Infant Sleeping in Parents' Bed

Updated on April 10, 2009
J.S. asks from Orangevale, CA
30 answers

Quick question for moms out there who slept with their newborn/infant. What worked for you in terms of keeping baby safe while sleeping in your bed? Did you use an infant positioner? Did baby just lay next to you on top of your covers? I'm hoping for some advice on this. Also, how did you keep your baby warm/cool enough when sleeping with you? Thanks!

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So What Happened?

Thank you soooo soooo much for all the insightful and encouraging responses! I did a lot of research and found a fantastic product call the Humanity Family Sleeper. www.humanityorganics.com. It is an organic bedroll that keep baby from rolling off the side of the bed. It also has a wonderful organic sleeping pad for mom and baby. It has been a lifesaver since our bed is so high. Sleeping as a family has been a blessing and such a wonderful bonding opportunity. I would not trade it for the world!

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A.J.

answers from San Francisco on

My kids still sleep with us. They are 5 and 3 .When they were newborn,I used to have a night light,also I used to hug and sleep with them. Then I know whether they are hot or cold to touch

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J.V.

answers from San Francisco on

I slept with my son until he was 3 months old. He slept up next to my body with my arm out around him so I would always feel if my husband moved. He stayed warm since he was right next to me. It didn't provide quality sleep, I never felt I was 100% asleep, but it's what worked for us.

Good luck!

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E.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I have co-slept with both my children and have found that I am always aware of them, even when asleep. It has really helped make breastfeeding easier and resulted in a lot more sleep for me! What I did when they're very small is put my arm over the top of her head (sleeping on my side facing her) and tucking the covers down low to keep them away from her face. She sleeps below the pillow and my arm, basically close to the breast and belly to belly with me. When it's been colder, I dress her in warmer clothes. Now that she's bigger (almost 9 months) I'm more relaxed about covers but I still tuck them low around her. We still BF at night so I'm not planning on changing much anytime soon.

The other thing that will happen soon for us is that she'll start rolling around more. With our first daughter, we put the bed against the wall and got a bedrail for the opposite side. This worked great! When we occasionally left baby on the bed unattended, and once she was old enough to roll, crawl, scramble, etc, we'd surround her with a pillow boundary to ensure that she didn't roll off the bed. We're never far away, anyway.

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H.J.

answers from San Francisco on

I just cuddle mine up like a teddy bear, but we don't move around a lot when we sleep. Our bed is tight against the wall, with no chance of moving, so I usually put my little one between me & the wall, because my toddler is often in the middle.

H.D.

answers from Sacramento on

Have yuo heard of the Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper? It's like they're in your bed and thier own, all in one. I was so nervouse and paranoid about hurting the baby in bed that I actually just got the play-pin with the infant attachment and pulled it super close to my side of the bed. He sleeps just fine in the middle of us now that he's over a year. Don't ignore your concern, you never know what could happen and you want to be as safe as possible. Trust your mama instincts, they'll never stear you wrong =)

Good luck!

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M.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Our son slept with us until 4-5 months. He slept on top of me on a certain pillow. We used warm footed pajamas and I put a light blanket on top of him. I woke up a lot but not as much as I was when he was crying in the crib. Eventually we moved the crib into our room and he slept in the crib longer and longer until he transitioned to the crib completely. Every once in a while he would cry and we would bring him back but this stopped after 6 months or so.

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R.M.

answers from Sacramento on

Hello,
Our son slept in the bed with us as soon as he was born. We used a co-sleeper that you can find at Target. It has soft sides but they keep you from being able to roll over on your child. It worked great for us and was totally safe. It also has a little light on it so you can peek in the middle of the night. We just swaddled our little guy to keep him warm. He usually pulled one arm out but that didn't bother us. I also layed a blanket over him and tucked it in tight. I hope this helps. I am sorry because I can't remember the name of the co-sleeper. When he got bigger we moved him to an Arms Reach Co-Sleeper which attachs to the side of the bed. Good Luck!

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J.L.

answers from San Francisco on

We loved having our daughter sleep in our bed with us. We used a Snuggle Nest to keep her safe between us. To keep her warm/cool enough, we simply chose appropriate jammies for the night(usually an infant gown, footed pajamas or sleep sack).

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A.S.

answers from Redding on

I laid my infants (2 boys, three years apart) on the bed next to me in a comfortable nursing position and left the main bedding down around my waist. I used a baby blanket to keep the baby and my upper body warm. I kept the pillows away from them, and everybody got as much sleep as is possible in those first few months. I didn't use any positioners or a side car. My older son was in the bed for years (not my original plan), and my younger son moved to his own bed within a few months. Good luck.

