In-laws Checking up on Your Kids

Perhaps you seem unapproachable? I would start calling them more. My inlaws out of state or town call once a month or less. Usually its a holiday before we get together.

You should ask them about it, it might even shame them into caring. What does DH stand for>? I know the h part, just trying to undertand the lingo. Good luck

Mine never check-in or call not even when my 10 yr old (5 at the time) daughter begged her to phone. It really confused me and I found it quite hurtful especially since my mom passed in 2002 and now she's the only grandma my girls have.

I have to say that when my hubby (MIL's first born child) was in a head on collission with a semi (and lived to tell) I began to see my in-laws with a new perspective. Because they still didn't call to check on their son who nearly died twice, out of work for 8 months and TONS of P/T, they never checked on him. To this day I DO NOT understand this but have come to understand people are different. I was raised in a family that believed we're all in this together, one for all and all for one type philosophy. My hubby was raised with the attitude, your on your own.

So, since I want my kiddos to have a relationship with their grandparents I initiate everything: phone calls, visits, etc. I do it for my kids so their lives are better for being involved. I've chosen to let my in-laws be who they are whether I agree with it or not. And when my kids have asked questions, I do not speak for my in-laws. I have my girls call their grandparents and ask them all the questions directly. I let the grown adults speak for themselves. I have never tried to explain them to my kiddos.

I hope this helps.
C. H,
(40 yr old, married 12 yrs with 2 girls)

I have the same problem with my ex-husband's family. They don't check on my girls hardly at all. They just want them around holidays or birthdays. My girls are closer to my parents and my parents live two hours away while my girls' grandmother from their dad's side, lives 15 minutes away. I don't get upset over it anymore because I look at it as it's their loss. My girls are awesome and their dad's family misses out on a lot. Their dad only calls a few times a year just when he comes into town. It's a sad situation for my girls, but griping about it never made it better. My advice to you is just to let it go and don't let it come between you and your husband. Good luck & God bless!

My mother calls several times a week to talk to DD. My in-laws have never called. -We call them.
Men have very different relationships with thier mothers and your in-laws may not want it to appear that they are "checking up" on you. They are most likely trying to respect your space and boundries.
I would make a proactive campain to communicate with the in-laws. Take it as a complement that they do not call. this also means that they do not worry that you two can take care of the kids on your own.
My sister also will not talk on the phone with my DD. It upsets her to hear her and not be able to see, or hug her. It is very upsetting to my sister, so we avoid it or keep it short. This could be the issue also if yyou are out of town.
Good luck.

My parents are out of sight out of mind type people. And although I know they think of us, it takes a force of nature to get them to actually get them to make contact with the children, then they feel guilty about it.

My inlaws live down the street and see the kids daily.

I usually call my folks on the kids birthday and they enjoy talking with them and singing happy birthday. My husband rolls his eyes, but I just know that's life.

The kids love their grandparents and the grandparents love them...their relationship is going to be different than our relationship with our own parents.

The best you can do is encourage the children to write and send pictures. Call them every once in awhile and call your son to the phone...he won't care who placed the call.
If you're fighting with your husband about it, then your anger is misplaced. While I usually recommend that the spouse deals with his/her own set of parents, if it bugs you that much (and it is a major disappointment...though if you put it in terms of comparing with the SIL's visits it sounds a little like jealousy) you should have a talk with them to encourage them to phone, write, email more...you miss them. :)

My MIL has NEVER called to check on my kids. She has seen my son twice (for this first time, when he was 14 months old). We offered over and over to pay for her to fly out and visit when both of our kids were born. She has seen my daughter once. I can still count on both hands the number of times I have been around my MIL. She is just not interested or keeps up with the news from my SIL, who I talk to about every 7-10 days. She lives close to my SIL and is over at their house a lot and keeps her 2 kids a lot.

I think my SIL and I would be very close friends if we lived closer...but we live states away.

I look at it as a blessing of sorts...I don't have to worry about what she thinks, or take advice from her, or really deal with any in-law problems. It is very liberating actually to have one less relative telling me what to do and how to do it.

