Hi Moms! Question: My son will be 13 months old next week. Is it too soon to leave him with a relative for a couple of days so my hubby and I can get away for a bit? My son goes to daycare for 4 hours each weekday, so my sister (or mother-in-law) would only have him for approx. 1/2 day, but I'm not sure it's too much to ask of someone right now. Anyone have an opinion to share? Needless to say, my husband and I haven't spent any real "alone" time together in over a year; we've only been out to dinner alone twice since baby came too. oh well, any advice is much appreciated. Thanks!
-T.
Hi everyone! I got so many wonderful responses that I simply can't respond to you all, but I THANK, THANK, THANK you so much for all your advice and support! My sister is my only relative that is a little less than an hour away, and my son just loves her! Next to Mommy, he most enjoys being with her, so I feel really confident that he will be in good hands and have lots of fun for a couple days (during the week) while I get away. I wouldn't go far--believe me, I'm not sure I could handle being too far from my little one, and I'm only hoping that I can relax enough to actually enjoy a small trip LOL You moms know what I mean! I spoke with my sister yesterday evening about it, and she couldn't have been happier to come over for a couple days and enjoy time with her nephew! What a relief--sometimes you don't know how someone will respond when you ask them to babysit for less than $10.00 an hour (good grief, by the way!, which is why I never go out!) LOL
Anyway, I just want to respond to one mom who suggested I have post-partum depression because I have my child in daycare for 4 hours in the mornings on weekdays (which I only started doing 2 months ago): Are you serious? I have raised my son and have been with him EVERY SINGLE DAY since the day he was conceived. The 2 nights I went out to dinner this year with my husband and left baby with a sitter he was already in bed asleep, and I still called every hour on the hour! And, I just want to say that just because a Mom works from home doesn't mean that you actually have the TIME to work. My son is not a daytime napper, so he requires my full-time attention, which I am more than happy to give him. I simply put him in daycare for the following reasons: He loves being around other children, which I feel is good for him. Plus, it took him exactly 1 week to fall in love with Miss Sandy, his daycare provider--now I can't get him to leave there on time! He enjoys all the activities they do, like reading (which he won't do at home with me for some reason--he'd rather play with me!) and painting with his feeties! Finally, having a few hours to myself in the morning allows me to get some work done or go to the grocery store or (heaven forbid) clean my house! LOL
I am not one of those lucky parents who has had the good fortune of relatives popping over every once in a awhile to give me a hand--no one has been here to help me. My friends have children of their own; hence, they could use a little help themselves, not give it. I'm not interested in going away with my husband for a couple of days to "solve anything." I'm just looking to reconnect with him a little, decompress, and rejuvenate myself. Needless to say, being a parent is rewarding, but it can also be mentally and physically exhausting, especially when you're doing it sans help, other than your significant other, who, by the way, is equally overworked.
I love this group! I have "met" so many unbelievably wonderful women, who are terrific just for taking the time out of their busy days to advise and encourage someone else--a perfect stranger--it's truly a beautiful thing! It just always surprises me when someone jumps to such a negative, and judgmental, conclusion without having any real information. Isn't that a shame? Oh well, I hope my response puts that Mom at ease, knowing that I don't want to "escape" my child for a day or two so I can have the time to plot the demise of the free world! Hee hee and LOL
Thanks again, ladies, for your input! You are ALL awesome, and I feel so much better now!
-T
Just do it the relationship needs it. I did it every once
and a while when my kids were infants till age 2 or 3. They
are now 14 and 16 with no regrets. If you have someone willing to do it do it. enjoy.
Hi T.,
I would do it, because my son is 19 months old now and wants no one but me or my babysitter. So my husband is getting really fustrated because he says we need alone time. My guilt is keeping me from doing it,but I know we need it. So if you have help which I do not I will go for it. :)
Hi T.,
We left our son twice for vacations with my mom. The first time was when he was 3 months old for 1.5 days over the weekend. We decided if we didn't try leaving early on, we'd never do it, and I was glad we tried. Then when he was 13 months old we went on a 5 day vacation and left him with my mom and brother. They had a great time and even though our son is really attached to us, he was totally unfazed after the first 5 minutes of crying. When we got back he was equally unimpressed with our return, and preferred to chase my mom's cat around than make a big deal about us being back. He fell straight back into his normal routine and was totally fine. My mom loved it too. So my advice is goo for it!
Tamara
Go and have a great time. The baby won't miss you not even a little bit because they don't have any concept of time.
My hubby and I have been going out to dinner every Saturday night for 27 yrs. It's nice to have that couple time and we still look forward to it even though the kids are all grown up.
I would go for it!!! Sounds LOVELY. Have fun, go out to dinner, a movie....SLEEP IN!!!! :)
Go enjoy a few days (2 or 3) without the baby. You and hubby need some time together.
My only advise is since this is the first time away don't go to far. It'll make you feel better knowing that you can return in a few hours if there's an emergency.
if you trust the people that you are giving your child to, then it is never too early to vacation without a baby!
