. An "A" is fabulous!
For my daughter, any B is a let down. In any subject.

Different kids. Different motivations. Different skills. Different aptitudes. Different interests. Different habits. Different worries. Different personalities.

If you have more than one child, you will soon see that you can't just slap a "this is what is good and this is unacceptable work" label on things... because no effort from one child might produce a higher quality of work than tons of effort from another child produces. Focus on the effort and difficulty for the child. Not of the material mastery itself. Perhaps the two will converge and it will be smooth sailing. But be prepared for the other possibility. A child who struggles and works hard, but does so-so, or a child who is lazy and puts in almost zero effort and breezes through with As all year in everything. Now tell me... would you punish the low scoring child and reward the high scoring one?

And every family is different. So don't base what you "should" do on what others do. It's fine to get ideas. But they're just that. Ideas. :)

For what it's worth... when I was a child, a good grade was an A. An ok grade was a B (80-89). I never had any C's so I don't know what they would have said about one of those.

Private Pre-school or not - there shouldn't be a grading system. Your kid is there to adjust to a more structured environment and sitting in a group for longer than 2 minutes.

No. We don't give monetary rewards for good grades. We set goals. If they reach those goals - they are rewarded two-fold - not only for meeting their goal but with the "prize" they wanted - for example an XBOX game or dinner to a special restaurant.

It doesn't matter what other families do, right? You aren't keeping up with the Jones' are you? Do what works for your family.

By the way - I'm sooo happy to see you finally refer to her as YOUR DAUGHTER....yippee!!

My feeling is that at that age, they are excited enough to get a good grade, get a good card for the day, or even just walking out the front door with a backpack.

My daughter has had okay grades with a trimester of straight A's. We usually take her out for desert at BJ's, a place of her choice.

This year (3rd grade) we are able to see everything as it happens because all grades are posted. She is very aware of her grades and we just reviewed them today. She was showing a C and you could see she was not pleased with herself, so I just said, "We have to work on that grade".

In my opinion, C's are too close to a bad grade to allow it to be acceptable.

Our daughter is in private school. We pay the tuition, not her.

Hi, T.,

A child learns to do her best because it is the right thing to do, not because she is getting paid to do it. (Being paid to do something creates superficiality, not character.)

It's our duty to do the right thing and be our best.
Good luck.
D.

Meh. Whatever.

Studies show that this works for some kids, and not for others. For others, attention and recognition is what they seek. Each parent usually has a good idea of what their kid's currency is.

We've never paid for grades. From an early age we have encouraged personal responsibility and, though there is occasionally a slip, for the most part our kids bring home mostly A's and the occasional B. We talk about areas to improve and have helped them study when they clearly need a push. When a report card is brought home, we focus our attention more on the highest grades, and offer a gentle disappointment and empathy for the lowest. We celebrate the victories with gusto...and knowing that we do seems to motivate the kids.

Personally, I would not pay any attention to any preschool "grade" other than a grade for behavior. Your child is too young to worry about "grades." He/she just needs to concentrate on learning how to be away from mom and dad and how to function in a group setting. I WOULD NOT get your child in the habit of expecting money for good grades. Kids need to learn to do things because it's in their best interests to do them, not just because they are getting paid for it.

i'm assuming the grades are for things like being helpful, doing what you are told, listening and such. to me it's more of a way to tell mom what needs to be addressed at home. so you said one kid would get a reward if he acted right for the week, month or 9 weeks (don't know how often this "grade" is given). maybe he's the sort of kid that needs a reason to act right. some kids need a reward others just need to know that there will be consequences if they don't get the right grade. some don't even have to try to be good, they just naturally are.
either way just think of it as a behavior chart or a notification on how well your child is progressing if it does include academics such as the ability to count to 10 and knows his colors.

The preschool my daughter went to at the park had "grades" but it was more for letting us know how she did developmentally. Kinder had grades too but it was more a minus for needs work, a check for on track and a + for exceeds what was expected. This year my daughter will get real grades for 1st grade. For my kids, I have never awarded for good grades. They have been punished by losing things and privileges for grades that were way below what they have proven to be able to do. They have been awarded however for special awards and recognition with things like a day off chores.

Husband pays our eldest for good grades (B average or better). It's A LOT of money; he doesn't make it often so my husband said he wants to "reward" him well. He sees it as motivation. This is a child that has never done well with school or been motivated. I view it as rewarding someone for something they should be doing anyhow and creating a situation where he will expect to be rewarded every time he puts forth even a small amount of effort. Our youngest, so far, seems to be doing quite well in school. My husband did not offer to pay him. Personally I think that's unfair. So my advice is to discuss with your wife and BE CONSISTENT with both kids through the years. Speaking of which, do you really want to pay your kids for the next 13+ years? Just food for thought!

Absolutely would never pay for good grades (especially for PreK). As a school psychologist, I know all kids learn at different rates and in different ways. What if you had a child with a learning disability, would you penalize them for not being able to learn like other students in their class? As you said, if a C is what you are capable of how can you expect an A? However, if you have a student who has always received A's and all of a sudden in high school they are getting C's and D's then that is a conversation to have with your child. IMO grades are like chores, you don't get paid to do what is expected of you as a student or a member of the family.