Ideas for Holiday Memorial for My Mother Who Recently Passed Away

Great answers already.
This can really be very personal. When my father passed we had the kids write messages to him on latex balloons and released them to heaven.
I had a memorial service because he didn't want a funeral. We had food and art supplies for the kids. Everyone had a good time. We were going to make a speech (my 2 brothers and I) but were very shell shocked. So, we just mingled, laughed and had a good time. Always make his dishes at holidays. He was an excellent cook and was known for certain dishes.
He also LOVED the holidays and always had a house full-so we try to do the same.
It could be simple, listening to her favorite holiday music, etc. I wouldn't try to plan anything too elaborite-that may be too draining.

I recently gave a shower for the daughter of a good friend of mine who passed away from breast cancer at 38. When her daughter married she had been gone about 4 years. She wanted a presence at her shower and left it to me. I had a memorial glass candle holder made that had a picture of her mom with a saying about always being there for her daughter. I also had a vase with a single sunflower. She loved it and used it for her wedding as well. I don't know if that fits the bill or not.

We tragically lost my brother in love at the tender age of 59 to a massive heart attack. I purchased a journal and asked people to write a great memory they had of John. Needless to say everyone took turns writing and then usually shared the story. Most were funny and we enjoyed sharing memories with one another. I don't know if maybe that would be good for your family to write of a special holiday memory they shared with your mom. If she liked to cook or had special recipes you could share those as well.

Please know I am so sorry your mom is not with you. This will be a tough season for your family. Please be kind to yourself and know however you make it through your mom is honored by your love. She indeed left you an incredible legacy. What an incredible celebration of marriage your parents enjoyed.

Blessings to your family,
L.

I am sorry for your loss.

I just lost my dad 9/30/14, ten months after I lost my mom (11/22/13). It has been a very strange year to say the least.

What about everyone writing down their favorite personal memory of her? Preferably a funny & personal one to keep spirits light? Or maybe any memory will be fine? That way everyone is prepared.

Shared memories, especially funny ones, are what keep people them with us.

i.e my dad used to have a gazillion sweatshirts. He loved them but it got to the point that he had too many. So we started to regift them. His response? He thought it was a great idea to save money and "showcase" s.shirts he forgot. He was just so goofy, but I love retelling the story. It shows his real character :-).

What about making a cookbook of all "her" recipes and giving one to each family? Then each family could have their own copy, and each family could make one of her dishes to remember her?

Just a tidbit...... Years ago a popular radio show had people call in and talk about the one thing they were NOT looking forward to for the holidays. A lady called up and said she had an unmarried, older aunt who bought the worst Christmas presents for everyone. As the years went on and the disappointment brewed the 'kids' started making bets who would get the worst present. It became the hilight of the holiday and they would razz the 'winner' afterwards. Less then a decade later the aunt passed away. The caller said the first few Christmas without her were so sad....everyone missed her gifts! No one realized that her gifts were allowing family members to connect and share, and to bond over previous gifts. So now the caller and the remaining family pick one secret Santa each year to buy a silly gift and put it under the tree in her honor, and they pick a number to see who gets to open it.

I thought it was a pretty cool story to show how the little things make the biggest impact.

I hope you all find comfort in one another this holiday season.

(hugs)

Welcome to mamapedia, C.!

I'm truly sorry for your loss. My mom died September 18, 2013. She was the rock of our family too. My parents were married for 56 years before she died. We were totally caught off guard and lost her in 6 days after diagnosis.

What did we do the first Thanksgiving without her? We did what we always do - honor those lost with a toast - we sat a plate for her at our table as well (I live in DC my dad lives in CA). Then we did what my mom loved to do - help others - we took food to some homeless people.

Christmas was the same.

We talked about her and the things she did with us...we keep her memory alive.

What did your mom like to do? Did she have a hobby or a favorite organization that she volunteered her time or money to? If so, make a family project and do her hobby....or go to the organization and volunteer your time...

My mom made blue jean blankets...she had some that were almost done before she got sick and died. My niece took those and completed them before Christmas and took them to the charity that my mom supported and they were VERY MUCH appreciative of the blankets!!

Hope this helps! I"m sorry for your loss! May her memory be eternal!

Have you considered adopting a family for Christmas?
If you all work together you could provide a holiday meal (grocery store gift cards), wrapping paper, bows, cards, stamps and some gifts for the family members!
I'll bet your mom would like that.
It's so hard dealing with fresh grief at the holidays.
Sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss. Memorial tokens are pretty personal, so it's difficult to make a recommendation without really knowing about your family or Mom.

Some families need a ritual to associate with a memorial, like a lighting of a candle or a group prayer. Other families prefer to keep traditions alive that were important to their loved one, like recreating certain recipes or decorations.

My Mom passed near Thanksgiving, so for my family, Thanksgiving marked the year anniversary, and we couldn't stand to be reminded of the loss.
We chose to forgo any traditional celebration and instead just be together in a different place and go out to eat at a new restaurant. We talked about Mom, but the focus was shifted enough that we didn't have to feel sadness throughout the day by being reminded of her absence in every aspect of our traditional celebration. I realize that wouldn't work for most people, but it worked for us.

