If the Father Is Not to Bright, Will My Child Come Out like That?

they say eating fish and listening to classical music helps babies in utero.

( I cannot believe someone just told you below to posts to abort! how judgemental and RUDE!)

Once the baby is here, read him books. Everything. Constantly.

I don't know.

I have 2 stepsons and they both have inherited their crazy mother's insane ability to be incredibly stubborn and manipulative beyond belief....regardless of all that we have done to try to show them the light?!

Just be proactive in his education and you will have done all that you can do, as far as his 'smarts' are concerned!

You will need to work on your own behaviors attitudes, plans and be prepared to care for this child. Get some parenting books and look for some parenting classes. Do it now while you have time. Once the baby comes.. there will not be any time for classes.

Your child will have a limitless capacity to absorb all types of people around them. If you read and enjoy reading,. your child is going to want to read . Read to your child even as an infant.

If you enjoy music, play music. all sorts, so your child can appreciate it.

Use proper language. No baby talk and your child will learn to speak properly. Use please and thank you, even when your child cannot speak. This will end up part of their natural behaviors.

Never speak poorly of the child's father or any family members, let your child grow up to form her/his own opinions.

Ask family or friends for help when you need it. Asking and needing help is not a weakness. It is a gift to those you ask. They want to help, just like you would want to help them.

We never know what may come.. I like to remind moms, follow your mommy heart and brain.. do your best to make choices you can live with.. and then,. no regrets.

Forgive me -- I don't mean to offend you, but you sound rather immature to be dealing with a baby. If you don't want your baby to be "dumb as a truck" you need to start working on being a role model who doesn't call other people "dumb as a truck" or other juvenile names. You cannot change the genetic make-up of the child, but environment and parenting will do much to shape the person he or she becomes. Work on your own intellect and personality and be the person you want your child to become.

Your baby will be fine.

Condescending and a name-caller, more than likely.

But he/she will have about 70 years on average to work on those issues.

OK - bluntness alert.

Wow, really? Considering how harsh you are in this post, you need to be more concerned about the example YOU are going to set for your child.

Children are who they are. Biology and upbringing play a part. If you are the primary parent, the kind of person you are will have influence on your child. If the baby's father is not involved, then his only contribution will be biological and you can't influence that at all (you had your chance when you had sex).

Take some parenting classes (Love and Logic is great, and if you contact them loveandlogic.com - they have local facilitators who do classes, sometimes for free).

Your child will LEARN to think logically if he/she is taught to think logically. Take classes yourself so you can be a good example. Be a good person yourself and your child will learn to be a good person - smarts have nothing to do with it (see your post and read it like a stranger - this is an example of a BAD example to set).

And super smart doesn't mean successful, either. Average intelligence people with a kick-a$$ attitude and goals can really succeed.

Wow... okay...

Eat well during your preganacy and take your prenatal vitams. No alcohol, drugs (checks with your OB before taking any medication at all), and try not to be stressed.

Right now you are the biggest imapct on your child not the father. Take some parenting classes, so you know what you are getting into and, if you feel you are not up to the challenge, consider giving the baby up for adoption.

Good luck!

Sometimes I think I was found by gypsies and dropped off on my parents doorstep. But I look to much like my family for that to be true.
However I am not like them. My parents were not educated beyond high school, had this notion that if was good enough for past generations it was good for us, never really wanted to travel or learn or grow. Me? Just the opposite ---- If I could I would would go on a world tour --- read everybook that interests me and just do things because they sound fun.

DNA has less to with who you are than the decision to become who you want to be.

Dear A.,

I think you can resolve a lot of your concerns by raising your baby in a "smart house."

That means:

No TV. I mean it. Sell the thing on Craigslist and use 100% of the money on books. And no movies on your computer either.

No video games. Not one. Ever.

In general, the more "work" a toy does for a child, the more the child receives passive entertainment from it, the worse it is for intelligence. The plainer and simpler a toy is (plain wooden blocks are a great example), the more it exercises mental muscles.