My DH and his mom are just not close at all...she burned so many bridges with him. It is sad but it is not my problem...I can't force his relatives to have a relationship with us. And honestly I don't want to...it is a huge can of worms that I do not want to open.

My advice is to leave it alone...send them updates and emails, photos, etc. But don't push your husband if it doesn't bother him. He may like not talking to his mother. Hugs!!

K.,

For what ever reason, some parents/grandparents, just tend to feel a stronger connection with one child, or set of grandchildren. Getting upset or letting it cause strife between you and your husband won't help your children, and it won't change the situation.

Believe me... I've been in the same situation for 21 years. When my girls were the ONLY grand children they were better than sliced bread... but when my SIL started having kids mine became invisible.

This past Christmas, my SIL's kids were slathered with gifts under the tree. EACH child recieved a motorized scooter, new PSP, and several other expensive gifts, easily $1200.00/child. My daughter had not the FIRST gift under the tree.

When someone noticed, my MIL was going to give her $20.00; but could only come up with $17.00 between her and her husband. They handed her a wad of 1 dollar bills, and said "Merry Christmas, love you". My daughter looked at the money shoved into her hand and walked out, devastated. You see, she's the older cousin, but she was still just 17. She'd helped video the other kids coming in the room to see their Christmas under the tree. She Set up my niece's new Ipod...strung the boys' new guitars... helped them open their helmets, adjusted straps... and watched the DVD about safety with them... all the time thinking her's was yet to come...

We did confront them later, but it won't change the reality... and it won't change their behavior. My daughter has a unique relationship with her grandmother. She gets her feelings hurt sometimes, but they DO have a relationship of sorts. They almost ALWAYS forget her birthday, and Christmas is usually a bust...

I also get my feelings hurt, on her behalf (as does my husband!!) but we realize that no amount of upset will change it. I shield her as I can, and help her cope when I can't. She and I are VERY close, probably because she doesn't have grandmothers to do things with. My mom was very involved when they were little, but died when my girls were 8 and 11. My older daughter has a different attitude... she shrugs it off and just says "That's nothing new"... and she moved to Wisconsin!

We share the backyard with my MIL, and the other kids live with her... so it's an everyday occurance for my younger daughter...

Try this: Don't contact your MIL at all...

Eventually, she'll realize she hasn't heard from you and call... wondering if everything is okay... this might be the opening you need to tell her... "I just didn't think you were interested, so I didn't bother you." It MIGHT make a difference, but I doubt it. Otherwise, let it go. If they live out of state, they'll always be out of sight, out of mind. Your child won't miss them. If at some point your child is invited or asks to go visit, by all means let them. However, build your life around the people who ARE there and don't worry about the people who aren't.

Know this. Your husband can't do anything about his mom's attitude. It'll just cause him to resent you if you insist he DO SOMETHING... when he can't.

Enjoy your babies. Send a pic or two occassionally, and relax. Either she'll come around or she won't.

Good Luck!

T.

My advice is this, first of all, don't ever fight with your husband about the in-laws! You will come into financial, kids, work and other kinds of trouble on your own that you will fight about, that fighting about his family is a waiste! You keep contact with them, send school photos and christmas photos etc and leave it at that. Don't expect anything from them and you won't be disappointed. Some families are just like that, when your kids grow up they will decide for themselves if they'd like develope a relationship with that side of the family. I for one, don't like my husband's cousins, they were raised like siblings, but I just don't get them, their sense of humor, their traditions etc. We don't jive. I keep my distance from them. They still send pic of the kids at christmas and stuff. I send pics of our family and leave it at that. But I will not under any circumstance have a disagreement with my husband about them! I will agree to what ever my husband says, then I will conviently forget to call or go over or send a gift etc... hope this helps.

I am assuming you send your in laws, MIL and SIL updates about your son each week? Or does your husband do this?

Unless you make an effort to keep them in the loop, do not expect them to check up on their own. They may think they are bothering you if you and your husband are not sending them updates on your own... Be sure to let them know you would love for them to visit once a week and to make weekly phone calls. That being said...

