If I Knew Then, What I Know Now . . . (Parenting Pitfalls, Misteps and Pearls)

All I have to say, is just enjoy EVERY SINGLE SECOND of that baby. Two weeks (approx) after he/she is born, you will be dropping him/her off at college! Congratulations, Good Luck, and Welcome!

Even better than that for the crib is the ultimate crib sheet. It is snapped onto the rails and is a quick change.

I wish I had known how difficult breastfeeding could be, but how much support is out there for you, and how rewarding it is.

I had no idea how difficult it is to find good childcare. You can never look to early, and you should never put up with substandard care.

When you have a new little one, all sorts of great ideas for things that haven't been invented come to mind. When you have a good idea for something that you wish existed, write it down and patent the idea. I can't tell you how many millions of dollars I probably missed out on by not doing that! So many of the ideas I had have now been invented. Necessity really is the mother of invention.

L.,
Congrats! This is when life turns upside down and you may wonder what you were thinking but pretty soon you'll want to do it all over again, and maybe again and again...

So I love what the other women have already written! Very helpful!

- Don't care that your house might be a mess, or care but know that it's going to be that way for awhile and accept it.

- Have a burp rag in every room your baby is going to be in, that way you're not running to baby's room, covered in spit-up/vomit every 5-30 minutes.

- Most times those really cute outfits are the ones that are the most uncomfortable for baby. Put yourself in their, well diaper. Onsies and footsie pajamas are just fine.

- Let dad help. Even if he's "doing it wrong", try not to correct him, unless baby's safety is truly at stake. Remember he's learning too.

- Breastfeeding can be hard. Relax, you're learning and so is baby. When they offer help at the hospital on how to do it, take it.

- If you can breastfeed that's great. If you can't, that's ok too. It does not make you less of a mother.

- This is my most important one that I try to tell all soon-to-be and new moms...If you're feeling blue/sad/a little crazy, that's ok. Almost everyone goes through that, your hormones have been set on fire. BUT if you're starting to think about hurting your baby or yourself, or both, PLEASE tell your husband, parents, in-laws, friend, neighbor, doctor, someone. Do not be embarrassed. Post partum depression is scary and it's very real. You are not crazy. No one is going to take your baby away. It might be something that you cannot control without medical help. If nothing else, remember this one.

Congrats and may you be blessed with a baby that sleeps...a lot! :-)

Ok, while I agree 100% with everything that everyone has already said, I still have something else...

Do not forget to be a wife FIRST. Of course in the first few weeks, stress levels will be high, and sleep a comodity of the past. But once you settle into your own new little world, take the time every day (sometimes several times a day) to remind yourself of why you married your husband and of all the reasons you love him (the original ones and the new ones that come with seeing him in a new light as a father). He will likely feel a bit slighted because the baby is now getting all of the attention that he once got, so make sure he is still your first priority.

I agree with what everyone else has said!

Only thing I will add is don't compare your baby to anyone else's and never let anyone make you feel like your baby is anything less than perfect!

Can't tell you how many times I would cry because someone would say for instance "Your baby isn't sitting up on her own YET??? Mine was sitting up on her own at 2 months!" "Your baby isn't talking yet? Mine said her first words at 8 months!"

AND my favorite "Your baby isn't walking yet???? Mine started walking at 9 months old!" Sheesh!!!

Both my kids stated walking at about 15 months. =-)

Congratulations, L.!!

I'm going to mix it all up here. There are some for you, some for baby and some for dad.

You will need help at first. Make sure you tell your husband EXACTLY what you need. He has no clue how you are feeling or what he is doing. If you wait for him to intuitively know what you need, you will be super disappointed. He will mean well, he'll just, most likely, get it wrong.

Have a basket with everything you could possibly need in the living room. You will want diapers, wipes, changing pad or receiving blanket, change of clothes, bibs, burp rags, the whole nine yards. You will probably use a changing table 3 times and then it will be whenever, wherever so be prepared.

Baby gowns (whether you have a boy or girl) are the most miraculous invention since the dawn of man. You don't want to be dealing with snaps and zippers and taking baby's feet out of a sleeper in the middle of the night. With a gown you just flip it up, change baby, and flip it back down. It's less disruptive to the baby and a real time saver for you.

www.birthsupplies.com has the pads they give at the hospital that you twist and shake and then serve as a cold pack for the perineum area. Sometimes when you get home and are moving more you will start to swell and the ice packs come in handy. You can also get a pad damp (not the ultra-thins but the regular one) and freeze them between pieces of plastic wrap for a homemade variety. If you have a vaginal delivery you will want them.

