Is It Wrong to Anxiously Await the Birth of a Grandchild?

ask her what she needs/wants and what she doesnt need/want. dont smother her with what you want to be doing for her or the baby or what you think she should be doing or talk/tell stories about how you raised children - she is probably very overwhelmed and busy and recovering.. a lot on her mind, and very vulnerable. patience is love. tell her you are very happy for her and the family but dont get excited and hopped up and have a party right then and there. respect this bonding time for a new mother and child, especially if it is her first. I went through hell with my MIL and boyfriend. I wish they would have been more supportive in the ways I've mentioned. they had no patience

Grandchildren are special, I have 4 and each one is different. My first will always be the light of my life. Be a part of this new grandchild life and enjoy it. My daughter gives me a hard time for wanting to spend all the time I can with them, but I know she is glad that I have become a big part of their lives.
Grandmothers and grandfathers are important.
Enjoy and congratulations.

Nothing wrong at all. I wouldn't worry about it, unless your daughter herself has said something. The birth of (I assume to be) your first grandchild is a HUGE deal. I don't think any rational person would blame you for being as excited as you were when you became pregnant yourself! In fact, my dad once told me that the biggest surprise for him as a grandfather was that he loved his grandchildren just as much as he loved (and still loves) his own babies.

As a young(ish) mother, I can tell you that I take great joy in how close my parents and in-laws are to my children. I know that they literally ache to see my kids sometimes and that is a bond that I can share with them...it makes me love them even more.

The only conceivable problem I could foresee is the same one I've had with my in-laws on occasion. I don't think they've ever "re-invented" themselves as grandparents, as someone else put it, and that's caused some clashes between us when they haven't respected our wishes as parents (conceding to and respecting are two very different things, by the way).

My MIL thought she knew better than me on many issues (after all, she had a newborn too...30 years ago!) and saw my rules and preferences as being silly and over-bearing. As a result, she and my FIL became overly defensive...on everything. I mean, I couldn't so much as tell them to drive safely (when they were taking my son somewhere) without them getting offended.

It made me feel uncomfortable around them for a long time. I felt like they were judging me, and finding me lacking. It felt like we were strangers for a while, like the whole dynamic of our relationship had changed, because they couldn't stop seeing me as "the child" or even "the equal" and start seeing me as "the mother." There was simply a lack of respect there, because they'd never been in the position to respect someone so much younger (and less experienced) than them.

So my advice is to give all of the love and support that you have within you to give. Be as close to your beautiful grandbaby as you possibly can be (and certainly anticipate the due date with all of your heart!) But when baby comes, try and remember to respect your daughter's status as "mother" and respect the fact that she's new at this and will be traveling her own path of motherhood...which might look very different than yours did.

New moms are extremely uncertain, so whenever she's freaking out, try to reassure her and tell her she's doing great and things will get better. Offer advice ONLY if it's asked for and don't be pushy or insistent about it.

Your daughter will probably need you a LOT in the early days, but she'll come to depend on you a great deal after that if you play your cards right and offer kind, reserved, non-judgemental support. Sort of an "I'm here for you, but you're the boss" kind of attitude.

Best of luck to you and congratulations!

-S.

P.S. If you want to really be the best grandma (and mom) ever, I suggest reading some current material on baby-proofing your home and get started right away. Moms are a lot more safety conscious nowadays, so having your house ready to go will avoid a lot of awkward conversations and make your daughter more likely to bring the baby for visits.

It is not wrong to be anxiously awaiting the birth of your grandchild.

It is wrong to think of her as your daughter, instead of your granddaughter. She will have a Mom and it's not you. You will be her Grandmother, a completely different and special role. Your daughter will take the lead in everything, with you standing by to help, as needed, and to offer the kind of unconditional love only a Grandmother can offer. You know your daughter best, but sometimes new Moms get sensitive about this because they are just learning a role that you have spent the last 20-some years learning. You are both aware of this difference in experience, so give her some slack as she learns on the job and support her efforts to be a good Mom without undercutting her by questioning her decisions. Her ways may or may not be right; they'll often be different than yours and only rarely should you intercede with suggestions.

