Hi everyone, Very sorry for what's probably a silly thing to be worrying over...but, I've been at a loss with something that I discovered was a thing with my just turned 4 yr old DS.
He's been daytime potty trained since before he was 3, but does still wear a diaper each night as he's still VERY wet at night and has had just two dry nights his entire life. We attempted pull ups in the past but gave up on them after about a solid month of them being a bit of a disaster (and DS complaining that they were 'itchy')... so I've pretty much just stuck with the old huggies Overnights that had worked well in the past.
My question is: if he's very reliably potty trained in the day, should I be taking issue with it if he still knowingly pees in his nighttime diaper right as he's waking up in the morning..?
We have a 2 month old baby that usually has us scrambling in the morning, and I've admittedly been kind of 'meh' about shrugging off that DS does this a lot of mornings. He's always been very good about letting us change him into undies not long after he's up and about, but I'm unsure if this is ok..? I'm not at all concerned about him not being dry in the night just yet, but this early morning quirk has has me a bit lost for a while now.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this..? Or am I an awful lazy (and increasingly exhausted) mom for allowing this? :X
Thanks very much in advance!!!
I know for certain that 100% of the time when he's doing this he's already waking up already wet. If that helps in any way! I do know he's usually either JUST waking up or kind of dozing/half asleep most of the time when this happens. But not always.
How do you know he is doing this? Is he waking up dry and then peeing in the diaper? If he is staying dry until this morning pee then it is time to start sleeping in undies.
What makes you think it's intentional? Is he up, walking around, talking to you, fooling around in the bathroom, and then suddenly announces that he has peed? Or is he waking up with a full bladder and no signal to the brain, and he's coming into consciousness, and just can't wake up enough and put all the cues together to get himself to the bathroom and ask his harried parents to take his diaper off so he can pee?
It's not at all unusual for a child to need a nighttime diaper well past the age of 4. If you'd like to know about my experience with my son's challenges with nocturnal enuresis (nighttime bedwetting) and the need for medication until he was 12, I'll be happy to share.
Please talk to the pediatrician and learn more about childhood development so you really separate that concept from the idea that you can "train" a child to grow up. You can't control his height, his speech, his teeth coming in, or (sorry!) his urinary functions. You can't.
Yes, you're frustrated having diapers on 2 kids, and you're totally sleep-deprived with an infant. But this is not likely regression in your 4 year old, but normal development that you just have zero energy to deal with. I get it. We all remember the exhaustion of having a newborn. But I'd be inclined to double-make the bed (bottom sheet, waterproof pad, second sheet) so you can peel off the wet layer if needed without unmaking/making the whole bed, and paying for the goodnights or other diapers.
Mine did something similar. He was daytime dry and dry at night but would wake up soaked through because he would do his morning pee in his overnight. The promise of a new bed if he would only pee in the toilet for 10 days straight got him motivated.
Also we made sure to get him straight to the toilet as soon as he got up.
You might want to wait until your newborn is older to take this on.
Good luck
F. B.
How much control do you have over your body when you are unconscious?
Kids stay dry through the night when their bladder matures to the point where it slows down urine production at night.
For some kids this happens sooner - for others it happens later - sometimes MUCH later - like at 12 or 13 yrs old later.
Ask your pediatrician or a urologist - they'll tell you the same thing.
There is nothing anyone can do to mature his bladder any faster.
If your son sleeps deeply - he'll pee without knowing it and never wake up.
Waking him up to visit the bathroom doesn't help and just makes everyone tired.
He's just turned 4.
Our son was potty trained at 3 1/2 but he was 7 1/2 before he was dry through the night.
Ask your parents and your in laws when you and your Hubby were finally dry through the night.
The timing/maturing rate of these things tend to run in families.
You are just going to have to be patient.
I would let it go..once you have a little more energy in a few months. Walk him potty before You go to bed or when you get up to feed the baby in the middle of the night...you don't need to wake him up all the way just enough to get him to the bathroom, have him pee and put him back to sleep. That way he stays dry at night. Same thing in am ...oncr you've done the twighlight per for a no th or so make sure you are right there when he wakes up and pity is first thing.
No point starting this though if you are too busy with baby to follow through..maybr dad could help though?
Stop putting a diaper on him at night. I never used pull ups on my son, I felt like it was a crutch and allows him to think its ok to pee in it. Cut off liquids an hour or so before bed. Right before bedtime, have him pee even though he may tell you he doesn't have to - he will pee. See what happens, he may stay dry. Leave the bathroom light on just in case.