If you breastfeed, set up a ritual for dad so that he has bonding time, too. Let him rock the baby to sleep, or go for a cruise around the living room to calm the little one.

Ask questions all the time if you don't know what to do. The only stupid questions are the ones we do not ask. You aren't born knowing how to do this. Instict will take you a long way, but theres a wealth of things it doesn't provide for, like how to get poop stains off the carpet.

Good luck and God bless you!

L.

Hold and cuddle your baby when he/she cries. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby.

Make eye contact with your baby as much as possible.

If you have a boy, he will likely pee while you are changing his diaper!

Make major purchases as you need them.

Keep lots of spit up cloths available at all times.

Write down all the precious moments and take lots of pictures!

I also ditto the other answers...

Congrats!!!!

One thing I've learned that I wish I would have known back then, (kids are now 16 and 20 years!) is that if they miss a nap, the dog licks them in the face or they have cake for dinner, it's not the end of the world!

Another thing to just file away because time will fly by. . . is that when they start driving they WILL get a ticket and they WILL have an accident. Hopefully neither one will be bad, but it will happen. Of course our son, the 20 year old, far exceeded our expectations by getting a ticket just 4 days after getting his license!

Enjoy every minute!

Haven't read the others so I may repeat. Nap when your baby naps and learn to swaddle.

Top 10 Thoughts on Being a New Mom:

10. Listen to your mommy instincts, They are rarely wrong.

9. Someone told me once that EVERY new mother feels like she would like to throw her new baby out the window at times. You will too. That's OK. (Just don't actually throw him or her out the window!)

8. Once the delivery occurs, great reams of maternal wisdom are not automatically imparted into your brain. Mothering is learned--gradually--over time. It is not inborn. Don't feel like you're failing because you don't automatically feel like a "good mother". It's a learning and growing process. You and your baby will grow together.

7. If you have a 2 story house, get a video monitor.

6. No O. ever does this, but they should--sleep when the baby sleeps.

5. There are days when you have an infant, that you will be lucky to brush your teeth or shower. Baby wipes are your friend. :-)

4. There will be days when you feel like you don't have 10 seconds to eat. Put a large jar of peanut butter and a pack of tortillas on your kitchen counter. Good for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

3. You will see your house, porch, deck, neighborhood at ALL hours of the night when you have a new baby. That's OK. You are the new, unofficial "Neighborhood Watch Plan"!

2. Don't compare your baby to other babies. Every baby is special and unique.

And the Number 1 Thought on Being a new Mom:

1. Enjoy every moment with your baby. Relax. It all goes too fast! (The only true wisdom I was ever given!)

Congratulations! And you can always count on this site for great advice, insights, experiences and pearls in the future!

You have gotten some great advice, I'm going to duplicate some of it.

Don't ever feel like you have to do what another mommy has done. When somebody is giving you advice, nod your head and then do what your gut tells you to.

If you want to sit and hold your baby, then sit and hold your baby. This will be the only child you can really do that with, all future children will cause you to have to split your attention among the children.

Let your hubby help. If you are tired, give him the job of tending to the baby and go take a nap, a bath or just relax for a little while. Trust that he can do it, even if he does it differently than you.

Prepare a list of household chores and post it somewhere for everybody to see. When ANYBODY offers to help, you can direct them to the list. Your job is to take care of that baby and to bond, not to do the dishes. Let somebody else do them for a while. (After they do the chore, it would be nice if you'd offer to let them snuggle with the baby!)

If you don't have a network of friends or a church that will help with meals after baby, get lots of food in the freezer that can be heated in the microwave or thrown in the oven for meals.

NOT PARENTING RELATED: something I really didn't realize until after the birth of my first, post-partum bleeding lasts a long time. :(

Enjoy being a mom!!

Have diapers at the ready when you get home from the hospital. You may not want to go out for awhile. Newborn diapers are often outgrown within a week and new babies poop a LOT, so get some size 1s as well (if you are using disposables).

You don't need 98% of what's on the Babies R Us list. : ) And babies don't care if they have their own rooms. Sleeping arrangements should be based on what works for Mommy.

It's okay if you don't "fall in love" when you first hold your baby. Even if the first 6 to 8 weeks is spent shuffling around in a daze wondering what on Earth you were thinking, the love will come. It gets easier for YOU and it just plain gets easier. One day, you'll wake up and realize that
1) you are simply doing whatever needs to be done without thinking about it and
2) you can no longer imagine life without him (or her).

If a baby is warm, fed, and loved, you're doing fine.

And my favorite advice given to me by a good friend "Don't worry about what the parenting books say - do what works."

Congratulations! It's like switching to living "in color" when you never knew that your life had been in black & white!

.