What happens, quite naturally, is that we, as Grandmothers, think that now that our children have had children, we are naturally experts in child-rearing. What we don't know is that our grandchildren are growing up in a world that is different from the one we raised our children in, and we need to let their parents take the lead in this new world.

What usually happens is that the birth of a grandchildren calls back all our memories of when we raised our children and we are anxious to share that knowledge. Resist the urge. You'll know if there is something really important you need to share. Otherwise, tell the parents what a good job they're doing and how beautiful your grandchild is.

And, congratulations on working toward your Master's. You have a life that is separate and apart from watching your grandchild grow, and that will help you and the parents ensure that you are not overly involved as they sort out how much time is available or needed for grandparents. Today's parents are busy and may not have as much time to share their children with you as you might like.

Congratulations. Think about establishing traditions with your new granddaughter that only you have time for.

Be sure to listed to your daughter...don't force yourself on her. My in-laws are terrible! When I had our children my MIL was upset that she couldn't be in the delivery room w/us! Are you kidding me??? I wouldn't let my own mother be in there! Then I asked that no visitors until lunchtime the next day....afterall, I know you all are excited, but I need some rest too. I hate it when people want to rush in the minute you have just pushed out a baby...can I say "shower first please?" If you are invited to see the baby right away, then great, but don't overstay your welcome...a half our visit should be sufficient...afterall, new moms cannot get rest w/everyone in the room, and they need time to bond w/their new little one as well. My poor sister had to ask my Mom and her MIL to leave...they had been in the room for 4 hours after the birth of the baby deciding who she looked like...that's another pet peave...no mom wants to actually hear you say that. Just say, "what a beautiful baby", or "you are so lucky"....leave those other comments to yourself. Then be sure to ASK your daughter when she would like to have you back, or if there are any other last minute items that she needs for the baby. That is the BEST way you can take care of your daughter...and be sure she has a meal waiting to be delivered the minute she arrives home from the hospital. That is the true way to show that you really care about her. I always loved the fact that my mom got me a present when I had babies...usually just body lotion, soaps, etc..., but it made me feel important too, and it was a way of her showing me that she cared for me and was happy for me and our new addition.

Are you kidding? My mother-in-law passed away many years before I met my husband. I would give anything for an eager grandmother! Lucky for us, my own mother is young and healthy (62), and lives close by. I am grateful for her enthusiasm! She babysits regularly so my husband and I can have "date nights". She loves her grandchildren. Nothing was better than the day I handed my newborn daughter to my mother and saw the tears well up in her eyes, with such joy, the smile on her face.

When I was growing up in the '70s and '80s, my mother had something to prove. She was a feminist, and pushing up on the glass ceiling. She wasn't as involved in my life as a child as I wished she had been. But she more than made up for it with being the BEST grandma ever!

Celebrate your love for your family. Personally, I feel it is your right. Isn't that what we changed all those diapers for, and get through the teenage years? Is so we can someday enjoy our grandchildren? Someday I will be a grateful grandmother. I'll try not to smother, but who can help it? Children are God's greatest gift and we are so lucky to have them! Who can fault the love of a mother for her children's children? That's the way it should be.

Love, W.

I know this is over but just had to say something. A grandparent is someone that many children do not have, or that are not active in their life. I for one adore my grandchildren. My daughter used to correct me for giving her some sound advice. I would get my feelings hurt and then someone told her we earned that joy to give advice when we feel is needed because it came from trial and error and years of hearing and doing. I dont want to tell her what to do I give her advice to use and apply of she wants to.
I love my grandchildren in a way that is different from my own. Hard to explain maybe it is I dont have to be the deciplinary and I have more tolerance. I say enjoy being a grandmother and remember we are recycled mom's . lol

Hello M.,
Congratulations on your impending grandmotherhood! My sister became a grandma last year and she thinks it's the most wonderful thing ever! You should certainly be excited about the addition to the family. However, the baby is NOT going to be your daughter, unless your daughter is relinquishing custody and you are adopting the baby. You are not this baby's mother. The baby has a mother. You will not be a co-mother, you are a grandparent. The baby has parents. You had your chance to be a mother and raise children. Please do not risk your relationship with your daughter by trying to usurp her position. The baby does not need another mother, she needs you to be grandma or nana. That is a wonderful role, embrace it for what it is rather than trying to be the equal of the baby's mother. This is not a chance for you to be a mother all over again or right your parenting mistakes. This is a whole new identity for you. It's your daughter's turn to be the mother and your turn to invent for yourself a role as grandmother, be the best one that you can be and enjoy being that!