My MIL and SIL are exactly the same.. They never checked up on our daughter. I sent photos, emails and made all of the phone calls. We live only a few miles from each other.

When SIL had her boys, my MIL was all over them, helping, taking her own photos etc.. My husband and I had many conversations.... but it never changed.. He and his mother even went to counseling about it and when the counselor asked why she did not check on our daughter, MIL said "mothers are just closer to their daughters children." The Counselor said, "No, actually that is YOUR choice." So it never changed.

Last year at about this time, after 18 years of what I considered snubbing of our daughter from them, I told my husband and my daughter, I would no longer be the informant. If they wanted to visit that part of the family, I gave my blessings.. I also informed MIL and SIL, if they wanted to know how my daughter was doing, they could contact her through her cell phone, which was still the same number she had since she was 15 or through her email which was the original email since she was in 3rd grade.. I did not include it in my email so that they would have to ask my husband what that information was.. Of course, I had given it to them for years and years.

My husband and I have been together since we were in middle school.. more than 30 years ago and they have always been this way. I finally realized, when you marry into my family, you are family... My cousins are my husbands cousins. My mom and dad are my husband's mom and dad.... In his family, I am his wife and my daughters mother, not really Family.. I have not missed them 1 second this whole year, I have not once regretted my decision. It hurts my husbands feelings, but I told him I love him too much to be treated so poorly by his family. I have given them more than 30 years of my spirit, he can give me a few years, to heal my hurt heart.

I hope you have better luck. I know they love my daughter and are proud of her, They just have a different way of showing it...Just be as much of a communicator as you can, so they will realize you do want to be part of your lives.

You just have to learn that these people, even though they are your husband's and son's family, are not going to change the way they are. They may "know" you are a good mom and they don't have to worry about the baby (which is the excuse my MIL used). They may just be thoughtless and inconsiderate. Don't be hurt by it, its just a waste of time. It took me 8 years to accept that this is just the way my husband's family is (thoughtless and self-centered), and there is never going to be any changing THEM. You can only change the way you deal with them. Don't beg them to pay attention to your son, because it won't do any good. YOU send them emails and updates, keep it light and about your son, and you will know you have done your part. I know it hurts, because I have literally been there with my son. When I stopped being hurt and angry and realized my son didn't know any different and wasn't affected by it, I felt like a weight had been lifted.
As far as your husband is concerned, if he isn't hurt by it, let it go. Chances are, your husband knows exactly how his family is.
Good luck.

Hi K.-

I know it may seem strange to you, but every family is different. My husband's family is really, really close...in my opinion they are suffocatingly close!! My family on the other hand is not. I speak to my parents every other week or so and to my siblings very rarely. It's not that we don't get along or don't care about each other but we just don't call. This was so hard for my husband to get used to. He thought my family just didn't care about us or the kids and he thought it was just the worst thing imagineable that they weren't calling every other day like his mom and sister do. Meanwhile I would ask him what in the world has changed in the last 48 hours that they have to call again??

My brother and his wife and 2 kids live about 25 minutes away from my mother and I know that she sees them or talks to them at least once a week. She is closer with them because she is able to babysit regularly and have dinners with them. It's natural that she will have a stronger bond with those grandkids because she is there to see them grow up.

Anyway I just wanted to let you know that it just might be the way your MIL is and it's not any indication of how she feels about you or your children. As the previous poster said, if you want her to be more involved in your life and the life of your kids then you need to be the one to include her in your lives. Send her a weekly update of what is going on with your child and invite her to come visit more often.

Good luck,
K.

Do you call your inlaws at all? Maybe you need to make the first move and let them in on how their son's family is doing...that might just break the ice...I am on my third marriage and my first inlaws did nothing until I remarried then they wanted into their granddaughter's life. But they cared about both of my children, after that..now they very rarely have anything to do with their first grandchild and they are greatgrandparents at least 8 times over, not being able to speak for the rest of their family.