It doesn't sound like he's regressing really since he's still staying dry during the daytime. He's just taking advantage of having a portable potty so he doesn't have to get out of bed. Personally I wouldn't make it a battle. You've got lots on your plate. Once he's outgrown bedtime wetting and isn't wearing a diaper, I'm sure he'll head to the bathroom.
" I know for certain that 100% of the time when he's doing this he's already waking up already wet. " if he is already wet then what does it matter if he is wetting again? i would let this go and revisit when he and the new baby are both older and you can focus on making him get up right away and go straight to the potty. but for not don't sweat it. some children are not fully night trained till they are older.
I'm not sure I get the part about intentional wetting. You say he's awake, then he pees before he gets out of bed?
If that's the case, if it were me, I'd put him in underwear and be there when he wakes, to guide him to the bathroom. See how he does.
I wouldn't make a big deal - say you think he's nearly ready as he can hold all night, and just want to try.
If he can't hold it or he's not fully awake and peeing, I'd let it go. I'd just restrict his fluids before bed, have him totally empty his bladder before sleep (one of mine had to go twice, there was always a bit more in there... and that's what paediatrician recommended) and keep him in pull ups until he's ready.
Keep it light. I wouldn't worry if I were you. Sounds like he's almost there. I have never 'trained' mine - I don't think you can really. They have to be ready.
It is lazy for him to do it when awake. That being said, you have A LOT of new changes and I would pick your battles. If you can afford the diapers for a few more months, I might focus on this once your newborn is a little older. Give yourself a break. He is only 4 years old.
I would say he's not awake all the way and if you go get him up first, ignore the baby for a few minutes, and put the kiddo on the toilet then go get the baby it might help but in truth I wouldn't think it would really matter. If he's dry once he's up and had a shower then what's the point of stressing over him peeing when he gets up and is just waking up?
Well, first of all, a new baby in the household can definitely cause regression. You have, after all, "displaced" him with another child that you are constantly fawning over in front of him. Is it SO surprising to you that he may have a hard time with this?
(My mother told me that as I stood in the door watching her nurse my sister, I peed all over the floor into my socks and shoes... My sweet mom cleaned me up, put a diaper on me and then put the baby in my arms and told me that she was my baby too... A few days later I was pulling at my diaper and she asked me "Do you want to get that ol' diaper off and put on your pretty panties?" I did and that was enough for me to get over the jealousy of having a little sister...)
Secondly, I'm not sure about your statement that he is peeing intentionally in the morning. Do you actually SEE him do it? Perhaps he is still partially asleep?
If you ask your pediatrician about it, I think he or she will tell you what my own son's ped told me. Children cannot physically be expected to have dry NIGHTS until they are at least 4 years old. You ask if you should be taking issue...what do you mean when you say that? You cannot forbid him from wetting. You cannot make him have dry nights. You cannot control this child's bladder. What you CAN do is be understanding about it. You can get him up immediately, take him to the bathroom, and ignore the night wetting. You can show him that he is as important as the baby is by taking care of him immediately in the morning. Perhaps he won't pee while he is awake if you take care of him quicker.
Another thing that the ped told me to do was to prepare the bed as if it will be wet overnight, and put underwear on him and let him feel how uncomfortable it is. The next morning, tell him that you know that he wants to have a dry night and wear underwear like a big boy does, but right now we'll have to put a diaper on him until he has 4 dry nights in a row. Then hang a calendar and use gold stars for each night that he's dry. When you get to 4 in a row, put the underwear back on. He may have a lot of lapses, but continue. Keep your attitude kind and loving, but don't talk too much about it. Now, obviously, now is NOT the time to start this. You definitely need to wait until he has gotten a lot more used to this baby and shows SOME possibility of a dry night. And the doctor told me to use regular diapers that are a bit "snug" on him so that he wouldn't be too comfortable. You said your son doesn't like the "itchies", but you shouldn't make things to easy to be wet...
The last thing I want to say is to reiterate that you cannot control your son's toilet training. Day training and night training are two different things. The only things that little children can control in their young lives are toileting and eating. Adults control everything else. Don't make toileting a battleground between you. And understand that he is NOT old enough to be expected to do what you want. He just isn't. Yes, you'll be lucky if you don't end up with a bedwetter for a long time, like some people have. (And many moms on this board had bedwetters for many years.) Do not punish, do not ridicule. Show love and understanding and hope that he comes around in his own time.