Just talk to your daughter and listen to her feelings - then step back where/when needed and be prepared to be offended, abused and called upon in untimely manners, then expect the world of you, then expect to be pushed away, expect love to be given but then expect an attitude later, expect a call for help but then minutes later a call to "leave me alone". LOL!!!! b/c as a first time mom 3 yrs ago with a very anxious and excited MIL thats EXACTLY what I did to her! Same thing with my mom but my mom wasn't as involved at all as my MIL. My mom had 4 grandchildren already so with me she was pretty routine! Once I got over my
"1st time mom, I can handle everything better than anyone" ego, and the "THIS IS MY BABY, YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE, mentality" it all mellowed but at the time, there was issues in the beggining and there COULD be with your daughter too - granted this was with my MIL not sure at all that it would have happened if it was MY MOM doing the things that drove me nuts! hahahah - double standard? Defintiley! Now - I seek my MIL and mom out more than they probably want me to! hahahah!!! And I just realize everyting was done to HELP not to HURT, but wanted to give you a perspective from the other side! ENJOY and CONGRATULATIONS!

.

You have every right to be very excited! One word of caution though, just make sure you remember that your daughter is the mother and her decisions about the baby rule over yours. Even if she does things "wrong". And yes, you may be bored right now because you are at a new stage in your own life as well. Don't give everything up to be the new grandma. Try to find a good balance between the grandma and the woman who still has goals and dreams. Congratulations!

It's Not wrong to be excited but as a mom yourself you have to stop and think what the commet you made would have made you feel...

My youngest daughter just last Friday gave bith to her first child(my 2nd grand-daughter) she didn't want anyone even at the birthing center,after the birth , only her dad and I were aloud to be there, we stayed only a short time and left them to rest and bond..

My oldest daughter had both 2 c-sections and was 3 hours away , we were there but spent alot of time in the family lounge..

I have learned alot has changed since I' was a mommy of little one's and have learned to step back and let them do things their own way, especially when it comes to snacks(which were't aloud until the first was quite a bit older) EVERYONE always asked their mommy if they could have anything..

The mil thinks she can take the baby out of mommy's arms without asking and tries to feed them junk and (it's all a loooog story) which in turn has caused alot of problems between my daughter, her husband and his family....

Just make sure you know what your daughter wants and stand behind her, and then just enjoy being a good grandma........

Hi M.,
I don't think it is wrong to anxiously await to birth of your grandchild. However it is inapproiate to claim your grandaughter as your daughter. You already had your daughter and she is the one giving birth. Hopefully you did not have anyone claiming her (your daughter) as their own when she was born, because this is wrong. Your neice was just making a point and it is good of you to notice and wonder about it. As a mother who had zero help from family members I can tell you that the kind of help your daughter will need is meals prepared and laundry done. As for the baby, she must care for the baby herself because this is their bonding time. Babies know their mother by the sound of their voice and their smell. So they should be together as much as they can. This is an exciting time for all of you so cherish it and congratulations.

I wish that my children had a grandmother that was close and wanted to spend time with them. My MIL has dementia, and when I was pregnant constantly called the baby "Our Baby". That drove my husband insane. Mainly because she couldn't separate herself from the situation. The in-laws live across town and rarely see my son. They expect us to take him to their non-babyproofed house for everything, on their schedule, but we have put our foot down on certain holidays, yet let them know that they are welcome to come over any time that want to play with him - they haven't yet. When they have come over, usually only for a holiday or a personal, exact invite, they sit there and don't interact with him.
Because of the dementia and lack of babyproofing, they have never babysat, and I won't allow it either.