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S.E.

answers from San Francisco on

Our daughter slept between us. I had a pillow at her head and another at her feet (She scooted down to the bottom of the bed the first month (Total Freak out when she wasn't where we put her!)Today she still likes her legs elevated and still prefers to sleep with me. She is 7 3/4 years old.

S

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E.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Good for you for sleeping with your baby! I really think it is so good for them. When my son was tiny I just kept the covers down about waist-high on me so they didn't cover him at all. He was plenty warm in just a sleeper because all the bodies in bed kept him nice and warm. We don't have AC, so during heat waves he would just sleep in a diaper & T-shirt. We did have a co-sleeper bassinet, but he just slept better when he was snuggled right up next to me. He either stayed on my side, or if I needed to nurse him on the other side, I put my arm around him, between him & my husband (so his head was kind of in my armpit). That way if my husband started to roll toward us I would feel it and wake up. We never had any problems until he got older, like a year old...then he started kicking his daddy. Now he's in his toddler bed most of the time but comes in bed with us early in the morning. He'll be 2 in a couple months and I'm so glad we decided to all sleep together as a family. We have so many sweet memories of all waking up together in the morning and I wouldn't trade it for anything! Congratulations on your new little girl. Enjoy!

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A.S.

answers from San Francisco on

We put a contoured changing pad on top of the covers between us. Our son wears a onesie, footed PJs, and a sleep sack. When we were ready to move him to the bassinet, we put the changing pad in it, so our son didn't seem to notice the change. After a couple of weeks, we replaced the changing pad with rolled-up towels on either side of him to keep him snug, and then eventually got rid of those so now he sleeps in the bassinet without the pad or towels or anything. The transition was completely painless!

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A.T.

answers from Fresno on

I co-slept with both of my children and kept it really simple. I simply snuggled them up to me,usually on top of the covers dressing them warm enough in colder months. When they were nursing it was wonderful!! Good Luck

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N.N.

answers from Fresno on

Hi J.:

Congratulations on your baby girl! My son slept between us for about 4.5 months in a Secure Sleeper by First Years. It was nice because it was like little bed of its own that fit between us. It was also very convenient when he awoke in the middle of the night to breastfeed. I didn't have to get out of bed! We used an infant positioner at first until he got big enough to not need one. It was also high enough that the covers did not reach him. Adam slept in a sleep sack during the colder months and was just fine.

I loved having him near me to bond. In fact, the main reason we had to stop using it was because he got too tall. He slept in a pack n play in our room for a little bit and then we transitioned him to his crib at around 6 months. Good luck with your decision!

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K.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I co-slept with both of my boys and what worked for us, was them in between us, but cuddled up next to me, and under the covers. I slept on my side and although I didn't sleep all that hot in the begining, it was nicer than having to get out of bed to nurse/bottle feed and change diapers. I believe both of my boys are cofident sleepers because of it. My oldest has never had any desire to get back into bed with me and in fact kicked me OUT of his bed a few weeks ago when I went in to console him after a bad dream ha ha. My youngest (one) still wakes up about 3-4 times a week for a bottle in the middle of the night, but goes right back to sleep. Doesn't fret when I put him down and he started to sleep in his bed at 11 mths of age. Before that he was either in my bed or in his pack in play in my room.

You will figure out what works best for you and your family, it's a little different for everyone. I'm not a heavy sleeper so it was easy for me to put them next to me under the covers.

good luck and congratulations
K.

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M.E.

answers from San Francisco on

I read lots of great suggestions, however I tried different things and found the one that put me most at ease and helped me sleep best was to take the diaper changing pad (with curved sides) and put a pillow in it, then the changer cover over the pad and pillow and rested my daughter in that, keeping the whole set up at the top of the bed (in between our heads) between my husband and I. She was probably 3 or 4 months when I figured this out. I put the pillow under the pad cover so I felt more comfortable about her not suffacating from rolling over on the pillow (I can be a little on the peranoid side at times) and the reason for the pillow was to help her stay positioned. I did try cuddling her up to me, but I would get hot and she would just keep rolling closer and closer to me and not to mention everytime I would go to get up she would wake up.
Now when she wakes up in the middle of the night (20 months) and crawls into our bed, Im no longer nervous about rolling on top of her or moving her if she gets too close.
Hope this helps, best of luck.
M.

