I'm Already over It!

The best year of my life was the year we had no car and I had to tell the kids, "Sorry, no extra anything this year, since we can't provide transportation."

No, I am only going to do one sport a season, kids need free time and family time. Unless they are much older and can manage two activities and keep the grades... but under the age of say 10, is just way too young, imo.

Well, I can definitely understand that this can get overwhelming quickly. I would try to prioritize what you are doing. Finish out the committments for this season. After that, I would allow each child 1-2 activities max...

I really don't know why our society puts teaching special skills to our children (like sports and dance) on such a high pedestal. I don't know many kids who take these skills and make use of them into adult hood. People running around like chickens with their heads cut off, skipping family dinners, living disjointed chaotic lives, never any time to reflect on whats really important, and all in the name of "doing whats best for the kids". What about a day of rest? God knew what humans needed, but we are too busy to slow down and realize that time for reflection, God, family, and friends, is also very valuable. Maybe more valuable than knowing how to kick a ball around. I validate your feelings and can tell you I have already decided that sports and extra circular activities will be a minimum in our home.

they're pretty young for all that, eh? Family time and getting a good night's sleep is MUCH more important than all those sports and activities at their age. Just try to take it slow next season and enjoy your family more without all the added extras--or if they want to, pull them out of the leagues now

A., this is why we no longer do organized sports. I refuse to let something so trivial rule my schedule. We are busy enough with life and relationships. Yes, there are some benefits to organized sports, but not enough to make it our world. We can get the same benefits on our own time and on our own terms. We don't feel like we are missing out on anything. And, my children are quite athletic and coordinated. They get along well with others. Understand working together for a common goal. You don't *need* the organized sports. We kicked them to the curb. LOL

A lot of families limit extra activites to one per season. I think that it makes a lot of sense, especially if the activity takes up at least 2 or more days each week. And you have 3 kids to consider. I know other families that their kids play rec sports, but they skip the practices (or half of the practices) and just go to play the games. One thing I make sure of is that my kid must really enjoy and want to participate in the activity, otherwise, it is NOT worth running everyone ragged.

being a biotch, nope. but why do you feel you have to have your kids constantly running? they need to be focusing on their school work first and foremost. there is no need to have to always have your kids in one activity or another. i know people will say, "it keeps them active" "it teaches them ___" sorry, but isnt that OUR JOB AS THE PARENT, not the job of a coach, why dump parenting duties onto someone else? cut out the activities. or make them all on the same day or two days. they are going to get to tired to focus on school and then their grades will drop

.

Wow, 3boysandme, pretty dang harsh there! I think her asking if she was being a biotch was rhetorical. I don't really think anyone ELSE would call her a biotch just because she hates having no family time!

A., I'm with you! Kids these days are bombarded with the need for extra curiculars and don't have a chance to just be kids! In my town, if you don't play peewee (3-4 y/o) football, baseball or soccer, you're behind and don't get picked for 6-7 yo teams! It sucks!

I have never even attempted what you are going through right now. Family time is much more important to me. My kids are each allowed to participate in one extra-curricular event a season if they choose, but often they don't want to do anything except in the summer (well, my oldest does cross-country and tennis now that he's older). They are both busy with academics, and we live on a farm so they get plenty of exercise at home. My kids aren't into sports, but since yours are, I would allow them one sport each per season. More than that would put too much stress on our family. Good luck. I hope you can work out a schedule that makes everyone happy. :)

Totally hear ya. I have 2 boys, 2nd and 4th grade. We limit their sports to Rec (YMCA) teams, that way there's only one practice and one game per week. They used to do martial arts too, and that was 3 days a week...ugh! But the skills they learned are invaluable.
When they get OLDER...like maybe middle school, and probably highschool, then they can play club sports or whatever. But for now, in elementary school, we see no need to go all crazy with the sports stuff.
Good luck and hang in there mama!

I think many Mommies relate!!!! I know I do. As much as I know sports are a good thing in his life, I have my son in Tae Kwon Doe 4 days a week, and he loves it. In all honesty I would love to just go home after work, but I can never do that! It is soooo frustrating!!! I am exhausted!!! His Dad's schedule does not allow him to take him so it is 4 days a week I am on my own as taxi driver and spectator. Not to mention once we get home it is time to make dinner, then homework, then showers and ironing our clothes. There is just not enough time in the day to really have time to enjoy my son. I guess we all make sacrifices. Good luck with 3 children, I give you lots of credit! I do not know how Mom's like you do it!! Keep up the good work!!!