My mother would be awesome if she was local, but unfortunately, she is not. She sits back and steps in when needed, never overreaching (except when she threatened my son with a lifelong ban on the kitties he was being mean to - LOL).

My sister's MIL is extreme in the opposite direction, she doesn't respect the parenting that my sister and her husband do, and constantly goes against requests for things such as what movies to watch.

There are so many types of grandmas out there, just be the best you can be. I think the key to that is to have open communication with your daughter. If you are concerned about stepping over boundaries, ask her if you have, or be open to letting her tell you if you do in the future.

Congratulations to you and your daughter.

Hi there - you've gotten so many responses and I know you've already responded but wanted to add my two cents/experience. First - congrats on the soon to be grandmother-hood - you are so lucky to be such a young grandmother you will really be able to enjoy your grandchild and help out.

You don't say how close or far away your daughter who is expecting is but if she is close you can REALLY make yourself useful to her (which you can also if you are far away but it's harder to work out logistically).

My mother was SO excited to have her first (and probably only) grandchild when I had my daughter in 2007 and my Mom was 63. She had thought the day would never come. She lives in PA, I live in MA - a 10 hr drive or train ride away. ANyway, I had told her I wouldn't need her to come until about two weeks after the baby was born and boy was I wrong!! I needed her so much - to help take care of ME, not the baby. I was nursing and the baby ate literally every hr for the first 3 weeks - i didn't even have a chance to eat myself I lost all my pregnancy weight in two weeks.

I was so grateful to have my Mom's help, she was never overbearing, always just happy to help and do what I needed. She decided that she wanted to commit to watching my daughter when I went back to work so she wouldn't have to be in day care so she comes out and stays for two weeks each month (and we have a nanny for the other two weeks). So she is VERY involved, and my daughter LOVEs her Grandma.

On the other hand my MIL is only 30 minutes away and only comes to see her granddaughter twice a month. She's just too busy doing her own thing (she's 77 mind you), and honestly she grates on my nerves more than a little bit for always seeming critical of the way I am doing things. her attitude is that she raised four children and it was so easy I must have something wrong with me when I have difficulties raising my little one. It's too funny! Of course she was a stay at home mom and I work full time. She's the type who goes through everything in my house while she's here the two days a month and re-arranges my paperwork etc. She doesn't understand why I want my little one to take good naps, or eat healthy food - I am just being over bearing she thinks. So we don't see eye to eye that much, and honestly she's just not that interested in spending time with her granddaughter. My FIL is a different story - he makes it a point to see her weekly, and call her So everyone is different in their grandparenting style.

ANyway, a long post to say congrats, you will be great grandma - offer to help any way you can, especially around her house (laundry, dishes, feeding her, etc) and if you are inclined to volunteer to babysit I am sure your daughter will love it.

Enjoy!

This is a late response, but I think that for many people it's hard to separate kids/grandkids. Of course you should be excited! But the granddaughter/daughter slip-up was certainly unintentional, I'm figuring? And I'm also assuming that it's your first grandchild? It's hard to start saying GRANDchild and GRANDdaughter after you've been saying CHILD and DAUGHTER for 20-something years now! ;)

In my family, my 2 girls look a LOT like my sister and me did, especially as babies (and though we're almost 6 years apart, we look a LOT alike now), and we've talked about the confusion on each of our parts at times! My mom had a real time with feeling like my oldest daughter was hers - not because she wanted to be The Mom or anything, but because my daughter looked so much like her kids that it kind of gave her flashbacks! Even my oldest DD, who'll be 7 in a few weeks, gets confused with my sister and me - our voices, mannerisms, looks, etc. And my youngest DD, who's 7 months, gives me flashbacks to my own baby pictures quite often. Sometimes that's just part of being related.

So don't worry. Just take everything as it comes and I'm sure it'll all be fine! Congratulations!!

My mother was delighted when I was pregnant and going to have more babies for her. I am thrilled that she is such a part of their lives. She calls them her babies, but of course she understands the boundaries and enjoys all the wonderful parts of being Grandma, not Mom. You will be fine. Be excited. When the baby arrives you will be a great support to your daughter. Congratulations! Best thing about being Grandma is that you can play and cuddle and then pass them back to Mom when you need a break. It's going to be a very special time. Your children are lucky to have such an interested Grandparent.