So much great advice...
My big 2 are these: Don't "let Dad help"... HAVE Dad take care of the baby some. After you nurse (if you decide to go that route) hand the baby off to Dad and go take some "me" time. Dad will figure it out. It WILL be different that how/what you would do... but so what? Baby doesn't need 2 mommies, he/she needs a mommy & a daddy... there's a reason.

And: Avoid the sleeping in bed with you thing. I know there are plenty of families that advocate for that and are fine with it.. but don't feel pressured to do it, and don't do it b/c it is "easier" at the time. You will regret it if you do it for either of those reasons. I never had my kids in our bed or our room even. The nursery was at the opposite end of the house and they slept in a crib from day one. I had an excellent baby monitor, and a comfy rocking chair there, and when baby started to wake, I heard it and went to the nursery do nurse. Dad did not get up in the night with the babies, and that was fine. He doesn't do a job that allows him to go into work sleep deprived. I am a SAHM. That's just how we did things. But I slept better knowing that baby had their own space and were safe in their crib. And they slept just fine, too. ("through the night" at 6 weeks with one, and at 11 weeks with the other.

Good luck to you, and thanks for seeking the answers.

I only have a few items from my experiences:

1. Read the "Your Baby's First Year" that your pediatrician's office should give you free at your first visit post partum. It's a great reference.

2. Don't be afraid to call the pediatrician, even for what appears to be minor things. Medical advice changes rapidly in the medical world - our kids are 21 months apart, and there were drastic changes even in simple things like when to give peanut butter. Always ask your pediatrician before other parents on medical issues.

3. Bank the cord blood - I didn't, I never expected to be diagnosed with cancer a few weeks after the birth of my second child. That cord blood could save my life one day......and, I don't have access to it.

4. Most of parenting is instinct......I've yet to find a book that was more powerful than my own instincts.

5. It's your child, it's OK to do things differently from other people. Just be wise, research, and understand why you're making the decisions you are. It's OK to go against the advice of your mother, your mother-in-law and friends.

6. Your child is a direct reflection on you. Kids will have their own personalities - embrace them - but, remember at the end of the day, they are a reflection on you as a parent. It's our job to teach them.

7. Finally, you are their parent first and their friend secondly.

Best wishes for a happy, healthy baby and a relatively painless delivery.

You will always get unsolicited advice. Just smile and say thank you, it will be up to you whether you want to use the advice or not.

Always have the diaper bag loaded and ready.

Remember that it takes longer to do everything with a baby. No more quick trips.

Babies cry at the most inopportune time, keep your cool and exit the situation if the baby won't stop crying.

Congratulations on your soon to be new addition to the family. Best to your and your family in the future.

Congrats!

This is what I can think of at the moment:

-put a list of "Things to help a new mommy out" on your refrigerator. Like: sweep the floor, wash the towels, clean the bathrooms. If mom, MIL or friend come over and you get to catch a few z's, they will know what they can do to help. Oh, and if they don't fold the towels the way you do - Who cares...they are folded!

-when people ask what they can do to help, ask for a dinner casserole or some sort of meal. you will NOT want to cook!

-go out to dinner and a movie with hubby once a week till baby comes. You won't be able to do that for a while ;-)

-trust your instincts. you may be a new mom, but your gut is usually right

-don't let other moms bully you into things. this is your baby and you will do things the way you and your hubby decide.

-if you BF and it doesn't work, don't make yourself crazy over it. plenty of babies survive just fine on formula. it isn't worth getting depressed over.

-you are going to be very sleep deprived, you are going to snap at hubby for stupid things, you are going to cry over nothing - this is all normal, and it will subside soon!

-don't go crazy with buying diapers. you have no idea how big or small your baby will be.

-sleep when baby sleeps! i repeat myself: sleep when baby sleeps. who cares if it is 2pm!

good luck mama!

My advice: 1) If your school system lets him start kindergarten the Sept before he turns 5 DON'T do it, let him be the older, more confident student, the one the teacher trusts to walk another child to the nurse, to model for the other kids how to do the morning routine, etc
2) After you read the baby books read the Hurried Child, Read the Happiest Toddler on the Block.
3) Never forget he will be a teenager SO FAST and will not want to spend much time with you so treasure every moment no matter how needy, cranky, picky, curious or clingy he is or how exhausted you are. Little children = little problems big children +big problems. Which would you rather deal with, a clingy baby, a picky eater one year old, or a defiant teen? Yup I think the most difficult baby is easier than the average teen.
4) Everyone who gives you unsolicted advice, touches your belly or tells you their stories of labor, etc is really saying "how lucky you are, let me be a little part of that miracle ...."

