Hi - I'd talk with your doctor about delaying. Some dr's in this area will balk at that kind of reaction from a parent (what - you think you know what's best for your child??!). So find out what their take is on it.
Second, is there any history of auto-immune problems in your family? That's an indicator that you (or your partner) could pass down sensitivites to your children. It's just part of gneetic roulette...some get it and some don't. Examples would be diabetes type I, lupus, arthritis, autism, Grave's disease, Chrone's/Colitis, and some types of cancers. You can google any disease under the sun these days and find out if it's an autoimmune disease. If it is, consider delaying vax. until maybe 2yo (which has been proven in Sweden and Japan to be a much safer age to begin vax), and then do them 1 at a time. Her reactions sounds pretty normal, in terms of reactions. Most kids who react to vax have a slight fever, swelling at the puncture site, and fretting/crying/poor sleep period for a few (2-5) days. However, vax are cumulative - part does leave the corporeal system but some of what's in there is meant to remain in the body - and can cause cumulative damage. I say use your intuition. She may be more sensitive than your son to those kinds of intrusions. And if you need a Dr. rec., lmk - we have a great dr. in Slingerlands!
Third - you do not have to vaccinate to enroll your child in school. Some daycares require them, because they change a lot of diapers, and toxins from vaccinations are transmitted through fecal matter, as well as - sometimes - through saliva (think of the toy in the mouth issues with that!). So if you are thinking of day care/preschools, be sure you research that before selecting.
Fourth - there are few sites that offer some sort of unbiased information on vaccines. http://thinktwice.com/vaccine.htm This one has some books that you may be able to find locally. I love the book Vaccinations: Issue of our Times put out by Mothering Magazine. It has articles by different authors, and is pretty thorough. Also the Book [url=http://www.amazon.com/Raise-Healthy-Child-Spite-Doctor/dp... to Raise a Healthy Child in Spite of Your Doctor[/url] (written by a Pediatrician) is very helpful. What I LOVE about this author is that he ASSUMES we know our child, what we don't know are the illnesses - so he gives a rundown of all major illnesses, WHEN to go to the dr., how high a fever, how long puking, etc. He's very clear that there are times you SHOULD take your child to the Dr., and lots of times that you shouldn't - or just give a call and check in w/the nurse kind of thing. If you're local/Delmar I can loan you the mothering book - I doubt the library has one LOL!
Fifth - In the same way that it is recommended that people who could really get SICK sick from the flu get the flu shot every year, children who could potentially get super sick from something like chicken pox, mumps, even whooping cough should get vaccinated. Most kids? It's a pita and not fun to be sick, but they come out WAY stronger for having the illness than they do for having a shot with attenuated/killed viruses, preservatives and other stuff that they stuff in there. When my children got chicken pox I used homeopathic remedies on them and they had very little itching, a medium amount of pox, and it was over within 5 - 6 days respectively. I can't say they had FUN being sick, but they've had colds that lasted longer and were more uncomfortable. My little one had them during his first birthday - and he's just FINE. The chance of him having a reaction (that lasts almost as long as the illness) is way higher (more than 50%) than him having serious complications from the disease (less than 1%), in that case. Polio may be a different ball of wax to you and your partner. Also- if you are a working parent, it may not be easy for you to take time off to be w/a sick child. Mumps can last 2 weeks, whooping cough lasts usually 2-12 weeks. It's not seriously sick for that long, but you won't want them in school/daycare. They get tired easily and need more mamatime.
You are confronting a very tough issue. When we were making the decision to/not to vax, we had a really hard time finding REAL information. There isn't a lot - the studies that have been done are mostly from overseas. The local ones (US) are small, biased, not scientifically valid for the most part. Best of luck and feel free to contact me for more info.
ME: Dd 8yo, ds 20 mos, slinging, no circing, no vaxing, cosleeping sahmama and happy partner to JAC my bug-hugging man.