But I would make the first move..it doesn't hurt to try. Who knows maybe they will come around..Did something happen between their son and themselves to the point where they are mad at him for something. Some parents are like that..my son-in-laws mother has nothing to do with his family unless it is the holidays and she has a 16 yr. old granddaughter whom she threatened to take away from my daughter when she turned 10 (why I don't know) and a 4 yr. old grandson, whom she hasn't since he was 4 mos. old. Go figure...I moved 4 hrs. away from them, after being in my girls and my grandchildrens life for 35 yrs. and it kills me to not be with them..so they come here to my house for the summer and for spring break. Needless to say I am the only grandma that the youngest one really knows. Their other granny wanted her 5 mins. of fame in the form of a family pic when her grandson was a baby and that was the last time she has seen them.

Try making the first move and hopefully that will work. You gotta start somewhere...Good Luck and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY..YOU DEFINITELY DESERVE IT...

Laura (below) had a good way of explaining my family's situation: "out of sight, out of mind." My hubby's family calls about once a week. My family might call three days in a row if something big is going on, but then I might not hear from them for a month or more. I think a lot of it is how you are raised, how close you are, and what's going on for everyone at the time.

Maybe you could send a friendly email to them telling them in a friendly way what and how your son is doing. Maybe he could "make" them a card and you could mail it to them telling them he would love for them to visit or what he is up to. Maybe if you do it from his point of view they will catch on and know and be able to show more interest in your family.

Mine live in the subdivision next to us so we see them at least a couple of times a week and they are checking up on us more than that. But my mom lives in the same neighborhood so we see her frequently as well. Our children are also the only grandkids for both sides of the family so that's has something to do with it I am sure.

Hi K.,
I know how you must be feeling, but maybe there is a good reason why your MIL spends more time with the other dil- maybe she knows what a good mother you are and maybe the other dil needs more attention in the care of her children ..... I would not put too much thought into it as it will just drag you down- just know that she loves your child as much as the others ...............
good luck and blessings

Hi K.,

You've received some great advice already! I noticed you posted re: communicating with them as well as this one re: your son. It appears as if you have actively tried to communicate with them and share your family updates. In my opinion, you have actively tried to extend the highly reveered olive branch. Kudos to you for taking the initiative. However, as many have said, everyone is different and have different opinions of "quality family communications".

Did you have a close knit extended family? What about your husband? I ask because I am from a VERY close knit family and we get together atleast once a month as a whole from great grandparents to great grandbabies ~ about 35 - 50 of us!! So, I had expectations that it would be the same when I got married.
However, my husband's family is completely different, smaller, and more widespread. His only family are his dad, grandmother, and uncle. He may speak to them every 6 to 8 weeks and holidays. Growing up so different, he finds our family get togethers very uncomfortable. I had to learn to accept these differences and find a compromise we could both live with.
He'll go to one major event each year (Thanksgiving or Christmas) and the remainder I attend without him. We've just learned to respect each others personal comfort levels and not allow it to become an issue between us. I commend your efforts and desire to create that bond with extended family!

Maybe your MIL has the best of intentions, but she is trying to respect your privacy, not smother you, and relies on your husband as her source of information. As for the SIL, if she is your MIL's daughter she has had many years to form a relationship. If she married into the family, being closer (same state) and being a member of the family longer (if that's the case)has allowed them to bond.

Your situation is different. You're in another state and haven't had the same opportunity to connect with one another. As you mentioned, "I don't know them well enough to ask them." Your MIL may feel the same and again relies on her son.

Ultimately, I would advise you do what you feel comfortable with. If you feel comfortable calling once a week and emailing updates, I would continue to do so. A word of caution, if it's going to upset you or create problems for you and your husband if/when they don't respond then I would let it go. You've made numerous concerted efforts to connect. Avoid the emotional drain their lack of response create. They are the ones who are missing out on the all the joy your precious little boy has to share. Maybe they'll come around in their own time and start wondering what happened to all the great pics and updates you were sending. If they do, make sure you're comfortable opening that door again.

In the meantime, focus on your family and friends who actively participate to create the positive, close, loving environment to fill your family's lives!! It's far more rewarding!! I wish you and yours the best! Have a very blessed Mother's Day!!