Great question! Our son is now 2 and we are ready to try again, which brings about this discussion in our house pretty regularly!

Things I wish I knew...
- Don't cut the tags off of baby clothes until you need them! My son has so many beautiful washed items that he never wore, but couldn't be returned b/c in my excitement I "got them ready" too far ahead!
- When people offer to help, find something for them to do! If you say "no thanks", they won't offer again.
- Babies don't need a ton of "stuff"... hold off on major purchases (or at least don't put them together) until you get to know your baby. We were given a beautiful swing- my son HATED it! Instead, he loved to be bounced and enjoyed the bouncer so much that we bought one for him to have at his babysitter's house!
- Have the baby sleep in his/her room from the very first night. This was advice given to me by a dear friend- it helps the baby learn that sleeping happens in the crib and reduces the need for separation/transition later.
-Breastfeeding is difficult, but completely worth it!
- Right before you give birth (in that last two weeks) go out for a really nice dinner with your spouse. Seriously- same friend gave me this advice b/c you won't be able to do it again for quite a while!

Best wishes!

I agree with what all the other mamas wrote, but wanted to add....
You are stronger than you ever thought possible. You will be able to withstand so many things that you thought you never could. I speak from experience. My newborn was in a car accident with me and spent 2 months at the hospital on life support. I still don't know how I made it through. You just do.
I am currently prego with my third (due first week of January) (two boys ages 5 and 8). I got a moses basket to put in my bed so that the baby can still be sleeping "with" me, but in her own space, so when transitioning does happen it wont be so scary. For me, NEVER fall asleep with the baby on your breast (if you breast feed)...baby will use you as a pacifier and THAT takes forever to break (did that with the first, bleh).
Let people come over and love, kiss, smother your baby...you go take a nap. NAP NAP NAP...geesh, I can not tell you enough! Nap when that baby naps. I didn't follow that with my other two and did not sleep well for a couple of years. Feeding in the middle of the night wakes you up...nap during the day. When they are newborns they sleep a TON, take advantage.
Binkies are NOT necessary. I hate seeing little kids (1 and older) with binks in their mouths and trying to talk. If you can get away with it, which I did with my first two, don't give the baby a bink. She/he has a natural pacifier with her/his hands!
When the baby cries it does not always mean that the baby is hungry. She could be cold/hot/dirty diaper/bored/or over stimulated. Check those things first before offering to eat. If you always give the breast/bottle first then you may be mistaking some of the signals.
If you are breastfeeding....put a towel or absorbant sheet under your sheet. I can not tell you how many milk stains I have on my bed. It's gross. I produced a ton of milk so I would leak in the middle of the night. I wish I had put a towel under me while I slept.
I am sure you will get more advice!
L.

In my hazy, sleep deprived state during the early weeks of my first daughter's babyhood, I was reading a book that I probably misinterpreted.
I "decided" that it was saying that if you made a huge effort to anticipate and respond extremely promptly to meet your baby's needs then you would end up having a baby that cried a lot less. I also got this impression that crying less was very important because it was possible that having to cry a lot was very psychologically damaging for babies. So you can imagine the guilt I went through when I tried to be this incredible attentive parent and my child still cried and fussed. It was stupid guilt and the "fuss- free baby" is a stupid fantasy! For the second time, God gave me twins and I learned to put up with a lot more crying because (especially when I was alone with all my kids, it simply wasn't possible to meet any of their needs quickly enough (plus one of my twins would cry and cry in the early days and was very difficult to calm) Do I see great "psychological damage" at age 2 1/2 from them because they sometimes had to cry while waiting for their needs to be met? No, but both twins are more patient and flexible at this age than my older child. My point, though it will never be pleasant for the mother, sometimes babies have to cry and sometimes babies cry because they are tired and with some babies you can try everything and it is very difficult to comfort them. Try not to hear a subliminal whisper of "bad Mommy" everytime your baby cries. And if you have to use the bathroom or make a quick sandwich and you put the baby down and they cry for 3 minutes, do not worry about damaging them psychologically!

Take any advice (and everything you read in books) graciously but with a grain of salt. What works for one family might not work for all. Our twins are now 8.5 months old. The absolute best advice i got was from my mother:
1. There is very little you can do that will scar them for life.
2. Don't worry about the housework! Have fun and enjoy this time while you can. As long as everyone is clothed and fed, that's the most important thing.

And things i've learned:
1. Get at least 1 night sleep a week - i'm up every night/morning with them, but my husband has "his night" on friday nights & saturday mornings so i can get a little shut eye, it's wonderful! And gives him some bonding time with them.