Read constantly. Read to the baby the day you bring him/her home from the hospital and don't stop. By age 4, your child will teach him/herself to read.

Play music. All kinds of music, all the time. Get your child toy instruments for his/her first birthday and start music lessons when he/she starts kindergarten.

Do "science experiments" with your child. I mean, you really don't need to go to a toy store once, between ages 3 and 6, if you've got enough baking soda and vinegar in the house.

And play "counting games" with your toddler every day. Count stairs, blocks, squares on the sidewalk, stars in the sky.

Make a real, serious effort to have your child hear two languages, consistently, growing up. Bilingualism is the single best builder of mental muscles in the world.

Some of this may (or may not) sound stringent or alien to you, but most Ivy League graduates were raised in households exactly like what I describe above.

And, smile at the baby. Be kind to yourself, work on forgiving your own past choices, and the baby will learn kindness from you. Which -- honestly -- is by far the most important form of intelligence there is.

Best wishes,

Mira

P.S. Wait -- I forgot some really important stuff! (Shows how smart I am, lol.) Take prenatal vitamins, especially folic acid. Check with your doctor about the optimal diet when you're pregnant, and follow that to the letter. And -- this is unbelievably important -- breastfeed. Don't even supplement with formula -- just breastfeed exclusively for the first 6 months. Finally, I'm not sure where you are in school, life, etc., but if it's at all possible for you to go to / stay in school, do that. You will be your baby's role model, and he/she needs to see you studying.

My daughter's 'father' smoked weed well before I ever got pregnant and I'm sure one of his little swimmers was high as a kite the day I got pregnant!!! But my beautiful girl is going to turn 12 next month and is always on the honor roll at school :) Now her common sense on the other hand is lacking but I give that with age :) lol

We all make mistakes in life so please don't beat yourself up over who and how the baby's daddy is, he/she will grow up to be just fine because you will be a parent that will be by their side thick and thin helping them learn and grow every step of the way!!

Good luck
S.

In lieu of writing my own response, I'll just "ditto" what Veronica said. Spot on.

Actually the one who is against video games hasn't seen the intelligence that it takes to develop those games. Also it has been proven that video games do a lot for eye hand coordination.
As for no tv or movies well again there can be educational tv that can be very helpful but it should be limited and you should interact with the child when they are watching.
I'm not knocking books...far form it because in our house of 4 there are 3 of us who go through enough books on a regular basis that our local library has a hard time keeping up at times. LOL Books are great and even reading to the baby while in the womb is a great idea. Reading each night at bedtime is a wonderful thing.
My husband wasn't fond of school but he tested great. Just didn't have anyone to push him. He likes to tell people he married me for both my body and brains. I tell them he is lying and they have to figure out which part is the lie. Anyway both our boys test great in school. Our oldest has to be pushed the whole time for regular homework and class work but when he turns it in he excels at it. Our youngest thankfully doesn't have to be pushed and he excels just fine.
You need to look at his whole family history not just him. There could be reasons for his issues that aren't due to genetics.

I have to say after many years in education, I have seen that the apple does not fall far from the tree if you know what I mean.

But whether that is "nature" vs "nurture" we'll never fully know (the old debate).

Since it's too late to alter the "nature" part (your kids genetic makeup has already been determined)... you'll have to work on the "nurture" part and hope for the best!

I agree 100% with Mira's very good advice below!

As far as arrogance and ignorance, I think these fall in the "nurture" category more than nature. So if the kid's father won't be around to lead by example, you may be in the clear on this regard too.

You received harsh responses and I think it’s b/c you show your own ignorance in the way this post is written (or miswritten…whichever). I know you don't want harsh comments, but you're about to get it for the sake of your child. From reading both posts it sounds like you need a boost in your own intelligence... and I'm not just talking about the childish name calling (that you said you would stop, but continued later in the post).

