Is My 21 Month Old Ready for a Big Bed?

Updated on December 04, 2008
A.S. asks from Virginia Beach, VA
14 answers

My 21 month old has suddenly started refusing to go to bed at night. We traveled over Thanksgiving and while away she either slept in bed with me or on the floor in my room (which, previously, she had NO interest in ever sleeping in my bed). She refused to sleep in the crib our guests had set up for her. She slept in her cousin's twin bed a few times and did great. Didn't twist, turn or fall out, and even called for me to get up instead of climbing out herself. I've read when a toddler starts climbing out of their crib, they're ready for a big bed, but she has never done this. Last night she initially went to bed fine, but then woke up 2 hours after I put her down crying and calling for me. I went in 2-3 times over the course of 3 hours, gave her a kiss on the forehead, told her it was time to go night-night, and layed her back down. After 3 hours I gave in and brought her to bed with me...bad, I know, but by 130a and 7 months pregnant, I needed my sleep! My question is, do you think she's ready for a big bed (I would just put the bottom half of a trundle bed in her room without popping it up, so it would be close to the floor) or do I just need to be firm and get her back into sleeping in her crib? Any suggestions are welcome! As far as safety goes, I think she'd do fine in a big bed as she's not one to get into things in her room, etc.

ETA: Sorry, co-sleeping is NOT an option for us. I need my time and space away from my child and need to get sleep at night. Sleeping with her is like sleeping with a fish out of water! I'm also a therapist and have seen the ramifications of allowing a child to sleep with the parents (yes, I know there are positives for some, but it is just not an option for our family). Thank you for respecting this =)

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much for all of your wonderful responses! This was my first time posting and I'm overwhelmed by the support =)

I feel so much better to hear that many of you transitioned your children younger than my daughter is now. When I mentioned the idea to my parents and my in-laws, they all expressed they thought my daughter was too young. She's definitely the type who wants to be a "big girl" (she already asks to sit on the potty several times a day, even though she rarely uses it, just because it's what big people do!). The past couple of nights have been better and she has gone to bed easier, so I think part of the difficulty I had for a few nights there was just getting her back into a routine after traveling.

Thankfully, we don't need the crib for the new baby. The baby will be sleeping in my room in a pack & play/bassinet for a couple months, and after my husband returns home my in-laws will be visiting and bringing a crib for the new baby (my FIL made a convertable crib for our daughter and insisted on making one for the new baby as well!).

Thanks again!

Another Update:

I moved the crib out of my daughter's room and placed her mattress on the floor about a week ago, and she is doing sooo well! She goes to bed easier, and stays asleep all night! I did learn, however, that she does better when her door is cracked and there is no babygate at the door...I don't think she likes to feel trapped. Even though she is able to come out of her room freely, she has never done it. She calls for me when she is ready to get up or wants something. I will have family visiting for Christmas, which is why I haven't moved the trundle bed into her room, but once they leave I plan on doing so. I'm not thrilled with her mattress being on the floor, lol, but it's working for now!

Thanks again for all of your wonderful responses and feedback!

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A.P.

answers from Roanoke on

It sounds to me like she may be ready, but be prepared she could go back to wanting to sleep in her crib. I got my daughter a toddler bed for her 2nd birthday and she loved it. She slept in it great for about 3 1/2 to 4 months and then out of the blue started not going to sleep at night. She would laydown for about 10 minutes and then get up and yell for us. Now she would not be crying, just wanting someone to come. She would do this up to 5-6 times before going to sleep so I finally gave up, I would let her get up once but if I had to go a 2nd time she went in her travel bed. That was 2 months ago and after about 2 weeks she just wanted to go in the crib and would cry if I tried to put her in her toddler bed.
I know that was a lot of explination but I just wanted you to know how it went for us.
Good Luck!

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W.E.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi A.,
I have had great sucess with my daughter sleeping in a "big girl" bed. When she was a year old she was always standing in her bed and I was always afraid of her flipping over the top like my son would do just to watch me jump. She has been sleeping in her bed (crib all the way down with one side off) with a safety rail. She doesn't get out of bed unless she hears us up in the mornings or we get her up. There is enough room at one end so she can be independent to climb in and out if she wanted, but has not yet gotten up in the middle of the night at all. She does sleep in our room due to remodling, but knows that her bed is HER BED and mommy and daddy's bed is their bed. If you are confortable about her being in a "big girl" bed, don't turn back now. Good luck!

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W.T.

answers from Jacksonville on

My son was absoutley ready at 18 months so it could be that your daughter is ready now. Like you, we travelled and he slept well in the twin bed, so the very day we returned home I put a twin mattress on the floor - with a safety rail - and he has been an excellent sleeper ever since. I think he felt more secure with the rail. He actually curled right up against it. We never had issues with him getting out of bed and playing or roaming the house. Also, since he was so young, we put a baby gate on his door. Hope your transition goes well.

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K.H.

answers from Norfolk on

I have two boys and both of them were sleeping in a twin bed at the age of 18 months and did just fine. I had rails up on both sides so I did not have to worry about them falling out of bed and getting hurt. Good luck.

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C.J.

answers from Washington DC on

my daughter was in her converted toddler bed before 2 and by 2.5 she was in a twin with no box spring (lower to ground). she has done very well. i think having more control allows her to go to sleep easier. having said that she climbs into my bed every night around 1 AM but i'm fine with that. prior to leaving the crib she was a nightmare to put down. every kid is different, as you know, and yours sounds ready for a big kid bed!

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B.S.

answers from Houston on

I don't think being able to climb out of a crib is the only criteria for moving from the crib. We moved my daughter out of her crib at 2.5 when I was 6 months pregnant because she refused to come out. She just wanted to play in there, and with my big pregnant belly, it was more difficult to get in there to get her out. It sounds to me like she is ready for a big girl bed.