2. "Mom instincts" are real but are stronger in some people than others. There will be times that you have no idea what to do, which is ok! Just use your common sense or ask someone! its all a learning process! With most things, the sooner you learn to just smile and roll with it, the more fun you'll have with your child!

3. Its ok to get frustrated! I felt like a horrible mom at first when it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but more sleep-deprived and crying, but its not going to hurt your baby to put him/her in a safe place and go into your room, close the door and cry or scream if you need to! you need your sanity! Leaving a baby to cry a little isn’t going to hurt them, trust me, with twins it’s impossible to keep them both happy 100% of the time. I just don’t have enough hands.

4. We don't do the "cry it out" method or "tough love" at this age but we don't do the full "attachment parenting" either – we figured out what worked for us and it’s a combination - you don't need to follow a certain child-rearing method... learn from your mother and grandmother, they raised you so know a thing or two - in the olden days that's how parenting was learned, not by all these child-psychologists (and kids were much better behaved back then!)... but at the same time keep an ear out for new medical advancements - like learning the dangers of belly-sleeping as opposed to back-sleeping.

5. Co-sleeping is a personal choice. I'm all for using a basinette in your room for first few weeks... but i feel a child should have its own bed. Both families i know that do co-sleeping in their bed are now having a horrible time trying to get their child to sleep in her own bed. I just feel it was easier to teach my children from the get-go that their crib is for sleeping, and they have never suffered for it, neither have i. I also saw my children sleep through the night faster than the co-sleeping ones, but that might just be coincidence.

6. The gowns are great when they are newborn! no snaps or zippers to deal with during middle of the night changes!

7. Swaddlers are great - our favorite brand are the Halo ones. They gave us one for each baby when they left the NICU and we bought more, they are AMAZING. We still swaddled occasionally with a blanket but nothing compares to the Halos ( www.halosleep.com ). And as they get older, they still shouldn't have a blanket (SIDS risk) but the Halo sleep sacks are wonderful to keep them warm!

8. Keep a burper in every room!

9. Talk to your baby about everything. That is the best way to help him/her develop their language and its also great for bonding and having fun! I researched those methods like “My Baby Can Read”. What made most sense to me was: if you focus on trying to advance those skills, they suffer in their motor skills and other natural development. May or may not be true, but they have enough to learn at this stage! Reading to babies a lot and talking to them and interacting is the best way to teach them language!

10. Don’t get impatient with his/her development. Every baby learns at their own speed. You’ll be wondering why they aren’t rolling over yet and then one day it just clicks with them and they’re rolling everywhere! Its amazing to watch their little brains learn and investigate!

11. Take a million photos and write every precious memory down! They change so much so fast and its so hard to remember everything. I already love looking back!

12. When you do go shopping (most times i wait for my husband to come home and go in the evening) stock up as much as space allows! Its important to get out of the house with them, but walks and outings with baby are more fun if you don’t have to worry about a list.

13. Always have a diaper bag packed and ready to grab. It makes getting out of the house so much easier!

14. Have a list if things you can tell people when they ask “how can I help” – dishes, vacuuming, dusting, shopping, etc. or invite them for dinner, but ask they bring a casserole so you don’t have to cook a meal!

15. Don’t lose sight of your hubby! Its so easy to get really wrapped up in baby things and get exhausted! Kiss him every day. Take time to ask how his day was when he gets home, rather than going right into talking about what the baby did. As soon as your comfortable and ready for it, let someone watch the baby (grandparents are usually more than ready for this!) so you and hubby can go out on a date.

sorry, that ended up being super long! enjoy your parenting journey & don't sweat the small stuff!

So much good advise so far.
Definitely sleep when the baby sleeps!!!!
Do not worry about the house work.
Have a plan for when you come home from the hospital with regard to visitors. Do you want people over? Everyone will want to help but as soon as they get there they will want to hold the baby. It is ok to say no. Maybe have visiting hours or make people call first. DO NOT let people make you wake the baby so they can see him/her.
I love one persons suggestion of a list of stuff on the fridge that will help. Great idea.
Don't wash all the clothes/blankets until you need them. You will end up wanting to return a bunch of stuff.
PETS If you have dogs you will hate them for a while! They bark, sniff, lick, need to be fed etc... and it will drive you nuts. Leave it to your hubby. Also send home a hat or something the baby wore with hubby for the dog to smell.
Breast feeding is worth it but it is sooooo hard. See a lactation consultant. And don't give up.
A baby monitor is essential a stroller is not.
The Happiest Baby On The Block is the best book ever!
Don't worry about your house being perfect... I once ironed the sheets and then my DD did the biggest throw up ever, in my mouth on the sheets everywhere! LOL But the worst thing is because I had spent all the time ironing there were no other clean sheets. So funny.
You will get throw up in your hair, mouth, ears... on your clothes, sheets everywhere. Odds are at some point you will also get pooped on and peed on especially if you have a boy.
If you have time now load your freezer with your favorite foods.
Get a netflix subscription.
Take everything from the hospital... there will be a little crib they have the baby in and it will have diapers, wipes, and sometimes cream. Take it. Also the mega pads and peri bottle for you.
You do not have to let the nurses take your baby unless you want them to. If you don't want visitors in the hospital get the nurses to tell people. That way there are no hurt feelings.
Take something to do in the hospital after the baby comes... while you will want to sleep at some point you will get bored!
It is ok to let your baby cry. Sometimes for short periods.
Good luck!