J. F.
Helping Moms Work From Home
http://www.4MeAndMom.com

Hi K.,

Do your in-laws have access to the internet? If so you might want to consider starting a blog and invite them to visit it and make comments. Blogs are free and a fun way to keep in-touch with relatives that live far away. Check out either Blogger.com or Wordpress.com Also, if your in-laws have email you can let them know when you've made a new post. At least that will help you to feel they are aware of what's happening with your child.

What kind of relationship does your MIL have with her son, and what kind of relationship does she have with your SIL? If she has always talked more with your SIL, possibly because she's female, does she feel more comfortable dropping in on them and calling them? She might think that she wouldn't be as welcome calling on you as much. IF this is the case (and that's giving her the benefit of the doubt), things might improve by reaching out more to her. Once she starts feeling closer to you, she'll feel more comfortable calling you and you should see fewer differences in the way she treats her grandchildren.

One reason I think this COULD be the case is that your husband doesn't see the problem--obviously he's not used to her giving him any more attention than she has been, and he's fine with it. Good MILs try not to smother too much and try to please their kids. I personally think that if she knows that you WANT more attention from her, she'd give it.

You said you don't know her well enough to ask. Well, since your baby is so young, you have had a change in your situation. When there are transitions, people act differently. So, you could begin by making it a habit to call her when your son reaches milestones for the first time. He is your first child, so there's no precedent for you NOT calling when big things like this happen. You can start out like this, and then when you're telling her about your son crawling for the first time, hopefully she'll seem very interested. If so, you can tell her, "hey, why don't you give me a call next week and I can tell you about his progress!" Eventually, you'll both get more comfortable calling each other. If you develop your own relationship with her (rather than just being around while your husband has a relationship with her), you'll both feel better calling each other.

Many MILs try to get close to DILs, and the DILs push them away. Your MIL might be afraid of that since her relationship with her son isn't closer. IF my theory is correct (and I could be wrong, but I sure HOPE she's a great person for the sake of your family!), she may be very excited to hear more from you.

My mom calls and wants to know about the kids all the time. My MIL rarely does, and I rarely talk to her. Why do you care? I am being sincere. Mothers have different relationships with their sons and daughters. Try not to let it bother you and don't fight with your hubby about it. It took my MIL a long time to accept me and she would make boderline rude comments to me. If you confront them what would that accomplish? They would either keep more of a distance to you or feel obligated to talk to you, and do you want to make someone talk to you. I e-mail pics of the kids sometimes but I am not putting any effort in especially since my hubby doesn't seem to care and its his own mother.

I'm closer to my daughter's children, even though the physical distance from my house to my sons and my house to my daughters is the same. My sons have made much less effort to reach out to me since they grew up, whereas my daughter (who became a mother early in life) soon realized her need to have me around. I have made every effort to respect my children's adulthood and independence so I don't call as often as I would like. When I have contacted my son or daughter-in-law it's taken them a while to get back with me because they are so busy.

Also, my children's parenting styles are very different. My daughter-in-law is a wonderful mother who is so protective of her little girl and has never put her in daycare. They allow the world to revolve around their daughter. Thus this granddaughter has been very shy around us and hardly left her mother's lap while visiting until she reached 3-4 years old. My daugher, on the other hand, has worked, attended school and played sports while raising her kids. She's allowed her children to go with many people and they come to our home regularly. Her daughter, who is the same age as the previous granddaughter I mentioned, is so very attached to us she cries to see us and doesn't want us to part when we're together.

I'm grateful for my daughter-in-law's sweet spirit and for how she's raising my granddaughter. I would like to be closer to her and see her more often but I'm trying to let her set the boundaries she needs. She's actually been very instrumental in getting me and my son to be closer and that's a blessing.

Another thing, I've got a gift of communication. I stay in touch with family members on both sides, with people I've known for up to 48 of my 53 years, people from my childhood, fellow retires, people from other fellowships, my old church, young friends, old friends....calls, emails, letters, that's what I do. But MOST people I stay in touch with don't reciprocate as often as I do. Although they appreciate me keeping in touch with them, it isn't their priority or gift to do the same.