In addition to the trundle idea (if it's a pop up, make sure she doesn't know how to pop it up and that she won't get her fingers caught in it), there are lots of options out there to keep her safe. You could put her in a regular twin or full size bed with side rails, could put her in a mattress on the floor, or in a twin size bed, but use a bunkie board with it as the foundation so it is closer to the floor (either with or without side rails), or use a toddler bed. If you do transition her now, just make sure that the room is completely child proofed, and you may want to put a gate at the door if she sleeps with the door open or can open it. That way, if she wakes up during the night, you don't need to worry about her going all over the house.

With a new little one on the way, if you were originally planning on using her crib for the new baby, it's also a good idea to transition her now so she doesn't feel "put out" by the new baby. If you are going to use the same crib, you may want to break the crib down completely and put it away until you are ready for it for the baby - out of sight, out of mind.

Good luck!

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J.W.

answers from Richmond on

Unless you are planning on buying a second crib, I would do it now, and make a big deal about it - so she won't feel pushed out when the baby comes! Babyproof the room, (emptying dresser drawers of clothes was our biggest issue) and put a baby gate across the doorway, or a cover over the door knob. . . my greatest fear was my little one wandering around the house at night without me knowing it. If there is a fire or emergency, you have to know where they are.

Shop for the coolest sheets she has ever seen!

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H.M.

answers from Norfolk on

My son turned 2 in October and has been sleeping in a toddler bed since August. He just got a twin bed last night and did great! He never tried to climb out of his crib but just decided one night he wanted to be in the big boy bed. We had both the crib and toddler bed set up in his room for about a month before he made the choice on his own. He just recently figured out that he can get out of bed on his own though and we are now having to go super nanny on him to get him to stay in bed at night. Once he is asleep though he is there until morning when he comes upstairs to wake me. It sounds like your daughter is ready for the change. Maybe try having both beds in room for a while if you have the space and let her make the choice. With a second on the way you will want that crib free for the new baby. You will spend a few nights awake listening to make sure she doesn't fall out but it will be all worth it when she gets excited and proud to be a big girl in a big girl bed!
Good Luck!
H.

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R.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I totally agree with you on the co-sleeping thing. I did with all of my children when they were little for a few months, but after that, I need my time and space as well - and so do they. 2 year olds sleeping with parents isn't the healthiest thing on all levels. However, my thrid child is now 21 months old as well and he has been in a toddler bed for about 5 months now. We moved into a new home last April and he jumped out of his crib a few weeks later. We convernted it to the toddler bed, and actually two weeks ago purchased him a twin bed. We have the frame in the box still though. So he has the box spring and mattress just on the floor so it isn't too high for him. And he does really well! I do not think it is too early...each child is different and it seems like she is ready!

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

I would put a mattress on the floor of her room next to the crib and see how she does. then you will know if it is a dislike of the crib or just wanting to be with mom or needing to get back on her routine. I totally understand you not wanting to cosleep, we have a king and when I tried to put my kids in the bed with me I was the one pushed to the floor. If she keeps coming into your room or crying, I would be firm, lead her back to her bed and tell her to stay in bed and you will see her in the morning. My daughter cried, but finally at 6 months pregnant I couldn't take the 4 am wake up calls and told her to go ahead and cry and I would see her in the AM. After 3 nights she settled down and reset her clock to 6 (right now it is 530, but she entertains herself until her dad gets up at 6). good luck and try to get some rest.

M.C.

answers from Anchorage on

If you feel she is ready, go for it. When our son turned 1yr old, we put him in a toddler bed because he hated his crib, always slept in his carseat. He did perfectly fine in a toddler bed then. :)

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H.X.

answers from Richmond on

Hi, my son is now 2 years, 4 months old and we transitioned him to a big boy bed around 20 months. It was an out of the blue change for us because he literally jumped out of his crib over and over in 2 nights time and then chewed on his crib rails until he had splintered the wood. We were floored since he had never gotten out of his crib before and had been sleeping fairly well most nights. (I was also 7 months pregnant at the time and not looking for a co sleeping arrangement.) Long story short, he was ready for the move but it wasn't without some growing pains. We spent about 4 weeks helping him learn how to sleep in his bed and stay in his room once he had discovered his new found freedom. We have bed rails on his bed which are still in use and we occasionally have to reinforce the "no visiting" rule (ie. don't come out of the your room until mommmy/daddy come to get you). Hope that helps! I feel for you and hope all are sleeping soon!

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J.G.

answers from Washington DC on

Hi A.,
My third daughter was not sleeping well in her crib before she turned 2. We were up all night. I decided to take down her crib and put up the twin bed with a bed rail. She sleeps through most nights now. While we were transitioning I would lie down with her some in the middle of the night, but now she tells me to leave. I personally would not leave the crib up in her room. Make a big deal out of her being a big girl and having a big girl bed. A bed is so much more cozy than a hard crib mattress! (Co-sleeping is not an option with us either. Did that with number one daughter and took 4 years to change that habit!)

And FYI my number two daughter moved from the crib to a queen size bed around the age of two and finally slept through the night after 2 years of NOT sleeping.

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

she does sound ready, and you're handling it awfully well! good for you for knowing your family preferences and not feeling knocked around for it. but i'd definitely draw the line on giving in, things being what they are. you'll only prolong the process, and you don't have much time before sleep deprivation in the form of new baby arrives! put her back to bed, quietly, firmly and with no fanfare every time. it might make for some sleepless nights now but you don't want to drag it out for months.
khairete
S.

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