You can't change HIS genetics, but you can change your focus and own ignorance by further educating yourself. Take some self-improvement classes to work on the way you cope and address the fact that you chose a less than par parent, so you don't pass this negative attitude on the child. But also, work on your reading, writing, and use of the English language so that nurture can kick natures butt.

A child is such an amazing blessing, so please let this opportunity that you never thought you'd have will bring out the best side of you so this child can stand a chance in life. Good luck, and enjoy your precious blessing

Hi A.,

I'm sorry people have told you to abort your baby. That is way over the top considering your question was not about keeping the baby or not. Again, sorry people were so cruel.

I too got pregnant by a man who didn't have much going on upstairs. He had a lot of personality issues. Little did I know then that those can be inherited.

My daughter and I left her father when she was two. She never had any further dealings with him until she was about 9. In those 7 years, I came to realize that personality traits are definitely inherited. Her father is now deceased but it never ceases to amaze me how much her attitude reflects his. Example, father never worked a day in his life; always managed to manipulate and suck off the system. I always worked and paid our way with no handouts or welfare checks. That was the example she lived with. However, at age 32 she has never had a job and manipulates/sucks off the system. Just like her dad!

There are many other ways in which she is like her dad, but I just wanted to let you know that some things are inherited and all the book learning in the world cannot change that.

Arrogance and immaturity have nothing to do with intellect.

Just my opinion.

A.,
You have decided to keep this baby. I'm not even going to comment on that, because I'm not you, and I don't get to have a part in that choice. For the sake of your baby, and your future together...PLEASE get counseling. I am in NO way saying this to be harsh, or mean. I am saying this from one mother (me) to another soon to be mother (you.) You sound very immature and VERY unprepared for a child. A child is WORK. The hardest work you will ever do. You have never done work that can compare. You are responsible for the health of that baby mentally, emotionally, and physically. You have NO idea how hard, consuming, exhausting, overwhelming, and impossible a baby can be at times. I felt this and I was in a great place in my life. Very secure, together, and ready. I also had (and have) a wonderful, helpful, and very capable husband as my son's father. I had support, I was as prepared as a person can be, and I was emotionally able to handle a child. My son was a VERY easy baby, slept well, no sickness, almost never cried. I had help from my husband, wonderful help. I STILL felt overwhelmed. You are NOT ready and you are NOT in a good place. You need to get ready, and you need to get in a better place. You can't go from party girl willing to put out to a man she doesn't know (sorry to sound harsh,) to completely capable and ready mom. There is not a flip you can switch. It does not happen that easily. You can't "fix" your mistakes just like that. You need HELP in doing that. You NEED counseling, parenting classes, and people who can be honest with you about the struggles you are going to face. There is no shame in needing help. There is only shame in not getting it, and raising a child willy nilly. Children rarely turn out OK when parenthood is done like that. Get help. You will not regret it.

Hi I went through the same thing when I had my soHs father is very smart but has some other issues. When I was pregnant I would listen to music and read books out loud so my son would hear my voice. When my son was born I would read books to him so that him and I would connect. My son is 6 now and stills loves to have me read to him. There are lots of learn to read programs out there that you can start when your baby is little to instill the basics. I hope that this can help you some and just remember that as long as you love and care for your child that can learn to get through most anything. Never focus on the negative

Hi A.,
I'm sure everything will work out fine. That being said, there are definitely nutritional things you can do throughout your pregnancy to boost your baby's brain power.

1. Eat lots of nuts; walnuts are very high in DHA, excellent for the brain
2. Take a high-quality pre-natal vitamin w/ folic acid
3. Begin taking a fish-oil or krill oil supplement (I recommend Carlson's brand); they are full of Omega 3s
4. Limit fish with high levels of mercury
5. Eat lots of deep-colored fruits and vegetables as they contain antioxidants that protect baby's brain

Good luck!