In Law Craziness!

Leave psycho MIL at home. Tell her that you'll miss her, but you respect her decision to not go.

Don't go to her pity party if she has one.

Come to Salt Lake and have fun. With her or without her. Being notorious for last minute plans myself (and, just to be fair I should say that I am shamelessly plugging the city that I market as part of my job) Salt Lake is a great place to change plans at the last minute. Most people and businesses here that I have run across are pretty kind and understanding. If you want to replace something at the last minute, then do. And if you want some ideas of what to replace it with, just PM me... I've got lots of ideas.

Don't make a big deal out of it. She may just be doing it to get a reaction. Say I am sorry you feel that way, we will miss you, and you are welcome to come if you happen to change your mind. Then drop it, either she goes or doesn't and you continue on and have a good time.

One of the things I learned to do as I grew up (a process that's still continuing into my 60's) is to stop trying to mind-read other people and shape my choices around what I think they want. Boy, is that a hard way to live, because no matter what you do, certain people will find something wrong with it. Sounds like your MIL is a certain person, in this case.

So do what works best for you and your kids. It sounds like that would be going without her. If you MIL is moaning about how unloved she is when you get back, calmly point out that you were doing exactly what she told you to do. It's common for people to not even recognize their own patterns. She probably doesn't.

And there's also a chance she's dealing with some undiagnosed problem like depression or bi-polar illness. Don't let that ruin your kids' lives; they simply don't deserve it, and you'll be modeling for them how people can emotionally manipulate other people.

I would go and have a good time. It's a shame she has to do this and make it about her but unfortunately, that's the route she has chosen. If she chooses to have a pity party when you all have returned, remind her it was her that decided to not go. That you are sorry things are strained b/w her and your SIL and you hope they can get it straightened out b/w themselves. Leave it at that. Do not entertain any more talk from her about it all. She is an adult, she has to deal with what she has chosen. Good luck!

Just to lighten your mood. Maybe it's time for your mother in law to buy herself some big girl panties. :)

.

I would tell her that you were sorry she decided to not go but you will certainly bring her something back. Right now, she is all about the drama and attention.

Don't encourage her to go if you do and she does everyone will be miserable. Tell your daughter grandma isn't feeling well and isn't goin but ya'll are and we are going to have so much fun!

When you come home and she starts tell her that it was her decision to not go and that she missed a wonderful trip. Enjoy your family trip!!!!

OH M....I could write VOLUMES about my melodramatic, no one has ever been sicker than I am at this precise moment, nobody loves me, everybody hates me, demanding, but very amusing MIL!!! She has gone through so many metamorphosis in the 42 years that we have been related that it is like living in a constant state of suspense!!
All you can do is what makes YOU happy...what makes your nuclear family feel loved and cared for...and don't worry about Mom...it won't do a bit of good and will just make you crazy.
Go ahead and go on the trip with the other half of the family...enjoy yourselves...bring Mom back a cheesy souvenier and bore her to death with all of the pictures and wonderful stories.
When she starts issuing invitations to her "pity party"...you can refuse to attend. Just keep saying to her...over and over again...with a smile on your face...."Mom we are so sorry you decided not to come with us we really had such a good time".

"She is a notorious vacation ruiner," you write.

So this behavior shouldn't be the surprise you seem to think it is.

She's getting attention big time for this. Say, "Sorry you feel that way. We planned a lot of this to do things you wanted to do. But we'll let you know about how those things went." Then drop it and go without her and give her ZERO further attention for this behavior. If she's done this or other vacation-ruining things before, you could have predicted that this time she would find some way to make everything about her. She has. Now it's everyone's job, including SIL and your husband, to say nothing after "Sorry, we'll be in touch." Asking her to come etc. will only feed her ego and give her the attention she is craving.

BUT....after this is over: It's up to your husband, not you!, to sit down with her and say, we're done. We had a good time. We're sorry you didn't want to come at the last minute. Then he drops it. And then never vacation with her again.

Seriously. She has this track record of ruining vacations and you all figured THIS time it would work? This should be the last straw. Do not plan any future vacations with her. She will get dramatic and throw fits about that too, but if you and husband and SIL's family all present a cool and calm united front, she will figure out she gets no validation and attention for being this juvenile, manipulative person.

Tell her to suck it up and deal with it!!! If she didn't want to go now then she shouldn't have planned all this in the first place! Tell her not to ruin it for the kids, and if she does then I would definetely remember this in the future!

M.:

Go without her. I would tell my child that Grandma has some things she needs to work through and won't be joining us.

If she is on a pity party when you return - ignore it. She CHOSE not to go. Since you have stated she is notorious for ruining vacations - maybe it's a good thing she doesn't go.

When you get back - if you are close to your mother in law - go to the doctor with her and have her checked out. Does she have the beginning stages of Alzheimers? This disease does really bad things to a person's brain..this is not an excuse but it could be the reason for her reaction.

Have fun and do some shopping for me too please!!

Why would u want her to go if u know shell ruin the vacation? Stop begging/asking her to go. Go and change the plans to do what u and ur sister in law want to do and have a great time!

She may want a pity party when you get back, but the best thing you can all do is not give it to her. She's an adult and needs to be treated like one. Don't let her ruin your vacation. Go and have fun. Make sure everyone else has fun too, and that you all say to her when she tries to start the pity party - but MIL, you decided not to go.

Good luck.

I need more in depth information to give good advice. You say she's notorious for ruining vacations. Why and how? Is she a drama queen, martyr type that wants the whole trip to be about her? I'd leave her home to her moaning and groaning.
What was she getting at when she said your sil doesn't act like she is her mother? So, what did she feel slighted at the party that she didn't get a place of honor or did the sil disregard some advice or fail to recognize her? If so, that's easy enough to fix, just have sil call and apologize for not recognizing her as the gramma or whatever.
The bottom line is you have planned a trip around everyone going and having fun. Your kids all want gramma to go. You all want to have a good time. I think I would try and accomodate gramma. Placate her and fawn over her if necessary. That way she doesn't go begrudgingly, but still goes. WHat does it cost to be overly sweet to gramma? It's a pain, but we all have to do it now and then. I truly hope that my kids and grandkids treat me like the guest of honor at all occasions once I get to a certain age! We are teaching our kids how to treat us in our golden years.

I would go without her. There are tons to do in SLC, you can change things around if you want. She wants to be pampered and coddled, does the SIL know about this tantrum? She is an adult having a hissy fit. Don't enable that.