Congratulations on your upcoming promotion from mother to GRANDmother. As to calling your GRANDdaughter, your daughter... well, she is... she's a daughter who's grand! I wouldn't get too consumed with the semantics of calling her your daughter or your baby... its just words... and if you're like me, you'll have a million pet names for your little GRAND bundles of joy.
Its hard to know what your niece meant, taken out of context of the moment... but the hand that rocks the cradle "rules the world." ...is to me a compliment. To me it says that those who nurture the young, whether grandparents, parents, extended family or friends... are creating tomorrows citizens. A caring grandmother can be an amazing force for the good.

As to your daughter being an exemplary daughter... that's wonderful, but doesn't predict what kind of mother she will be. As you know, there are no black and white answers with humans, whereas some careers can be very regulated and logical with codes, mandates, standards, etc... unlike raising a baby, which is a deeply emotional experience that doesn't come with a manual... just alot of advice and suggestions.

One young woman who responded was the voice of honesty... warning that young parents will often push away the wisdom of their parents initially, only to be begging for help within a short time. And that was my experience with my grandson's mother... she actually said to me weeks before giving birth, out of the blue - that no one but her mother (who lives in another state) would babysit her child. I listened and said nothing... just observing what a clueless and rude woman my son had chosen to impregnate. (Little did she know that that statement made me understand how much I needed to be near that precious baby... to assure that he would recieve some positive, spiritual and affrming strokes in life.)
Guess what? My grandson has spent more time with me than with either parent or other grandparents. And when he has a problem... he brings it to me first. (He once walked around for three days with a huge sliver in his foot... waiting till he saw me to ask to have it removed.) He's a teenager now and processing the realization that his mother is, uh, er... difficult and insensitive.
You said you're home confinement is due to an injury - I can relate to that... as well as returning to school at 50. After a 25 year career in design and illustration, I went back at 50 and got a degree in Child and Family Studies.

I can also relate to the time of life your in or near - the menopausal transition. Its a difficult phase, but once your a year or two past your last monthly cycle... life is better than ever. (Even if you've had a hysterectomy.) Your ups and downs and doubts and moods are a normal part of the transition... and only another woman whose been there can understand. The final phase of womanhood, known as cronehood is the most powerful time of a womans life. But I do think there's a comparison to the initialization of that process and the process of beginning menustration and beginning motherhood... all complex and life changing. I invite you to check out this site... http://cronetothebone.ning.com/

You are absolutely within your right to anxiously await your grand baby...good for you, that you are excited! From one very involved Auntie to one anxiously awaiting grandma I say this "Isn't it all so exciting?! A ity bity baby~yeah"!

However, I would also be mindful of what you say...you do not want to take anything away from your daughter, this is after all, her daughter...not yours. Make sure you "help" celebrate the birth...not relish in it as if it were your own...your daughter deserves to be in the spotlight most of all...especially now pre-baby...because we all know once the baby is here, it is always ALL ABOUT THE BABY :)

It's wonderful & normal for you to anxiously await the birth of your grandchild, especially your first one. That being said I'll offer you something. I think that if a daughter feels that her mother (i.e. the grandmother) or her mother-in-law is too overbearing, she will shy away from her. I fear if your daughter thinks you feel that the baby will be YOURS, & if you act that way (even if you say it) she may involve you less in the baby's life. Of course you don't want that!! If my mom or MIL said that my baby was going to be her baby I will have a fit. So, maybe that's not exactly what you meant, but I just want to warn you. Be excited, be anxious, be loving, be a great grandma...just don't try to be a mother b/c you already mothered your babies who are all grown, & now it's your daughter's turn. Offer motherly advice, but don't be too overbearing b/c it could backfire on you. Good luck & congrats!!!

It looks like you have some really great advice. Congratulations on the upcoming celebration! I can imagine your excitement and hope that your daughter is equally excited for you and your role in grandbaby's life.

