Well my kids think so lol
I just get so frustrated! I have been working 6-7 days straight then get one if Im lucky two days off just to start the lengthy stretch of work again. Due to being short staffed at work this has been my schedule for a little more than the past month. Not to mention at least one day on the weekend working a double. I cant wait until Friday, I have it off for our anniversary and Sat in case Im hungover lol. My hubby and the 3 older kids (15,12,11) pick up the house every night. The 3 &4 yr old... well they are 3 & 4 and a work in progress at picking up after themselves and helping. By the time I get home you can't tell they did stuff, even though there wasn't much for them to do. They just don't pick up after themselves after they do it. I clean the house every day. I know there is a big disagreement in the house between cleaning and picking up are actually two different things. I'm tired of picking up after them. This morning I get up and my 15 yr old took off his shirt and left it on the kitchen floor 2 ft from the bathroom where there is a hamper or go in the other direction 5 ft from the laundry room. all thier breakfast dishes are sitting there still, papers thrown out of thier back packs on the counter, floor pretty much where they landed. Even though there is a bin right on the counter for it. My 11 & 12 yr old wet the bed at night, Im usually understanding, but the rule is put your wet blankets and clothes in the washer in the morning and start it. They have been throwing it on top of the dirty clothes for me to deal with. They are to be washing, drying and putting away thier laundry. They haven't touched thier own laundry all summer. I will wash, dry and fold it so all they have to do is put it away... they wont even do that. They leave it right where I put it. Well today is my top to bottom cleaning day. I picked up their stuff, cleaned the house and put thier stuff right back where I found it for them to clean up when they got home. Every day this weekend I asked them to clean up the yard. Its still a mess! They have their shirts, bikes, skateboards, balls etc all sitting every where in the yard. They were warned that if they don't get it in the back yard where they belong ( or clothes actually in the house) Im throwing it all away. They don't listen. So am I wrong for after repeating myself until Im past being blue in the face to start just leaving thier stuff where they leave it and pretty much stand over them and make them pick it up? I work nights so I hate that the hour we have together before I leave I have to do this instead of trusting they will do it once I leave... but its not getting done. Im already wore out and just want a little more help with out being the nit picking stubborn mom but Im not sure what other choices I have. Expectally when none of this is new to them!
** The bed wetting isn't anything new. Since they were potty trained around 2-3 they have always wet the bed. Its better and hopefully out growen soon. We do have a schedule of the room everyone is responsible for the day. Posted on the fridge door and large enough to cover the freezer door so it can't be missed!
I don't see this as nit picking at all, It's just having them be part of the family with familial responsibilites. Quit doing the laundry and the dishes and the paper sorting. When they have no clean clothes, no dishes or their homework gets lost/field trips get missed, they have no one to blame but themselves. They'd hate to have me for their mom!
Start doing what you say you'll do. Throw the skateboards, shirts, bikes, balls in the trash bin. If the bikes don't fit, put a sign on them that says "Free" and put them out on the sidewalk. Or lock them in the trunk of your car. Let your kids know that those items are in the trash. If they want them, they'll have to retrieve them from the stinky can.
Wash only the clothes that your little ones wear. Let your older children run out of clean clothes and be faced with wearing grimy, smelly clothes to school for a day or two. Peer pressure will launch them into action. Give them a lesson in how to run the washer and safely use bleach or Oxyclean so they don't ruin a load of darks.
Throw the papers out - if they are half-completed homework assignments, well, too bad. They'll have to be completed again or they'll face consequences at school.
It's time for some tough love. Start doing this today - your small children are learning from your older kids. You're a mother, not a maid. Stop being one.
They aren't doing it b/c they know you will do it.
I as doing more chores than my mom by the time I was 10. Every day I cleaned AND picked up, and every Saturday I did deep cleaning, as in mop/dust/windows/vaccuum... and then I did it during the week as well when needed and as I got older, I also made dinner, was a cheerleader, in theater and I worked 20 hours a week after school.
So, no tv, no computer, no texting, no going out with friends, no soccer practice... until they get their butts in gear and do their responsibilities. My mom had lists and chore charts. We couldn't do anything until everything on that list was crossed off by a specific timeframe.
And yes, I would get rid of skateboards and bikes if they are leaving them in the front yard. For one, it is unsighlty. For two, it is a hazard. For three, it is just asking someone to come and steal it. I would probably not allow the kids to have them for a full week. Then they can earn them back. If it continues to be a problem, I would sell the items on craigslist or drop them off at goodwill.
I agree - the reason they aren't doing it is because they know you will be doing it.....go on strike...I know it sounds mean but really? at 11 & 12 they KNOW how to operate the washer and dryer...no excuse for just throwing it there.
I was in your boat this past week - although I don't work outside the home - it was TOTALLY out my schedule because hubby had lost job and the boys were home for summer...nothing was getting done...i finally went psycho and told them I am NOT doing it - and I didn't. They realized it wasn't just a 'ooh mommy can do it' - it takes WORK to get it done...so now? they are a tad bit more mindful...
Write up a schedule for the oldest ones to do...and if they don't do it - they don't get their allowance...
Johnny - responsible for: vacuuming, putting dishes away
Jane - responsible for: dusting and putting dishes in dishwasher
Nicky - responsible for: picking up toys, shutting off game devices (XBOX, etc.)
Tailor it to your household needs and sign a contract with them for their responsibilities....my boys don't get paid if their work isn't done...Greg is responsible for the trash, getting drinks ready for dinner, walking the dog, picking up after him, etc. if his brother does his chores for him - he is paid for the job - not Greg...
GOOD LUCK!!!
I'm sorry - I don't have the answer to your good question, but I'm giggling here because I thought you literally meant nitpicking, as in, picking nits! You deserve to have help from your children - and we're all in the same boat I believe. I'm thinking of you today and wishing you rest, wealth, and peace. - R., Nitwit Lice Removal, Seattle
Maybe they're reacting to your being gone so much? 5 children is a lot if you're working full-time and at this point, more than full-time. 11&12 year olds wetting their beds sounds very unusual and perhaps it's a subconscious reaction? Since you're working so much bc of being short-staffed, maybe you can use this extra money to hire some help like a cleaning person. That way when you are home, maybe you can have fun w/ the kids and spend some 1:1 time with them vs being stressed and just cleaning. You say that your husband and the older kids do clean-up evenings so between school, probably some dinner prep and cleaning-up, that's a pretty full plate for an 11 and 12 year old. They should be just playing some too. Maybe they're resentful of the younger kids and you being gone so much... Hopefully these hours won't last much longer.
I bag up all of their stuff & toss it on the basement railing. I don't care. I have also been known to trash bag my sons' rooms. Again, I don't care. I'd rather look at an empty room than a trashed room.
want to run away together? LOL!
I would just start confiscating whatever they left about and see how long it takes for them to start picking up after themselves. No clean clothing...too bad. Missing your homework....what a shame. And I would get my husband on board to start enforcing the you are old enough to do some things for yourselves rule. Good luck!