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J.C.

answers from San Francisco on

My daughter, (4.5 months now) has been sleeping in the bed with us since we brought her home from the hospital. Her dad was terrified that he would roll over or hit her in his sleep because he is kind of a rough sleeper, so we put her on the wall side next to me in her own little spot. I put a cotton blanket down and a pillow at her feet because she tended to scoot down in the night. I also have a safety bed rail on the opposite side of the bed, as she can now roll over. I dress her really warmly, short and long sleeve onsie and footed pajamas over them. Then I put a light wool (you can breath through wool) blanket over her under her arms. When it was really cold I put a hat on her as well. She has always been warm, and I place her high enough up on the bed that our covers don't come near her face, and my pillow stays far away from her as well. I love this sleeping arrangement as I can nurse her really easily and she feels safe and secure with mommy right next to her. I don't know about putting the baby in the middle, I feel like that was a little too much for me, the side is great though!
Good luck and congrats on your little angel.

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M.S.

answers from Sacramento on

Co-sleeping was the best! We did not use any aids or put him on top of the covers. He laid between his dad and I, and most of the time right against my belly. Most of the time he was too warm, but then we just put him in his onesies and he was fine. I think if you are not on medication or drugs/alcohol, your own awareness changes and your body knows where the kid is. It was great nursing him this way, and he slept great.
When he was a year, we transitioned him to a crib, and had to be steadfast in leaving him in the crib. We did the peekaboo thing, and would go back in an soothe him, but never talked to him when he was supposed to be sleeping. That was important because then he got the message that he was there to sleep, and mom and dad would still comfort him.

Good luck!

M. S

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L.P.

answers from Sacramento on

Both of my boys slept in bed, under the covers, right next to me. It was fabulous for nursing at night! When the boys are in bed with us, I am a fairly light sleeper. Also, the worry of rolling over on the baby, if you look at the stats, it usually happens to parents who are extremely over weight or passed out. For 6 months straight I slept on my right side to protect baby from falling off the bed and creating a space for him in my arms. I loved it. Good luck. Trust your instinks.

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K.I.

answers from San Francisco on

My son (now 2 1/4) slept with is laying between my husband and I. He was usually touching me so I could feel him. We slept under a lightweight blanket and sheet. My bodywarmth kept him warm. I never had a fear that I would roll on him because I could feel him and was very concious of where he was even if my husband pulled him away from me. He still comes to bed with us if he is feeling sick or scared only now he is big enough to drive me to the edge of the bed before I move him back over. I loved the closeness and the ability to feed dwithout getting out of the bed. If you are worried we also used a co-sleeper as he got bigger. hey are right next to you but in their own space. We used sleepsacks with it. Our son is one that hated to be swaddled. The nurses in the hospital could not even keep one on him.

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J.P.

answers from San Francisco on

you can also use the Snuggle Nest (can be purchased at Babies R Us) and put it between your pillows. that way, it is certified safe for the baby....has a nice incline to help baby sleep and a positioner to keep baby from rolling.

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N.C.

answers from Sacramento on

My daughter has been in our bed since she was 3 months, she is 1 now. As a newborn, I had her in a cradle, swaddled and kept the cradle next to the bed. When they are so small it is safer to give them their own space and it is also a time when they sleep no matter what. I would suggest a co-sleeper that you put in bed with you and as she gets older I would just put her in bed with you. She is so small right now, if she were to somehow get facedown or under the covers or you were to roll she could be in serious jeopardy. Once she can lift her head on her own and push up on her arms, you could then feel safer knowing she won't suffocate in bed with you. Good luck and congratulations.

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K.G.

answers from San Francisco on

My daughters both slept with us (and still do some nights).
I had a portable play pen next to the bed with a diaper changer attachment (concave, semisoft area). I would swaddle the baby and place her in the concave area, it was deep enough for the first 3 - 4 months. To keep her warm I would tuck a receiving blanket under the sides and over the bottom 2/3 of her body tightly, to keep her from pulling the blanket. It worked like a charm.
When she started sleeping with us, I would sleep in middle of the bed with my husband on one side and her on the other. I always worried about blankets on her, so kept her over the big blankets with a very small one on her. sometimes she ended up under the blanket with me, right next to my body and she was always fine. It seemed almost instinctual, she would place her little face toward me and fing a little pocket of room for her breathing. Of course, you will always be aware, but I got more comfy soon.
Good luck.