As a first time mom, I recall feeling overwhelmed after the initial excitement wore off and family members left. My mom was around for the birth of my children and a period of time both before and after them, but I remember the true sense of loneliness after my first. My husband was working out of town, everyone was gone, and I didn't have any friends with babies or even who stayed home during the day. To top it all off, one of our cars was stolen 2 weeks after our son was born, so we were down to one car for a few months, which hubby needed so he could work out of town. Out of town was 150 miles away, so he came home on weekends.

I REALLY could have used my mother then, but she had already gone home (500 miles away). I had a rough time keeping up with laundry, nursing him, trying to sleep, diapers. I barely ate. Going to the grocery store for food was a big deal. Showering seemed impossible; what was I supposed to do with this baby who barely slept an hour at a time if I was lucky? I didn't produce enough milk, so I had to give him formula; making a bottle was tough on me and I was supposed to make my own food? Imagine dealing with all of this with little support.

What I am saying is, be there to do your daughter's laundry, prepare meals, go to the store for diapers. Help her as much as you can in the ways that she really needs help. As baby grows, you will get to play and take him or her places and show him or her off. In the early days, be proud of your daughter and grandchild. Grandparents, like children and parents, have ever-changing roles. Offer advice, be supportive, and sometimes, especially if she seems frazzled, step in and do it your way. She will probably be grateful that someone told her what to do.

Best of luck to you and the rest of your family. Continue pursuing your Master's and remember to go with your gut. Respect her wishes and help her. You're still HER mom.

First, that is great that you are anxious and no I don't think it's wrong. I agree with some of the post and not others. In my opinion, let your daughter know that you love her and care for her and excited that she will begin a new chapter when the baby is born just as you will be starting a new chapter as a grandmother. If you are concerned that you will be overstepping the boundaries, here is what I feel. Always ask your daughter if it's okay if you do this and that and let her know that it won't hurt your feelings if this or that she doesn't feel it's right. Always tell her that you have suggestions, advice and experience to share with her when the baby comes but because it's her decision, you will accept them. For example, if the child is three and won't listen, you should not interfere and go against the parents' wishes. You have follow along. If she was the type that was abusing the child or hurting or harming the child then that is a different story. If their way of doing something is different from yours, you will have to be open minded to see there are different ways and we all learn from our mistakes if they are mistakes and different ways are not necessarily wrong, it all depends on the parents, child, the home, environment, etc. As you already know all this but you may see differences and not interfere. Let her know occasionally before the child is born that you are willing to help by offering suggestions and advice but you want her to ask you because you don't know if they are something she wants. Congratulations to you and your family!!! I am excited!!!

Of course it is completely naturally to be anxiously awaiting the birth and to be excited by your grandchild's arrival. If you weren't excited about the event, I'd think that was really strange!! But you have to remember that there are boundaries. I'm sure you can remember your own mom or mother in law giving unwanted advice or overstepping the line. Just listen to your daughter.... take your cues from her. I'm sure she is thrilled to have you be there to be a support for her. Remember though, that your daughter is the Mom and the new baby ISN'T going to be your daughter...

No you have every right. It is especially nice that you have a child that made you a proud mom. I have four grandchildren and I anxilcly waited for all of them.. You do live through thier lives, you do anything that you can to make a better life for them. And if it keeps you alive and well, with hope and happiness kudos to you gramma...:) Don;t let anyone make you feel worse than you already do....It is so hard not to feel good and lose the inspiration for living, it is through our children and our childrens children, that some of us life for. It is a meaning like no other...So don;t worry be happy...Barbara A Grandma four times

Calling the baby YOUR daughter is coming on too strong. Just be happy that you are going to be a Grandma. Make sure to call your daughter the Mommy! Tell her how proud you are of her and that she will be a great mom. Don't overstep your bounds because you don't want them to have a reason to limit your time with your grandbaby.

Ask your daughter what she needs and how you can help. Be there for her. After the brith, she will probably LOVE to have you around to help!

HI M.! No, it's not wrong to anticipate a new arrival, but I wouldn't refer to the new grandbaby as your "daughter". It's a new season in your life and a new season for your daughter as a mom. Only she gets the honor of calling her baby "daughter".