The best piece of advice I can give you is "Don't do anything that doesn't feel right!"

YOU will know your baby better than anyone else
YOU know your family dynamic better than anyone else

People will always have advice for you and the best thing you can do for yourself as a new mom (other than carving out time for yourself) is to let yourself "feel your way" through it. Make your own decisions. Thank people for their advice, but then toss it out the window if it doesn't jive with you. Don't let people bully you into supplementing with formula if you want to exclusively breastfeed (yes they lose weight at first, that's NORMAL). On the flip side don't let people bully you into breastfeeding if you just don't feel you can do it and so on. Just pay attention to your baby and give him/her what he/she needs and you can't go wrong.

For example, one mom said not to co-sleep, but personally it worked best for us. I got much more sleep as a new-mom when I was co-sleeping which helped me to be a better mom since I wasn't exhausted all of the time. But that's my experience and other people have different experiences. Soon now, you'll have your own and all you can do is what feels right for your baby, yourself and your family.

Good luck and congratulations to you!

Hi L.,

Welcome to motherhood!
Two important words of wisdom for you: RELAX and ENJOY!
Your child will pick up on your physical/mental/emotional state, so "hang loose" and savor every moment.

Good luck!
"Grams"
from the Pocono Mts. of PA

I second the advise for the Ultimate Crib Sheet. I have 2 and wish I would have had 3. They are waterproof so you don't have to lift the bed up and you only have 2 wash the fitted sheet when you want to, not b/c you have to.
Get a dry erase board to keep track of feedings, meds, and diaperchanges.
Most important advise I got when I was worried about my baby not doing something when I thought she should was "shes not going to go off to college not being able to do ___." everything comes in time, don't rush it.

You have mama instincts so use them.

I remember trying to be prepared and searching for books on how to figure out what crying meant - what type of cry signalled what. I couldn't really find anything and wanted to be responding well to my child. Well, once he was born I figured it out pretty quick! You are closely bonded to him, just tune into that and go from there.

If I did it all over again, I would get Dr. Sears Baby Book for my infant questions and join my local API group. After the babe becomes mobile, I absolutely love http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PositiveParenting-Discipline/
They are full of wisdom that make our family closer than we ever would have been without it.

I wish you the best and please keep us updated!!

Congratulations, L.!

You've gotten great advice, so I'll just add a couple of things. Get a copy of "Child of Mine" by Ellyn Satter. It's a wonderful book about how to feed your child through early school years. It will save you much stress and anxiety.

If you are planning to breastfeed, make sure that your hospital (or wherever you're planning to deliver) has a certified Lactation Consultant available to you, and that she will be able to work with you in the hospital before you go home. Then follow up with her (or other LC's) after you return home. Learning how to breastfeed can be difficult for both mother and baby, and it's easiest to spot and correct any difficulties really early on.

Do sleep when the baby does, and forget about having housework done! :-)

Enjoy your new arrival!
C.

Lots of good advice here. One thing I would add is, don't try to be the perfect mom. You won't make it. There is no such thing. And that's mainly because there is no such thing as the perfect baby. As soon as you think everything is perfect and on a schedule, the baby will get older (even one day older makes a difference) and everything will change.

And for goodness sake, don't sweat the small stuff! If the baby doesn't sleep when you want him/her to, so what. When he/she gets tired, they will sleep. If baby doesn't roll over when the neighbor kids did, so what. Baby will roll over when ready and not a second before. If baby doesn't crawl at the same age as your nephew did, so what. Some babies never learn to crawl and go from rolling around on the floor to standing up and walking. If junior doesn't talk till he's 3, so what. He will talk when he has something to say.

On the other hand, maybe your baby will be the one that does all this stuff way before everyone else baby did! So what!

Basically what I am saying is, NEVER compare your baby/child with another baby/child. EVERY baby/child is different and will do EVERYTHING at a different time. And they will do it when THEY want to, whether you like it or not.