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N.H.

answers from San Francisco on

Congratulations on your new baby!! I think cosleeping especially while they are so young is a great idea. It gives you more sleep, results in far less crying for your baby, and is a beautiful way to increase the bonding time. For my second child, we used a crib with the side railing removed and secured it to my end of the bed (had to make sure there were no cracks in between and that it was level). But it also worked well to have her just in the bed with me, while my husband slept in another room (one of us should get sleep, we figured!). My child wore warm footsie sleepers - you can also try a sleep sack. You might want to bundle up yourself with some warm nursing pajamas, and leave the covers off so you can better moniter the room temp for your baby. The body heat is often sufficient to help keep them warm. I did start to thing later on, however, that sometimes my daughter would wake up to nurse just to get warm.

I personally was not ever worried about rolling on top of my baby because I slept so lightly and was very sensitive to my baby's movements and location. As you probably have heard or been told many times, keep pillows and comforters away, and make sure there are no cracks that your baby could fall in while sleeping. When they get older, they are better able to adjust their body position. But aire on the side of caution especially with a newborn. Enjoy your cuddle time!

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R.M.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi J.,

I have a 2yr old girl. She initially slept in a bassinet next to my bed for about 4months but then moved into my bed because she was breast fed and it was easier to feed her lying down and I could just fall asleep. My daughter just layed in bed next to me on top of the covers. She slept in a sleep sack (like a sleeping back with arm holes and some have leg holes too)on colder nights.
I found that I was so hyper sensitive about where she was that I never was concerned about rolling on her. Of course if you drink or take sleeping pills, probably not a good idea to bring your child into your bed. Also, I don't think men are as sensitive/in tune to the baby so careful of your husband. I also recommend guard rails for the bed because babies can fall off the bed.
I have bonded so much with my daughter, slept so much better and love that she has shared my bed with me. She turns 2 this Sunday and I plan on moving her into her own bed soon, but I am happy with the choice i made to share my bed.
Best of luck to you and do not let anyone tell you that it is wrong or weird because only you know what is best and right for your particular situation.

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M.W.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi J., I have co-slept with all of my children and still do occasionally with the older ones. We do not do anything special such as the co-sleeper or positioner. You as a mother are aware whenever your baby moves or not. We never had any problems except getting them out of the bed later on. My first didn't want to go in her own bed unless it was in our room till she got to be about 4, the second one is four right now and sometimes comes and gets in our bed at 3am, and our newest one is in our bed presently breastfeeding. She sometimes gets too warm and kicks the covers off.lol Ususally though you will know if they are warm enough because if not they will stay very close and snuggle up with you. There is also a book that probably has more info in it called 'Family Bed' that I recently saw at the public library. I believe that co-sleeping is coming back due to SIDS, a constant stimulus of someone else nearby keeps them from sleeping too deep. Good luck with whatevr you decide.

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S.S.

answers from San Francisco on

hi J. :) when we brought our daughter home from the hospital, i couldn't bear to have her away from my body at night, but my husband was terrified of rolling over her/hurting her - our solution was to have her between us, high up at/between our heads on her own "pillow bed" :) it was wonderful and we still had the same room in the bed for our own bodies and didn't have to worry about rolling over her-
we transitioned to a bassinet next to my bedside within a few months -
have fun, new mama! get some snoozes!
smiles,
S.

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M.K.

answers from Chico on

We had a full length body pillow at the head of our bed so there was no gap. We dressed ourselves and the baby in layers (t or onsie, footie jammies, sleep sack and little hat if it was cold), and he slept with the blankets no higher than his waist if he had them on at all. Neither my husband nor myself move a lot when sleeping, and I am a light sleeper, so I didn't worry about rolling on him or anything. Congrats on your new addition.

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T.H.

answers from San Francisco on

Yay! Cosleeping! I loved every minute of it.

We started out using a positioner but that quickly became annoying and uncomfortable for everyone. We put our son on top of our covers, dressed warmly as he always has kicked off blankets and in between the 2 of us. If you are anything like me, you are so aware of the baby that concern for rolling onto him quickly vanished. You can also always set up a sidecar crib arrangement. That way everyone has their own space but baby is right there.

Good luck!

T.

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M.F.

answers from Salinas on

So perhaps i am a bad example because its my 2nd time around and i am VERY aware of my daughter even in sleep but i have her right next to me with no positioner but generally skin to skin. That keeps her warm and from what ive heard dont let cold hands and arms throw you if core is warm! Good luck its such a better sleep in my opinion especially once you can sort of sleep nurse!

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