Im Not a Jealous Person I Swear...

Your feelings are so very normal. I couldn't stand my ex but had the same feelings when he started dating (he is on his fifth girlfriend now!). I think there is a huge loss there and you haven't moved on yet so it is very hard to see if it didn't work out with you how he can all of a sudden find someone to get along with and be happy with.
It takes time, a long time. I think it took me a good year or so before I could care less who he dated anymore. I just felt sorry for the woman knowing his attitudes, mood swings and issues we had. My ex is thinking of remarrying, which is fine, if he is happy then my kids will benefit.
I would however make a very firm stance that unless he is really serious with this woman that he will not bring women around your son. That causes a lot of confusion and hurt for a child having rotation in adults they get close to!!!
That rule should apply for both of you.
If you have shared custody then he can wait to see her when he is with you and not be selfish with his time. He should be devoting his time with his son anyway.
If this relationship is really serious then you should meet her so you know who is in your son's life. Your son will never love anyone like he loves you so don't worry there! The more love your son witnesses and peace with everything he will grow up a lot happier.

I know how you feel. What you are going through is totally normal. Even though you don't want the guy...it is hard to see someone you made a child with and were married to, to be with someone else.

I decided not to date until my kids were out of the house. It was sooo hard doing everything on my own. My my kids really benefited from it though. My ex dated and had several new people going in and out of my kids life. But I stayed strong and stable for them. They tell me now that they were grateful I waited until they were grown to date and that I was always there for them and not focused on the next "new guy". Just focus on you son. Be the rock for him as this new hunny your ex is dating will probably go and another one will probably come and go and come and go.... Focus on your son and prevent any further chaois in his life!!

Kids can learn to love their father's girlfriends or new wives, but these people NEVER replace their mothers as long as their mothers stay involved. As someone with step-parents I can say I care a lot about my step-mom. But she will never be my real mother. Whether your relationship with a mother is good or bad, she will always be your mother and that is not something that can be replaced. It's a unique role. Let go of that fear if you can and allow your child to be comfortable with both you of. If your child senses he has to "choose" that's when there will be problems. Otherwise, I suspect things will work out.

As far as your husband, that must be hard. Wish I had advice for you. I suspect it will just be a matter of giving it time and being patient with yourself.

Here is my two cents,as a child raised with divorced parents, who both go remarried and divorced again, you will NEVER ever EVER be replaced. You are Mom and with a boy at 2, his whole world. Your ex may have a GF who is great with his son, but you are Mom. I agree that it is more about the adult woman having a "relationship" with your son than it is with your ex dating. Meet her, we go through so many steps to find a babysitter for our children but shy away from things like this. Be happy he has someone whom he feels safe and happy with. And know that those owies will get taken care of, he might actually get read to(yes I am sterotyping here, I mean no offense), and Daddy may be less stressed and more fun. Take your time away from him and pamper yourself, date, spa and have fun. This is a good thing for both of you....it just make take sometime for it to feel like a good thing. Good Luck

I have never been inyour situation, but I think that he should not be introducing this new woman unless he plans to marry her, since your baby might get attached and she'll be ripped away when her and daddy break up. You are not being replaced, but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask this of his and expect it from yourself as well.

I agree with Manige O, but that isn't always possible!

I think the jealousy has less to do with his dating and more to do with your sons involvement with a new woman. And the fact that he seems to like her, she won;t replace you, nothing she evers does will, he will always be in love with his mommy....well, until the teenage years ;).

Be happy that your son enjoys his daddy's new lady, alot of them don't and that is a lot more complicated, listen to your son when he talks about her, you will learn a lot about the person she is through him.

And last but not least, it is OK to feel a little jealousy, knowing the mariage is over is a lot different then KNOWING that it is over, even when you really no longer want the person! Good luck!

I don't blame you. My husband and I have been separated for almost a year. I have a man I'm going to date when we finally get divorced. He's taking it very hard and cannot understand why I want to date.

I can understand your feelings because, when I heard a rumor that he was dating my ex best friend, I got angry. How is that sensible. No, I don't want him, it was my idea to split up but I have a hard time thinking of him with someone else.

It can make you feel crazy. Just remember you are not being replaced. There are a lot of mixed families out there today and they blend nicely. You really have to let your ex go and focus on your son.

It's hard and I wish you the best of luck!!!

Sounds like you are jealous of the time she seems to be spending with your son, not your ex. I don't really have any advice. Just knowing what is actually causing your jealousy may help you to deal with it better

It is very difficult to deal with at first.
I just wanted to let you know that I am a very happily re-married mom of 5 years, and I still feel a little jealous of my ex's girlfriend. I think it has more to do with the thought of another woman playing the "mom" role with my daughter. I think its normal to have those feelings, even if you are "moved on". I totally know how you feel, and I know you will find your own way to deal with it. Just remember to keep an open mind, and never talk bad about the father or new girlfriend around the little one. It is normal and will get better with time. good luck, you are doing a wonderful thing to allow your ex to be in your son's life so much. You are your son's whole world now, so keep your happiness and caring personality showing!

