Im Confused Between a Meltdown or Tantrum. Fear It Might Be Autism

Sounds like a smart 3 year old to me. Mine does the same and her little sister is already picking up on this. This wasn't in the mommy handbook! HAHA

Hang in there!
Kristal

She isnt autistic, shes smart and knows how to get her own way. She also may be a sound sleeper. One of my boys was/is a very sound sleeper and if you wake him he is very grouchy. He used to hit when he was 3, so I would wake him up slowly by kissing and whispering. Stop giving in at all when she cries. If she continues to scream, put her in time out till she stops and ignore her.

Good for you for being aware BUT perfectly normal kids can have perfectly terrible tantrums! I did go back and look at some of your other questions and it looks like you said she doesn't talk as well as some kids and even does some repeating--this is called echolalia-- and you mentioned that you think she seems anti-social. If it would put your mind at ease, you could always have her evaluated by a developmental specialist. When you talk to your doctor, be sure to mention anything else she does that you find odd--like repeating, her social interactions, etc. Tantrums alone are totally normal for a 3 year old. The other stuff may not be. Remember, a lot of pediatricians do NOT diagnose autism/ADHD etc. because they are only with the children for a very short period of time, a couple times a year. And most kids act differently in the presence of the doctor--being shy, not making eye contact, not talking etc.

Yeah....I agree with the first poster. It is definitely just an age thing if she is between 2-4. Not fun! Especially since they all used to be such angels. Hang in there. My daughter turned four and things have gotten a lot better. Not as many tantrums and I can reason with her a little more.

yep sounds like a 3 year old to me:)

well, you didn't mention how old your daughter is, but if she's around 2-3, maybe even 4 I would say all these behaviors sound pretty normal to me. My daughter (2.5) very often will want the other parent when one is doing something she doesn't want or like. At this age they are very particular about the way things are done, like cutting or not cutting a pancake for example! ;) In fact, we just recently had a major meltdown after I cut my daughter's hamburger in half for dinner the other night. She wanted it whole. Little things like that can totally trigger a kid because they want to be in control. I would suggest giving your daughter choices...do you want your pancake cut in big pieces or little pieces, do you want daddy to help you into your pajamas or mommy to help you, do you want to watch a cartoon now or after breakfast, etc. etc. If she's asleep, can you just put her in her bed without changing her, etc.?? I mean, if it wakes her up and throws everything off I'd just put her in bed and deal with the rest when she wakes up.

Every 2-4 year old has tantrums. I had them. Ask your Mom - you had them, too. It's a developmental stage and there is no avoiding it. If you keep up with the naps and make sure they don't get a case of the hungries between meals, you can cut down on them a little bit, but there is no getting rid of them altogether. They just have to out grow it.

Tantrums on their own do not mean autism. I have one son on the spectrum and one daughter and one son not on the spectrum and they all threw tantrums!! :-)

Here's a link to the signs for autism. If your child is displaying a range of the signs listed then absolutely have her evaluated, but if tantrums are the only thing you are seeing right now, then I wouldn't worry.

http://www.autismspeaks.org/whatisit/learnsigns.php

Good luck,
K.

EDIT: Just want to clarify that another poster said "if she were autistic she wouldn't be saying a word" that is completely inaccurate. Only the severely autistic are nonverbal. The vast majority of children on the spectrum that I have encountered through my son are verbal. It's misinformation such as this that causes so many to not have their children evaluated early.

How old is your daughter?

My son is almost 2 and has very similar behavior. Our dr also told us it is normal and it is a result of him being frustrated because he is not able to effectively communicate yet. So, when I am not understanding what he needs - sometimes he gets frustrated and throws a fit.

That said, I think it can also be a bit of a discipline issue sometimes. I try to be really really consistent with how I handle situations. But sometimes I mess up - perfect example: I was absolutely exhausted this weekend, he asked to watch TV and I just put it on every time he asked that day. That is NOT a normal occurance, I let him watch a bit of TV but I would say that I say NO and redirect him to some sort of activity about 85% of the times he asks (because he literally asks all day long!!). So now this week he has been throwing little fits when I say NO to the TV.

I don't know much about autism, but from what you mentioned here it does sound like typical toddler behavior.

If the pediatrician believes it's normal age-appropriate behavior, I'd take some peace in that. Sure, diagnoses can be missed, but it sounds really age appropriate from how you're describing things.

3 was a lot harder than anyone ever told us it would be. You hear about terrible 2's, but 3 was much worse. We really have had to stand our ground this past year and remind our son who runs the roost - and, it's not him.

It sounds like she's trying to spread her wings as much as possible and exert her authority, and how you choose to bring her back to reality will determine the extent to which she's successful.

I don't have a child with autism, but our friends do, and it presents itself in so many different ways. I'd seek good credible information and monitor your daughter to see if there are consistencies that warrant another discussion with the pediatrician.

Good luck!

It's pretty normal. My daughter does the same thing. During the day she yells for daddy and when I tell her that he is working she throws a fit. Don't worry this is normal. Be patient with her. I usally ignore her when she has her fits and she will calm down after a few minutes when she knows that I am not going to give in. Good Luck

She sounds exactly like my 3 yr old son. I think its just a developmental stage. He just turned 3 the end of March and I have friends who all said their children had a "terrible" period at 3 too. Again - its not just terrible twos - it starts before and after. LOL. I just had a half hour meltdown this morning b/c my son woke up wet and had to get changed and put his blankets in the wash. I talk to my son after these times - he is very communicative and when all is said and done I ask him why he acted like that and most times he will tell me its because he didn't get his way. Other times its because he is tired. He will even come back later in the day and say Sorry Mommy, I just really wanted ....

