In Home Daycare....spitting and Hitting

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How old is the child? How long has the behavoir been going on? How often does it happen? How long has the child been in your care? I assume its related to tantrum type events. My 3.5 year old has stuck his tounge out and spit a few times (like a raspberry type move) when having a major meltdown. You and the parents need to be on the same page so you are dealing with it in a consistant manner. I would expect his child care provider to work with me to work through the issues. What kinds of efforts have been made to correct the behaviour. Frankly, you just sound pissed. Do this kids parents a favor and give them notice. Maybe he will be happier in his next daycare.

Nope, I would not tolerate it. I run a preschool from my home on T/TH and I am very specific about biting and anything that involves bodily fluid. Saliva can hold anything from Hep B to Herpes Simplex 1 to "normal" colds and viruses and if my child was the one being spit on I would flip. Give a warning in writing stating that you have been very tolerant of this behavior up until now and since, after repeated conferences, it still has not ceased, the child will be expelled from your care if it happens one more time. Then stick to it. Good luck mama, I hate those awkward situations!!

Are you telling the parents of the kids who are being spit on?

Most daycares that my daughter attended work on a 3-strikes-and-you're-out policy.... so if my child was hit or spit on 3 x by the same kid (or that kid hit 3 kids) and the parents were talked to, then the child would be removed.

It's not fair to the OTHER kids in your daycare to have a kid who hits/spits on them.

If it's been going on a month and my kid is still getting spit on I would be looking for alternate child care arrangements.

So - I know you want to have the best interest of this kid who is a spitter/hitter... but you're also running a business, right?

If the hitting and spitting kept going on, I would wonder about the child's parents and home life, and give the kid as much loving care and positive examples as I possibly could.

Just wanted to point out that it's probably very difficult for the parents because I would just about bet that this child doesn't have siblings so he doesn't have any "victims" at home. It is extremely hard to stop a behavior that is never exhibited in front of you.

I do agree that he has to stop or you have to terminate him, but I just wanted to point out that just because the behavior hasn't stopped, doesn't mean his parents aren't talking to him about it.

I wonder what others would suggest to the parents to try to curb the behavior IF the behavior is never exhibited at home? I've heard people say that a child has to be punished right away because if you wait hours, they don't understand. I don't agree with that; I think kids are a bit smarter than dogs and that's what they say about dogs. But again, I would wonder what the parents on this site would suggest to curb a behavior that they NEVER see!

Yes, I would if the parents are not addressing the issue. Think of the other kids that he is doing this to. It is unfair to them to be disrespected in this manner. Where I come from spitting in someone's face means war and the utmost disrespect. So on this issue I hold a zero tolerance policy.

I don't think that I would... the hitting I could tolerate better than the spitting. Spitting is just gross and it can spread all kinds of things to other kids especially if he's spitting in their faces. And a month is a long time to be trying to still correct the behavior and it not being squelched. For me hitting is a little different because it's an impulse control thing...

What are you doing to try to correct it? What are the parents doing?

I would start there first... I would evaluate how well what you're doing is working and if it isn't having any effect I would consider trying something else, but I would also call a conference with the parents and let them know that you both need to be on the same page to extinguish this behavior or he's go to go. Make a plan for there. It's not fair to the other kids to continually be spit on and as a daycare provider, I would not like to be the one responsible for all the kids getting some virus because this kid is spreading it all over my house by spitting.

He's probably doing it because he gets (or has gotten) a big reaction from it, and/or he doesn't know how else to handle being angry. He needs to be taught different tools to use other than spitting. I would be matter of fact with him and let him know that if he wants to spit he can do it in the bathroom sink and nowhere else. Walk him to the sink and let him know that when he's done spitting he can clean the sink (have some non-toxic cleaner like white vinegar or simple green and a few paper towels) and come out to join the group.

Good luck~

Depends on what I, as the daycare provider, had already tried to correct the behavior. Talking to the parents who are not there during the behavior to stop it is not all that helpful, unless they are actually encouraging Junior to please spit on other people.

How old is the child? And even though YOU are doing things to correct the bahvior, if the parents are not doing the same things, it most likely won't work. Where did he learn the behavior? Do other kids in your care do that or does he have older siblings?

I really think you need to try everything to make it work,, but if you and the parents can't work something out, then you have to decide when enough is enough.