One other thing, You do not need all the fancy, schmancy equipment and clothing that is sold for baby. He/she won't care if they sleep in the best, most expensive crib on the planet. Or if they wear designer clothes. You could put them in a cardboard box to sleep, wearing one of dads t-shirts for a nightgown and they won't care. Besides, after you've spent all that money on things your baby will only get to use it a short time before they grow out of it, then you have to start over buying more stuff to replace it. Save your money for the important things....like when they are a teenager and want the best cell phone with unlimited testing minutes, or when they get to be 16 and want their own car, or college!

Oh, and one other thing. Don't try to schedule feedings. Feed on demand! When baby is hungry, they will demand feeding. Loudly! Some times it will be 2 hours between feedings, other times it will be 4 hours. NEVER wake a sleeping baby to feed them! If they are asleep it's because they are content. If they were hungry they would wake up and let you know.

You mention layering crib bedding to make it easier to change. What we did in the "old days" was use a regular twin size fitted sheet in the crib. Put it on so it wraps around the mattress side ways, the fitted corners fit perfectly on most crib mattresses. Then if it gets wet during the night all you have to do is flip the mattress and you have a clean surface to put baby on. After a few times, you will learn to flip the mattress with one hand while still holding the baby with the other.

You've gotten some great advice here but also, IMO, some pretty lousy advice and that's really how motherhood is going to. My advice and what I learned? Toss out the books! Every baby and family situation is so unique that you cannot predict how your child will react to different "parenting methods." And try not to have a "parenting method." Rather, just be a parent. Be disciplined when it's necessary but be silly and go with the flow more often than not. Don't buy all the unnecessary gear that the baby stores will tell you you "must have." I can't tell how you many things I've regifted because I never used them. Consignment sales are the best! And look for toys at flea markets or garage sales. It's a great way to save money and not spend a lot on something your child may never play with anyway. Sleep when your baby sleeps!!! I cannot stress this enough. Don't be in a rush to have your child do something they are not developmentally ready for. It might be cute to see them in a ballerina outfit or a little league uniform but if they're not ready for it, all you're doing is wasting your money and stressing out yourself and your little one. Don't be afraid of taking a little "me" time. If you're lucky enough to have family or friends nearby you trust, take advantages of offers to help, even if it's just so you can nap or run some errands baby-free while secretly stopping somewhere to enjoy a cup of coffee. I have to add, I am very much against letting your baby "cry it out." When they are infants, crying is the only way they can communicate. Even if the thing they want is to be comforted, is that really so bad? Invest in a video monitor. That way if your baby is just cooing, you can check on them without walking in and waking them up but have the peace of mind to know they're ok. It's when the cooing noises turn into crying that you need to go in. Don't go against your mommy-instinct. And while many people have said don't compare your child to others, which I completely agree with, do be aware of how your child is developing. My daughter is getting speech therapy now and for a long time I kept saying- i'm not gonna compare her to other kids, she's still young, eventually it'll get better and it didn't. Don't ever feel like you're being silly or overly protective. It's never going to hurt to ask your pediatrician or someone else for help, or just a question if you think something's not right.
Most important, there will be great days, there will be horrible days and there will be days you're getting by. Just enjoy each stage of development for what it is and yes, before you know it, in a blink of the eye, your child will be running, climbing, going to school, choosing friends over you and will be this amazing, independent, little person! And it will be wonderful and heartbreaking and rewarding and scary.
Best of luck!

1) Get ready early-- my first was born 10 days early and my second 20 days.
2) If you're planning to breastfeed, be tough-minded about it. For some women it comes easy and for some it's harder. If it takes a little while for your milk to come in, your baby may be losing weight and people (including your doctor & lactation consultant) may be telling you to supplement. Try renting a Medela Symphony pump for a couple weeks first-- they can really increase your flow. (In my town these pumps are available at some drugstores and the local second-hand kids stuff store.)
3) In addition to the peanut butter and tortillas mentioned earlier, I recommend oatmeal, jello pudding, cheese & crackers, and whole fruit to grab and eat for quick calorie fixes, especially if you're doing a lot of night feeding. You'll want comfort food when you're short of sleep. If you have a mom or friend who can cook for you, make her welcome.
4) If it seems at first like you were given far too many blankets of various types, just put some away for awhile. While the clothes get outgrown before they wear out, the blankets can be used for years.
5) We liked swaddling our baby for sleep during the first 5 months or so. This requires a larger blanket than the standard "swaddling blanket". Look for one about 40 inches square, or a specialized swaddling wrap. (There are some good sources online if you can't find one locally.)