Sounds like a normal 3 year old to me

She is normal.
She is trying to get her way.
When a 3 year old does not get their way, they tantrum.
When a baby or toddler is woken up from sleep, they do NOT act all calm. They wig out. My daughter is that way. That is her.
She does not wake well, nor act perky when woken up.
Even some adults are that way.
Because their sleep was disrupted.
So... you have to gauge your child. Don't make her do things... when she is still sleeping, nor wake her to do things... nor expect her to be in a good mood when woken up. That is counter-productive.
Why do you wake her anyway? Just let her sleep.... or, carry her out of the car, quietly, and set her down somewhere to continue sleeping.
Any child, if jolted out of sleep, will not be pleasant.
And when woken up, a child DOES get fussy... and not at their best. AND they will have a melt-down.
It is just bad timing... to wake a child, just to have them change their clothes.
Like you said, if she IS WIDE awake, she is fine. Because then, she is not having to wake up, and is not tired.
When a kid is tired, they are fussy and will NOT cooperate.
Also, if OVER-tired, or over-stimulated... a kid will be fussy then too. So.. you have to gauge what you expect of her, according to whether she is sleeping or not, tired or not, needing a nap or not... or if she is in awake mode.
Some kids also do not "wake up" fully.... for awhile. They may be starting to wake up... (on their own), but if you force them to then act all perky, it won't happen. Kids, have to "transition" to waking fully.
My daughter, when sleepy... will take time to wake up. Once her eyes are open, she is still in sleep-mode... not FULLY awake yet, NOR ready to interact. So... you have to know your child... and her cues... and gauge her and go according to that.
If she is one who takes time to fully wake up... then ALLOW her time to wake up, until she is READY to interact and engage, fully.
Not all people wake up all raring to go and perky. Some need time to "transition" to the next thing.

Also, if a kid is NOT getting naps, nor allowed to sleep/nap for a full session... they will wake still tired... and fussy. No kid is fun and perky if still tired. They tantrum and get fussy.

To me, this problem is about: not knowing her cues and habits... and "expecting" her to fully engage despite being woken up. And not realizing that she is still tired and no one is happy, when woken up.
If you can, just let her sleep in the car, and sit out there so you can keep an eye on her. She is waking while being carried out of the car... and then goes nuts. Many kids do this. Because they were jostled out of sleep.
I would, have her nap AT HOME... at a regular time, routinely, everyday. That way, a child is at their best. NOT all kids, nap/fall asleep well, in transit... nor on the road. Both my kids are that way. I always have nap time at home. THEN that way, they a have a GOOD nap, NOT interrupted, and they are happier that way.

She is also 3 years old... and this is a hard age. MUCH to learn... and understand.
I recommend the book: "Your 3 Year Old" which you can get from Amazon.

Pick your battles, know her cues, know when she is tired or over-tired... and gauge her and your "expectations" in line with that.

all the best,
Susan

Sounds like perfectly normal toddler tantrums to be. Autism is a whole spectrum of symptoms and behaviors, so if you fear Autism, she would have more than just one thing.

I would suggest this book by Dr. William Sears, it can help you focus on narrowing down those tantrums, how to react to them and how to avoid them in the future, it's really helped us out a lot:

The Discipline Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Better-Behaved Child : For Birth to Age Ten

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0316779040/carroll...

You don't describe anything I could see that is a red flag. Kids have tantrums, they have preferences, and they get cranky when they are not fully awake.

If you were describing her always needing to stop at the corner store before she goes home because that is the routine, and her not being able to function if she did not go, well, maybe, but I don't think that is what you are describing, it sounds more like a cranky girl who woke up in the car and thinks she missed something and does not want to go upstairs and go to bed. She may also just want candy! If you had many stories about how she cannot function unless you drive the same way to the store, or that she has to have her pancakes cut the same way, and she has to have pancakes every day, and other sensory and communication issues, then autism might be something to explore. In autism, having a melt down is something that happens because the child is overwhelmed by sensory experiences and everyday frustrations, and you see the same in typical kids, but the difference is the cause and the intensity and the frequency. Also, typical dicipline, consistently applied, is not effective on autistic meltdowns.

She shoulds like she is typical 3, unless you left TONS out!

M.

A meltdown doe not mean Autism. My middle daughter is 7 and has Autism. It is a social and communication disorder. If you think your child has Autism go see your dr if you need a referral. If not then take her to a neurologist. They will do a consultation and decide if your child has Autism.

Well for one, if she was autistic she wouldn't be saying a word. She is asking for daddy and candy at the corner store. She seems like she's just being a brat. :) My son is 2 and had some ear problems so he's still getting the whole "talking" thing and he throws fits and tantrums ALL the time. He's a big brat! Seems like you surpassed the terrible two's and gone into the horrible 3's! Good luck!

Hi J.,
I've a 6-year old son with PDD (which is autistic spectrum). From what you are describing your daughter's behavior doesn't sound like autistic to me.

But if it really concerns you, you may want to check with a neurodevelopmental pediatritian who is a doctor specializing in developmental issues. We see such a specialist at a children's specialized hospital in NJ. You should be able to find one in your area.

Good luck!