The greatest thing a grandma can do is support the new mom. If you say that you are feeling that you are coming on too strong and are wondering if you should back down, then you should follow your instincts and do just that. I admire you for asking that question of yourself and being willing to back down. That's very selfless!

Congratulations on becoming a Grandma and enjoy your new granddaughter! :)

M.,
I was 39 when I had my first (and only by CHOICE!) baby. My mom stayed with us for about 3-4 days when my son was born. I remember when she was pulling out of my driveway to return home, I stood there crying like a baby myself! WE NEED OUR MOMS! It's awesome that you are so excited about this baby. Your daughter will need you. Even if she acts like she knows everything--she won't and she will need you to be involved.
My mom has a super close relationship with my mom and we wouldn't have it any other way! Congrats & God Bless!

I just saw this and I wanted to tell you that your daughter being pregnant can't be too exciting for you!!!! It a HUGE deal, and it IS your baby, your first grandbaby and that is AWESOME. I have very involved parents and 2 small kids. My mom and dad's influence on them is so important to them and my husband and I.
So I say its your baby, you don't get to call all the shots, but you are GRANDMA, you don't have to! Congratulations and HAVE FUN!

My son married a girl with two children who we accepted into our family
as our own. We babysat and did lots with them. This was prior to the
marriage. After they were married my husband and I were basically
put out to pasture. My first grandson was born 3/08. He lives three
miles away and maybe see him every 10-12 weeks if we are lucky.
He has never celebrated a holiday here, ate here or spent more than
two hours here. Always with his parents. He goes to his other grand-
mothers every day. So he travels 100 miles daily. Anything so that he
is not left with us!!!! To this day have not figured any of this out. Oh
she complained because I b ought baby rosary beads for his Christening.
We also no longer have any kind of relationship with the other kids. She
has put an end to that. My dil played nice for eight years and then the
day the ring went on the finger that was it. Her mother was no where
in sight for those years, now she is the be all and end all. My second
grandson is due and sadly I am not even excited.

Updated

My son married a girl with two children who we accepted into our family
as our own. We babysat and did lots with them. This was prior to the
marriage. After they were married my husband and I were basically
put out to pasture. My first grandson was born 3/08. He lives three
miles away and maybe see him every 10-12 weeks if we are lucky.
He has never celebrated a holiday here, ate here or spent more than
two hours here. Always with his parents. He goes to his other grand-
mothers every day. So he travels 100 miles daily. Anything so that he
is not left with us!!!! To this day have not figured any of this out. Oh
she complained because I b ought baby rosary beads for his Christening.
We also no longer have any kind of relationship with the other kids. She
has put an end to that. My dil played nice for eight years and then the
day the ring went on the finger that was it. Her mother was no where
in sight for those years, now she is the be all and end all. My second
grandson is due and sadly I am not even excited.

I think that is completely normal!! My mom is the youngest of four and as her siblings started having grandkids, she became more and more anxious about when she would get her own grandkids. Then she got them 1, 2, 3, 4 - in four years (between my brother and I).

Make sure you make it known that you are so excited to be a grandmother because you will be starting a new chapter in your life.

Make sure to offer your daughter between now and the birth so that she knows you are just as excited for her to become a mother as you are for you to become a grandmother.

when i found out i was g to be a nan i felt same as you but now hes here its great we get all the fun and just be there for them when needed you will love it the love you feel is same as you feel with your own in fact he feels like mine but part time you willknow what i mean enjoy every day give advice only when asked be there when asked they have to try things there own way just like we had too good luck

Ask your daughter and be prepared to listen to and accept her answer. If you can encourage her to be honest, you'll have a good idea of where you stand. After all, this is not about your niece, but about the two of you.
Of course you are thrilled to be having a grandchild. It would be odd for you not to be. As long as your daughter (and her husband of course) is happy with your level of involvement, I don't see why it should be of concern to anyone else.

Hi M.,
Maybe your niece was trying to make a little humor? Perhaps because you are so happy and eager ???

