If You've Ever Been a Part of a Support Group or Self Help Group...

When I was going through cancer treatment, both my then-fiance (now husband) and I went to support groups. His rocked, mine not so much. Both met once a week for 6 weeks (I think, maybe it was 8) with the option of continuing on. There was no structure beyond that, just a chance to gather with people in the same situation (sort of) and talk. We each had facilitators, his was a cancer survivor herself so she brought great perspective and happened to be really smart and helpful. I'm not sure if she had formal training outside of the cancer support center. Mine was an LCSW who bugged the living daylights out of me, she was so passive and not connected, I felt like she let opportunities for great topics float by, and never guided us very well beyond going around a circle to talk. I was also frustrated that it was such a mixed group of patients, men and women with different kinds of cancers, so we all had very different emotional battles. The singer with throat cancer was facing something very different than the woman who lost both breasts -- and with a wide array of issues, I never felt like what I wanted to talk about came up. Actually once, after the silly facilitator left and we were all sitting around, I brought up the question of sexuality and how we felt about our bodies -- the first woman to speak announced that she and her husband didn't have a sexual relationship in the first place so it didn't really matter to her. You could hear the vibe in the room change and we just got up and left after that. Overall, It was disappointing and I chose not to continue. But things that my husband discussed and learned in his group still play a part in our relationship, we both got a lot out of it. Luck in the chemistry of the group, and definitely led by a great facilitator.

I went to Grief Share a couple times after my sister died. It was structured, organized and there were facilitators. I hated it. The facilitators were pushy and tried to "fix" everyone who shared. There seemed to be "right and wrong" ways to express yourself. I thought all the grievers were great in how they shared their stories but I didn't appreciate how the facilitators responded. I only went 3 times. I got one on one grief counseling also that really helped.

I attend a grandparents raising grandchildren support group every month, it is my favorite evening of the month. We also attend a support group for families with children who have mental/behavioral disabilities. I enjoy going to it too. I was also in an anxiety support group once upon a time too. It was awesome, I learned a lot about lots of disorders and had a good time learning what others were going through.

Both groups have facilitators, I like this because they keep the meeting on track, plan the schedule, plan the activities, etc...I just get to show up.

They serve their purpose very well. I tell everyone I can about the meetings so they can go too. I enjoy hearing others stories and finding out I don't have it as bad as I think I do...sometimes.

I was in a co-dependency class.

It was very to the point.

We would have a group session that was group centered. There was music...and scripture.

And then we will break into small groups that were ''issue'' specific.

The small groups were something like going to AA. You did not discuss anything that was talked about outside the group.

They had you agree before each small group started. This was to ensure that everyone felt safe.

I liked it.

I think it helped me realized I had issues.

I did not stick with it...Just because it was an every week commitment..That with three kids was hard to make...But it was a good start to where I am now...and this was even before my accident.

If you are looking at possible attending something like this...I was urge you to at least try:)

It's most times what you make of it, the participant. And there is always the suggestion, "Take what you need and leave the rest." There was a facilitator and there are guidelines to the protocol. Sometimes the guidelines are less structured--sometimes more. Again, what each person gets out of it has to do with their openness/willingness to receiving help.

But overall, I think these groups are good because people sharing the their experience, strength and hope about similar problems is very helpful.

I used to attend a dbsa group (depression/bipolar) group every wednesday. I looked forward to that group in a huge way. It was very well structured, we had speakers, there was a facilitator and there were strict guidelines. I attended for a few years and then I made the mistake of accepting the position of co-facilitator. I was flattered to be asked to take on this position, however I didn't realize all that it entailed. I had one group member spend the night on my couch because he had been thrown out of his parent's house (with my husband's consent, of course), I also accompanied the same person to the hosptial for a psych evaluation and became quite frustrated when he outright lied to the staff about his current situation, but had to let him live his own life. I eventually withdrew from the group because I wasn't able to separate my problems from those of the group members. I have attempted once or twice to return to the group, however it is pretty difficult to do so. I do have to say however that I did meet some of the best people I have ever come in contact with in my life in those rooms. I still keep in touch with many of them and there isn't much most of them wouldn't do for me, and the same holds true with me and with them.

I am in a group for parents of kids with heart defects. It is run by the hospital, and started out with a hospital administrator in charge. The administrator organized events for the group, such as a trip to the zoo, monthly meetings at playgrounds, and an annual picnic, and also counseled individual parents when they first came to the hospital. Even though I didn't know any of the other parents, I felt that the group was successful with her as a caring anchor. Then her position was cut from the hospital, and the group was combined with a national group, and it's run mostly by the members. It's still fairly organized, but I think the dynamic changed.

The other support groups I am in are online. One of them was for parents of kids with disabilities. The group was already established and the moms had been friends for years when I asked to join. I did my best to join in discussions which didn't always have that much to do with the topic. Like the weather in different parts of the country, what's for dinner, and how their love lives were. They shared pictures of their families with me and talked about how proud they were of their kids' accomplishments. I invested a lot of energy trying to get to know them. And then they kicked me out because I didn't "talk" enough, and decided that their "experiment" of adding someone new to the group had failed. Ironic because someday it could be their kids being socially excluded.

I liked that it opened up a community for me. It was affirming to see so many people with the same problem, from all walks of life. Although there was a facilitator, it was pretty unstructured. We talked when we had something to say. The purpose it served for me was to get my problem off of the back burner and deal with it - at least on a weekly basis. It helped me in that it made me more aware of my behavior.

The only thing about our group that bugged me was that the leader was kind of this cool hippie dude who was pretty attractive. Many of the younger girls were obviously trying to get his attention in many ways. It was more than a bit distracting.

Aside from that, I liked it. I would have kept going if we hadn't have moved to such a small town. The resources here are almost nonexistant.

There is a topic each month that has a speaker which is someone who has been in that position. After that we have open discussion about the topic or other things. I found it very helpful and you realize that your not alone and you get all kinds of ideas from other people. The only thing is that these same topics repeat over and over.