I Work Midnights and My 3 Month Daughter Cries and Cries While Home with Daddy

Hang in there. My daughter refused to take any kind of pacifier and didn't like the standard bottles/nipples (she is strictly breastfed). It could be the type of bottle also. I was fortunate enough to come across a new bottle that is just like breastfeeding. I would highly recommend them and the bonus is that they are no more expensive than Avent or Medela. They are the BreastFlow by First Years. I went back to work when she was only 5 weeks old so Hubby, Grandma and now the Day Care are amazed with how much she doesn't struggle taking the bottle. A lot of kids struggle switching back and forth (if that's something you are wanting to continue doing).
Tell the hubby hang in there. Good luck!

We were foster parents for several years and would have some trouble with babies sleeping for the first week or so and during a training class we learned to ask a biomom or dad to sleep with a receiving blanket for a few days and we would put it in the crib with the baby as a light cover. It usually worked well, it's worth a try in your case. Also your daughter is probably sensing his anxiety and it's making matters worse.

I leave a tshirt of mine with some breastmilk on it(I know sounds gross but they associate your smell with food) for my 6 month old son and it seems to be working.

~M.

Please tell your husband to just try to relax and keep up trying to hold and comfort her. It is probably best that you are gone at the time so she can't see you. It will take some time, but she will come around and start to enjoy Daddy time. He is going to have to try different ways of holding her, singing to her, rocking to her. They will find there own little way of bonding and it may be something completely different than you act with her. Once they get their own routine going, he is going to love their time together!

She is so young and it is so hard for BOTH of you being separated like that...she's used to having you around and she prefers you to the bottle. You can try giving her the shirt you wore all day or the one you sleep in and have your husband swaddle her in that while he tries to feed her. He has to hold her the same way too. Everything has to be the same except it is Daddy with a bottle not Mommy with the breast. I do not recommend crying it out when she is so young. It's futile and they don't know why they are being left to cry. But if he walked away to get a chance to cool off (we all get frustrated at crying babies) then I get it. Spend time working on the bottle while you are home too. Let her get used to Dad giving her a bottle (you if Dad is not around) or grab another person if you can..she will be MORE reluctant to take a bottle from you. Kellymom.com is a GREAT site...go check it out!!! Good luck honey! It is so hard!!!

A.,
Look on www.thehappiestbaby.com and find a class near you. I wish it had been around when we were having our babies. It is a WONDERFUL resource for baby calming!
Blessings to you,
D. Easthon CD(DONA), LCCE, ELCS, CHBE,
Waterbirth Credentialed,
Community Outreach Director, Dayton Area Labor Support
www.heart2heartbirthmatters.com

she misses her mommy! to get through this what you will need is a shirt of yours (unwashed), either have your hubby wear it, like a t-shirt or keep it near her. that worked for my neice when she was that age. then has he tried to put her in the car and drive around? it may help. i'm sorry! good luck

I was at home with our first daughter for about 3 months before going back to work too. Whenever I'd give her to him for me to have a few minutes to breath, she would just wail and wail.

Obviously, he was really upset by it too. He said he wanted to make her the priority, and wanted to start doing her bath and bedtime routine. That meant that I had to take the backseat. He would start up, and I would assist in whatever way he wanted (sometimes it was better if she didn't know I was assisting, sometimes it was okay). But that would usually give me time to at least put some dishes in the dishwasher or put in a load of laundry or something.

Work on the pacifier thing. I know a lot of people don't like them, but babies have a natural instinct/reflex (whatever you want to call it) to suck on something (eg. pacifier).

It's one of those "spin the wheel" sort of things too:
Is she too hot? Too cold? Is she hungry? (Growth spurt's possibly at 3 weeks? Definitely at 6 weeks.) Is she gassy? (Mylicon?) Does she have to poop? Is she tired?

Sometimes spinning the wheel helps - but he needs to establish a routine while you're gone too. Maybe once you leave, he gives her a bath. Gets her ready for bed - gives her a bottle. Reads a story, whatever.

Kids also "sense the tension" very well. If he's tense, she's going to be tense. Maybe to help him chill, while he carries her around, he sings a song to her. I'd carry around my daughters just saying to a beat, "Here we go, a-here we go, here we go....we're gonna go, gonna go downstairs..." and soon enough, they'd start bopping along with me.

Once she gets used to being around daddy and getting used to the routine and daddy-time, she'll be fine...in fact, she may "switch sides" and start wanting him at night! (THat's what happened with our 20 month old!)

Good luck!

Have him try skin-to-skin when giving her a bottle. Get her in a diaper and he takes off his shirt. Then, lay an unwashed t-shirt of yours over her or wrap it over the bottle and see if that helps. Or, you can get a small blanket and sleep with it for a week and have him use that and later it can be her lovey. Neither of my kids took pacifiers for the first 3 months and my youngest still doesn't like it much - we just use it in the car to gain another 15 minutes down the road. Try one of each from the pacifier wall and you may find that with time and practice, she'll find one she'll take. Though, I kinda wish we had never tried so hard with our oldest son, I don't know when he'll give it up - at least he only uses it to sleep.

sorry you all are having a rough time. I would try the shirt as well. but more imprtantly she may sense his frustration. my husband would play music and dance with our daughter and that still works to calm her. unless he is really at his breaking point he should not leave her to cry. she is way too young and it may make her even less happy to be left with daddy next time. good luck! my dd never took a bottle or a pacifier.

OHHHH boy, do I feel your pain! When my third child was 3 months old, my husband was offered a position that required us to relocate. Unfortunately, it took longer than we had expected to sell our home...so, he lived in a hotel Monday through Friday...then with us on weekends. He felt he was missing out on bonding with our youngest, and I was breastfeeding-so I tried to get him to take a bottle...and he hated it! Our success came when we laid a light-weight blanket over most of the baby, while my husband bottle-fed him. The baby was used to this, b/c of the way I fed him,and it went WELL-he was fed and HAPPY!! While bonding with Dad.

So-don't give up-I'm sure you're feeling torn in so many directions-but you working COULD be good for Daddy and baby!

Saddly it's normal. All of my children have done this. They know your away and dad is nervous, whether he realizes it or not. Babies can sense things very well. It may take a week but she will get used to it and so will he. For my son my getting dressed for work (also overnights) means bedtime. When I first started his bedtime was part of my getting ready for work. Now it dosen't bother him at all.

Sounds like baby spends much more time being held, etc., by mommy than by daddy. He might not have spent much time with her while you were home. He needs to practice feeding her with a bottle while you are there. Bath her, put her down for the night, while you are home. They need a stronger bond. Also I would wean her entirely since you have gone back to work to make it easier on you, your husband, and the child in adjusting to the new world you are all sharing.