C.V.
I have two boys. One with ADD and one with ADHD. I have to start by saying, the counselor who said medications don't help with impulsivity is an idiot. The meds ABSOLUTELY help to curb impulsivity. In our case, BOTH of my boys are impulsive (one verbally, and one physically)...and the difference with medication is night and day.
I agree with your assessment that you are handicapping him. Meds WILL make it easier for him to exercise self control, which will help him in so many other areas.
I think that you need to have him formally assessed and diagnosed. Teachers are not in the field of diagnosing patients. They are in the field of teaching. And some think that if a kid isn't bouncing off the walls, they must not have ADD. You cannot know what's going on with him if you don't have him fully assessed (which is more than just a questionnaire). Talk with your pediatrician about your concerns and request a referral to a specialist who will do the full evaluation.
Please don't wait on this because of some silly stigma about parents medicating kids. IF your son needs meds to be successful, what's holding you back? What the neighbors think? Who cares?
I've mentioned this in previous posts: I have ADHD. I was diagnosed at the end of third grade, but I'd already missed so very much because of my inattention and impulsivity. It took a long while to catch up to my peers in certain areas. If my mom had taken me for that assessment in kindergarten, when it was suspected that something was wrong, school would have been much easier on me.
ADHD doesn't "resolve itself." It's not a childhood disease that goes away. People with ADHD just learn to cope...some better than others. Some have to be on meds for their entire lives, and some, like me, learn to be extremely organized and regimented so they can stay on task. This isn't going to go away for your son....so it's best to get started early to help him to learn to USE his abilities (ADHD folks think differently than others...and that's NOT a bad thing!).
My recommendation is to manage his ADD with meds FIRST, and then figure out if he still needs any accommodations within the classroom. Once he's able to focus, he might not. Neither of my boys have needed an IEP and they both bring home A's and B's. Just be aware that the first, second, and third meds you try might not be right for him. You have to pay attention to what they do for him, and be ready to move on to the next if the side effects are bothering him or more disruptive.
Best of luck!
ETA: Regarding your SWH....Mama, you blew me away with this "he can control himself, he just chooses not to."
Good God, if focus and memory were a CHOICE, don't you think we'd have chosen to focus and remember by now?! Really?
Please have your son formally assessed. And if he does have ADHD, quit acting like he's being lazy if he doesn't focus, control his impulses, and remember. It's not laziness, it's how our brains are WIRED. We can't change that and we're NOT being stubborn.