I agree that it takes several years to feel anything close to 'normal' again, and the first year is the most difficult. Wishing you peace.

We recently held my MIL's interment on her birthday and did a balloon release. At Christmas I make a donation to the food bank at church in my parents honour, and they get an ornament on the tree in the sanctuary. I still make my mom's recipes for holiday celebrations.

ETA: I actually did struggle with the idea of the balloon release and the environmental impact, but it also did seem fitting as we were burying her on her birthday. I must say that it looked beautiful and the children really enjoyed it. I wish the funeral homes could think of a similar practice that is not as bad for the environment. Biodegradable balloons maybe?

I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

Would you be willing to tell us a little about your mother? Maybe that would help with ideas.

Did she love to sew or quilt, or cook, or garden? If she had a lot of aprons, maybe they could be cut and sewn into some kind of small fabric craft for each family member (like a potpourri sachet). Or if she loved to read, perhaps you could donate books in her name to a local school or a senior citizens center or other place in your town that would appreciate new books. If she loved birds or nature or sitting and enjoying her back yard, give every family an identical bird feeder as a gift.

I'd try to find something that represents her favorite things and start there.

How about buying a special candle and lighting it during Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners and during the opening of presents? I think that would be a nice way to feel her presence. I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think there is any real way to avoid the sadness, it's part of the grieving process. She would want you guys to be happy though. Try and remember that. Again, I am sorry for your loss.

I have a thing where I do Christmas Tree ornaments for family members who have passed away... I had the project at school once when I was an elementary counselor. I had an afternoon in my room where the kids could come in and make an ornament for someone they are missing over the holidays. Some kids brought in pictures or prayers to glue on, others just used art supplies and wrote the persons name on it. Ever since then I've kept up the tradition for myself, making one for any grandparent or uncle/aunt who passed away that year. Now I have a box of ornaments, I don't even hang them on the tree always (they kind of need their own tree now, and that seems a little morbid) but it's a ritual for me to get them out each year and look them over with my kids, put them out somewhere. Sometimes make a new one...

Way back when I started it, I went to the craft store and bought flat cardboard ornaments in various shapes, light blue paint, white foam snowflake stickers, and rhinstones. So all the ornaments have the same general look, but are personalized with pictures and dates and poems. The final step was to paint decoupage glue over the finished product so they have a sheen and everything stays in place. That's what takes it from "craft" to "keepsake".

You could have a little craft corner with supplies and pictures of mom, poems, and prayers to cut out and for adults and kids alike to make an ornament of her to take home.

My deepest sympathy to you and your family on your loss.

When my cousin died, he loved family holidays and we just were too sad to do the usual holiday dinner so instead we decided with the help of our church family we would host a Thanksgiving dinner at the church. It was wonderful. Everyone bought a dish. Some people bought their entire family. We had tons of seating and no arguing over which game to watch since there was no TV. The dinner was from 1pm - 3pm and almost every 30 minutes people would come to eat and people would come dropping off more food. The best part was the clean up. It was simple and easy because everyone pitched in and all of the leftover food was taken away so by everyone who came. We got a chance to meet many people from the community and some members of the church we didn't know.

We did spend time talking about him and what he loved about the holiday. He would have loved this change in our plans. At the end of the day we all were less sad and more grateful we were able to do something nice for the community in memory of our loved one.

I can't think of a good idea, but wanted to send my thoughts and prayers to you and your family. The first holiday/birthday is always the hardest.

Oh Elayne. I am that Aunt to my family. Your response brought tears to my eyes.

Please don't release any balloons as a memorial.
The sentiment is nice but what goes up comes down eventually and it kills wild life.
It just ends up at plastic trash somewhere - and that's not how I want to memorialize anyone I love.
Light a candle, put up your favorite pictures, tell favorite stories/memories about your Mom.
You have a hole in your lives right now.
It's going to take awhile to achieve a new normal - everyone's different but some people take several years (give or take) to get there.

There are some great ideas below. Your plate idea is great too - you could expand that so each family makes a plate (or even each adult) so that you have a full set of plates to be used at holiday dinners going forward.

You could do a scrapbook with each family creating a page or a double-page spread. We did this for a 90th birthday. We bought a scrapbook with clear plastic sleeves, then everyone bought their own background papers and embellishments. People worked on their own but we also had a group assembly table where we collaborated and shared our little extra stickers or spare photos. We wound up with some additional pages such as summer vacations, the beach, childhood, family pets, etc. Everyone wrote a paragraph and printed it out - how this person influenced them, funny memories, a key value they learned, etc. There were no rules - funny or sad or fact-based are all fine. Then we slipped the finished pages into the sleeves so that each double-page spread had a fairly consistent theme. You could have people start this now so they have time to think about it, then bring their finished or very rough pages for final assembly with added goodies, stickers, special scissors (scalloped edges, etc.) and inspiration/collaboration from others. That keeps the get-together from being a madhouse of chores to do, but helps those who weren't feeling inspired. Just assembling the pages can be a form of therapy and family togetherness. The completed scrapbook can be part of the family decorations that gets trotted out every year, or it can rotate from family to family.