I have learned through the years that I can only do my part, that I should do only what I want to do without having regrets or resentments, and that I should not expect others to be like me.

Keep being a loving person who cares about unity. You'll never regret that!

I LOVE my in-laws, my husband and I have been married for almost 11 years now. We have one 3 year old son and one on the way! My in-laws NEVER call to check up on our son but that doesn't mean they don't care. When we call them they always ask how he's doing and they get to see him a couple times a month, sometimes more. Your in-laws might just have a different relationship with your SIL so she feels she can call them more. She might not want you to feel like she's butting in if she calls to check up on your son too much. I wouldn't let it bother me too much and with all of the things that could be wrong in the world and with family, I'd let it go with my husband too. It's not his fault and he can't do anything to change his family so I wouldn't bring it up anymore. Choose your battles wisely! :O)

We live 2.7 miles from my in-laws and they do not come and visit, they do not call unless they need something, and they certainly DO NOT ask how our kids are doing. Until recently, I had been upset by it, hurt that they would not want to be real grandparents to my kids. They spend some time, not anything substantial with their other son's kids, but nothing with ours. My mother passed away years ago, so my MIL is the only grandma that my kids have. But really, my father is the only grandparent that my kids know. And I finally decided that I'm ok with that. I've spent a lot of time frustrated and angry that they don't want to take my kids anywhere, spoil them, love them... nothing. My dad is 10 years older than both of them and he does everything he can with my kids. He watches them, takes them out, plays with them, even yesterday he was in the pool with them - and he can barely swim! :) My dad was not like this at all with us!! He is such a better grandparent than he was a father! My husband thinks his parents are awful grandparents as well. So, we've just decided to enjoy who we have and what we have and too bad, so sad for them. I am not going to send emails, pictures, updates to them. These kids are almost within walking distance from them. If they want a part in their lives, they can get to it, but I will not. I am going to focus on the family that wants and likes to be around them. My family doesn't spoil my kids, (ok, grandpa does a little) But the rest of the family doesn't. They are all just loving. They hug and kiss and play and have no problem telling the kids when they are doing something wrong or bad. My husband and I are in our 30's. We have been together for 18 years. I have never seen his parents act loving to him. So, who am I to think that my kids would change them? My kids are always going to know good and bad people, even family. Unfortunately their first lesson of this is with their grandparents. good luck to you! I know this bothers you way more than it does your kids...they just want to be loved by whoever is willing!

Ours don't just call to check up ever. They love them and love to hear how they are doing when we call but don't take that initiative themselves. I don't see it as anything being wrong. I see it as my responsibility as a parent to let the grandparents know what is going on, invite them over, etc. We send pictures, call them with good news, let them know what the sports schedule is, etc. Their response is up to them. Please don't let this be a marriage issue.

I guess my question is how often do you email your mil/sil? Do you reach out and then are rejected or not responded to or are you just waiting for them to reach out to you? I have noticed to that mother and son relationships are different than mother and daughter also. My mom and I talk like everyday, but my husband and his mom might talk once a week, once every two weeks, just whenever. You are an extension of the relationship she has with her son. If they didn't talk a lot before your child came along it may just be harder for her to integrate you all now. Now my mom sees my son a whole lot more because we talk and see each other so often. In fact I am always trying to remember to send my mil pictures and keep her in the loop because I have known my mom for 32 years but my mil only three. I don't think you should take it personally. Give the relationship time to grow and make sure that you send an email here and there to your mil and sil to make sure they know you want to build a relationship. If you email and try to reach out and get nothing back after a while, I say just tell your mil how you feel and that you really want her in your son's life and that you would like her to make a bit more effort and see how it goes. Best wishes!!