What does your daughter say? If *she's* fine with it: who else cares? :)
t

i think the hand that rocked the cradle comment was a joke taken to heart by you. You should be extrememly excited and the fact that you are getting your masters is terrific - if you question your dull drum life- sign up for some library sponsored activities - like crocheting (can use this to make baby sweaters, hats, quilts), scrapbooking, etc. Join some online forums where other proud grandparents network, or see what the local school district is offering as far as adult education calsses like art, etc. I think this baby is very lucky to have such a doting soon to be grandparent and please dont ever feel like too much love is too much!

I think every grandparent anxiously awaits their grandbabies. I hope so anyway, that is how it should be. However, she isn't going to be your daughter, and to treat her like she is isn't fair to the baby's real mom. You sound like a wonderfully caring proud grandma, and isn't that a better relationship anyway? You get to be all the fun wonderful things that a parent doesn't get to be, without the sleepless nights and difficulty of being a parent. You did all that already, and now it is your turn to just be fun! I would be bothered if my mom had said my child was hers. Don't be too pushy with your parenting ideas, it can backfire and make your daughter distant.

The thing I am concerned about for you is the fact that you sound like you aren't fullfilled in your life. I think it is wonderful to be getting your masters, and I sympathize with your situation at home. But this new baby is not going to be your whole existence and purpose for living and it isn't fair to put that on her or your daughter. My dad is in a situation similar to yours, and my sister's family was supposed to be moving closer to them, and then plans changed and they didn't come. My dad remarked at the time that he was so disappointed (totally understandable) and that them moving closer was "what he had been living for!" like now there was nothing to live for. This is not healthy to me at all. A grandchild is not your entire universe, that is too much of a burden for another person to take. You should definitely try to make some friends and find a hobby or do something to get some socialization and other sources of fullfillment in your life. It will make you happier overall, and a happy well rounded grandma will be much better than a needy one. I hope you are taking this with the concern and kindness I am trying to say it with. I didn't know how to say it to my dad, it is a lot harder to say it to family. Church would be a good thing to get involved in or if church is not something you feel comfortable with, maybe try volunteering somewhere or taking some fun classes at a community college or other place, like cooking or pottery classes? Good luck, and congratulations on the new grandbaby!

I don't think so, I think is wonderful that you are there for your daughter.
However, you might be feeling like that bec. at the moment that is your only goal . do something for YOU, go out with friends, the movies etc..

Keep active and go for your Masters just enjoy

Case and point. I am from the south. My daughter is my baby. She is also Grandma's baby. She is also MeeMee's baby. Aunt NeeNee's baby AND Aunt Jenna's baby. I could go on, but you get the point. If you want to love and hold and honor that child as yours....do it!!! THAT IS WHAT GRANDMAS ARE FOR!!!!! When "the niece" is giving you the business for spoiling YOUR baby...tell her to "shut it".....but in a nice way...after all, you're Grammy!!!! CONGRATS!!!
M:)

P.S. ALWAYS give 'em a cookie, even when Mom and Dad say no. That is your job.

naw, I think you are fine! Grandparents are the greatest thing next to the parents! Be happy and enjoy your grandchild. If you feel you are coming on too strong, just ask your daughter. if you are uncomfortable just coming out and asking, then go by her actions.

I think that in general people are way too territorial. These are children, not possessions. They need all the love they can get. My daughter just made me a grandmother. Thank you very much, but that was HER doing. I have the right to step in and smother/mother/grandmother this little guy any way I choose :) I call him my little guy, my baby boy, my grandbaby boy. I'm not taking anything away from her. She's happy that I care for him the way I did her and her baby sister. Maybe it helped that she was 10 when her sister was born and she already had an idea of how much I love the babies.

My daughter also enjoys free daycare and a built in babysitter so that she can come and go as she pleases. I've earned my stripes with this little guy. My husband did come on pretty strong at first calling the little guy our community baby. She didn't like that at first. But truth be told, he is a community baby! He lives in a house with 1 mom, 1 aunt, and 3 grandparents.

I guess I just have to say that if you are going to be there every step of the way to make things easier for mom, then be eager and be happy. She'll appreciate you.