Doing something in her memory is a great idea and helps those who want to believe her spirit is still in this world. Find a charity that she loved or that represents her wishes/values, and come up with a group gift. It could be a donation or a bunch of collected items. For example, if she loved animals, have everyone collect old towels (ripped and stained are okay), old pillows, and so on - they make great cage liners and beds for rescued animals at a shelter. If you want a craft to do, collect old t-shirts and sweaters or sweaters, and make dog beds as a group - here's one of many links: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82HO-gwmA2s (just search for "dog beds out of old shirts" or something similar). Then, on Christmas Eve, make a family field trip to the local shelter with your goodies. You can take the money you would have spent on Mom's gifts and buy toys, food, cat litter, etc. (Check with the local shelter ahead of time for their hours and wish list.) This also helps kids to see Christmas as a season of giving vs. a season of getting.

If she loved to cook or bake, you could make some extras of her favorites and take them to the police and firefighters who work on the holidays as well as every night shift.

Up here in New England, we have a tradition called a Yankee Swap. Don't know if you have that, but they're common for families that have gift grabs or for office parties. You could call yours "Grandma's Swap" or "Nancy's Swap" if you want to use her first name. Everyone brings one gift, wrapped. Then you choose numbers out of a hat. In order, each person opens a gift. The first person keeps theirs obviously, but #2 and everyone else gets to keep their gift or trade it for any gift already opened. At the very end, #1 gets to choose (since he/she didn't already have a chance). It can be truly hilarious. These can be any type of gifts, or you could ask people to bring something Grandma would have brought or enjoyed, serious or silly. There's also a little game you can play if you don't want to choose numbers - use the story in this link to have everyone sit with their gift and then pass them back and forth according to the story. Then everyone opens the gift they are left with. http://www.scoutingweb.com/scoutingweb/SubPages/ChristStr...
Filling the room with laughter might be just what the group needs.

Good luck. My heart goes out to you. I think the main thing is to allow for everyone to remember her in their own way - there is nothing wrong with tears, but nothing wrong with laughter either.

If you have a few favorite dishes to any of the holiday meals perhaps someone can make them. I know they won't be exactly like mom's but it is a way to start a new tradition. Everyone then brings a dish to the house and you do a potluck and have a memory lane chat. If there are photos include them and toast mom off to her new home.

Decorate the house and play holiday music and have the scents of cinnamon and vanilla simmering in the kitchen or oven. Make it a festive time and be thankful for all the members of the family that are still here. Don't cry as she doesn't want that she want all of you to be happy and proud of her accomplishments.

Happy holiday season to your family. Know that they love you and you love them. Hug them and tell them that you love them while they can still hear you.

Place a rose in a vase for her memory on the mantel and enjoy.

the other S.

Keep happy thoughts in your mind so that you are not carrying a heavy weight. She is looking down on all of you from afar and is loving you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. i lost my mom 2 years ago. we lost my FIL a few years ago on halloween, and last year my SIL Labor Day weekend. So I've also been through the holidays after a recent loss.

We didn't do a special thing per se, but we did talk about memories, some funny, some of the things that annoyed us (green bean cassarole), at Christmas we went brought a few boxes of ornaments and decorations and split them up, talking about memories, shedding a few tears, giggling about memories of our childhood, etc.

Many years ago we started a thankful journal on thanksgivings that we brought out each year. So we had that to read over on Thanksgiving.

EAch year will be less painful and more filled with fond memories. Do things she liked to do, give to her favorite charity in her name and don't be surprised if you suddenly find yourself in tears when you see something at the mall or the grocery store that will bring you back to you mom. It's OK.

Set out a bunch of apples, oranges, mini pumpkins or pinecones, spools of twine and or ribbon, floral wire and nuts on the table, buffet, end table elsewhere.put down some butcher paper after the dessert course, and encourage everyone to make a bird feeder. Seems cheesy, but sometimes our hearts are more free when our hands are busy. It can center your thoughts, focus your memories, and provide a lasting way to love (you can think of her everytime a bird or squirrel come by).

Best,
F. B.

I would suggest doing something positive that honors her memory. A place-holder alone can be hard for some people. Maybe do a mini food-drive with your family. Donate the food to a specific family, food bank, etc. Take the thank you note or receipt and put it in a small frame on the table or on your buffet- then you can think about that other family enjoying their dinner thanks to your mom. For Christmas, you can get a little frame ornament to put on the tree and put in a copy of an "Angel Tree" card from the mall or other holiday charity donation. If your mom was an animal lover, shelters always need donations of blankets, paper towels, cleaning supplies, etc.

I'm sorry for your loss, I know it is hard at the holidays.