i was in something a little like that see my hubby as a little girl name nena he has full custody of her well when we met (my hubby and i) we both brought kids into the relationship i have a son at the time he was 4 years old i didn't get to know his parents till i got knocked up with his first boy and then i met them well i knew how much they love nena but when i had our son they never ask called about him i would go over 2 times a week because his mother has to see nena and even with the baby right outside she still didn't say do you want to come in or how was the baby nothing this made me so upset i had to finally pull my man said a let him know how i feel and tell him do you want our son growing up not knowing your parents yes at first he would say don't put me in it and he's not his mom and he don't know but i know my hubby and i know how to talk to his so he can understand i think you should do the same try not to fight i know that is hard when your trying to get through to someone that is not understanding you but don't be upset at you MIL offer her to visit you need to bond with her she has a bond with you SIL you need to do the same that way there is no excuses my mother once told me she will always be closer to her daughters kids then my brothers kid because that is my brothers baby mamas baby the mothers are the one to take care of the baby most of the time and i am sure she can't talk to you the way she can talk to her daughter that is why i say build that bond so she can feel like another mother to you she just needs to get closet to you before she gets closet to you child

My MIL lives 2 1/2 hrs. from us, The last time she visited was 2 yrs ago and it wasn't her choice it was strictly for business. We have 1 son and twin girls, she has even made the comment that she doesn't do as much for my girls, because they are my girls and she didn't want to feel like she would be taking over. BS you are a grandmother. She seems to basically be upset because my kids LOVE being with me and my husband. Kids pick up from adults when they don't truly want to be bothered with them so I am not going to force them to be overjoyed when they are around. I don't think it is a good idea to totally take the kids out of anyones life because of their ignorance. What I do want them to do is understand that we will still call to check on them even if they have not called in a couple of months themselves. No overboard liking, but respect the fact they do have other family, and that their immediate family loves them to death even if others come up with stupid ways.
She basically thinks that we are suppose to bring our kids to see her and so on and so forth, but makes no effort to see her grandkids. She says that she doesn't owe her kids anything.
Just be sure to still be cordial and allow your child to still know who they are. I'm happy that we are able to raise our kids in a Godly way that you don't treat others wrong, but for the ones that do they will get what is coming to them in the end.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, my In Laws are the same. But, I actually am happy for it b/c we do not have alot in common and spend alot of time with my family. Hope that you can get peace with this, and find things that may be positive about the situation.

JT says it right.

A MIL seems to lose no matter what she does.

I also have in-laws that do not care about our daughter - and they work 12 minutes from our house and live 25 minutes away.

After 8 years of my husband's parents ignoring us - and more importantly - our daughter, my husband finally said enough is enough. We have reached a happy middle of the road and we do not concern ourselves with his side of the family. Don't blame your husband for not confronting his parents - believe it or not - he realizes how they behave and is probably in denial and a bit embrassessed about their behavior.

Our 9 year old didn't know her grandparents when she was 5 - much less now that she's 9. We never pushed her to interact with them - but we encouraged knowing there would come a day when she would be able to decide for herself.

I have enough people in my family - parents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, girlfriends who are like aunts - that she will never know what being unloved and uncared for is about.

You don't really mention anything about your family, but keep in mind that family isn't necessarily people related to you. It can be your child's favorite babysitter, your neighbor, a Sunday school teacher, a best friend of yours or your husbands. People you consider family can enter your life at any time.

Life is too short - and marriage can at times be too stressful - to worry about other people and their actions. Try to recognize it for what it is and try not to worry about it - it will resolve itself one day and whatever the outcome will be something that works for you and your family.

Best advice I can give is don't dwell on it; know you and DH love your son, and it is your in-laws loss for not being more involved or even acting as though they care.
I say this because I know how you feel, and how hurtful it is. My mother calls my sister, goes to her house to visit, and used to keep my niece overnight when she was younger. She rarely calls me, has been to my house once in 3 years (I live 12 miles away, my sister lives 40 miles away), only kept my son(who is 6 weeks older than my niece) when I was in the hospital for a few day and had no one else to watch him. It used to hurt me terribly, but now I've learned to just forget about it. It is her loss: she misses out on things because she doesn't ask and I'm tired of trying to give her information and news she obviously doesn't want.
If your in-laws aren't interested they are the ones who are missing out. I know it is hard, but try not to fight with DH about it. I'm sure he doesn't want to see you hurt, but doesn't want to hurt his family or start a fight either.
Don't dwell on something you can't change and focus on the good things like your wonderful little boy.