Go for it! It will do you a world of good.
I would suggest that you take a couple of days together and make a regular habit of going out to dinner or a movie monthly. Your family dynamic will be as strong as your relationship with your spouse. More importantly make sure that you leave someone in charge who is very familiar with your child and his routines. Is there any chance that your sister or mother-in-law could come stay at your house while you are away? That way your son would have his "stuff" while you are away.
My son was two months old when my husband and I went to a wedding out of town. We left him with my in-laws for a night and called literally ten times. He was fine- had a great time with his grandparents and (I am sure) got to do plenty of fun things that he normally wouldn't get to do! We are going away again this summer for two days and he is staying with my parents. Guilt is normal, but you need your adult time too!
Good luck and have a great time!!
Honestly if you have the opportunity to do it, I would in a heartbeat! I don't think it's as hard when they're younger to get away as it is when they are older. So pack your bags and head to the airport! Having children changes your entire being, but as i'm sure you already know - it makes your life prior to your children not seem as interesting!
No it's not to soon. Trust me when I say it will be much harder on you than it will your child! We had to go to a wedding in VA when my son was 3.5mos old. We didn't want to bring him with us because it was an 8-9 hour drive. My husband and I felt it was to much for him. So my parents had him for a weekend. I called my mother religously every 2 no more than 3 hours to "check" on him. It got to the point where my mother told me to stop calling that he was fine. I ended up sleeping with his picture next to our bed and needless to say the "romantic" getaway weekend was anything but. All I could think about was my son and how much I missed him. I swore I would never take another trip without him. Well now he is 6 mos. and I still feel the same but probably when he reaches those hair pulling out stages then I will change my mind. LOL You and your husband should however get out more. I know how important it is to not just be mommy and daddy but to also be a couple. Try really hard to have a date night once a month. Even if your gone for just dinner and a movie it is a few hours you get to spend with just each other!!!!
Hi T.. It definitely is not too soon to leave your son for a few days. I left my son who was 11 months at the time with my mom and aunt for 4 days so that my husband and I could go away. And just this past September I left my son who is 4 and my daughter who is 1 with my mom and dad for 8 days while my husband and I took a cruise. You deserve to have alone time with your husband. If you are nervous about taking a few days why not try one night first. My son started sleeping at my parent's house once in a while when he was about 6 months old. Usually once a month when my husband has the weekend off my kids go to grandma and grandpa's for a sleepover so that my husband and I can be alone. Definitely feel out your family first ask them how they feel about watching him for a few days.
Hi T.,
I think if you have a family member that is comfortable with it--then go for it! You and your husband need alone time!! Start slow, maybe just a weekend..but definitely go away!
J.
It's a more or less good time. I just wouldn't reccomend it be for too long. Could you do a weekend getaway or 2 nights in the middle of the week type thing (actually, could probably get great price that way). I would be concerned that if its the 1st time you're leaving him for an extended period of time, that it not be too long. Time is felt very differently by young-ins then it is by us grown-ups. You definitely want to consider his psycholigical needs and not let it become something he experiences as traumatizing b/c it felt like "forever" you were gone. Things like that are best done in phases. I know it's not easy with the family at a distance thing, but try to work on it in the next few months leading up to it. Spend a night out where someone else is tucking him in but you're there in the AM and so forth. But I do encourage you to start working on having more balance and romantic times alone with hubby. Healthy for all involved. -N.
Not too soon! Go for a weekend, and enjoy that time together! Your mother in law would LOVE the time with her grandson! (And your husband will LOVE the time with you!)
T., I would tell you don't go but is just b/c I am jealous :o). If you have someone that you trust that can take care of the baby for you and they are willing go for it you need the break. Time alone with hubby is well deserved and needed, it can only make your relationship better and give you the strength to continue meeting the demands of motherhood. Enjoy your trip.
O.
If you have someone to watch your son then I say go for it and enjoy!! I think it's important to have quality time with our spouses and remember why we decided to reproduce in the first place. It's also important that kids see that you make time for one another, (yours is too young to understand right now) so they can learn how a healthy marriage is not just all about the kids but is a partnership. I also think it's great for kids to have opportunities to bond with other family members. There might be some separation anxiety for you and baby, but overall I think it's a good idea!
Hey T.,
I think if you can handle it, and your mother-in-law is willing to do it then go for it. I was unfortunately one of those moms who could never do it. I was always convinced that my kids would not survive without me and now when I look back I probably would have been less stressed out if I did get away once in a while (I was a stay at home mom for 15 years). I was never able to separate being a mommy from being D. it took me until my kids were probably early teens to start to consider my needs. My husband was always very understanding of my not trusting anyone (but my mom or mother in law) to care for my kids but I think in the long run it would have done us both some good if we did get away once in a while. I agree with Nicole that modeling a happy and solid marriage is the best example we can give our children. I do not regret being there for my kids or staying home with them because we are so close and connected now that they are 24 and 19 but I just think it would have been okay for them to get used to someone else caring for them. There were times they wouldn't even let my husband do for them they were so attached to me. (They still want to vacation with us every summer at their age!! ) My husband and I did start going away just for weekends to a spa by the beach in New Jersey when they were teens and that was so nice for us to reconnect and have some time together just to talk. I think if you have a family member who is willing and you feel you need the break then take the break there is no reason to be neurotic like I was your baby will survive. After all he will be with his grandma. Good luck and have fun!!!