We are in the same boat...lots of sports and music and my hubs and I both coach stuf...it is hard sometimes...never seems to be downtime, especially when you both work (we do too...my husband works 50 miles from home and I work 12 hours a day.) You'll get used to it and you will enjoy your downtime that much more, trust me! And think of it this way...when they are all gone, you'll have all kinds of free time and you'll wish you were carting them around again! Make some new friends and just enjoy it!

I know a family in which the mother signed her kids up for absolutely every single thing for her kids even though they were completely conflicting and at opposite ends of town, etc.
She felt overwhelmed and began expecting her husband to take time off work to help with the ferrying around, etc.
She didn't think so at the time, but the best thing her husband did was put his foot down and say one activity per kid per week. And the schedules had to somewhat coincide.
It was literally to a point where the wrong kid was getting dropped off for an activity and the other at another wrong activity because keeping it straight was far too much. And, their homework wasn't getting done. No formal dinner time, just running.
The dad finally put his foot down and it's worked much better.
I think it's easy to get caught up in trying to do too much and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Nobody is happy when that happens.
Pick one thing per kid that is workable with the schedules. Not easy, but it can be done.
You will be a lot happier.
'
Best wishes.

I don't mind it too much bc sometimes I'll just read or relax... I do think it's a big part of what we signed up for as mothers though. Same time, if your kids are doing this bc you feel like they "have to", then you shouldn't feel guilty cutting back. But if your kids really love these things as it sounds like they do, maybe you can somehow get somethings done while they're at practice so it doesn't seem like wasted time. Or as someone suggested, carpool. I bet there are other moms who would love to swap rides.

A 6-year-old is too young for softball in my opinion. You're going to wear her elbows and shoulders out before she even hits middle school. My daughter played softball starting in 5th grade and would have been able to play on scholarship in college if she had gone. Don't let anyone tell you your kids have to start so young. Especially softball. It's a rough sport on the joints.

Let your kids be kids and do organized sports when they're a little older. You can play softball in the back yard with her if she enjoys it. She doesn't need to be on a team yet. Evening family time can be spent relaxing or doing things as a family, like playing softball, riding bikes, playing frisbee, running to the park, swimming, etc.

We're not in to all of that and I still feel swamped a lot of times! She only has a gymnastics class once a week, but seems like we've been doing something school or church related quite a bit lately!

It is hard! I totally agree, but I love it. I enjoy being busy and getting exercise (I get exercise by chasing around and playing on the toys with my 3 y/o at football :). My 7 y/o has football Mon, Wed and Fri with games on Saturday and wanted to do scouts and I had to tell him no. My 3 y/o has soccer on Thursday. My husband works swing shift with Wed and Thurs off!! We don't have much family time at home, but we do our best with what we have and the boys love their outdoor time at practice :)

My kids get to pick one activity each. With 3 kids, it's still a lot of running around, but it's for them so we do it. I know it can get to be a lot, but don't resent them. It's good and healthy for them, so maybe rework your evening routine to get the family time in there. Can you carpool with someone? Do you coach? Can you enjoy the time as quiet time? I remember the days when we just got to relax at home...but I think it's just the nature of the beast...growing older :0).

If they love their activities I bet that helps.

If it is a push and pull to get them there and they are not really enjoying these activities. Let them finish this fall and give them a break until they find what they love. There is no law that children need to be in extracurricular activities.. You all could take up running biking or something else as a family. Do this on Sat and Sunday Mornings.

Or search for something that takes place only once a week.

Our daughter really was not in any type of sports until 6th grade. She took Rowing. SHE asked to take this as a course because she wanted to take extra classes at school. She went each afternoon right after school,
I would go and get a coffee and read or cross stitch. We have fair weather here so I would take a folding chair and sit in the sun and enjoy the scenery..

I have two kids , ages 15 and 11 that both started sports at 5 and 4. They asked. They play something each season, sometimes more than one thing. Again, they love it. They have given up sports along the way as they got older and didn't enjoy anymore or wanted more free time.But they do still play at least one sport per season. I feel like we still have lots of family time. Sometimes it is hectic. My husband works full time and I work 30 hours a week. It all gets done somehow. I think part of parenting is to let them try the activities they ask to do as long as they are doing well in school.

I'm totally with you! I only have one kid but we have karate twice a week and he loves basketball so that kills the weekends with practice and games. And he has cub scouts 3 times a month during the week plus the weekend activities. I'm all for one activity at a time!

Hi A.,
Wow, lots of responses. If your kids are enjoying their activites (and it sounds as if they each have only 1 as many people suggested), I would work on trying to develop some carpools. I am sure you are not the only mom who would like to eliminate some of the trips to and from the activites. Good luck!