This is normal. And by the way, I am a jealous person. It's ok to be jealous. What's important is how you act on that jealousy. Your child should have no clue about your true feelings. Put on a happy face. You need counseling to help you deal with a difficult situation. You need to get some friends and activities in your life that will help take your mind off of his life and to move on. And this other woman may replace you as your ex's partner, but she can never replace you as a mother. Generally speaking --- Men move on more quickly because they need someone to take care of them. Women don't need to move on as quickly because they're used to taking care of themselves. Hugs.

J.,

Thank you for being willing to acknowledge your feelings.
Anytime there is a major change in the family dynamic its going to cause a reaction.

The best way through this is to acknowledge all the pain and hurt. Just like seeing someone die after they have suffered with cancer for years, the letting go is usually not easy.

This is a time when the reality of the divorce is finally coming to the surface. This is your time to grief. Again, allow yourself to go through the process. It is the best way to come out healed.

If you would like anymore assistance, I would love to assist you. That is why I became a Transition Life Coach. After years of not allowing myself to grieve the lose of my niece, it took some challenging processes to get those emotions back to the surface.

It is a lot easier to deal with our emotions when they first present themselves than later as they "fester and rot".

With my whole heart,
C. Norris, TLC
Loving Connections LLC

Hi J.,
I started dating my husband when he was in the middle of his divorce. I did not know him before so was not any part of the break up. He had 2 sons, 4 and 6 when we met. At first his ex and I got a long very well until it became apparent that I may be long term and even though she was the one that ended their relationship she became very hateful towards me. I did everything I could do let her know I was not trying to take over as mother with her kids but at the same time her kids and I became very close, they did more things with their dad once I was involved because the kids and I did get along and their dad didn't feel he had to do seperate time with me but could include the boys in our lives. They asked me if they should call me mom and I told them no that they had a mom and that I would be there any time they needed me but as their friend. I did this not because I didn't want to be called mom but because I didn't want to upset their mom. Twenty years later and they think it was because I didn't want to be called mom. The point is that all of this is very confusing to your kids and if your ex is with someone the kids like you need to find a way past your jealousy as it only hurts your kids. Your ex could be with someone that doesn't like your kids and I guarantee that would be way worse for them because your ex would end up in the middle and having to defend everybody. Don't make it h*** o* her. My husbands ex would let me know on a regular basis that he had 2 kids with her, that she was more important, that I was not to refer to things I did with him with the word 'we', even though it was correct grammar, because it up set her. Shehad other boyfriends over the years and lived with a couple of them but never would let alone, would yell at me over the phone, put me down to the kids, and do everything she could to harm my relationship with her ex and her kids. I was 17 years younger than she and my husband and really didn't know how to deal with this anger from a woman I had never done anything to, it took its toll on us as a couple and on the relationship my husband had with his sons. He is very close with his boys, they are in their mid 20's now and it is amazing the things they tell us now of what their mom said through jealousy over a man she didn't want anymore. Don't let that be your legacy. Be happy he is with someone that wants to include the kids in their lives and focus on your life moving on, not his.
Good luck and I hope this helped.
SarahMM

get to know the girlfriend, be her friend, and let the ex go. Date a little, spend time with your son, and know that no one will ever replace you unless you gave your son away and never contacted him again. then maybe. just have fun with your son,and be ready to fully let go of your ex. you can still be friends and allow him to move on. just need to let go and move on yourself

I agree with the majority. I think you are more jealous of another woman playing mommy role or just the fact that your son likes this other person. I am divorced and both my ex and I are in new relationships. My problem is the opposite as my ex "hates" my new boyfriend and constantly bad talks us and him to the kids. This has caused a lot of issues with my kids as they do not understand and it makes them feel like they are inadequite because they don't feel the same way as daddy. Moms and Dads will ALWAYS be Mom and Dad. My kids call my new boyfriend their "Adult friend". I have to admit when my ex started dating his girlfriend and my kids came home talking about how great she was I got a terrible knot in my stomach. But I never said anything negative and just pretended to be glad that they liked her. That has benifitted my relationship with my kids because in the end they know that I am the strong one and the foundation. There is trust between us and they know they can talk to me about anything and come to me. They love their daddy, but he is not the stable one for them. And they will end up resenting him for all the bad things he says about their mommy and new "adult friend". So stay strong and know that in time the jealousy will lighten up. Know that YOU are a good mom and your baby will love you unconditionally.

You will NEVER be replaced! The more people who love your child the better off your child will be. I have remarried and my son calls my husband "dad" as he calls his bio father "dad" also. My step children that I raise full time call me "mom" and their bio mom, "mom". My oldest son has a step mom and I demanded that she call her "mom" when he is around her. Am I crazy???? No, it just makes it to where the children have a much bigger support group and that all the people involved are being treated respectfully. You will be okay, and trust me there is no way anyone will be able to replace you. Your child will always favor you unless they are playing you to get their way about something. If you are supportive of your ex and his girlfriend your son will be able to adjust better to the situation and it will be more positive for you all the way around.