Hi T.,
You and your hubby should take a mini vacation. I know you will leave your baby in capable hands. You will miss him, but that is natural. You will probably call often to see how he is doing, that is also natural. If you hubby does not feel that the caregiver should be called as often as you do, that is also natural. Enjoy your alone time.
All the best to you and your family.
C.
Actually, you would have to ask the relative who will be babysitting for you. If they do not have a problem with keeping the baby then no, it's wouldn't be to soon for a little vacation. After all you and your hubby need some alone time. This is healthy for your marriage with the new baby and all. Make sure you compensate the sitter well. I think that taking a 2 week vacation will be extremely to long but a couple of days won't hurt.
Enjoy!
Definitely go for it! It is too easy to neglect your marriage and your self when you have kids, and they need nurturing too. A couple of days is fine. We have taken regular breaks without kids for a few nights, leaving them with grandparents, who enjoy the time with them. We started with one night away when our eldest was 9 months old, and have worked up to 3 nights (I found that a little long - two is perfect!). DO NOT feel guilty, and have fun!
I have a son, 11, and a daughter, 10. When they were small, we took them everywhere, although we simply did not go on any vacations for 7 years. Our first vacation after a 7-year pause was to Las Vegas and then Disneyworld in Orlando, FL---but we brought the kids with us. The kids loved all the commotion in Vegas and we walked them around the Strip at Midnight and let them see all the free shows in the casinos and eat at the buffets. Of course, at Disneyworld, we spent days and days in the hot sun walking around and seeing the exhibits. We have never gone on any vacation without them. We did not use a babysitter until our older one was 5 and our younger one was 4, because we never had any available family members and we didn't want to bring total strangers in. I would say that it is definitely too soon to go away without your little one. Wait at least 10 years. I. Collins, Executive Senior Sales Director, Mary Kay, Inc. ###-###-####.
Hi T.,
Go, go, go!!!!!! 13 months is plenty old for you to leave your son with a trusted caregiver. As long as you dot all your I's and cross all T's making it as easy as possible for your relatives (which I'm sure you will), there's no reason why you and hubby can't take some much needed time for yourselves and reconnect for a couple days (or even a few)! Have fun!
It's really all about you. What will you be able to deal with. If you can go a few days w/out your baby and know he's in the hands of someone you really really trust, I'd so go for it. We all deserve some time away, especially alone. But the biggest factor is trust. Are you going to be able to leave him w/ someone who is going to respect your rules and way of teaching him, feeding times, what not to eat... and if they're in phone's reach... then it's really up to you.
Hi T.,
If you are feeling comfortable leaving him for a couple of days, and he is very familiar with the family member who would be caring for him, there's no reason not to. My suggestion would be to have the relative come to your home to take care of the baby, if possible. Keeping him in his familiar environment may help him to be more comfortable. If possible, have him see the relative often during the weeks before you go away, and maybe try leaving him overnight for one night first, to see how it goes.
Good luck!
If your family member who would be keeping him has a good relationship with your son, and sees him a lot, then go ahead and go. I have never had the opportunity to leave my children over night, and don't think I could do it. If you can manage it without anxiety then you should go and have fun with your husband.
Go, have fun, enjoy the fact that you have a relative to watch him. I'm jealous. :)
I say go and have fun...if you and hubby are not connected, it's bad news for all involved...
It's a wonderful thing to nuture your spousal relationship, just as you would nurture the baby's - they are equally important.
Enjoy and have fun...the first time we left our kids our 3rd was 13 months, the oldest 5...it was for a week and we went to Ireland...the older 2 missed us, and the baby couldn't have cared less about me when we got back...that lasted an hour and all was right back to normal!
J.
I know this is a little too late for a response however I just wanted to give you my thoughts. My husband (fiance at that time) and I went to Niagara Falls when our daughter was 5 months old and eloped. No one knew about it so it made the trip definately worth while. Although I thought about our daughter a lot, it was a good time for my husband and I to get away by ourselves without interuption. And by no means is it being selfish. It definately brings couples closer when going on a trip together. You two definately need this time alone. It is not too soon. And another thing. Don't feel guilty about it. Have fun!
I see that others have encouraged you to get away for awhile, but how long is awhile? You mentioned a couple of days and then talked about day care. You also say you work from home, so why does he go to day care? I ask all this because I am wondering if you have some post partum depression and are feeling overwhelmed. Perhaps you need to talk to your doctor first. Getting away will not solve everything.