M.

I think most of us (secretly) feel the same way! On one hand we WANT our kids to be involved in sports and to take advantage of every extramural activity that interests them, but on the other hand, the constant rushing to drop off one here and the other there is stressful and tiring and (lets be honest) super boring for the parent turned "taxi driver"! Bottom line you need to find a way to carve out some "you" time so you can be "recharged" too! I'm lucky that I have a super supportive hubby. I take the kids to weekday events and he does the Saturday morning matches etc (while I catch up on sleep or reading or anything else I feel like doing)! I also try to arrange lift clubs whenever possible - it's better to take 3 kids once a week than 1 kid 3 days of the week! It DOES get better, so hang in there. Good luck!

While I think practice is important, I would have her go only once a week. Twice a week is rather excessive for such a young age, and the coach is being unreasonable.

I agree with those who suggested setting up a carpool with other parents. Sounds like a great plan.

Hi,

My trick is to allow them to pick activities that are based at their schools or at the rec center near our home. We choose organizations to be involved in and I try very hard to keep most of my life within a 10 mile radius. YMCAs, JCCs, and Community Recreation Centers all have enrichment classes, internal sports leagues, and family events. We recommend being active at the schools and your synagogue/church because they offer activities that can be family time as well as social and age appropriate. To us activities have to package well and be fun and not too stressful. For me they need to have a nice community so the people we are spending time with enrich our lives and don't expose the kids to behavior I wish they wouldn't emulate.

I have a friend who is at a really overwhelming time in her life, too many things pulling at her, and I suggested that she hire a shuttle service like Go, Kid, Go to drive her kids from here to there or to hire a college student to drive her kids and run some basic errands that can be delegated.

We have a piano at our home and a piano teacher who comes to our house and one kid takes a lesson while the rest of us do homework, help prepare dinner etc. then they rotate. I also insist that we do have family time and it fits into our schedule just like the classes, activities and sports -- Thursday is game night or movie night at our house. Weekends fill up with one-time events and religious activities. We try hard to eat dinner at the dinner table or at a restaurant every night (sometimes dad is still working) and we all have to sit down together at the table before anyone can start eating and in our house we take a few breaths and then say a blessing. Our first topic of conversation is 3 (or 4 or 7) good things that happened that day for each person. This way we are checking in and really being together, not just parallel eating.

My question to myself for everything, is always, what are my goals doing this activity, what do I want in the short run and in the long run, and is the reward worth the cost. When you are doing something, you are not doing something else, is what you are giving up worth the sacrifice for what you are doing.

There is a value to the after school activities, I sometimes think my kids get more personally out of those then their time in school, but it is a real priority to me to balance family life, down time and my sanity.

Good luck.

No, I can relate. I have two kids and it drives me nuts and I so look forward to our breaks during the summer and holiday months. I do not know how other moms do it and I commend them. I know a family that does this 6 sometimes 7 days a week. I'd go insane having no me and/or family time!

I hear ya, Mama...

See if you can get a carpool going with the coaches or other parents.
Even if it only takes ONE night off of your list, it's an improvement & will help your sanity (it did mine!)

Good luck to ya ~

I don't love running around every night to this game or this practice, but I do it happily because it makes my kids happy. It will be all too soon and they will be taking themselves to events, and thinking my presence is an embarrassment, so why would I resent this time with them doing what they love?

Easy: If it's too much for you, then cut back. (Your kids' don't sign themselves up, you are the one doing it.) You are one person, not 5. Your kids will understand. These "activities" should be enjoyable to all. If mama ain't happy, nobody is happy.

If you want your kids in this many activities, find another mom that can help carpool with you.

Anyway, kids are smart. Explain that they have to choose and cut back and explain why. They'll be okay.

It only gets worse. I've got three kids - ages 9-19 - and let me tell you there have been times when it was insane! My schedule?
My son has waterpolo practice EVERY day with games 2-3 afternoons a week. My daughter has girl scouts, piano lessons and volleyball (2x a week). It's hard. And, yes, you lose that precious at home family time, but you just have to find what I call a new "normal". With one busy at practice, that gives you one-on-one time with the other. Or sometimes you find those rare & impromptu evenings when I'm too tired to cook, so we skip dinner and go out for ice cream!!! (Doesn't happen often, but it's good for a giggle & fun family time). Just try to find a set time just for family movie night or game night, etc and cherish the time. Good luck!

Personally, I think family time is more valuable than sports or music lessons. That is not to say that I do not value these extra activities for children, but certainly not at the cost of family.