Updated

1) Get ready early-- my first was born 10 days early and my second 20 days.
2) If you're planning to breastfeed, be tough-minded about it. For some women it comes easy and for some it's harder. If it takes a little while for your milk to come in, your baby may be losing weight and people (including your doctor & lactation consultant) may be telling you to supplement. Try renting a Medela Symphony pump for a couple weeks first-- they can really increase your flow. (In my town these pumps are available at some drugstores and the local second-hand kids stuff store.)
3) In addition to the peanut butter and tortillas mentioned earlier, I recommend oatmeal, jello pudding, cheese & crackers, and whole fruit to grab and eat for quick calorie fixes, especially if you're doing a lot of night feeding. You'll want comfort food when you're short of sleep. If you have a mom or friend who can cook for you, make her welcome.
4) If it seems at first like you were given far too many blankets of various types, just put some away for awhile. While the clothes get outgrown before they wear out, the blankets can be used for years.
5) We liked swaddling our baby for sleep during the first 5 months or so. This requires a larger blanket than the standard "swaddling blanket". Look for one about 40 inches square, or a specialized swaddling wrap. (There are some good sources online if you can't find one locally.)

*let the baby set the routine/schedule..and it will change just as you get uesd to it, esp. in the 1st 6 months, year. If you go with the flow, and realize it will change, you will be less frustrated and stressed

*Some babys LOOOOVE the swing/sling/bouncy seat- and some hate them. Borrow, garage sale, or search Craigslist for whatever you think you need. If it works, you will be willing to pay $1,000,000 for it, but if not...a waste.
*The sheet/pad/blah blah is crazy, imo...it's not at all hard to change
crib sheets- BUT , do have at least 3 sets, for those fun-filled sick nights.
*Don't buy a ton of cute outfits for the first 6 months...you probablly wont use them
*Any and all advice you recieve is just advice- take what you want and leave the rest.
Congratulations and good luck!!!

a few peices of advise i got that i still use (only child is turning 8) 1. be strict now so you don't have to later...o boy has that worked...i'm strict in just about everything with a well behaved child doing exceptionally well in school
2. DON'T FORGET TO TAKE CARE OF MOM!! that's hard to stick with but to take care of your family you need to take care of yourself.
3. don't let the grandparents parent your child. it's your way with your child not theirs (i still struggle with this one..the grandparents that can't get that through their head are slowly getting less and less time with me and my family)
4. do what works for you and your family whether others agree or not.
5. i see so many mom struggle with this today...you're not a bad parent if you WANT to throw your kids through the window but seek help and a break instead; you're a bad parent if you DO instead of seeking help and a break when needed.

parenting is not a learned process, it is a constant learning process. we're not born to know how to be a parent, it takes time and you never stop learning.

congratulations! and good luck it's fun and challenging, and be careful, your child just may teach you one day, i know mine has a lesson for me every day :)

I agree completely with dyreka...you're mommy instincts will kick in when you least expect them to and at first you'll be clueless (maybe) but you'll know when you know

The important thing to remember about those books is that the author has never met your child! Remember that you know your baby/child best, always.
Also, while the internet is a great place for support and for advice about things like parenting matters, such as the question you asked ... if you think something is wrong with your baby, with his/her health, contact the doctor rather than posting online about it. I've seen so many mothers post serious medical questions rather than direct them to the person who can diagnose and treat.
Good luck and enjoy this new stage of your life~

I guess the best parenting advice I can give at this point is to take every pearl or advice with a grain of sand. That is, measure it up to your own opinion on the matter, your own pre-existing values, etc. Don't be afraid to say NO, thanks, but no thanks, or thanks, but I think I'll try a different way...whatever. Even when you feel like you have no idea what to do or say, you DO, every mom needs the learn to become comfortable with listening to her own inner voice.

Oh, and don't forget to tell your little one that you love him/her EVERY day! No matter how busy or crazy life gets, how difficult it was to mommy her that day, she deserves to hear it from you, always.

And one more...it IS OK to hold your little one, A LOT, every minute of every day if you want to! I was a "baby wearer;" I forever had my son strapped to my chest, and I think that my family pretty much thought I was crazy. You WILL get the inevitable, "if you hold him too much, he'll be spoiled" nagging relative or friend. But, I would always respond "I am holding him now, becuase a day will come when I won't be able to do it anymore." I did not think at the time that, even at only 3 years old, I can carry my son but not as much as I would like, he is so heavy! And half the time he dones not want to be carried at all. It makes me sad to know that a day will come when I won't be able to carry him at all. But, I am so glad that I held him as much as I did when he is was an infant; it is one my fondest memories of early motherhood with him. I'll never forget his warm little body against mine, his breathing, his cooing...it was all so sweet.